Non vegan spouse?

Does anyone have a non vegan spouse? How did they handle it when you first told them? I just never did out of convience of my husband and all our family members. He had asked me earlier if I wanted to go to dinner tomorrow at his gandma's for chicken cutlets and spaghetti. I said sure I will just have the spaghetti. He got angry, he told me that he is mad because he has a right to disagree. That it's going to cause a problem with family members because I am now making things difficult. This is the reason I never went vegan before, because of him and everyone else. I wanted to just make life easy. I just feel like it's not fair at all. I always have supported him with his sports, with everything, and because I want to be healthier and feel better and try something different he is upset? He says I am not the same person he first met that I changed too much. I know men dont like change too much but I just pray he'll get used to it. I hope :(

I am a vegetarian - not vegan.  I eat eggs, butter and sometimes cheese.  Once or twice a year I have a bite of turkey so the relatives don't go amok on holidays.  I have been doing this for 30 years.

My husband prefers meat to anything.   We have survived together for 24 years...  I am healthy - he catches every cold.  He is 80 pounds over weight - I am 20 pounds overweight.  He agreed finally that our son can be a "white meat only" eater and he finally has cut out red meat.  After all these years, what I have learned is that people get emotional about their meat and their diets in general.   When someone loves a food that much - they will never give it up, and they get insulted if by your own personal actions (not eating what they eat) you imply that they are making a bad choice.  I let them eat what they want - I eat what I want in a quiet but firm way.  That is that!  

There is a new guy at work - who has been a vegan for 25 years.  The thing that is interesting there is that he is not motivated by health - just a wonderful kindness to animals.  

Everyone changes over time.  I don't argue with relatives about my food choices - my health record compared to theirs speaks for itself.  If it weren't for croissants and petit fours, I wouldn't have to worry about the 20 pounds.  

 

 

 

He may have a right to disagree but you have a right to decide what goes in to your body. I have a carnivorous spouse and I am vegan- he eats less meat now that we live together, and almost no red meat (especially not in the house). He knows that I dislike the idea of meat in the house but I also won't ban it from entering his body- it's his decision.

Your hubby just needs to deal. BTW; be careful with the sauce. Some people make it with chicken stock or cheese. 

I'm not even vegetarian OR vegan but it sounds like he is acting very childish and disrespectful. He does not have a right to tell you what to eat. You might want to reassure him that he is perfectly free to eat what he wants AND you will support it if he does the same to you. (This sort of requires a calm tone and atmostphere.)

I also think it's YOUR responsibility to deal with the relatives in this sort of situation. He might be upset because he doesn't want to start trouble with his parents/grandparents himself. But if you take the initiative and make the call to the grandma and tell her what's going on (again, reassuring her that SERVING the chicken is fine, and you'll be quite happy with pasta.. no, the world is not ending..) then he MIGHT relax a bit?

I'm newly vegan with an omni husband as well. This have been difficult and he likes to remind me how it's all my fault that "I'm the one who's being difficult". Before I was a vegetarian and ate eggs and dairy. But I barely ate them so I just officially became vegan and now he's all crazy mad. I've talked to him about this change and why I wanted to do it prior to offically becoming vegan. Then after I amde the switch he started cracking jokes and basically being rude and saying how I'm making life so hard on him now. I've talked to him about how the jokes hurt me and how it's not funny even though he thinks it's just a tiny little joke. It's gotten better.

I'd say it just takes time, once you've been vegan a while it'll be easier. When we go eat with anyone in his family, we make sure to mention my eating habbits again and always offer to bring something with us as well. It's never been an issue with his family, sometimes I think they understand me more than him.

Bikeshoes, I know exactly what you mean. Eggs, dairy, meat were something I rarely ate beforehand unless it was in the form of a chocolate muffin, or something. But now I finally took a stand for myself he's upset. I think he's moreso upset that I am going to change him, or I will be one of those people that make faces at what everyone else is eating, or that I will cause drama around family members because I chose not to eat those foods anymore. I made a compromise with him this morning, I said that if we are at a family get together (which rarely happens, maybe a couple times a year) I will eat a small bite of chicken just to have it in front of me and not cause any drama. He seemed to be happier about that. So we'll see what happens. It's amazing how many people seem to associate meat, dairy and eggs with 'where are you going to get your protein & your calcium'. Oh well. I must say those this is only day 3 of me being a vegan and I feel so much better already! Plus I lost 2.5 pounds! :)

it might take him time to accept the change, but he should accept it.  you should definately not have to put chicken on your plate or take a bite of something to make other people happy!  do you think if there was any food they did not like they would have a little just to make you happy? if they were diabetic would they have a bite of brownie just because you baked them?  it's your body, you can eat what you want and put what you want into it.  yes family will make their comments, the older they are the more they'll make, but once your sitting at the table they are not going to put the food in your mouth so it's always your choice.  my recommendations would be to always offer to bring food!  either just bring something seperate for yourself or a dish for everyone, but if you bring something then no one can say you are being difficult.  you are not causing any extra work for the host and it should not bother anyone if the food on your plate is different then theirs.  i would also call up the host of the dinner and let them know too.  just so they are prepared and don't think you just don't like their food. let them know that it's a decision for your health and you appreciate her inviting you over for dinner and that so as not to cause her extra trouble you'll bring something of your own, and if there is anything that she has that you can eat, make sure to take some of it. 

 good luck with it, it's possible to do.  there are a lot of vegs out there with meat eaters as spouses or being the only one in the family, it can be hard, but i think time and patience will make it get the easiest.

 

I have a very supportive partner but it’s difficult to coordinate meal. We are often eating different things because trying to mix a vegan & meat eating person into one meal is almost impossible.

Okay Family is a completely different story. I bring my own meal to every family function/gathering. I’m just looked at as the person no-one can make a meal for and I like it that way. If they don’t completely understand the concept of Vegan then I don’t want them making my dinner anyway.

Dining out is the hardest thing. I can never find anything on a menu so I always end up eating salad. Sometimes I can find a plain baked potato but I’m always worried they are cutting it with a butter knife. When were going out to dinner with friends or family I always pack a road snack just in case I’m starving when I leave the restaurant.

Tell you’re husband that you are eating a vegan diet so you can live forever together! You’re improving your health & body. You have to get him to see how it benefits him. Good Luck!!

I have been a vegetarian for 17 years and primarily vegan. I'm hardcore vegan now and have recently cut even more out of my diet (processed foods, aspartame, caffeine, white flour, refined sugar etc.). My husband is not a vegetarian but if he wants me to cook for him he is! He gets a little weird about my food choices sometimes and this is upsetting so I totally understand what you are saying. 

People in general do get very "affected" by other's food choices because it makes them look at themselves. This really has very little to do with you but is about them. Your food choices work for you and that should be it. You have to be a little thick skinned and stick to your guns. When people assure you that they eat very little meat, just smile. Its them making themselves feel better. When people tell you they could never give up meat, just smile. Its such a silly thing. Who cares what others eat? If people ask me why I eat the way I do, I give an honest answer. I never force my opinion on others. No one likes being preached at. I do however tell the honest truth when I am asked for my opinion.

When it comes to having people over, I prefer to serve vegetarian meals. My husband thinks that this is forcing my opinion on others. I refuse to cook meat period. It will not happen. If he will cook them meat then they can have it. I won't be a part of it at all. I do however, make sure to do a good hearty soup or some kind of appetizer that will fill them up and not leave lots of room for the meat! HA!

I think that people like to try new things and see that vegetarian meals are yummy when done right and you leave the table satisfied and happy. My husband to this day still marvels at the things that we eat and loves it although he gets a little weird when others are in the mix.

Rest assured that you can eat what you like, whether it makes someone else uncomfortable or not. Is your family apologizing to you for eating meat in front of you? No, so why are you apologizing for not eating meat? You shouldn't. If what is being served when you go out is not something you eat, bring something for yourself. I do this all the time and it actually makes the host relieved that they don't have to worry about your dietary specifications.

Your husband will start accepting things once he sees that you are looking after yourself and not putting anyone else out. It just takes a bit of time. Reassuring him that you are not expecting him to follow your lead and that he is free to do as he pleases regarding food is all you can do.

I think its great that you are vegan among lots of people who aren't. You should be proud of yourself and not feeling bad about it. 

Thanks sooo much habgirl, it was exactly what I was looking to hear! :)

See, this is probably the exact thing he was/is afraid of. When you say you won't cook meat, habgirl, you aren't stopping anyone from consuming meat. You're just making more chores your husband's responsibility. I personally don't agree with the "respect" only going one way-- either two people accept and respect each other's diet choices or they do not. What if he said he would never cook anything for you but meat based dishes? Well, that might be the case already, but it's definitely not an ideal situation to STRIVE for.

I already showed my husband I don't care if he eats meat tonight when I cooked him chicken, roastes potatoes and veggies for dinner. I just had the potatoes and veggies, which went fine (also very good!). So if I have to work a little extra hard in the begining to show him it wont change anything then so shall it be!

Hi Feanor:

I do not believe in eating meat. It is a moral as well as health issue for me. I would never ask my husband to do something he was morally against and he does not ask that from me. He understands and accepts this. I have explained to him why. I also have a pet potbellied pig who lives in our house with us. He sees her intelligence and understanding of the world around her and has learned a lot about animals from her simply by watching her. He also knows me as a person and sees when I get upset about what happens to animals in our world. There is not an adversarial atmosphere in our home, in fact quite the opposite. He respects my passion and compassion for animals. He would never cook meat for me or expect me to eat it, nor does he make me feel guilty for not eating meat. I think my post might have been confusing. I was simply explaining how everyone has a right to choose what works for them.

habgirl- awesome to hear ;)

i also won't cook or buy meat.  if my boyfriend wants it he can buy it and cook it himself.  if we're eating together and i'm cooking, he's not eating any meat... and since he's not cooking and getting a meal i've never heard a complaint :)  if we go out to eat he usually orders meat unless it's an appetizer or something that we're going to share he'll just order one that doesn't have meat that we both like.  he also knows some meat smells really neasuate me so if he is going to cook something he's respectful and doens't cook one of the meats that are going to make me gag.  however, since dating me and living together he's really learned a lot about my reasons, the ethics, the process, and the health benefits.  i've gone to his place (before living together) and foudn a fridge full of veggie foods that i had nothing to do with! he just bought them on his own and started eating them and cooking them for his family.  since his focus is more health than ethics, he's not a 100% veggie, but i applaud his efforts for doing it on his own and not just because that's what i want.  and it works out well.  if he didn't want a strong willed vegetarian who does what she thinks is right, well he shouldn't be eating dinner with me anyway :P

as for friends, when i go someplace like a potluck dinner i bring a veggie dish... most of my meat eating friends will choose a dish to make that's also viggie so i can share it too. not every dish a meateater eats has meat so it's not a big deal.  my friend made dumplings once and just made half meat half not.  if i have people over i serve them veggie food however, they are welcome to buy and bring meat themselves.  it's never been a problem.

 i also don't "preach" my views, but if i'm asked i answer. and i get asked ALL THE TIME.  it's amazign how veg's have the stereotype of preaching but why don't the meateaters have a stereotype? for annoying veg's with 5 million questions at every meal??? know how many times i get asked "don't you just miss having a nice juicy fat steak for dinner?" of "ew soy? that sounds gross. why would you eat that?" then if i say "a dead slab of animal sounds gross why would you eat that?" i'm the bad guy. but whatever. i am only answering your questions!

 sorry, off topic.

 

Hey i have a non vegan boyfriend. We knew each other before we started dating so he knew that i was already vegan. He supports me in whatever i do and he even trys to make an effort on trying some of the meals i make for my roommate and myself. However, he doesn't want to give up his meat. Usually when we go out he will get some type of meat for his dinner but as long as i'm not cooking it its alright! So since he has been so willing to try things for valentines day i made his favorite meal...shrimp scampi. I got the shrimp already cooked so i didn't have to do it. My roommate also went vegan so when it was time to cook the shrimp we both could barely stand it. I know it may seem silly but it was awful! But to fit the vegan part into the meal i made some vegan molten chocolate cake-YUMO! So to help you with your problem u need to maybe come to a compromise. He should support you in your decision in being healthy and maybe have him try some of the great meals that are out there. If you need any recipes that i have tried on my boyfriend let me know! I really hope things turn out for the best for you!

I never cook meat for my hubby because I have absolutely no idea how to. I tried once (with chicken) and when I pulled it out of the oven (oven? is that how chicken becomes food?) he looked and said "well... aw. that was nice of you."

You know, I've found that after I explain things to my husband's family about my diet, they pretty much leave it alone. I'm a pescetarian, and recently I've given up processed sugar and white flour. On our last visit to my mother-in-law's (I'm a newlywed), she just rolled her eyes when I turned down the cake I'd made for them. Yes, I made them a full fat, full sugar cake and didn't eat it. I graciously accepted a cup of coffee and sat around the table with everyone like it was nothing. Of course, my mother-in-law was impressed when I told her that since giving up all the bad foods, I've lost 8 pounds.

 My husband and I don't even try to coordinate meals anymore. I make my own, and he either makes something or goes and gets takeout. He's in great health and exercises constantly, so I leave him alone about it. He's extremely supportive, and I'm pretty lucky. Unfortunately, he's also my biggest enabler!

Well said, habgirl! I couldn't have put things better myself. As far as cooking meat for my husband though, I still do, but only because I've only been vegan for a short time and he's still adjusting. It's not easy when your partner all of a sudden changes drastically. He's always, always given me my space and supported me in everything except for being on the 6 o'clock news.  He really would rather I didn't join in public protests and things like that, although he'd support me if I did, I know. Other than that he actually looks for good deals on vegan foods for me and is learning to cook vegan. He's a very good cook too. Plus he's learning to like lots of my vegan fare. He likes TVP (textured vegetable protein for you non-vegs) better than me!

I'm lucky to have such an understanding partner who respects my feelings, so I don't want to make him uncomfortable any more than I have to. There will come a time though, soon probably, where I won't be cooking meat for him. It's getting too much for me to handle "meat" knowing it's "cow" not "beef" and "pig" not "pork" for heavens sakes, and all the suffereing involved. Well, we'll tackle that issue when it's time. I don't see too much of a problem with it. Since we both cook, why can't we cook for ourselves sometimes and let the other one cook what they want to eat? Why do we have to feed the other one all the time when we cook? It'll work out.

Peace and Love to you all,
givepeasachance

 

I can relate to what a lot of you are saying here. Years ago, after some reasearch and thoughtful insight, I decided to stop eating beef. To me, it's just gross. At first my husband didn't understand why, but he accepted it and we moved on. Over the years I've decided to cut out many other foods such as pork, milk, cheese and the like. Now, I've become the "difficult person" at family meals and dining out. I get a lot of sighing and eye rolling and people can't understand why I don't want a big juicy burger or fatty piece of sausage when I used to eat it previously. I've come to the conclusion that my choices make people take a look at their own choices. People always seem to feel the need to defend their choice to eat meat when I could really give a hoot what they do. My choice to exert a measure of self control by eliminating meat seems to offend people. Now, at family meals I simply say "no thank you" and don't give another thought about it. I will happily serve myself the delicious potatoes and veggies on the table. If they don't like my choices, it's not my problem...it's theirs...oh well....don't be offended that I don't want your disgusting "beef suprise" dish that everyone else drools over. Hang in there...at first your husband may think that this is going to cause an issue but he will see that this lifestyle change can be successfully worked into your relationship. My husband and I eat soooo differently and we just decided one day to agree to disagree. Stand by your decision and he will see that you are very serious about it and will have to find a way to make it work so the both of you are happy and considerate of eachother. Good luck to you!!!