willowraven's Journal

September SUCKS
Sep 22 2007 14:26

I so dread this month. It is a challenging one for me, and I seem to be having an especially difficult time with it - more so than usual. My dad passed away on September 7th, 2002 due to complications from Alzheimer's (hence the reason for the little Alzheimer's smiley on my profile page). He died shortly before his 81st birthday, which would have been September 27th. So I'm getting a sort of double-whammy here. I have been missing him a lot lately, much more than I usually do. He and I were always close, and I was able to talk to him on just about anything. I'm not really sure what's been triggering this, other than the anniversary dates of his passing and birthday. Maybe that's all my emotions and psyche need. Who knows.

On top of this, we have been having a LOT of financial difficulties. We had to get rid of our cell phones as they were getting way beyond what we could afford, however we were able to add a landline to our cable bill for about $85 less than the cell bill. So I'm seeing that as a good thing, however we have a BIG past due bill on the cell which will need to be paid, which means payment plan over the next several months to get it gone. On top of this, we are already in a sizeable negative balance which means less money to work with next month when the checks are deposited. The one plus is that Kris' disability was approved, and they increased it a little bit, so that will help. We are still waiting to hear about Wes' - earliest for that will be November.

My endo's office finally called me earlier this week and decided that I am eating too much "starches", too much "dairy products", too much "fat", too much "sugars" and that I need to severely decrease them... by the time they were done telling me all this, I was down to being able to eat rabbit food and water... if I was lucky. By the time I hung up the phone I was beyond irked. I had even sent my food log, my weight log, my blood glucose readings log - everything - to them, and everything was WAY fine. I have decided (and Wes agrees) that when I go to see my regular doctor on the 27th, that we are going to ask for a referral to another endo. doctor for a second opinion because I firmly believe that this doctor is a quack, and that call cemented my belief. The nurse who was calling on his behalf was telling me about how the starches and sugars were making my blood glucose high (before eating, my readings range from 82-102....after eating, the highest reading was 138) and that "now that you're diabetic" I shouldn't be eating all this stuff, and I told her that my glucose readings were well within normal range, as was my last A1C reading (was was a 5.3, thank you very much!), and she hesitated for a second, and added "well also for weight loss". So in other words, they aren't telling me because of the diabetes, they just think I have no flippin' control! Like I said to Wes, my nutritionist specializes in diabetic patients and menus and if she saw something waaay out of whack, she would have said something. Yes, I have had some questions for her and some very minor things that we discussed and I have worked on, but nothing NEAR what the endo doctor is claiming. Not to mention, my regular doctor doesn't feel I have diabetes to begin with. He said "you may be *pre-diabetic*, but I do not feel that you are diabetic, based on the test results and your symptoms." Oddly enough tho, I am still showing signs for hypothyroidism. ::sighs:: Which makes me really wonder if this endo doctor is behind the times or something? My sister (the one who found me in February) also has hypothyroid and she was telling her doctor about me - my symptoms including the difficulty losing weight and more, and he said "well what thyroid medicine is she on?" and she said "none, they say she doesn't have hypothyroidism" and even he said that was nuts, that just based on what she told him, that it was clear I should be on thyroid medication. So I don't know anymore....

Things have been really tense around here, Wes and I have been 'snippy' with each other... and I'm doing all I can to remain calm and quiet and centered, and it's not working. I haven't even had a lot of motivation or ambition to work on my graphics, I've let my email slide more than usual... I grab a book to read and I can't get more than a paragraph in before I toss it aside because I can't concentrate on it, or I just don't 'feel like reading'.... just feeling really "blah".

Finally, my apologies to those on the water challenge this month. I didn't mean to let it slide - and hopefully you will understand. I asked Jules (united2gether) to update it for me, and then I'll take it over from there, and I will work on the patch for you all for this month. I am truly sorry to all of you, and October should be a LOT better.

May you all have a wonderful weekend - and Happy Autumn (or Mabon - for my pagan friends - or Autumnal Equinox... whichever one you like).