Very Concerned

As the New Year begins, my mom, like many others, has decided to do something about her weight. My mom is 5’8’’ and probably around 190-200 lbs. Although I do think she does need to lose weight to become healthier, I am very concerned about the way she is trying to lose the weight. She has decided to start taking Alli, which I do not agree with completely, but the thing that really gets me is the fact that the Alli program she is using tells her that she needs to eat 1,800 calories a day to lose weight at a healthy rate. However, I have looked at my mom’s food log and noticed that she is only eating approximately 1,000-1,200 calories a day. Now I know that the very minimum that any woman should consume a day is 1,200 calories, but the fact that my mom is so overweight, doesn’t she actually need more than 1,200 calories to remain healthy? I am really worried that she is going about this diet thing the wrong way, and I don’t know what to do about it. I know that if I confront her she will get angry and tell me that I am not supporting her. It is just so hard to be supportive of her if she is losing weight the unhealthy way. With that said, what does everyone think? Is my mom eating enough calories? Is this healthy?

 

(A side note: Another reason why I am really frustrated is because when I decided to lose weight back in June, my mom was not supportive of me whatsoever. Now that I am at my goal weight and I feel comfortable in my own skin, she has been calling me anorexic and the new name she has been calling me is “Bones”. This frustrates me so much because she wants me to support her in her diet, but she wasn’t supportive of me. If you have any suggestions for how I should handle this situation too, I would greatly appreciate it).

My mom isn't very supportive of my weight loss either. She's makes snide comments about how I need to weigh more. I don't. I'm 5'7, 139lbs.  I just ignore it, but it does tick me off. she's 5'0" 206(last time I knew for sure) She needs to diet, she says she's fine the way she is. I'm sure you look great. Congrats on reaching your goal!

Yes, your mom probably needs to be consuming more than 1200 calories a day. What's even worse about her drastic cut in calories is that most people who decide to eat so much less than they were before end up relapsing and feel like they have "failed". A lot of times, this just leads to more emotional eating.

This is just a suggestion I have for you. It's what I do when I'm trying to prove a point to my mom (hehe). Try to find a magazine article from a health magazine (or even use an article from Calorie Count!) that discusses the dangers of eating too few calories. Then, casually say something like "Wow.. I never knew that eating so few calories could actually interfere with weight loss! Good thing I'm eating enough calories.." Something like that. That way, you aren't being condescending, but your still giving your mom the knowledge that she needs.

Maybe you should motivate your mom by helping her with her weight loss. Go to the gym with her (or even take a long stroll around the mall)! Cook healthy meals with her, etc. That way you two can work TOGETHER to improve your health, rather than being unsupportive of each others weight loss.

I hope this helps hun! And by the way, I took a look at your profile, and you are absolutely gorgeous! Good luck to both you and your mom!

Just wanted to tell you you are so beautiful (and that I LOVE american cookie company, I ALWAYS get a cookie cake for my b-day!!)

nwoodrum: Thanks for your suggestions. I want to help my mom and support her through her weight lose journey because I am really worried about her current health. However, whenever I suggest to my mom that we go work out together or something she always turns me down. I go to a local gym, and I have asked my mom if she would like to go, but again she says no. She says she is too self-conscious. My dad just bought her a new treadmill and they also have an elliptical machine, so today I was with my mom and I asked her if I could work out with her (she would do the treadmill and I would do the elliptical). She again shot me down saying, "No, I want to work out alone". I really have no idea why. She wants support, but then everytime I try to offer it I get denied. As for the healthy cooking, I would absolutely love to cook with my mom. However, she is currently only eating Lean Cuisines, Smart Ones, and Healthy Choice frozen dinners. (Another not so healthy choice). By the way, thank you for your compliment. You are sweet!

baker45678: Thank you for the compliment as well. These forums are full of such wonderful and sweet people. I LOVE american cookie company too. They are super delicious. Yummy! :)

I weigh about the same as your mom (184.5) and exercise every day.  I eat 1200 calories a day, have been doing it for 2.5 months, lost 25, and have had no problems whatsoever.

She probably should try to get it up to 1200, but it's probably ok for her to eat at that level for weight loss, as long as she is eating a balanced diet and getting enough calcium and vitamins/minerals.

The Alli thing is probably ok as well.  Alli is an over the counter version of a diet drug that doctors can prescribe (in higher doses) to people who need to lose weight and are not as able to be physically active.

It sucks that she was never there for you, but be the bigger person and your karma will thank you!  She is your mother, after all! 

If she eats so little, the Alli will be absolutely useless. All it does is prevent the body from absorbing some of the fat of what you eat, which is probably non-existant already in her diet.

Sometimes all you can do is watch and wait. She'll likely crash this diet soon and after she licks her wounds, you can suggest and new 'diet' that's more of a lifestyle change than a stupid fad.

It's very difficult when dealing with our mothers, she is the one person who we have always looked to for approval (subconsciously or consciously). With so many weight loss "formulas" out there everyone feels that they can be an expert, and even though you've been successful you are still her daughter - and Mother Knows Best! Regarding the Alli I don't know if she will like some of the unpleasant side effects. I had a friend who took it and after a couple of weeks she had some well "noisy bowel issues" to put it delicately. She is a teacher (High School), and stopped using it but is still on a weight loss regimen. I'm wondering if this is the place for me I've got about 70 pounds to lose, everyone seems to have acheived their goals! Good luck with you mom!!

It's very difficult when dealing with our mothers, she is the one person who we have always looked to for approval (subconsciously or consciously). With so many weight loss "formulas" out there everyone feels that they can be an expert, and even though you've been successful you are still her daughter - and Mother Knows Best! Regarding the Alli I don't know if she will like some of the unpleasant side effects. I had a friend who took it and after a couple of weeks she had some well "noisy bowel issues" to put it delicately. She is a teacher (High School), and stopped using it but is still on a weight loss regimen. I'm wondering if this is the place for me I've got about 70 pounds to lose, everyone seems to have acheived their goals! Good luck with you mom!!

maybe shes concerned about your weight because you do look a little underweight for your frame....  maybe underweight is the wrong word, out of proportion is probably better.  110 for 5'5 and medium boned is a bit light...

 

that being said, if you eat healthy and dont harp at your mom, she will be more likely to model her behavior after you.... the more you harp, the worse it gets.  and btw, 5'8 and 190 lbs isnt so overweight....

drea99: I didn't know I looked "out of proportion". I've actually never gotten a comment like that before. That bothers me a little bit though, so could you please tell me how I look out of proportion? Also, how do you know that I have a medium frame? Also, I asked my mom how tall she is and instead of 5'8 she is actually 5'7. I know it's not that big of a difference, but I also don't know exactly how much she weights because she won't let anyone know. It's a mere estimate. The reason I am concerned for her is because just a few years ago she also weighed 110 pounds and then she gained a lot of weight. Heart disease runs in the family, and I know that with those extra pounds she was put on that her chance of having health problems has been increased dramatically. I just love my mom and I want her to be healthy.

I know this sounds harsh, but I think you need to ditch your mother.  She's trying to sabotage your efforts.  Not only that, but she's calling you names to try to demoralize you.  This is not a mother's love.  This is evil.  I think you need to get as far away from her as possible, and let her know in no uncertain terms that you don't need to have her in your life until she can be supportive of you.

As for her diet, she'll fall off it soon enough.  Diets are hard.  Impossible diets are impossible to stay on.

 

I know that I should probably just relax, but since she is my mother and I love her so much, I can’t help my worry about her still. Like I mentioned earlier, my mom has started a new diet using Alli. I have noticed that my mom will practically starve herself early in the day. For example, yesterday she skipped breakfast altogether and today she only ate 60 calories worth of egg beaters. However, during the evening time (usually starting around dinner time), she starts to eat something every 15-20 minutes. I know that a lot of people on here say a calorie is a calorie and it doesn’t matter when or how you consume them, but I just want my mom to be healthier and I really don’t know if this is a healthy way for her to lose weight. Aside from her not eating barely anything during the early part of the day and then consuming most of her caloric intake during the evening hours she is still only getting about 900 – 1,000 (as of today and yesterday). This worries me even more. I honestly don’t know what to do if anything at all. Like I said, I love her to death and I just want her to be healthy. If anyone could offer some help I would appreciate it sooo much!