Chelle 42 yr old Pagan Witch, mom of 4, living in the MidWest
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Can I hear an ARGH?Oct 10 2006 10:02
I know I haven't written in a little while (sorry about that y'all), however since Sunday night I have been dealing with my daughter's -possible- ear infection. She has had them in the past, and shows all the symptoms of an ear infection, so.... here is my problem.
She was recently approved for SoonerCare, which is the state medical insurance. However, her coverage doesn't start til November 1st (I know, stupid! Shouldn't it start on date of coverage? Nope! Not here!) So in the meantime, she is covered under straight medicare. Ok, no problem. According to SoonerCare, I should either A) still be able to take her to the PCP they assigned her to, or B) take her to any physician that accepts straight medicare. Sound simple, no? LOL Well, her PCP doesn't accept straight medicare and refused her AT THEIR DOOR, even after I had told them all this info on the phone, made the appointment and travelled to their office. They recommended I call one of their affiliate offices that does accept straight medicare. I do that - from their office - only to be told that they don't have any open spots to see her. So last night I called a "no appointment necessary" clinic that I noticed down the street, and while they do accept straight medicare, they will not touch her since she has a PCP already assigned to her, even though her PCP will not touch her til November 1st. This morning, I tried to contact one of the medicare-approved doctors that SoonerCare suggested and they also refused to see her because she already is assigned to a PCP. So I call SoonerCare back and they tell me that they don't understand why they won't see her (even AFTER I tell them exactly WHY she is being refused) and that they have never heard of this before, and the representative keeps talking in circles (welll, you should be able to get her in with her PCP, you should be able to get her seen by one of the doctors that accepts straight medicare - and I keep telling her why they WON'T take her).. so I said "Where do I take her then if none of them will take her? Do I take her to the ER?" to which they tell me "only if its a true emergency". (Hmm, is the fact that the infection is spreading into her other ear now, and no doctor will touch her, considered an emergency? At what point does it become an emergency - when her ear is draining, or bleeding? She has had BAD ear infections before, and even had a perforated ear drum as a result of one, so you can see why I don't want to mess around with this.) And then the representative tells me that if it's NOT a true emergency then I will end up being responsible for the ER bill!!! WTF?? What good is this insurance if she WON'T be covered, or no doctor will touch her?
I'm sorry, just needed to rant, get this off my chest. I guess Wes and I will be taking her to the ER at some point today. On top of it, he has the beginnings of a sinus infection (so he isn't feeling well) and I have been dealing with a sore throat that is moving it's way into my left ear, so I guess I'm getting something as well, and just don't even have the time to deal with it. I guess I can sop down echinacea tea to help fight the infection, and my vitamin C pills and cranberry pills, however my daughter's ear infection is (probably) a bit more advanced for the home remedy thing.
I hope you are all having a good week. Take care and stay healthy.
She was recently approved for SoonerCare, which is the state medical insurance. However, her coverage doesn't start til November 1st (I know, stupid! Shouldn't it start on date of coverage? Nope! Not here!) So in the meantime, she is covered under straight medicare. Ok, no problem. According to SoonerCare, I should either A) still be able to take her to the PCP they assigned her to, or B) take her to any physician that accepts straight medicare. Sound simple, no? LOL Well, her PCP doesn't accept straight medicare and refused her AT THEIR DOOR, even after I had told them all this info on the phone, made the appointment and travelled to their office. They recommended I call one of their affiliate offices that does accept straight medicare. I do that - from their office - only to be told that they don't have any open spots to see her. So last night I called a "no appointment necessary" clinic that I noticed down the street, and while they do accept straight medicare, they will not touch her since she has a PCP already assigned to her, even though her PCP will not touch her til November 1st. This morning, I tried to contact one of the medicare-approved doctors that SoonerCare suggested and they also refused to see her because she already is assigned to a PCP. So I call SoonerCare back and they tell me that they don't understand why they won't see her (even AFTER I tell them exactly WHY she is being refused) and that they have never heard of this before, and the representative keeps talking in circles (welll, you should be able to get her in with her PCP, you should be able to get her seen by one of the doctors that accepts straight medicare - and I keep telling her why they WON'T take her).. so I said "Where do I take her then if none of them will take her? Do I take her to the ER?" to which they tell me "only if its a true emergency". (Hmm, is the fact that the infection is spreading into her other ear now, and no doctor will touch her, considered an emergency? At what point does it become an emergency - when her ear is draining, or bleeding? She has had BAD ear infections before, and even had a perforated ear drum as a result of one, so you can see why I don't want to mess around with this.) And then the representative tells me that if it's NOT a true emergency then I will end up being responsible for the ER bill!!! WTF?? What good is this insurance if she WON'T be covered, or no doctor will touch her?
I'm sorry, just needed to rant, get this off my chest. I guess Wes and I will be taking her to the ER at some point today. On top of it, he has the beginnings of a sinus infection (so he isn't feeling well) and I have been dealing with a sore throat that is moving it's way into my left ear, so I guess I'm getting something as well, and just don't even have the time to deal with it. I guess I can sop down echinacea tea to help fight the infection, and my vitamin C pills and cranberry pills, however my daughter's ear infection is (probably) a bit more advanced for the home remedy thing.
I hope you are all having a good week. Take care and stay healthy.
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YYYAAAAWWWWWNNNNNNN & STREEEEETTTCCHHHHHHHOct 04 2006 02:21
I am only here long enough to say "goodnight" to everyone. We spent about 3+ hours today doing the dreaded grocery shopping and errand-running and I need to get up early tomorrow AM to take my daughter to school and make sure Wes is up for his classes, so I will write my regular journal entry tomorrow.
We got some good news - our food stamps were increased due to Rebecca living with us, which means some of the hard cash that would have gone to groceries has been eased up, so it will be available for other things. So yes, I ordered my scale, dammit! LOL It only cost me $38.75 -- much better than I had originally intended.
And after some discussion about some of the 'discrepancies' about the contract with the fitness gym, we have decided NOT to freeze it, as technically it would not be a true freezing of the account. Yeah, I know, confusing. I'll explain more in my journal entry tomorrow, after I have had some sleep.
Hope you all had a pleasant day.
We got some good news - our food stamps were increased due to Rebecca living with us, which means some of the hard cash that would have gone to groceries has been eased up, so it will be available for other things. So yes, I ordered my scale, dammit! LOL It only cost me $38.75 -- much better than I had originally intended.
And after some discussion about some of the 'discrepancies' about the contract with the fitness gym, we have decided NOT to freeze it, as technically it would not be a true freezing of the account. Yeah, I know, confusing. I'll explain more in my journal entry tomorrow, after I have had some sleep.
Hope you all had a pleasant day.
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Week 4 Challenge Part 1: *Personal Goals* ~
Strive & Be HappyOct 03 2006 01:24
Week 4 Challenge Part 1: *Personal Goals* ~ Strive & Be Happy
What do you need to do this week? Just think about this or write it down in your personal records or journal if you want!
Just like last week! What are your health, eating and exercise goals for this week? Can you name 3 things you will try to do daily? 2 you will try to do weekly?
DAILY
1. Get up, washed and dressed - no laying around in my nightshirt/pajamas.
2. Keep drinking AT LEASE 8 8-oz of water (more if possible).
3. Continue to look at each day as a new day in regards to my food choices.
WEEKLY
1. Try to get some sort of *major* activity/exercise at least 3x a week.
2. Continue to keep my weight loss/health goals a priority.
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I know.. I know... I bad...Oct 01 2006 22:05
Well, I had started this a while ago and for some reason it got deleted, so will try this again.
I know I haven't posted in my journal in a few days - and I feel bad about that. I was doing SO good too. Will have to work on getting back in the habit. Today is 28 of my diet (woot!) and I think that overall I'm still doing good. I relax a little on the weekend, but not enough to blow the diet sky-high, and I still manage to get to the gym on one of the 2 weekend days. We went yesterday, and I only did about 5 minutes on the bike however I ended up doing about 50 minutes on various other machines (arm presses, leg presses, ab crunch, etc) and floor exercises/stretching. I am finding I like the various machines a LOT better than the bike, and I am averaging about 30-40 reps per machine at about 50 lbs (average - the leg presses are actually a bit more, the arms are a little less, so yep - average!!) Wes went with me and helped me with the machines (there was one that I couldn't figure out how to get in to it because I couldn't find the release lever for the leg part lol)...and he spotted me and helped me keep count. I just concentrated on my breathing and to make sure I was doing them correct. For now on what I am going to do is the floor/stretching exercises first, then the different machines, and then the bike last, because I figure by the time I get to the stationary bike I'll be nice and stretched and limbered up and it won't be so hard to do some time on it. Again, just a thought, because I'm feeling kinda bad that I haven't gotten back to the 16 minutes I had a couple of weeks ago. ::sigh::
I also spoke with Wes the other night about the whole thing about the scale, and told him that I was really hurt and irked because usually when we make a purchase, we consult each other before making it - #1) so that we both have a current idea of where our finances are and #2) to give each other a reality check (for example, one can say "uhm, ok" or "we really can't afford it", or whatever). Well this time he didn't do that - he just went off and committed without checking first, which was a monthly committment to fees for an online game. And the worst part was the money he was committing was the money I was going to use for the scale - and he *knew* about the scale. So we talked about it, and he is going to delay the game thing - it bills every 30 days, so he won't start it til somewhere near the middle of the month so the fee will be next month, instead of the end of THIS month. I still don't see how we are going to be able to afford the scale, but he says we will, and not to worry (how can I *not* worry??) ... Anyways... we'll see. I'm hoping, if all things go o.k., I can order it next week.
Not much else is going on. Same old same old. Fairly quiet weekend. Wes went to the casino with his aunt - I didn't feel like going. It's not that I don't like to go - it's o.k. - but I'm not 'big' on gambling, and after about an hour or so I'm ready to leave, and they like to stay there for 5, 6, 7 hours or so, and by that time I'm ready to fall asleep on one of the poker tables. And not cuz I'm tired but cuz I am BORED. There are only so many slot machines you can play before you don't feel like playing anymore. Anyways... so I am waiting for him to come home. He said when he left "well sometimes we only stay about 3 hours". They left around 4 PM - its now 10:25 PM.... you do the math.
Anyways, gonna add this before it gets deleted again - I may or may not add more on before bed. If not, I will touch base with you all some time tomorrow. Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend.
I know I haven't posted in my journal in a few days - and I feel bad about that. I was doing SO good too. Will have to work on getting back in the habit. Today is 28 of my diet (woot!) and I think that overall I'm still doing good. I relax a little on the weekend, but not enough to blow the diet sky-high, and I still manage to get to the gym on one of the 2 weekend days. We went yesterday, and I only did about 5 minutes on the bike however I ended up doing about 50 minutes on various other machines (arm presses, leg presses, ab crunch, etc) and floor exercises/stretching. I am finding I like the various machines a LOT better than the bike, and I am averaging about 30-40 reps per machine at about 50 lbs (average - the leg presses are actually a bit more, the arms are a little less, so yep - average!!) Wes went with me and helped me with the machines (there was one that I couldn't figure out how to get in to it because I couldn't find the release lever for the leg part lol)...and he spotted me and helped me keep count. I just concentrated on my breathing and to make sure I was doing them correct. For now on what I am going to do is the floor/stretching exercises first, then the different machines, and then the bike last, because I figure by the time I get to the stationary bike I'll be nice and stretched and limbered up and it won't be so hard to do some time on it. Again, just a thought, because I'm feeling kinda bad that I haven't gotten back to the 16 minutes I had a couple of weeks ago. ::sigh::
I also spoke with Wes the other night about the whole thing about the scale, and told him that I was really hurt and irked because usually when we make a purchase, we consult each other before making it - #1) so that we both have a current idea of where our finances are and #2) to give each other a reality check (for example, one can say "uhm, ok" or "we really can't afford it", or whatever). Well this time he didn't do that - he just went off and committed without checking first, which was a monthly committment to fees for an online game. And the worst part was the money he was committing was the money I was going to use for the scale - and he *knew* about the scale. So we talked about it, and he is going to delay the game thing - it bills every 30 days, so he won't start it til somewhere near the middle of the month so the fee will be next month, instead of the end of THIS month. I still don't see how we are going to be able to afford the scale, but he says we will, and not to worry (how can I *not* worry??) ... Anyways... we'll see. I'm hoping, if all things go o.k., I can order it next week.
Not much else is going on. Same old same old. Fairly quiet weekend. Wes went to the casino with his aunt - I didn't feel like going. It's not that I don't like to go - it's o.k. - but I'm not 'big' on gambling, and after about an hour or so I'm ready to leave, and they like to stay there for 5, 6, 7 hours or so, and by that time I'm ready to fall asleep on one of the poker tables. And not cuz I'm tired but cuz I am BORED. There are only so many slot machines you can play before you don't feel like playing anymore. Anyways... so I am waiting for him to come home. He said when he left "well sometimes we only stay about 3 hours". They left around 4 PM - its now 10:25 PM.... you do the math.
Anyways, gonna add this before it gets deleted again - I may or may not add more on before bed. If not, I will touch base with you all some time tomorrow. Hope you are all having a wonderful weekend.
EDIT: It's now 3:10 AM on October 2nd.. Wes and I had a talk again about our finances.. not sure if I'm gonna be able to swing the scale this month or not. We are going to have to put the fitness club on "freeze" - not sure for how long. (I knew this was coming - could feel it in my bones.) However that will be a little bit of money back into our pocket. He's also decided NOT to do the online game fee - at least for a little while, til we can get back on our feet. I'm going with his aunt tomorrow night to see about starting up in Avon (you know, the cosmetics & perfume company). Also tried to come up with some other ideas, thanks to my friend, Mary. If I could get the tarot reading 'business' going (and I use the word 'business' very loosely), then I'd be o.k. as well. Just hate living check to check and not even making it then. ::sigh:: Anyways, off to bed I go.
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Sep 29 2006 02:10Bernice - I have written down the name of the book and the author and
will have to look for it at the local library (one of my favorite
haunts!!) thank you.
Denise - thank you for the prayers - sure could use them. For the last couple of days I have been so upset over this (I know, sounds minor, guess it isn't so much the scale - though on some level it is - but the whole taking care of others ALL the time before myself thing).. however it is possible/probable that I might be able to get a scale after all. My friend Mary found one for about $30 online and it has what I need, and I found a place in the SW part of OKC that is having a huge sale this weekend (Superstore? on SW 29th...) and my daughter needs pants for school and they are advertising jeans for $2 each! So maybe I can swing some of it somehow.
Today was a fairly quiet day today. I just basically stayed in, worked on my email groups and graphics and such and kept to myself. I talked to some friends, including my *bestest* friend Mary who joined this site today!! (WOOOT!) Counting down the days til the monthly check and food stamps come in and we can take care of the groceries and stuff (and get stressed out, hoping there is enough to cover it all).
I also want to say a very big hank you (again) to everyone. I keep saying how great people have been on this site. Helpful, supportive, friendly. I couldn't have asked for a better support system! Thanks everyone.
Denise - thank you for the prayers - sure could use them. For the last couple of days I have been so upset over this (I know, sounds minor, guess it isn't so much the scale - though on some level it is - but the whole taking care of others ALL the time before myself thing).. however it is possible/probable that I might be able to get a scale after all. My friend Mary found one for about $30 online and it has what I need, and I found a place in the SW part of OKC that is having a huge sale this weekend (Superstore? on SW 29th...) and my daughter needs pants for school and they are advertising jeans for $2 each! So maybe I can swing some of it somehow.
Today was a fairly quiet day today. I just basically stayed in, worked on my email groups and graphics and such and kept to myself. I talked to some friends, including my *bestest* friend Mary who joined this site today!! (WOOOT!) Counting down the days til the monthly check and food stamps come in and we can take care of the groceries and stuff (and get stressed out, hoping there is enough to cover it all).
I also want to say a very big hank you (again) to everyone. I keep saying how great people have been on this site. Helpful, supportive, friendly. I couldn't have asked for a better support system! Thanks everyone.
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Week 3, Section 4 (called Part 4 in the main post)
~ Weights & MeasurementsSep 27 2006 20:40
(My answers will be in Purple!)
Section 4 (called Part 4 in the main post) ~ Weights & Measurements
Unable to weigh myself (no scale) so dealing pretty much on measurements at this point.
Time for a Check~up! It's all about you! Do part or Do All ~ It all counts towards Personal and Team Points!
-
- *Measurements*
- take yours, any or all that you prefer!
- Neck, upper arm, forearm and wrist
- Chest (all), Breast for Women
- Waist and hips
- Thigh, Calf and ankle
- OR you get the points if you know why you personally don't track measurements
- *Measurements*
Neck: 16" (-1/2")
Upper Arm: 23" (-1")
Forearm: 13 1/4" (+1/4")
Wrist: 7 3/8" (+ 1/8")
Chest: 64 (+1/4")
Breast/Cup Size: DD
Waist: 57 3/4" (-5/8")
Hips: 71 1/2" (-1")
Thigh: 34 3/8" (-1 6/8")
Calf: 24 (+1/2")
Ankle: 11 3/8" (+1/8")
(all measurements were on left side, as I am left handed)
Now, I love seeing the minuses, however I am a little concerned about the pluses. I made sure I did the same areas, so do I just account it to maybe a mis-measurement the first time, or possible fluctuation of body fat, or what? Should I be overly concerned, or ? Most of them were small (ranging from 1/8" to 1/2"), however combined they added up to 1-1/4". I'll tell you though, I was shocked (in a good way) to see almost 2" gone on my thighs!!!! Woot - I have **thunder thighs** galore so its always good to know that I have less of them.
- e) [edit Part 4 Exercise (100 ponts possible from 3 parts
- *Exercise*
- ___ 25 regular points (enter a 1 on line 46, week1)
- write down someplace what you normally do each week for an exercise routine.
- What are your exercise activities?
- how long
- how often
- how intense or level, incline, weight amount, reps, etc...
- why you don't or can't exercise right now
- What are your exercise goals that you would like to do or change in the next 6 weeks? start exercise routine at gym and build up my intensity, how much and how many
- write down someplace what you normally do each week for an exercise routine.
- ___ up to 50 Points (enter 5, line 53, week 1)
- for doing your normal exercise routine this week! you get 10 points for each normal exercise *session* you do. Up to 5 exercise sessions count.
- OR you get 50 points (enter 5 on line 53) for doing your normal routines if you normally do less than 5 sessions
- OR you get 50 points (enter 5 on line 53) if you work on an exercise plan that is realistic for you because you have not been exercising.
- ___ 25 points (enter 1 on line 56, week1) for doing 1 something *extra*
- for adding a *new* exercise, or **me**
- adding an extra *workout*
- doing more, longer or farther, or **me**
- increasing intensity **me**
- OR just getting started for the first time
- OR just starting to think about why you should start exercising if you don't.
- ___ 25 regular points (enter a 1 on line 46, week1)
- *Exercise*
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I'm hereSep 27 2006 02:00
I know... I haven't written in my journal in a couple of days and I feel bad about that. Truth is, there isn't much going on. Because we are at the last of the month and no money (and sitting with a negative balance in our account), and an 1/8th of a tank of gas, I won't be going to the gym this week because we have *just* enough to get my daughter to school and back, and that right now is more important. I'll be glad to see the start of the new month so we can at least fill the tank and be able to go to the gym again.
I've been doing good, for the most part, with my food. I usually keep between 1500-1700 cals/day, however today I actually got to 1792 cals. I just seemed to be always munchie hungry today. Not sure why. Boredom maybe? The start of a depressive cycle? Probably. Too much thinking swirling in my head and I need something to slow it down? Possibly. Most likely all those things and more. ::sigh:: I also haven't been sleeping well. For the last few nights I've only gotten about 3.5 hours of sleep before I have to get up to take Becka to school. Usually I'll crawl back into bed for a couple of hours, however I didn't do that yesterday and the day before (I did do it today though). Yesterday I ended up falling asleep on the couch for about 2 hours, only to be woken up to my husband kneeling next to me, holding me, telling me it was going to be ok. I guess the screaming I was doing in my dream, I was doing in actuality.
It also looks like, after all the hoping and planning I did for trying to get my scale next month, that we probably won't have the money - AGAIN - for me to get it, so once again my needs are having to be put on hold. The only chance I have now of being able to get it is #1) someone loans me the $ so I can purchase it, #2) someone on one of the Freecycle groups is getting rid of one (highly unlikely) #3) they increase my foodstamps or finally put through the beneficiary payment for my daughter since she is now living with me or #4) my tarot business picks up so I will have some income and I can pay for it myself.... or #5) I wait til November and hope that we either have enough, or someone buys it for me for my 42nd birthday. Yeah, right. I guess I can always dream.
Anyways... I'm sorry about bringing anyone down. I can feel the depressive cycle start, and it doesn't help that today - the 27th - is my dad's b'day. He would have been turning 85 today, however he passed away on September 7th, 2002, due to complications from Alzheimer's, so September is just not a good month for me to begin with. My dad and I were always close, we could talk about anything, and even though he wasn't an openly affectionate man, I knew that he loved me. I miss him a lot. The last words he ever said to me was "I love you", and that was about a week before he passed away. I think he knew, and I can't even imagine how scared he must've been. I'm 1900+ miles away from where he is buried and I can't even visit his grave to honor him. The best I can do is what I usually do on his b'day and the anniversary of his passing - burn a candle for him and say a little prayer.
I hope you are all having a good day/night. Take care.
I've been doing good, for the most part, with my food. I usually keep between 1500-1700 cals/day, however today I actually got to 1792 cals. I just seemed to be always munchie hungry today. Not sure why. Boredom maybe? The start of a depressive cycle? Probably. Too much thinking swirling in my head and I need something to slow it down? Possibly. Most likely all those things and more. ::sigh:: I also haven't been sleeping well. For the last few nights I've only gotten about 3.5 hours of sleep before I have to get up to take Becka to school. Usually I'll crawl back into bed for a couple of hours, however I didn't do that yesterday and the day before (I did do it today though). Yesterday I ended up falling asleep on the couch for about 2 hours, only to be woken up to my husband kneeling next to me, holding me, telling me it was going to be ok. I guess the screaming I was doing in my dream, I was doing in actuality.
It also looks like, after all the hoping and planning I did for trying to get my scale next month, that we probably won't have the money - AGAIN - for me to get it, so once again my needs are having to be put on hold. The only chance I have now of being able to get it is #1) someone loans me the $ so I can purchase it, #2) someone on one of the Freecycle groups is getting rid of one (highly unlikely) #3) they increase my foodstamps or finally put through the beneficiary payment for my daughter since she is now living with me or #4) my tarot business picks up so I will have some income and I can pay for it myself.... or #5) I wait til November and hope that we either have enough, or someone buys it for me for my 42nd birthday. Yeah, right. I guess I can always dream.
Anyways... I'm sorry about bringing anyone down. I can feel the depressive cycle start, and it doesn't help that today - the 27th - is my dad's b'day. He would have been turning 85 today, however he passed away on September 7th, 2002, due to complications from Alzheimer's, so September is just not a good month for me to begin with. My dad and I were always close, we could talk about anything, and even though he wasn't an openly affectionate man, I knew that he loved me. I miss him a lot. The last words he ever said to me was "I love you", and that was about a week before he passed away. I think he knew, and I can't even imagine how scared he must've been. I'm 1900+ miles away from where he is buried and I can't even visit his grave to honor him. The best I can do is what I usually do on his b'day and the anniversary of his passing - burn a candle for him and say a little prayer.
I hope you are all having a good day/night. Take care.
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Week 3 Challenge Part 2: Eat Well &
Appropriately!Sep 25 2006 20:38
(*my answers & comments will be in purple*)
Week 3 Challenge Part 2: Eat Well & Appropriately!
What do you need to do this week? Watch how you eat! Think about what, when and why you eat... Just think about yourself this week! Or write your thoughts down in your personal records or journal if you want! Remember! All of the Links and *extra* Reading are just an fyi for you ~ If you want to read it, Gr8! Not required at all!!!
So, What about you? Just what do you eat? Bugs & Grubs???
I tend to pick very basic, easy to make food. I'm not a fancy cook, and I don't really do 'gourmet' type foods. My husband actually does the majority of the cooking (he is a chef by trade) so I don't really deal with the kitchen much. I like sandwiches, soups, noodles with butter & seasoning, big salads as a meal, and cheesy foods. I like iced herbal teas (with honey) and have been doing better about drinking - and enjoying - *iced* water.
Not True? Say it ain't so!!!
Check out this *Weight Loss and Nutrition Myths* article!
Earlier this year, united actually heard a tip on Major Network TV ~ broadcast live! In the morning! "Paint your kitchen blue! It will suppress your appetite!!!" :::snort::: When pigs fly! She would rather sit in a tree!
Why is it so hard to Lose Weight? Keep it off? Does it matter how fast you keep it off? Does Exercise help? We all have to weed through the tall tales and myths! Find what's true.
When I was younger and did the many diets, I wanted it to come off now - or more like yesterday. It was never coming off fast enough for me, when in reality I was losing it in a healthy manner (about 1-2 lbs/week), but because I was young, impatient and single, I wanted to look good and feel good NOW. And I didn't have as nearly as much to lose as I do now (about 3-40 lbs back then). I didn't want to have to work 1 or 2 years to get the weight off. I wanted that immediate gratification. Now that I have grown up (by about 15-20 years), and I have gained a lot more weight, I have realized that the things that are worth having - including losing weight - is worth fighting and working for. I know there is no miracle cure, and it's not going to happen tomorrow (although I would LOVE it if it did!!). I would be lying if I said I was being patient - I'm not because if someone said I could lose it all in a week and keep it off, I'd give it a shot. But I know, with age and experience and a little wisdom, that I am dealing with reality. And the reality is I am morbidly obese. It didn't take me overnight to get here. It will not be overnight for me to lose it. And I figured since I am already taking this time to live, I might as well do something to make myself more healthy, and going on the diet seemed like such an obvious thing to do.
- If you want (not required), click here to take a Weight Loss Myth Busters Quiz from *about* (took it, didn't do all that bad - middle of the road)
Why ~ How ~ When ~ What to eat! All crucial to understanding ourselves and creating meal plans that are appropriate for our own self.... unique to each of us... Just for us! We each need to figure out what we like to eat and how we can eat, year after year. Not just while we're on some temporary *diet*...
I know that I am a binge eater. I was diagnosed in '94, about 4 months after my daughter was born. I have been dealing with it ever since. I have even discussed it with my therapist over the course of 3 years. Although I do still have episodes from time to time, I have been able to get it under some sort of control, with a lot of work. When I used to binge, I would eat everything in sight, and it would be about an hour or so later, after I had gone through 4 or 5 things, before I looked around and saw what I had consumed, and usually it was high fat items, like Oreos, ice cream and chips & dip and so on. It was a way for me to deal with the emotional and psychological chaos that was swirling around me. I just shoved down all the depression, the bad/negative thoughts and verbal abuse and the stress and mayhem with food, and 99% of the time I never even tasted the food. After the initial bite, I was numb. At least now, when I do have a bingeing episode, I try to make at least a somewhat conscious decision about WHAT I'm going to have. Instead of the ice cream, I might have sherbet. Instead of the potato chips, I'll have flavored rice cakes. I don't let myself bring in the 'bad' food into the house, so that means I am "forced" to make a better choice during those episodes. I have learned also to try and not give in to the binge desire right away - I will try and do something else instead, including deal with the emotions that are driving me to the food. It isn't always easy OR pleasant, and sometimes I still want the food, however at least I know I'm working THROUGH it, instead of IT working through ME.
I have never had a good relationship with food. It has always been a hate/hate set-up and I know that I will never have a love/love relationship with it. I would love to be able to have something just because I want it and it tastes good and not have to worry about the consequences. However realistically I know that it will never be like that for me. Food will never be a friend, or something I can enjoy. It will only be a source of energy and nutrition, and never anything more. Because of that realization, I am a little sad. I feel deprived of a joy that others are able to have - and usually take for granted. It's just another thing in a long list of things that I am not able to "just enjoy".
We need to figure out what is real and what is bogus! What we can do personally and live with, that makes us happy... Understanding things like why, how, when & what you eat is simply a place to start.
(see paragraphs, above)
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A Quiet DaySep 24 2006 23:52
Well today was a quiet day for me - slow, uneventful, which is what I like from time to time. Worked on my email and my sig tags and such. Really didn't have much energy to do anything beyond that.
My food was good - it's now 1:08 AM and I'm sitting at 1453 calories (-160 for activity today, so about 1293 cals for the day?)... so that means I am o.k. for the day. A little low, but at least not under 1200. I'm also working on the last of my waters for the day too.
My daughter and I are planning on going to the gym tomorrow, barring any unforeseen occurrances. She stayed out of school on Friday due to a sore throat so she may end up needing to stay after school tomorrow, so if that is the case I told her not to worry, her school work comes FIRST and we can either go later on tomorrow, or most likely on Tuesday (since going after her after-school time will have us coming back much after dinner time, and we have other people in the house that Wes provides dinner for, as well as the 3 of us, so, we try to be here for dinner). When we do go, I am going to try and get the bike back up to at least 15 minutes, and try all the other exercises I did before. I liked going on Saturday too, in the middle of the afternoon, because there weren't a lot of people (most tend to go either first thing in the day or later on at night), so didn't have to worry about waiting for any of the machines, or having 'buff dudes" glancing at my beached whaleness. The full mirrors on 2 of the walls is bad enough! lol
Other than that, nothing has been going on. Quiet, uneventful weekend. And my daughter took her punishment like a charm. We have actually had 2 pleasant days with her back-to-back. No attitude. It's been WONDERFUL. Probably won't last, but I'll enjoy it while I can.
Hope you all had a wonderful weekend too.
My food was good - it's now 1:08 AM and I'm sitting at 1453 calories (-160 for activity today, so about 1293 cals for the day?)... so that means I am o.k. for the day. A little low, but at least not under 1200. I'm also working on the last of my waters for the day too.
My daughter and I are planning on going to the gym tomorrow, barring any unforeseen occurrances. She stayed out of school on Friday due to a sore throat so she may end up needing to stay after school tomorrow, so if that is the case I told her not to worry, her school work comes FIRST and we can either go later on tomorrow, or most likely on Tuesday (since going after her after-school time will have us coming back much after dinner time, and we have other people in the house that Wes provides dinner for, as well as the 3 of us, so, we try to be here for dinner). When we do go, I am going to try and get the bike back up to at least 15 minutes, and try all the other exercises I did before. I liked going on Saturday too, in the middle of the afternoon, because there weren't a lot of people (most tend to go either first thing in the day or later on at night), so didn't have to worry about waiting for any of the machines, or having 'buff dudes" glancing at my beached whaleness. The full mirrors on 2 of the walls is bad enough! lol
Other than that, nothing has been going on. Quiet, uneventful weekend. And my daughter took her punishment like a charm. We have actually had 2 pleasant days with her back-to-back. No attitude. It's been WONDERFUL. Probably won't last, but I'll enjoy it while I can.
Hope you all had a wonderful weekend too.
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Happy Mabon & Other Happenings!!Sep 24 2006 01:34
To all my fellow earth-based spirituality friends: Happy Mabon! (meant to do this earlier but we didn't get home til after midnight!) To those of you who aren't: Happy Autumnal Equinox!
Today is day 21 of my diet! Can't believe I made it 3 weeks already. Wow.
Today was a pretty productive day. Wes and I got up early this AM to go do our Angel Food pickup. Got back home about 9:30 and put away the food and then crawled back into bed (we were both still quite tired). We got up around 2:30 and burned off a little "fun" calories ::WEG:: and then headed off to the gym. I only managed 11.5 minutes on the bike today (was a little disappointed that I didn't meet the 16 minutes from the last visit to the gym however when I started getting an actual pain in my side, Wes told me I was "done" and to get off and start walking around). I did some other things there to make up for what I didn't do on the bike. I did 30 reps of the arm press (at 30 lbs), 40 reps of the leg press (at 50 lbs), stretching & floor exercises for about 20+ minutes, and 3.5 minutes on the treadmill (at 1.9 speed, flat surface). I tried to do the skiing machine but just couldn't do it - kept messing up (guess the coordination isn't there yet for it LOL) Not really sure how to log it since stuff like the presses aren't per 'x' time, but per reps. All in all I did about an hour + worth of exercising. I found that I really enjoyed doing both the press machines and I didn't feel winded at all. I could have probably done more reps but didn't want to overdo it the first time on them. I have seen a difference in myself in regards to my outlook about exercising. I used to *hate* it, would avoid it at all costs. Now, not only am I liking it, I am actually looking forward to taking on some other, new exercises and sports as I lose more weight (and it will become easier for me to do them). For example, I would like to take up Tai Chi and Tae Bo. I want to take up some form of martial arts. I used to love rowing (in an actual rowboat!) so would like to take that up again, and want to get back on the stairmaster and treadmill (more). I want to take up Pilates, jogging and walking as well. Some of these, because they are weight-bearing, will need to wait til I have some of the weight off because if I tried to do them now I could do serious damage to my legs/knees, which is not going to help me in the long run, so I have them down as fitness goals.
From there we went to Wes' aunts house, had dinner with her (she treated us to chinese food which I tried to do good with chicken chow mein, just a couple of pieces of sweet & sour pork and chicken, and 1 lone crab rangoon. (Chinese food is 1 of my all time fave foods, and crab rangoon - dear goddess, my top fave food - so for me to only eat *1* is me being REALLY GOOD.) I figured I had burned off enough at the gym, and all I had to eat before we went to the gym was a couple of rice cakes with cheese spread and a little individual serving cup of diced pears (and water!) so I did good.
We got home about an hour ago, and just have been catching up on my email and stuff before heading to bed in a little bit.
Hope you all had a wonderful day and a great weekend.
Today is day 21 of my diet! Can't believe I made it 3 weeks already. Wow.
Today was a pretty productive day. Wes and I got up early this AM to go do our Angel Food pickup. Got back home about 9:30 and put away the food and then crawled back into bed (we were both still quite tired). We got up around 2:30 and burned off a little "fun" calories ::WEG:: and then headed off to the gym. I only managed 11.5 minutes on the bike today (was a little disappointed that I didn't meet the 16 minutes from the last visit to the gym however when I started getting an actual pain in my side, Wes told me I was "done" and to get off and start walking around). I did some other things there to make up for what I didn't do on the bike. I did 30 reps of the arm press (at 30 lbs), 40 reps of the leg press (at 50 lbs), stretching & floor exercises for about 20+ minutes, and 3.5 minutes on the treadmill (at 1.9 speed, flat surface). I tried to do the skiing machine but just couldn't do it - kept messing up (guess the coordination isn't there yet for it LOL) Not really sure how to log it since stuff like the presses aren't per 'x' time, but per reps. All in all I did about an hour + worth of exercising. I found that I really enjoyed doing both the press machines and I didn't feel winded at all. I could have probably done more reps but didn't want to overdo it the first time on them. I have seen a difference in myself in regards to my outlook about exercising. I used to *hate* it, would avoid it at all costs. Now, not only am I liking it, I am actually looking forward to taking on some other, new exercises and sports as I lose more weight (and it will become easier for me to do them). For example, I would like to take up Tai Chi and Tae Bo. I want to take up some form of martial arts. I used to love rowing (in an actual rowboat!) so would like to take that up again, and want to get back on the stairmaster and treadmill (more). I want to take up Pilates, jogging and walking as well. Some of these, because they are weight-bearing, will need to wait til I have some of the weight off because if I tried to do them now I could do serious damage to my legs/knees, which is not going to help me in the long run, so I have them down as fitness goals.
From there we went to Wes' aunts house, had dinner with her (she treated us to chinese food which I tried to do good with chicken chow mein, just a couple of pieces of sweet & sour pork and chicken, and 1 lone crab rangoon. (Chinese food is 1 of my all time fave foods, and crab rangoon - dear goddess, my top fave food - so for me to only eat *1* is me being REALLY GOOD.) I figured I had burned off enough at the gym, and all I had to eat before we went to the gym was a couple of rice cakes with cheese spread and a little individual serving cup of diced pears (and water!) so I did good.
We got home about an hour ago, and just have been catching up on my email and stuff before heading to bed in a little bit.
Hope you all had a wonderful day and a great weekend.
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