Chelle 42 yr old Pagan Witch, mom of 4, living in the MidWest
willowraven's Journal
Yuck... Yuck... YuckNov 29 2006 20:14
Yuck. That's how I feel right now. I woke up with a stomachache and feeling icky all over, as well as lower back pain. I have been napping on and off all day. I'm not 100% sure but I think the stomachache is probably the residual from the junk I've had over the last 4 days or so. It's probably revolting! I've stepped on the scale a couple of times and it's been all over the place (from 389.6 to 408.0!!) so I am not even logging any weight for a few more days, in hopes that it might stabilize, and give me a chance to feel better. I'm still keeping up on my waters, and watching what I'm eating, and trying not to let the bingeing get the best of me and undo all the hard work. I made some soup today (chicken boullion, frozen mixed veggies and mini pasta shells) .. it was ok except I forgot seasoning so it was a tad bland! I was going to try and get to the gym today, but when I got up feeling 'yuck' I said "nope, not today"... shooting for tomorrow. All I need is to throw up on someone's sneakers... ewwwww.
I just feel bad that I didn't do so well on the diet -- err, way of new living -- for the past few days. I am really hoping that, when my weight stabilizes a bit, that I haven't done too much damage. I've been evaluating what I've eaten and honestly, even though I haven't kept to the 1700 cals/day, I sure didn't come up near as bad as what I thought. The most for one day was about 2500 cals, so if anything I was closer to a maintenance level, so I shouldn't have gained...?? I don't know. Hoping that most of it is just water and such. Not sure how high the sodium was the night we went out to dinner and movie. Can I still be holding on to excess sodium and such a couple of days later? I've been downing water to try and flush it all out. I have been participating in the Biggest Loser thread, and I'm part of one of the teams and I am SO embarrassed to post for today's weigh in, especially since I don't even have a weight to post that I can really trust. I am half tempted just to say that I stayed the same because that is actually (sort of) in the middle of that wide stretch of weights. I'm not sure what to do. Don't want to let my team-mates down - don't want to give a wrong amount (loss, gain or stay the same). I think I'll just post to the thread, tell them what happened, and the weights I'm getting and let them decide how they want to proceed with it, and just deal with it and work on it harder for next week. I feel like I let my team mates down - and myself. And I swore I wouldn't beat myself up over the overeating, and I'm trying really hard not to. ::takes a deep breath:: Ok....
I think I'm gonna try and get something to eat - nothing too heavy but I need something. Hope you are all having a great night. ::hugs:: to all!!
EDIT: adding (below)
In one of the weight loss forums someone had said: And suddenly, I didn't really care anymore. I didn't feel like looking pretty for myself. I didn't FEEL good, so I didn't care about "looking" good.
and my response was:
When I get in my depressive mood, that's how I feel. Like "why bother" which just feeds into the BED. It's a vicious cycle. It's hard for those who don't suffer from it to understand why you can't just snap out of it. It's not that easy. Don't you think I would if I could?
And that's it in a nutshell. And I wish that, when I'm in the middle of that dark depression, that downward spiral, I could find an ounce, a glimmer of care to make myself stop. And it's so rare that I find it. Usually, like an out of control storm, I just have to wait it out, and assess the damage when it's passed.
I just feel bad that I didn't do so well on the diet -- err, way of new living -- for the past few days. I am really hoping that, when my weight stabilizes a bit, that I haven't done too much damage. I've been evaluating what I've eaten and honestly, even though I haven't kept to the 1700 cals/day, I sure didn't come up near as bad as what I thought. The most for one day was about 2500 cals, so if anything I was closer to a maintenance level, so I shouldn't have gained...?? I don't know. Hoping that most of it is just water and such. Not sure how high the sodium was the night we went out to dinner and movie. Can I still be holding on to excess sodium and such a couple of days later? I've been downing water to try and flush it all out. I have been participating in the Biggest Loser thread, and I'm part of one of the teams and I am SO embarrassed to post for today's weigh in, especially since I don't even have a weight to post that I can really trust. I am half tempted just to say that I stayed the same because that is actually (sort of) in the middle of that wide stretch of weights. I'm not sure what to do. Don't want to let my team-mates down - don't want to give a wrong amount (loss, gain or stay the same). I think I'll just post to the thread, tell them what happened, and the weights I'm getting and let them decide how they want to proceed with it, and just deal with it and work on it harder for next week. I feel like I let my team mates down - and myself. And I swore I wouldn't beat myself up over the overeating, and I'm trying really hard not to. ::takes a deep breath:: Ok....
I think I'm gonna try and get something to eat - nothing too heavy but I need something. Hope you are all having a great night. ::hugs:: to all!!
EDIT: adding (below)
In one of the weight loss forums someone had said: And suddenly, I didn't really care anymore. I didn't feel like looking pretty for myself. I didn't FEEL good, so I didn't care about "looking" good.
and my response was:
When I get in my depressive mood, that's how I feel. Like "why bother" which just feeds into the BED. It's a vicious cycle. It's hard for those who don't suffer from it to understand why you can't just snap out of it. It's not that easy. Don't you think I would if I could?
And that's it in a nutshell. And I wish that, when I'm in the middle of that dark depression, that downward spiral, I could find an ounce, a glimmer of care to make myself stop. And it's so rare that I find it. Usually, like an out of control storm, I just have to wait it out, and assess the damage when it's passed.
Hey Willow! hope your tummy feels better soon. I've been having some pains myself- but mine seems to flareup when i eat veggies- not junk! how backward is that? I see you've added some pics to your profile- that's great. You look taller than I imagined. Toodles! |
And that's it in a nutshell. And I wish that, when I'm in the middle of that dark depression, that downward spiral, I could find an ounce, a glimmer of care to make myself stop. And it's so rare that I find it. Usually, like an out of control storm, I just have to wait it out, and assess the damage when it's passed. I call those the bad day(s). It is these days when we just don't feel like it that we come here anyway. It is these days that we don't give up on ourself... even when we want to. It is these days when we come here and whine, because we truly need emotional support.... because we don't care... it is these days when I will walk with you most. is is these days when I might only get up, shower, dress and then sit all day here.... ;) |
chelle ~ i think what i mean is... some days we just do even when we don't care, just because... because eventually, the light, the happy, the better feelings do come back... just well up in side of us and we have a better day... the dark days... it is hard to keep going. I have to tell you, i never did before in my life. this year, i haven't missed a day here... and i had some really dark days... some days, checking here is about all i got done... to tell you the truth... i'm not saying that should be your way. i'm just saying i didn't cut my hair for more than 3 years b/c i did NOT care. caring has begun to return, slowly but surely... b/c i have been like a dog with a bone on this stuff... i quit quitting... {{{hugs}}} |
Totally. (I said that.) Hang in there. :) |
That's exactly it... and the thought struck me today as I was walking to work today... that I didn't even wish for the days where I had endless energy because the very thought was so tiring... how do you get past it and break through? I don't know... but here's hoping you find what works for you. |
willow, i have some dvds i want to send you for your birthday. for me, dvds are a great way to mix it up a bit. for those days i just cant seem to drag my ass outside or whatever. i dont use them so much anymore and i would like you to have them. kathy smith's kickboxing and tamilee webb's tighter assets 2-pack. i love both of these ladies. i am a cathe friedrich fanatic these days and have only done her dvds lately. if thats cool, let me know...no bombs or anthrax! i promise! i'll check back in here later. sorry you are feeling so crappy. this too shall pass chelle... i read your journal and see all the healthy choices you make everyday. some days thats just harder than others. alas, we are but mere mortals. hang in there. be strong. you'll get there. -kristie |
(((hugs))) Yuck. Hope you feel better soon. . . it's those pesky chemicals sick bodies produce that are giving you the pip. It's not really you.(Maybe you can drink a lot of water and wash 'em out? okay probably not. But ugh. Anything's better than that crapola-what's-the-point feeling.) |
watergirl - thank you! I would love them, if you are done with them! You must've read my mind or something. I keep saying when I get down in weight more I want to try the Tae-Bo tapes/DVD's by Billy Blanks - and the kickboxing ones should do the trick too!! And I can always use something to whittle away my derrierre! lol Thank you!! Email me at pianogirl111964@aol.com to let me know where to send you my address. And thank you so much !! ::hugs:: |
Jules, I read everything you wrote and all I can say - and it sounds so small, but it really isn't - is thank you! I guess I have 'quit quitting' too, because every morning, regardless of how my weight shows on the scale, or how I'm feeling, or whether I have binged, or missed a day at the gym or whatever - I'm back here at CC, ready to give the new day another try. Even if I'm laying low and checking out the forums, or friend's journals and don't post in my own for a day or so - this site is the first one I go to when I log on, and the last one I leave when I shut the computer off for the night. So I guess I'm here for the long haul, so I you all are stuck with me! ::hugs:: |
Jayd - thank you. And I know it isn't easy - and I wish the same for you -- that you find what works best for you, and that you succeed in all you do! ::hugs:: Katier, thank you. I have to admit I'm feeling better this AM, though now that I'm feeling better, the weather has decided to play nasty today and I will be unable - AGAIN - to get to the gym. We are under a severe weather warning (actually so much for the warning as the severe weather is here). Snow, sleet, black ice - doesn't make for safe driving anywhere. Schools have been closed, most offices are closed - even non-essential people at the local air force base don't have to go in. Yea... I'm homebound. However tomorrow, weather permitting, I'm going to the damn gym because I need to work out these frustrations or SOMEONE is gonna lose an arm, leg or their HEAD. LOL |
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