Vegan and Engaged!

Hello everyone :) It's me Heather, your friendly neighborhood moderator.

I just got engaged over the weekend! I'm so very excited!

Now that it's really setting in, and my love and I have been starting to talk about the wedding and what it will be like...I thought I would come to some of my favorite people and ask for your advice.

I'm vegan and my sister and some of our friends are vegetarian...other than that, everyone else will eat most other things :) Have you in your experience had or attended a wedding with mixed guests and such? How did you handle it?

We definitely do our own thing and have a blast in the process...but when it comes to food for the occasion I don't think it would be logical to have a completely vegan wedding, nor would I want to impose the meal/s that I like on everyone else. Especially seeing as my fiance is very much a gourmet and enjoys cooking and all sorts of food very much. He is completely open minded, but I want to please the masses. I suppose I could just have a veggie option...just curious as to everyone's thoughts!

Have a wonderful day!

I LOVE seitan...(I make it a lot), and some of my meat eating friends have thought that it was...chicken (in a stir fry situation)....you may be able to do a full vegan faire and still please everyone! :)  (I'm not vegan...I just usually eat/bake/cook vegan...weird...I know...I just LOVE my docs...[and yogurt]).

Oh...and CONGRATUATIONS!!! :)

Thank you! :)

I also am a big fan of seitan. We are also huge fans of Indian food, though not everyone is. I just can't picture myself having a traditional/typical choice of prime rib or chicken supreme. We still have some time to think about it...Just getting excited in the initial thought process of what kind of day/night it's going to be...and the food's important!

I also have to figure out what kind of cake we're going to have as well.

Wheee! haha I love it!

You should do whatever you as a couple feel comfortable with.  My husband and I had a full vegetarian buffet and some meat options, we gave in on those to please my family...and now we regret it because our veg lifestyle was something we did together as a couple and means a lot to us, something we hoped to share with our guests.  But that's OUR story, and yours is obviously different and you will have different goals. One thing I do want to point out though is that EVERY wedding couple are in one way or another imposing their food choice on their guests, it's not something you will avoid simply by providing a meat option.  Providing a vegetarian meal does not in any way harm your guests' health or morality -- many people eat vegetarian meals occasionally or even often and it is not the same situation as if you were to go to a party that only provided a meat option which is something you cannot eat for whatever reason.  It is not as if meat-eaters do not eat vegetarian foods...it's just that they also happen to eat meat. Sorry if that is totally unhelpful...good luck and just do what makes you two happy!

Congrats on the engagement! I got married over the summer, and dealt with a similar issue. I'm a vegetarian, as were about a quarter of the guests. We ended up having 80% vegetarian foods, plus a few meat options. We actually had a sushi bar with veggie and seafood options, and the guests totally loved it! The only person who had a problem was my mother in law, who thought our guests wouldn't be full unless there was meat. (she's one of those old-fashioned "meat at every meal" types.) Needless to say, she was wrong. So do whatever you want, and I'm sure your guests will be happy!

Congratulations!  I recommend contacting Whole Foods about making you a wedding cake.  People usually pick one up for me whenever I have a birthday.

Good luck!

Congratulations on your engagement!

I would also say to follow your own ideals and ethics.  Whatever that may be.  Your wedding day will be all about celebrating you and your beloved.

Don't worry about trying to please others; be true to yourself and enjoy the day.

Congrats! It's great to offer veggie options, and a surprising number of omni eaters will enjoy them too. Not a wedding, but at a family golden anniversary party kung pao tofu was popular, even with older, "traditional" eaters.

Congratulations  

My thoughts are that it would be perfectly acceptable and reasonable to have a vegan only reception if you wanted. It's about celebrating you and your fiance and the things that are important to you, that bring you together. Honestly if a wedding meal is going to completely ruin someone's time at the wedding then they probably weren't going to enjoy it anyway! I think you should do whatever makes you and your fiance comfortable. Plus I swear vegan cakes are better than nonveg ones.

Hi Heather!

First of all, congratulations!!! How exciting! 

Second of all, about food, as a vegan myself, I really think that you should be able to have an all vegan banquet. It's YOUR (and your fiancee's) day. Omnivores can eat vegan food for just one meal. It's not a big deal for them. Just make sure the food is good vegan food.

why would u offer no choices to omnivores, yet when theres no vegetarian options everyone is insulted & outraged??

why is it not a big deal for non-vegetarians to have the only option of a vegetarian meal, yet a HUGE deal to serve meat to a vegetarian? why the double standards?... where's the respect...

*EDIT* btw, heather, that was not aimed at u, im pleased u want to cater to all, good for u  ... and congratulations!

CONGRATS!!!

i used to work at a catering hall and we could make special meals for vegans and vegetarians.  it's a pretty normal thing to do.  a lot of parties would also have a choice between beef, chicken, fish, or vegetarian.  when you send out invitations, send a response card with the meal choices and have your guests choose what they want ahead of time.  then just let your caterer know how many vegans, vegetarians, and omnivores there will be.  or you could have a buffet with a little bit of everything on it!  either way is pretty much standard procedure in the catering business.

Original Post by makacos:

why would u offer no choices to omnivores, yet when theres no vegetarian options everyone is insulted & outraged??

why is it not a big deal for non-vegetarians to have the only option of a vegetarian meal, yet a HUGE deal to serve meat to a vegetarian? why the double standards?... where's the respect...

*EDIT* btw, heather, that was not aimed at u, im pleased u want to cater to all, good for u  ... and congratulations!

Um, maybe the difference is that omnivores can eat vegetarian food, while vegetarians can't eat meat? It's not a double standard; it's a big deal if a guest can't eat anything, and it's a whole lot different than a guest having many options but not one specific food. Of course, if you invited a carnivore to your wedding it would just be rude to serve a veggie meal . . .

I'm not insulted and outraged when there aren't vegetarian options, I'm just sad and hungry. At a recent wedding the only thing I could eat was salad and a roll, which left me quite sad and hungry. 

My husband and I are vegan(none of our families are even veggie) and we had a completely vegan wedding and while our family didnt understand at first they all ate the food and were surprised at how good it was!

Now 3 years later everyone still mentions how good the food was. Sometimes omnivores imagine a vegan meal as plates full of salad I think. But there are really so many options.

We had our wedding catered by a restaurant in Chicago called Soul Vegetarian, I think it is completely possible to make it at least all veggie without making anyone leave hungry!

PS i am a wedding photographer(and i travel), if you have an all vegan wedding i will cut you a sweet deal:)

Ever since I became vegan, I have dreamed of having an all-vegan wedding with something crazy like Meat Your Meat playing in the background.  The thing about weddings is they are the one event in your life that is pretty much 100% about YOU (and your STB husband, of course) and people come because they love you and want to spend what will be one of the most important days of your life with you.  It's the one event that it's pretty rude for invitees to not come unless they have a good excuse.  In sum, it's the once chance you're ever gonna get to serve almost all of your friends and family a fantastic vegan meal and they can't say anything cause it's YOUR special day ;) ... For me, having meat at my wedding would basically ruin the day for me.  Obviously not everyone feels that strongly about it, so it's really up to you.  Anyone who knows me and loves me knows that I'd be really uncomfortable having meat at my wedding, and anyone who'd complain, well, I wouldn't want them there sharing that day with me.

Jeez can you tell I've given this a bit of thought?

In any case, congrats!!!

If it really does go against your morals to have meat, perhaps humanely raised options would be a good compromise? They are a lot more expensive but then, weddings in general are very expensive. Or you could do an Italian theme and have pasta. Or you mentioned liking Indian food. The last wedding I went to was for my boyfriend's sister. I was served meat at first but asked the server if they had anything vegetarian. He came back uncannily fast with a plate of some of the yummiset ravioli I've ever tasted. I think that, as long as you serve things you know most people like, they won't really notice that there isn't any meat. But I don't suggest springing tofu on everyone. I know that my omnivore friends for the most part don't like it, and that a lot of people out there simply don't trust anything they don't recognize.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Congrats! Congrats!

congrats! i am a vegetarian who married a carnivore - he really eats very few veggies. we were married in mexico and had a buffet with options for both of us. we also had a selection of apps that each of us could eat. remember once you get married a whole new battle starts - eating together everyday. i started a blog (www.cooking4carnivores.com) where i show other people in my predicament how to plan menus for breakfast, dinner, and everything inbetween. it can be really challenging. i wish you much luck and happiness!

My fiance and I are both Lacto-vegetarians(he was born veg. and I have been for 9 yrs now). We have about 60% vegetarian guests (70/150 ppl or so) for our wedding in May...the hardest part was finding a banquet hall (that's not indian food, love it but  we eat it too much) and could understand that we wanted veggie sumptuous food, not just salads! Some of my bridesmaids scrunched their nose up as to what guests "wanted", and I just replied that  we are not a restuarant and if ppl can't eat a good vegetarian meal for a night, they shouldn't feel bothered to show up. 

So, we had our tasting (yesterdat), I originally wanted gnocchi with seitan in red pepper pomodoro sauce, but I got something else better (eggplant parmigiana with pomodoro sauce with grilled seitan, green beans, and red potatoes). His mom is a wedding cake expert so we are getting a 5 layer egg free wedding cake with beautiful henna design =D

I know how it feels as a vegetarian for them to feel left out and hungry(my own experiences include choir trip to Hawaii--a luau with nothing to eat! weddings, proms!) I've went to two weddings where the servers just brought us steamed veggies when the bride/groom specifically ordered veg. dishes to be prepared.

Anyway, one of my closest friend is engaged to a carnivore(she was born veg. too), and her parents can't understand how she does it. I use to date a carnivore for close to three yrs, he had to brush his teeth after eating meat, and be4 kissing me...it became repulsive to watch him eat bacon. Now that I think about it, I love how passionate my fiance is to vegetarianism, and he's like arm candy to prove all those non-believers that vegetarian men can be buff. I'm not suggesting that you dump ur guy and replace him, lol! He'll come around to being more open minded because of ur good influence. I've lived with nonvegetarians and after awhile, they'll see how good veggie foods could be, and their tastebuds will come toward yours!

Good luck and try to have a veggie wedding ;-) no need to be inauspicious by serving killed animals on your special day. Just a thought.

Wow, you all have so many opinions and wonderful ideas, thank you all so much!

It's been the most exciting time in my life. It is a strange predicament, seeing as I'm the only vegan that I know personally, and I only have a few vegetarian friends and family members as well. My fiance is the most wonderful and open minded person that I know. He's very very interested in the culinary world and has more than bent over backwards to prepare foods that are amazing and delicious AND vegan friendly to make me happy. I'm pretty easy going as well, I'm happy with a salad or a baked potato and I'm definitely not a complainer, but he wants the best for me.

Both of our families are also open minded to my veganism, however just about all of our family members and friends, including my fiance enjoy their non vegan food very much. It's not my day, it's our day and I would hate to impose my way of thinking and eating on every single person at the wedding. I'd love to have plenty of vegan options and desserts and wow everyone, but most likely we will have other non-vegan options as well. I'd rather not distract everyone from the reason that we are all together and celebrating...our love for eachother and our ability to embrace and accept our differences in every area, as hippy as that may sound of me, haha. I'm sure that we will somehow find a balance that we are both happy with and that our guests will really enjoy.   :)