x17star17x's Journal

Dear Stomach
Apr 20 2008 08:29

Dear Stomach:

I apologize for the way I treated you last night. But if you want some strawberries, just ask me nicely next time okay? And would you wait until I was at least not stuffed anymore? The pain you cause when I keep giving you what you want isn't fair for either of us.

You know that I'm just trying my hardest to be good to you, right? All those fruits and veggies you are still not used to, but they're what you need to be alright. I know I promised you french fries, and my feelings of guilt this week have not allowed you to have such things, but we'll get there together. We just haven't found the right french fries.

And I know this week we also avoided cake, not once, but twice. You know as well as I that in the given situation cake wouldn't have been that great. You did have half a peanut butter bar on my drunk night.. and you can hardly remember the savory flavor. We can't be doing that too often, now can we?

I understand your want for things. Is there something in strawberries you are lacking? We'll get you some today and eat them fresh without fat squeezed on top. And I will treat you with a south beach diet pizza. I know you've been wanting that. We have time my dear stomach... time to still enjoy all these foods. You dont need to poke at me and try to demand them all right now. We're a team in this together.

Love,

Melinda

Obie Trice - Got Some Teeth
Apr 04 2008 09:59

This song made me frown.

[Verse 3]
Okay rolie polies everywhere [*horse naying noise*]
Gotta find a slim chick's atmosphere
Obesity's glarin and she got me fearin
She's gonna come over here and try to eat me literal [*crunching noise*]
-ly, like a box of Cheerios
Carrot cupcakes and chocolate Tootsie rolls
I'm outta order cause I gotta big girl disorder
So better cover up that blubber or I'll split [*feet running away noise*]
And I ain't got time to play
Let's investigate another place today
Ladies less in weight and the dress they shape
Dresses pettite, no window drapes

[Obie Trice - talking]
Word to mother, they god damn okra and beans
Got ya Oprah in jeans
Seems to me a little lean cuisine
Wouldn't hurt much, hot don't touch

Journals - Friends only.
Mar 02 2008 21:18

All journal entries from here on out will be friends only. I'm just getting kind of tired of the negative un constructive comments. I write this journal for me, and I shouldn't be afraid to voice my feelings about dieting or maintaining my diet within it.

So if you can't read it and want to, make sure to add me as a friend.

Thanks much. 

Reading up on fasting
Mar 02 2008 09:32

I have come to terms with the fact that I want to fast. Maybe it's because i've been feeling so icky lately, or maybe because I just want to feel clean inside. I'm not doing it to lose weight.. I'm doing it to detox. Now I must read up on the different kinds of fasts and find out which one is right for me. Because I'm not doing this to lose weight, I'll probably pick one where food is involved whether its a raw diet fast or a juice fast.

My weight this morning is 126. Not too shabby. Since I didn't gain my 2 pounds back this weekend, I'll have to revise how I can lose 1 and gain 1 (since I did manage to gain the 1.. trust me it wasn't all THAT hard. Pizza anyone?). 

So here we go! Time to clean my internal house. This will be good for me. But after reading, I have to be prepared so I'm going to read up before I begin. I'll start my fast tomorrow. 

i need sleep
Mar 01 2008 08:22

sleeeeeeeeeepy.

ah.

going back to bed now.

i can hear Ezra breathing so softly. lets hope he stays that way ;) snoring is no good. 

mmm bagel and cream cheese
Feb 29 2008 08:06

mmm for breakfast I am having a bagel with cream cheese. Yes, you heard right. 2 dreaded dieting words, especially when combined.

110 calorie western bagel sweet wheat
60 calories WW cream cheese 1oz packet

Good stuff right here. No it's not my morning oatmeal, and it sets me about 10 calories more than my normal morning oatmeal, but it's a good change for a Friday morning treat.

Lunch will be my PB&J I planned on eating yesterday. My co-worker (the only other person in my department doing my same job) was let go, so another co-worker and I went to subway. Sometimes the tension gets so bad you just need to get out and enjoy the drive up the street. Rough times. I'm going to miss Windy being around. Her and I got along well. I still can't say letting her go was the right move on the companies end, but hopefully she finds something better and whoever else we get in here can get up to speed.

For a snack I have my container of veggies (I've been going on a veggie kick lately), and my light italian dressing. I think I might have string cheese in there too.. and an orange.. and popcorn will be a snack.

Since I made my 2 pound loss for the week, my weekend can be enjoyed. I plan on gaining back 2 pounds. Ick. I'll be good and maybe I can keep the 2 pounds off and maintain the 125. Just eat within my means. That's what I have to learn.

Alright kiddos, off to work. It's going to be a busy busy day. Time to update my iphone software!  

Losing it, again.
Feb 28 2008 08:11

Lost another one. Yep another pound. Again, mixed feelings. 125 pounds, and it feels good to get another one back off of me so I can feel okay during the weekend when I up my cals. But the question is: Will I feel okay gaining them back? I allowed myself this luxury.. to eat what I want on the weekend as long as I downed a few during the week... but I don't know if I'll want to. I'll be good. Keep my head in the game. Maybe I'll enjoy some extra healthy foods. Ah this is so weird you guys!

Alright since I'm running out of time, heres my food for the morning/noon:

Breakfast
Oatmeal (of course) - 160

Snack:
Rockstar - 20 cals
2 egg whites - 35 cals
Lots of veggies - 50 cals
Dressing - 25 cals

Lunch:

Subway Turkey Sandwich - 280 cals
Baked Lays - 140

Snack:
Popcorn - 100 cals

Dinner:
Soup -  240 cals
Ice cream - 100 cals
Fiber one bar - 160 cals

Total: calories 1310

Current weight: 125

I'm concerned about the candy lady
Feb 27 2008 09:06

AWESOME DEAL for all of you that wanted to try FIBER GOURMET pasta. I guess they had a slip up at the factory, and they're offering their short cut fettichini pasta at 40% off, making 10 bags of the stuff $13.50.

http://www.fibergourmet.com/FactorySeconds.aspx ;

And after ordering a case of 12 (Whole wheat pasta nests tho), trust me on this, you all wont be disappointed. I love fiber gourmet.

PS: I am not associated with fiber gourmet in any way shape or form. I just love their pasta :) 

Ah I need more sleep! Ah well. It's already been a busy and eventful day at work. Besides the office drama and candy lady, things have been cleaning up. We are looking to hire a new employee in my department and I get to be apart of the interviewing process. How exciting is that. Interviewing people. Hopefully we can find someone that is decent. I could really use some help. Anyone know SEO/SEM/Web design and want to live in Phoenix? It's a nice 80 degrees outside today ;) I guess that was my weak attempt at a selling point.

This weekend hopefully I can go walking up A mountain. It seems the weather is going to hold steady. Sounds really fun actually. Maybe Ezra and I can go eat lunch after. I wish it was Friday already.

I've been good. Food has been good. This morning I had my oatmeal once again, and I see other people in the office on the oatmeal band wagon. There are 4 others I find eating the stuff.

But may I voice some concern about the candy lady in my office? She's probably 5'6 and well nearing 400 pounds. She brings in candy. So far it's been dove chocolate bars (day 1 of her working here), junior mints, atomic fireballs, and chupachupa suckers. I can't say they're super appealing to me, so I don't really mind so much that she brings them. I mean I have packs of gummy bears lerking in my drawer.. but I'm not tempted to grab them. I say it makes me stronger just having them and knowing I don't HAVE to eat them.

Anyway back to the candy lady. She is a heavy woman, has diabetes, but she doesn't eat. Ive seen her eat a salad once.. and yogurt another time. At any lunch meeting she refuses to eat and just sits there and drinks her coffee. Coffee is an all day event for her (we're even running out of coffee at the office). So I'm not sure if I should approach her and kinda share my story, or if I should just let her go on drinking her coffee. Shes probably about my moms age (there's another woman i'm worried about 300+ pounds), so I'm not sure if it would be appropriate. I'm just a little worried. Shes not eating the candy she brings in, she just brings it in because her daughter (12) LOVES candy as she says, so she goes to the candy store often (I don't wanna think about what she's probably doing to her daughter).

I don't want to feel high and mighty like it's even my place to go there, but it does sadden me a bit.

Ah I should probably worry about my mom ahead of an office situation, but she's a little harder to talk to. I don't want to judge, or pass judgment.

Anywayyyyy. Last night I stuck to my plan, pretty close at least. Instead of my apple and pudding, I had a 3/4 cup of honey nut cheerios.

My weight is down a pound this morning. 126. This is normal as I've been eating 1200-1300 calories.. I should gain the pound back this weekend with my outings. Gives me something to look forward to.

Today on my menu (I haven't even calculated calories for all of this):

Breakfast:
Oatmeal - 160

Lunch:
Sara Lee light honey wheat bread - 90 cals
2oz Turkey lunch meat - 60 calories
1tbsp Miracle Whip FREE - 15 calories
1 orange - 50 calories
1 sugar free apple sauce - 50 calories (this stuff is GOOD)

Snack:
2 egg whites - 35 calories
2tbsp zesty italian dressing FREE - 15 calories
2 cups veggies (broccoli, baby carrots, cauliflower) - 50 calories
Rockstar - 20 calories
Pop secret popcorn - 100 calories

Total before dinner: 645 calories

Food: My anti drug.
Feb 26 2008 08:34

Good times last night with red robin. mmm french fries and lots of ketchup. I managed to eat all my fries, but only half my chicken sandwich. At night, I kept having a pull to go into the kitchen and snack, but I fought it by grabbing a diet soda instead. Recognize my weaknesses. Recognize them and don't let them take me. I took a second to think about it after I had thoughts of grabbing the cereal box. Analyzed the situation. Do I feel hungry? Nope. Bored? No, not quite. Little stressed? A bit. Tired? Yep, very sleepy and exhausted after a long day. That's what's pulling me towards the cheerios. Lay down and relax. It felt good to assess the situation and manage it. :) I'll let my body tell me when its hungry, but I won't give in to the addiction of snacking.

I've always viewed weight and diet like an addiction. Bad drug addiction. The most readily available drug is food. It makes us high, we feel full, complete. Its a sense of comfort that we get. Chewing is gratification. Taste, we love to taste.

Food is everywhere. On commercials, billboards, in the office break room, parties. As humans we want grease, fat, and sugar. It's for survival that we crave these things. They taste good to us. Grease. Bah. My ultimate weakness: French Fries & Tortilla chips. Fried carbs. Oh how we love fried carbs.

We have to treat it like an addiction. Recognize what makes us want these things when we darned as well know we are not hungry or malnourished. But we get this pull.

Daily Menu

Breakfast:
Weight Smart Oatmeal - 160 calories

Snack:
2 egg whites w/ salt - 35 calories
Veggies (cauliflower, baby carrots, broccoli) - 60 calories
Light ceasar italian dressing - 25 calories

Lunch:
Campbells healthy request chicken noodle soup - 240 calories
Orange - 50 calories

Snack:
Popcorn - 100 calories

Dinner:
2oz Wheat Noodles - 120 calories
1/2 cup Spaghetti Sauce - 50 calories
4oz Chicken - 100 calories
1 slice light wheat toast - 45 calories

Snack: (Pending - This could change)
Apple - 75 calories
Caramel Pudding - 60 calories

Dessert: (Pending - This could change)
WW Ice cream sandwich - 110 calories

Current weight: 127

mmm red robin burgers ;)
Feb 25 2008 08:11

Another morning, another pouch of oatmeal. I should take a minute to write quaker. He has a funny way of keeping me full up through lunch time. Today I made an egg salad sandwich, brought a pickle, orange, and apple. Doing good. I only used half the yolk for my sandwich, so I average the egg 50 calories, plus 15 for the miracle whip. Everything else is powders or pepper. mmm. I'm excited to eat it. I'm trying to not go over 500-600 calories today. Ezra and I are going to red robin for a 'burger' fix. He gets his burger however (I dont really care what he eats) and I'll get my skimmed down chicken sandwich and some fries. Judging from their calculator, my meal costs me approx 700 calories. I don't eat the whole thing anyway, but I want to have enough wiggle room if I get to that point and am hungry enough to.

Has anyone else tried those WW ice cream bars? Huge, and good, and only 110 calories. People really need to take their time, slow down, and enjoy their food.

Ezra's mom was talking about marble rye bread, and asked if he had taken the time to taste whether the dark part tasted better, or the light. Well of course he hasn't.. hes a guy.. but that's a weird quark that I'd do. Figure out where your flavors are coming from and enjoy your food. A meal shouldn't have a centralized taste.

On my menu today:

Breakfast: (8am)
Weight Control Oatmeal - 160 calories

Lunch: (1130am)
1 egg white 1/2 yolk - 50 calories
1 tbsp Miracle Whip Free - 15 calories
Onion Powder - 0 calories
Salt/Pepper - 0 calories
Mustard - 0 calories
2 slices bread - 90 calories

Pickle - 5 calories

Snack: (3pm)
Orange - 50 calories
Apple - 75 calories

Snack: (530pm)
Popcorn - 100 calories

Total before dinner: 545 calories.