Chelle 42 yr old Pagan Witch, mom of 4, living in the MidWest

willowraven's Journal

Member's Journal

...ack...
Aug 19 2007 19:04

It's official... I am sick. Woke up feeling like I had a touch of the flu, or something - been running to the bathroom and such. My stomach has managed to settle down however I still have the chills and the body aches and monster headache. Just took some more stuff for the headache and body aches and hoping it kicks in soon.

Ack. Hate being sick.

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Sharing Something I Made ... Feel Free to Snag!
Aug 18 2007 01:13

Just made this and wanted to share it with you all... and yea, feel free to snag if you want it:

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Oops, Oops and more Oops....
Aug 18 2007 00:25

I think I boo-boo'd, and if I do, my apologies to my BLC team. I am so mixed up lately... I think I missed the first actual weigh-in for the new challenge.. hoping I didn't, but think I did. I'm so sorry, and I promise I will be there next week. I'm even leaving a post-it note on my computer to remind me. I'm usually pretty good about remembering the challenges too. Yikes.

It's been kinda stressful here - finances, daily life, kids going back to school this coming Tuesday and not having enough $$ to even get them school supplies, worrying about whether they will continue Kris' disability or deny him (which means we will be out about $500/month), wondering how we are going to manage and keep our heads above water (we're drowning right now - throw me a life saver someone??), and Kris saw his specialist - gastroenterologist - this past week and they are trying him on yet a new medication (hoping it helps). Wes and I had a very "heated argument" about 2 weeks ago because the tension has just gotten so bad. He hasn't heard about his disability except a short 'form type' letter from the lawyer saying that the papers for the appeal are being submitted and it could be several months to 2 years before we hear anything... ARGH!!! How much stress is one person suppose to take?

I have been retreating to my email, my PSP (paint shop pro), only talking to a couple of friends and playing video games as a way of escaping reality AND the stress. Nothing like killing a few "mobs" (monsters) in a game to help relieve some stress. I can think of a few other things, however... well that issue just adds more stress, not less as Wes' back is so messed up it makes things.. uhm... frustrating. I know, escaping reality is probably not the best thing, however if I don't do something to get away from it - in some form - I'm going to explode... or is that implode? LOL I'm not sure anymore.

Anyways, I hope you are all having a better time of it than me. Happy weekend everyone!

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Posting from the Calorie Count Plus Site
Aug 10 2007 21:15

Wow... very cool! I just managed to move my 'stuff' over to the calorie count plus site and so far, what I've seen, is very very nice! I'm liking it a lot.

I am doing ok for the most parts - having some ups and downs both with my 'dieting' and with general life. Doing my best to hang in there. Saw my nutritionist earlier this week and talked about a lot of things, including the incredible stress I am under lately and how I haven't been really following my food plan as well as I should. I haven't been gorging on food (which is a good thing) but I just haven't been eating the "right" food. I told her about what was going on and she understands that, when your immediate needs are threatened, that it's very difficult to concentrate on secondary things, like eating the right foods and keeping with an exercise routine. At this point, she said my first concern is to get the issues surrounding the immediate needs straightened out first and then, when it has settled, get back in to my food and exercise routine. She wants to see me back in 2 months - she figured that would give me enough time to get things settled. She was happy to hear that, up til about a week or so ago when things started going nuts, that I was doing well, and actually had gotten the scale down to the high 360s which is the lowest I have been in a LOOONG time. So right now I'm going to just try and keep around 1800 calories and keep up with the water, and anything else above and beyond is a bonus. Then, as she suggested, when things settle down, I can get back to what I was doing before.

Anyways, I hope everyone else is doing well and having a good summer. Hugs to you all!

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To All My American Friends .....
Jul 04 2007 14:29

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

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For the Participants of the June 2007 Water & Exercise Challenges
Jul 03 2007 09:13

Just wanted to pass this on in case you didn't see it in the thread:

You all did wonderful in the challenge and to commemorate your accomplishment, I made you all this:

Water: Your Prize :)
Exercise: Your Prize :)

Hope you like it! You all deserve it! Feel free to put it in your pictures if you wish.

I hope to see you in the July Challenge, and I wish you continued success with your weight loss goals.

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Getting Better :)
Jun 26 2007 20:22

I want to thank everyone who commented in my journal, especially the last post. You all made me feel much better. ::HUGS:: to you all.

I am feeling a bit better about myself as well, and have had a talk with myself. I really can't let stuff with my weight "get" to me like it does -- need to stay more rational and focused. If I had looked at the calendar (real "duh" moment for me here) I'd have seen that I was due for TTOM any day now, and true to my word, the day after I did all those measurements, it came. So I'm wondering, can bloating from TTOM affect your measurements?

In better news, I stepped on the scale yesterday and it showed me to be 370.4. That is now my new "official" lowest weight since starting this "lifestyle change". (Notice I didn't say "diet"? Nasty 4-letter word!!) That means I have lost 41.6 lbs since I first started here. I have to tell you though, with SO much to lose, I don't really feel it. I asked my daughter, since she has a digital camera, to take a picture of me some time, so I can update the one I have here. So when I get looking decent (clothes aren't a shambles and my hair isn't sticking up all over the place... doesn't that sound attractive??? lol) then I will have her take it.

Tomorrow I see the nutritionist. Should be interesting. I have taken some of her information to heart and have used it in regards to my food menu. For example, she said to NOT eat back the calories that I burned off, so I have keeping the consumed around 1700-1800 and NOT eating back the burned off calories, so I'm wondering if that is helping. I have also been doing MUCH better with the water intake - getting at least 8 a day for the most part (have had a couple of days when it was around 6, but still, better than the 2-4 I was doing a few weeks ago... UGH.).... and have been trying to scout around for better snack choices (aside from the obvious, like fresh fruit and veggies). Now that summer is coming, fresh produce will be a bit more affordable, so that should help as well. We will be heading to the gym when the appointment is over (went yesterday as well), so I'm hoping getting back in to the routine of it all is going to help me again.

I had not been taking the Byetta while I was sick as it required I have something to eat within 30 minutes of taking it, and I couldn't even keep water down! So I am back to doing that every day again.... also checking my blood glucose every day, which the readings have been awesome. I had been on prozac for quite a few years, had stopped it when I didn't have a doctor. My new doctor has given me a new scrip for it and have started taking it again. I am hoping that it will help with the feelings of hopelessness and depression and, in turn, help me to stay focused. It should also help me with the cycling I have been doing (between being in a manic, then depressive, state). Again, it will take time, however I need to keep at it.

Anyways, just wanted to let you all know I'm doing better. And I don't think I could do it without the friendship and support from you all. It really does help, knowing you all are no more than an email or whatever away. It helps me to feel not alone.

Thank you all again.

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Feel Hopeless
Jun 23 2007 17:34

Despite trying to eat right, drink the amount of waters I am suppose to drink, follow the nutritionists advice, etc etc, I have not lost any additional weight since about February or March. I have been bouncing around the same 5-7 pounds since then. I did my measurements today (first since April 27th) and I gained inches everywhere, even though I have not gained any 'real' weight since then. I tossed the tape measure on the bed and was ready to just give up, totally disgusted. I haven't lost any weight OR inches in months. My doctor's are actually advocating the lap band surgery for me, and I am hesitant because of the whole 'going under the knife' aspect, but honestly, I'm at the thought of 'how much longer....?' I am so unhappy and feel like I'm barely existing, and I'm tired of living like this. I hate myself, my life and pretty much everything about it, and I am feeling numb inside, like I used to feel, and I am starting to be afraid. I don't want to spiral back to what I was, but it seems like what I want to be (thinner, healthier, attractive) is such an unrealistic goal, and I don't want to feel that way. All the stresses from the last several months have taken their toll, and I am really not sure if I can get back to the "me" I was before all the stresses got insurmountable (about the end of January). I can pinpoint, with fairly decent accuracy, the event(s) that changed it around, and I have done all that I can to work around it, through it, over it, under it - you name it. I even tried giving myself the pep talk that my daughter and I had that started this whole thing last September and even THAT isn't helping. I'll have a few awesome days, and then, even if I know I'm doing what I am suppose to, the scale, and the tape measure and all that says I'm not. It's very defeating.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I get motivated? I can help everyone else, and mean it with genuine sincerity. Why can't I help me?

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July's Water Drinking Challenge
Jun 23 2007 12:24

For those who are interested, I have started the sign-ups for July's Water Drinking Challenge, which can be found here:

http://www.calorie-count.com/forums/post/42522.html

June's has about a week or so left to go, and the participants have been doing awesome! I hope July's is just as exciting.

And an article about how to water as an important part of weight loss, and how to get your daily allowance in:

http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?i d=54

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Nutritionist Appointment Today...
Jun 06 2007 21:03

Well, the appointment was interesting, and informative. I discovered a few things that I should be doing differently, and some things that I seem to be doing ok. I have my portions/servings pretty much on target (although I discovered that my pasta and rice has been a bit more than it should be). We discussed what I should be having, percentage-wise, in regards to the fats/carbs/protein and she said that people are usually ok with protein in the 15-20% range, so I felt better about that because my protein is usually in the 15-18% range and I was feeling bad that I was having a heck of a time trying to get it higher. She said the carbs should be around 50-60%, and the fats should be the remainder. I admit, my fats are sometimes a bit higher than recommended, so will need to work on that as well. When we discussed the protein, I told her that I have noticed that most protein sources also had fat, so it was hard to keep the fat % down without also keeping the protein down, however I understood protein was important for the muscles, especially with the weight resistance exercises and such, so I asked about protein sources with little-to-no fat and she say 'soy'. So guess I'm going to have to look in to that.

We also discovered that the 'composition' of my meals might be tripping me up. Not so much with the meat/proteins, but the starchy and non-starchy veggies, and other 'sides' that are part of the meal, so we discussed that and I think I have a better handle on it.

The other interesting aspect of the conversation was the discussion about the calories consumed. She says that nutritionists and most doctors don't take in to consideration 'calories burned'.... they ONLY look at calories consumed. So if I ate 1300 calories and burned 300, they aren't seeing it starving yourself because they are seeing it as you have EATEN (consumed) 1300 calories - that the calories your body is using for energy for exercises, etc is the stored fat and not the readily available calories that is in your stomach, per se. So you don't want to eat back the calories that you have burned off, even if you have gone under that 1200 line. I got a bit confused about it, but you have to think of the calories consumed and the calories burned as two different calorie "stores". The 1200 consumed that is readily available will keep your body functioning, but the 'extra' calories burned (through activity and exercise) would be coming from the fat stores. Like I said, it took me a lil while to get my brain around the concept. I'm still having a little difficulty, but it's getting better.

I did admit to her that my waters have not been the best, and not NEAR as well as I used to do. Back at the start of the year, I was doing 10 8-oz glasses, easily. Now I am struggling to get 5 8-oz glasses in. And I can go back and figure out the events that affected me - emotionally, psychologically, etc - in regards to my goals, my diet, my motivation, how I feel/felt about myself and more. And I ended up blurting it out to Wes today, on the way back to the car after the appointment. I didn't really mean to just say it so bluntly. I figured it out a while ago. I've been trying to work beyond it, through it, around it, under it - whatever. It's like that whole event in January KILLED me. I am not sure how else to explain it. But little things that have popped up since - that mirror that event - just makes it all the more tougher to get 'me' back.

::sighs:: Anyways.... I guess I'm kind of back to square 1... or maybe square 3? I'm glad I had the appointment today because I learned a few things.

Hope you are all having a good week! ::hugs:: to all my friends!!

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