willowraven's Journal

...uhm....
May 02 2008 16:51

::hanging head in shame::

Ok, so... yea... I'm here... feel quite embarrassed because I don't really feel like I have the right to be here. I have messed up SO much - have regained all that weight I worked so hard to lose (and *then* some).... I have fallen into a bad spiral and finding it hard to get myself out of it. In an attempt to at least try and get back on some kind of track, I've been trying to get all my water back in. I know it sounds feeble, however I'm having to do the baby steps all over again, and I'm hoping that once I get the water back under way and where it was before and should be, that maybe I can take the next step.... I hate myself, I hate the way I look, hate my life.... hate everything at this point. So disgusted with myself for letting myself get this far gone and I know I have no one to truly blame but me. Ultimately it was ME who put the food in my mouth, even though I know there were factors that sure in hell didn't help me keep it away. I've been stressed, depressed, an emotional wreck.... April was the 1 yr anniversary of my mother's passing (it's also the month of her birthday)... we also had 2 deaths in the family this year (on Wes' side) and my daughter's honorary aunt passed away in April in 2005. We also had to deal with finding a new place to live, applying for section 8 and public housing, having our van DIE and needing work (which could end up being a couple hundred dollars that we don't have).... the list goes on.

::big sigh::

Anyways..... I wanted to touch base with you all - many of you are probably new to the site and don't know who I am... to the older ones who do know me - BIG HUGS and know that I do miss you and think of you often and wonder how you are all doing, and hoping you are having much more success with your weight loss goals!!

I'll try to be back more often.... I feel so bad. I am sorry to all of those I let down.