willowraven's Friends

As I get older, can't help but think time goes so much faster than it once did.  Seems like only yesterday I was looking forward to seeing Haley's Comet in 1985.  And soon it will be 2010.  Wow, can hardly believe I have made it this far.  Never did I imagine I'd make it this far.  When you are 500+ pounds in your 20's, a person really doesn't expect to make it to 50. 

But 50 I'm gonna be.  And it truly is some sort of miracle I have made it this far.  Maybe the reason is so my dad would have someone to take care of him, or maybe it's just dumb luck of the draw.  I don't know why I have been given this chance, but the best thing to do is live a good and happy life. 

Of course it's going to continue to be a fight.  But at least I have something worth fighting for.  A real life, being a real person.  And a fight it will be.  Yesterday I hurt so bad I just wanted to stay in bed.  So what did I do, I headed up to the Y, and did a 1600+ cal workout. 

I guess for me right now, and to be honest there is no guessing about it, I have to bring the eating back in line with the workouts.  That is where I am not following through on the plan.  Everything has to go in the log.  It's time to get fanatical again.  watching every bite, everything I have to drink that has any cals.  It must go in the log!!  The part of the battle where I am the weakest.  That's why I have to make this the new focul point of my plan.  I think I got the workout thing down.  But that's only part of the equation.  The food must be logged!!!

Then there is my business.  I have to stay the course so I will be ready for all the work this spring.  Much to be done, and so little time.  Gotta start working harder yet!!  Still want to see that 300 pound mark!!

1416/235.5

Pan seared duck breast with a light crust of crushed pecans on the flesh side, braised to medium in a reduction of brandy flavored with crushed garlic. Removed the skin, and plated it in slices with a little of the pan drippings spooned over. In the pan was simply the brandy, garlic, pecans, seasoning from the duck and of course, some of the rendered duck fat. There was no earthly reason to mess with such deliciousness by making it into a sauce, so I didn't. :)

Accompanied by sweet potatoes that had been previously boiled, from Thanksgiving, but which I kept out of the glaze to eat plain. These I liberally coated with curry powder, then sizzled in a bit of butter in the non-stick. The curry powder helped them brown nicely on a few sides, and then a splash of cream, salt & pepper, to finish. They were really good, the curry powder giving just enough flavor without overpowering. Good with the duck, flavorful without taking over.

I am almost done with the excess pecans in my fridge, so I guess I'll need to find another fancy-assed coating for mah meat. :)

eta: and for Dre: Pecan pie is a sugar based sort of custard, a bit like the consistency of lemon pie. I use cane syrup instead of corn syrup which gives a dark color and a little more depth of flavor. I coarsely crush half the pecans and leave the other half whole. Another trick to deepen the flavor. The beauty of the pie is the way the pecans float to the top in baking, forming a nut almost-crust on top that gives a nice crunch to offset the smooth consistency of the custard underneath. Allowed to cool and set, it is rich and delicious - if you like pecans, that is. :)

Art of the Season - Early winter

Winter Landscape ~ Camille Pissarro, 1873

The day was almost ok yesterday.  I did feel better and I think that's related to losing almost all of the retained fluid.  I still have 4 pounds to go before I reach the weight I was before I got sick.  Also, my body feels thinner, so I'm betting I've lost some real fat along with the water.  The scale will show it in a week or 10 days, I hope.

I did go to the communal birthday party and had a chance to sit have a few laughs with friends.  It broke the monotony of a cold, dreary, wet day - like today's picture, except we didn't get the dusting of snow.

Plan for Today:  Lesley will be here this morning to do the laundry and tidy the place up.  My Dr's appointment has been cancelled and they said they'd call to fit me in later.  I'll be working the bills and my insurance mess.

Menu for Today:  Breakfast - oat bran flakes, blueberries, milk.  Lunch - low sodium tuna salad with cherry tomatoes.  Supper - bow tie pasta with vegetables.  Snacks - apples, carrots

After yesterday's rain and wind, we expect a nice, sunny day today.  The high is supposed to reach 50 F, 10 C, with a breeze.  Sometime during the night before last, the halyard on our flag broke loose so the flag is flapping vertically around the flagpole.  I wonder how long it will take maintenance to bring it down and fix it.  This is my least favorite time of year - the gap between autumn and winter with none of the joys of either one.  My mood matches the weather.

Today:  Don't Worry, Be Happy.   

aww after eating so well for a week, I think I failed today:

Bagel + cream cheese

egg salad wrap

like 1000 calories of cashews

apple juice

pear

raman

wow... so many cashews.... and I still want more. Why did I think buying a large quantity of cashews was ever a good idea?

Well, I found out Thursday that I have celtic disease.  I have to eliminate all products that have wheat, rye or barley in them.  This isn't going to be easy.

Needless to say, this also means no drinking.

I know I can do this.  I need to do this.

237.4

It was the pecan pie. :)

Art of the Season

Harvest Landscape ~ Vincent Van Gogh, 1888 (click for large image)

It's too early to tell how I'm going to feel today, but yesterday was pretty good.  I took an early nap, Bill got here about 1 pm and took me grocery shopping.  I was really tired when we got back but in all, not bad at all.  The scale was down another pound and that may have something to do with it. 

Plan for Today:  I have a few things to do (pay bills etc) and there's a party at 3 pm I'd like to go to.  I also need to change the decoration in my door basket.  I have a little, flat basket that hangs on my door, in which I arrange for each season.  Time to put away the little gourds, silk leaves and turkey and get out the holly and bows, and my beanie baby santa.

Menu for today:  breakfast - cream of wheat, blueberries, milk.  Lunch - leftover pasta and salad.  Supper - low sodium tuna with noodles in sauce, peas, salad.  Snacks - low salt triscuits (85 mgs in 6 crackers) with avocado spread, apples, carrots.

Yesterday was such a nice, warmish day with lots of sun.  I guess it's too much to ask for another one like that.  Rain is on the way.

A neighbor on this floor but the other wing has gone overboard on decorating her doorway.  It looks like Michaels, or some other craft supply store, threw up on her section of the hall.  Lights around the door, sparkly garland wrapped on the handrails, snowflakes on the wall, metallic star confetti on the floor along the baseboard.  It looks like she had l lot of fun.  I wish they'd leave it, but housekeeping is going to have a fit, especially about the confetti. 

Today:  Try to move more. 

Also, very stressed.

but....

I've never been so happy with how my body looks. I'm 135, 8 lbs heavier than my lightest, but it's a damn sexy 135 lbs :P I definitely have better abs hiding in there then I did last time. Last time I was this low (and eventually 127), I was there because I starved, threw up and was an insane cardio obsessed person. This time I exercise occasionally, eat well and I take the time to look my nude self in the mirror and say "you're beautiful" every day. And occasionally "damn girl, you're a sexy bitch". Last time it was loose skin over bones, this time it's starting to be tighter skin over sexy muscles.

I'm going to keep aiming for 125 lbs, but I may stop at 130.

Also!

I hate that I have to chose to either love my body and hate my breasts or love my breasts and hate the rest. Can't they stay full and wonderful while my body shrinks? *sigh*, at least I have you wonderbra...

More Basement Kittehs.  For those who are not familiar with lolcats, basement cat is the devil and ceiling cat is the "great spirit"

Saturday was just as boring and uneventful as expected.  I kept falling asleep, dropping my book with a thud and was unable to finish watching any TV show.  Sigh.  The visiting nurse called and was running behind.  Asked if she could come Sunday morning - well why not.  She should be here around 9.

Plan for today:  Get in a morning nap so I can go shopping with Bill.  I decided that we can go to the supermarket where the pharmacy is to save effort.  I don't need much so even it their prices are a little higher it won't matter much. I am so looking forward to getting out!

Menu for today:  breakfast - boring old oatmeal again.  Lunch - thawed some chunky bolognese sauce (unsalted) and will cook a little pasta.  Supper - don't know.  Snacks - more fruit and boring old rice cakes.  I manage to get my 1450 calories by eating second helpings but don't really have an appetite when everything tastes so unsalty.  I am craving salt like anything and no amount of lemon juice or spices makes up for it.

I am a total grump this morning.  I couldn't go back to sleep so I'm up.  At least the wind has stopped.  I thought the howling would drive me nuts the past two days.  I won't inflict you with any more whining.  Be back later if I have something good to say.

Today:  Work on my attitude and try to be more positive. 

135 whooooooo! That was my revised goal for Dec 18th, so I guess I can try to go a little lower by break. My original goal of 130 is probably still a bit steep, but maybe 133 or 132 would be really awesome!