Chelle 42 yr old Pagan Witch, mom of 4, living in the MidWest
willowraven's Journal
I'm OKJan 27 2007 01:05
I just wanted to let you all know that I'm ok. The crisis, for the most part, has passed, although I really wasn't sure how I was going to fare. It was a rough few days, and it's only been in the last couple of days have I really been able to feel the earth under my feet again.
I am locking this to my Friends Only list, so those of you will be aware of what was going on.
An ex of my husbands, after 8 quiet years, decided to contact him to "gain forgiveness" from him for the hurt she had caused. I personally wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her and up til this point my husband would have rather her dead than ever talk to her again. However, he ended up forgiving her. At that point I had hoped she would just go from whence she came, but she didn't. (Personally, I thought she should never have contacted him, but... oh well.) Her presence caused a lot of pain, anger and turmoil, and it got to the point where she was feeding his head and heart with so much confusion, promises and Goddess knows what else, that he was ready to leave me for her. He and I did a lot of talking (and me, a lot of crying) over the course of those days. Needless to say, we are going to work on our relationship and she is to be 'just a friend'....and oddly enough once he told her of this, she has not been seen or heard from since. Hmm.... me thinks she had an ulterior motive, did she not? Which is what I had been saying from the beginning.
Things are better between him and I now. Unbeknownst to me, because he hadn't said anything, he was unhappy about some things in our relationship (and I as well) so we are now making sure that we are open and honest when something comes up that needs to be discussed, and we are working on the issues brought up. He has also been under stress in regards to his classes. He was sick for over a week a few weeks back, so he is behind in his work. He tells me that classes for this term are even tougher than the previous term, and he is currently flunking both classes. I had no idea. I offered him help with what I could, which he has taken me up on.
The rest is just going to take some time.
Thank you everyone for caring about me and being worried about me. I was a bit worried about me, my future, my marriage, my family... everything. I know he's not perfect (no-one is), however I love him and want to make this work.
Take care and have a great night. ::hugs::
I am locking this to my Friends Only list, so those of you will be aware of what was going on.
An ex of my husbands, after 8 quiet years, decided to contact him to "gain forgiveness" from him for the hurt she had caused. I personally wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her and up til this point my husband would have rather her dead than ever talk to her again. However, he ended up forgiving her. At that point I had hoped she would just go from whence she came, but she didn't. (Personally, I thought she should never have contacted him, but... oh well.) Her presence caused a lot of pain, anger and turmoil, and it got to the point where she was feeding his head and heart with so much confusion, promises and Goddess knows what else, that he was ready to leave me for her. He and I did a lot of talking (and me, a lot of crying) over the course of those days. Needless to say, we are going to work on our relationship and she is to be 'just a friend'....and oddly enough once he told her of this, she has not been seen or heard from since. Hmm.... me thinks she had an ulterior motive, did she not? Which is what I had been saying from the beginning.
Things are better between him and I now. Unbeknownst to me, because he hadn't said anything, he was unhappy about some things in our relationship (and I as well) so we are now making sure that we are open and honest when something comes up that needs to be discussed, and we are working on the issues brought up. He has also been under stress in regards to his classes. He was sick for over a week a few weeks back, so he is behind in his work. He tells me that classes for this term are even tougher than the previous term, and he is currently flunking both classes. I had no idea. I offered him help with what I could, which he has taken me up on.
The rest is just going to take some time.
Thank you everyone for caring about me and being worried about me. I was a bit worried about me, my future, my marriage, my family... everything. I know he's not perfect (no-one is), however I love him and want to make this work.
Take care and have a great night. ::hugs::
aw hunny!!! OMG what a thing to go thru. Major major <<hugs>> I'm glad you and your man are so open and honest with each other -- maybe some counselling would help as well? Awww I'm so sorry you had such a rough time! |
{{{big*squishy*hugs}}} i'm glad to hear you both landed on your feet together and are willing to move forward together. tough, tough stuff! :::nods head::: good! but tough, tough, tough stuff.... huh... {{{hugs}}} a hard part now will be to go forward and actively work on this stuff each day versus our natural inclination to curl up in a fetal position in pain and reaction.... sometimes i wish we were neighbors so we could chat... over coffee... here for ya! jules |
*hugs* What an (excuse my french) cunt. People like that should just be banned from social contact. She obviously has some issues herself if she purposely burrowed into your marriage like a flea.,,, man. I'm glad you stayed strong. I can't say just ban him from talking to her, because you obviously have to have trust with each other, but i would open up and tell him again that it hurts you and that you want to work on your marriage and remind him that her being in his life in the first place caused him pain, and now that' she's reappeared all it is, is more pain. Maybe he can sit on that. But what do I know, I"m only 22... though my marriage has already held through some trials and tribulatious, so maybe i know a little about what im talking about? |
adding (((hugs))) to the rest. That's all. . .((((BIG HUGS)))) and fingers crossed that you find a great counselor to help you through this. |
dear lord that sucks. you are a strong woman and communication is the key to making things happen... i pray that you heal quickly my dear. :) have fun making your relationship stronger :D |
omg, poor chelle! as hellish as the experience has been, i hope you and husband can extract something positive out of it...sounds like you have started. is she in AA? that sounds like an AA step - apologize to everyone you ever hurt via alcoholism... no wonder you sounded so down and out :( love and light, Metal Goddess, love and light |
*HUGS* I am glad you have found open communications with your husband and while her coming into his life was bad, there perhaps was some good to it... it sounds like you two are on the right track and I wish you the best of luck. |
May be a blessing in disguise!?!?!...New open avenues of communication...Glad you are working TOGETHER to reach goals set for BOTH of you...Good luck! }}}sigh of relief, You are okay!{{ ;-) |
(((HUGGS))) Maybe now that the air has been cleared both of you can grow stronger. |
(((HUGGS)))! It's not easy to stay together but love covers a lot. It take work! Glad you are doing better! |
Thinking of you and glad to hear things are getting better. Also adding (((HUGGS))). |
No matter how scared you are, remember that alot of your fears of simply false evidence appearing real. You own low esteem issues can come into play here. Take things one day at a time, talk openly and first and last, take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise and find a way to decompress from the fears your are experiencing. I agree with the other threads of continued talk with your husband. Best of luck and warmest wishes. M |
Oh Willow, Keep your chin up honey!!! You are a beautiful person and sweetie knows that. Give him a little time. This too will pass. You are in my prayers. Denise |
fauxtograph wrote: I'm glad you stayed strong. I can't say just ban him from talking to her, because you obviously have to have trust with each other, but i would open up and tell him again that it hurts you and that you want to work on your marriage and remind him that her being in his life in the first place caused him pain, and now that' she's reappeared all it is, is more pain. Maybe he can sit on that. Actually thats exactly what I *did* say to him. It took 2 more weeks (can you spell STRESSED?) however when I finally showed him some truths that even HE couldn't deny, he told her no more contact at all, that what I had written to her the last time was all true, that he didn't think she was worth ruining our marriage over, etc etc. He has blocked her from all his messengers, emails, etc and for the first time in about a month, I feel some sort of relief is in sight. |
He also agreed to let me check his email, and archive his messengers so that I can make sure/double check ... to keep him 'accountable', so to speak because he admits that, due to the abuse from childhood, he has self-destructive tendencies and he doesn't want them to kick in and cause more problems. |
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