I am very depressed

I am new to CC. I recently got ditched by my boy friend of three years. He went home and got engaged without even informing me and came back to tell me that his parents did not like me because of my weight and he could not do anything about it. I know it sounds insane. I am devastated now, I dont know how to get my life back together.

I have joined a gym and have hired a personal trainer but I dont feel motivated.

I just moved to a new place so I have no one to talk to and my family is overseas.

I am hoping that I will get some support and motivation to live from wonderful people here.

Please some one help me.

Ohhh, I am so sorry. That guy is a screw ball. I know it hurts now but you should be able to look back at this time in your life and find that something good came out of it.

Do your gym thing and meet some new people there. Sometimes, members have a running club or ski club separate from the gym.

Go out and do some things on your own. Go to fairs, art museums, shows, coffee houses...whatever. There's no reason to sit and rot in your house. You can't make friends that way. You just moved so enjoy your time and explore.

I joined a social club where I live and I met the guy that I'll be marrying in a couple of months. I ended up making a lot of friends through the club. Men and women....friends, not lovers except for the one. Maybe there's something like that where you live.

Good luck. I know you're in a funk right now but you'll pull through.

I'm so sorry that he did that to you. Now you'll have the sweet revenge of being able to focus on yourself and your own happiness and make your life better than ever and leave him in the dust wondering why he ever lost you. <3

And just think, you're in a new exciting place!!! I'm jealous. Are you anywhere exotic? Being far from family is difficult but you're getting an experience of a lifetime! Keeping yourself busy is right. Just remember that you're amazing (no matter how much you weigh!).

Stick to CC. It's helped me through some really hard times too.

**HUG**

Good Luck!

first i wanna say that your ex is a scumbag that doesnt deserve you.  im sure you cared about him deeply and the only thing that he cares about is looks. well beauty doesnt last forever, and i hope karma will hit him hard. his parents too! if what he said was even true!

i hope that you would want to lose weight only cause YOU want to, not because of what your ex said or what his parents said... maybe thats why your not motivated because your doing it for someone else.?

anyway, i think that its great that u joined a gym, and u say you dont have any motivation? i think i would use these as motivators:

meeting new people, working on myself to feel healthy and sexy, and making new goals for myself (self acheivment). like what trendstudent said, go out and explore! you still can have a happy life to live!  

your ex is a freaking SCUMBAG!!!!!!

like the others, i would agree that you should go out and do some things on your own. i know it feels like you can't right now and you really don't want to, but you have to make yourself.

CC has also helped me through some VERY difficult times. there are some amazing people here with tons of great advice. i have been here for almost 3 years!!

you can get through this and you WILL get through this. you are already doing things to help yourself, like joining a gym.

i added you as a friend- feel free to add me back!! i encourage you to utilize the journal and the food & exercise log. i write in my journal almost every day and it really helps!!

HUGS!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! we are here for you

Guys,

I am overwhelmed with the your support. When I was posting on the forum, I had not thought that I will get support so quickly.

I feel I already have friends now and I am very thankful to everyone.

I will try to be less depressed now and be more inspired and motivated.

Thanks a ton guys and please be there.

Any guy that...

A. Is so superficial about weight that he neglects your personality,

B. Cares about what his parents think that much and/or uses his parents as a cover to lie,

C. Can go from three years to engaged to another woman in no time,

... is SERIOUSLY NOT WORTH YOUR TIME!!!

Just think, if this happened to a friend of yours, what advice would you give them?

Anyway, I think working out is a great idea. It gives you endorphines AND you get get out some of your anger, lol. And you can meet some people at the gym as well that are motivated to get healthy like you. (As long as you're motivated to get healthy for YOU. Don't do it for him -- he doesn't deserve it. But you DO.)

And I find with working out, the more I do it, the more motivated I become.

But like the others said, do some things for you. Take classes in something you always wanted to learn, spend time doing your hobbies. Get back acquainted with you. You are an important person. =)

What's a sweeter revenge then moving on with your life, living it to the fullest and not letting the person get you down?

I agree with most here, lose weight if YOU want to. Don't do it for anyone, but yourself. I also agree that despite how you are feeling get out there and try to meet people joining clubs is a great start and who knows you could meet someone so much better then that shallow idiot ex.

Seriously, you should be thankful he's out of your life because if he's that shallow now he always will be and think what torture he will put on some other girl. No one is perfect and it seems like whomever he is with he will find a flaw in. Who wants that? Not exactly someone I would want to be with since there will be a lot of self esteem issues. Plus he sounds like a little boy listening to his parents like that. Who wants a little boy when you can have a MAN?

It may seem hard now, but it was probably something you will learn that was one of the best things in your life. Get out there girl and meet some better people! Flaunt what ya got! Good luck! :)

omg, what an a**hole.  you're better off without him anyway.  don't feel unmotivated, this is one of the reason to do it, imagine his face when he sees you. 

but remember, only if it makes you happy to lose weight. 

I went through almost the exact same situation around ten years ago.  I moved from Detroit to Pittsburgh to work on my master's degree.  My ex and I had dated from the time I was 19 until I was 25.  The drive to Detroit was only 4 hours so weekends would be easy to have visits.  To make a long story short, he dumped me weeks later for a married woman.

If I could go back in time and talk to that younger me, I would say:

1.  Stop eating over this man.  It won't bring him back and it won't stop the pain.

2.  Enjoy this new adventure to the fullest.  You're going to absolutely love Pittsburgh. (I have lived here now for 10 years.)

3.  The man you will marry is only two years away from being in your life.

Hang in there, honey.  You'll have days where you think, "Who needs that guy?" and days where you think, "Oh my God I miss him so much it physically hurts," but you will heal and it will get easier with time.

I'm so sorry to hear this has happened-- what everyone else has said about him here I echo and will only add that you might take solace in the fact that he showed his true colors like this before you two got married. (And that other woman, whoever she is, is probably in for a ride, too!) That said, my heart goes out to you. 

Some concrete suggestions as to feeling better in the short term: take a look at some of the classes your new gym might offer and see if one sounds interesting and take it. I know I can often feel out of place in a class I'm unfamiliar with, but I suggest taking a class because A: you can't do the "I'll do it later" thing to yourself, B: if you're like me, having someone else leading things is helpful when you're feeling unmotivated, and C: if you're just starting to work out for the first time in a long time, an instructor can make sure your form is good and you're not going to injure your joints or something. If you take one class and don't like it, try others-- gyms are pretty good these days at offering a wide range of classes that appeal to all levels and personalities.

Take it one day/one thing at a time.

Do your best to eat high-quality food that you enjoy-- focus on fresh and minimally processed and don't beat yourself up if it's not 100% of the time.

Make time every day to focus on positive things you've accomplished that day. Start with one and work up to three or five or even more-- they don't have to be monumental. It  might sound kind of trite, but if you're depressed, negative thoughts might be eating at you. This is a concrete and gentle reminder not to buy into the bad thoughts you might be having.

If these nudges toward trying to get back to functioning better don't work, seek professional help. Being isolated in an unfamiliar place is something I'm no stranger to, and it about killed me several years ago because I didn't seek help. Please do so if you need to. Your life is worth fixing, and the sooner you try to right the course you're on the easier it will be.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like. I wish you all the best.

Hey athensgal sorry to hear about your scumbag ex, please listen to these knowlegeable ladies here, believe it or not a lot of women have been dumped at one time or another, it is one of the ingredients that go into making a strong woman IMO. These are trying times for you what with the hollidays and all, but you can do it we are all rooting for you. Go out there and meet new people, yes you can!! join a club, take classes at the gym, go to church, join a book club,  volunteer, go to karaoke (even if you can't sing) everyone is nice there....lol. Then come to CC and log, dont forget to eat right, picture your new glamorous sexy self when you lose weight and go out there and kick butt!!!!! l have added you as my friend, feel free to email me we can shoot the breeze and you can vent if you want to. And if you ever in the st louis area we can do lunch or go shopping..lol goodluck.

Hey Athensgal. I wish you all the best.  

I have had this experience TWICE in my life. All what I can tell is you will be much more stronger than before and you will heal. you just need time.

Here are some ideas for you:

1-SWITCH FOCUS.

2-GYM CLASSES.workout till you drop dead ( just kidding).

3-MUSIC MUSIC : listen to POP music. Briteny spears. whatever trashy music that will lift your mood. 

4- come to CC for support. 

DON't do the followings:

1- sit alone and cry over the ** hole.

2-listen to music that reminds you with any thing from the past.

3- pick dark colors. PICK BRIGHT pictures and put them around your room, in your profile, everywhere. 

I have added you as a friend. 

and remember one thing. HE WAS NOT THE ONE. 

Best of luck.

It sounds like you are good to be rid of him!   . . . it is hard enough to get over a broken heart without him implying it was somehow you're fault because of your weight.  I am hoping that in a year or so you will meet a wonderful, deserving guy who appreciates you for who you are. 

It is always a good time to start working out and getting in shape - but I wouldn't do it on his account!  HE definitely doesn't deserve any effort at all.  Do it for you!  You deserve to be healthy and happy with yourself.  When I moved a year ago, I started working out a lot too, mostly because I didn't know anybody and had more free time than usual. 

Wishing you the best!  Message me anytime!

If this had happened to one of YOUR close friends, what would you think/say/want to do to the guy?

Yeah, that's how you need to be feeling right now. Get angry, get pissed, get beligerent...

Then get over it. He was obviously not the right guy, because a man that is worth your time, energy and love would NEVER toss you away like that. Ever.

My ex and I broke up over 4 years ago, and it was mostly due to my weight. He's now married to a woman who drives him crazy, and I'm thinner than she is. It's VERY petty, but it makes me feel good knowing that I am attaining my goals, I am not stuck with his superficial ass anymore, and I'm happy with the MAN I am with now.

That's right. I'm with a man who supports my weight loss, but thinks I'm smoking the way I am. I've lost 30 pounds while I've been with him, and it just gets better every day we're together.

Find a man who loves you right now, for YOU, and lose the weight with his support. If you want a man that is...because heaven knows we (strong women we are) do not NEED a man to complete us. They make nice heaters at night though :)

You will get through this. I'm sure you'll cry, sob, and miss him like there's no tomorrow. But you will get through this. You will lose the weight, get healthy, and move on and up in the world, all the while knowing that by breaking up with you, he did you a favor.

HE was your weight, your anchor. He's gone now, so you can soar :)

When that happened to me, I sat right down and wrote him a letter, giving him hell and cursing up a storm.  Then I put it aside and forgot about it.  2 or so months later I found it and read what I wrote (glad I didn't mail it), but realized that I was doing just fine without him.  Happier than I ever was with him.  And for some strange reason I had more money to spend on myself and those I cared about without him mooching off of me and my income.   I wouldn't want to be with a man who is a momma's boy anyhow.  If the parents can have that much influence over his personal life, can you imagine what kind of interference they would cause if things had became more involved.  Cut your losses.  Smile; your bright and slim future is ahead of you if that is what YOU desire. ~Tonnie

wow there are such insightful women on CC!!  Love that "they make nice heaters" comment!!! FUNNY

I had a similar situation, I cried over him for 3 months and then I met the "perfect" man.....and I wondered why I cried for so long when this great guy was out there looking for me...........think of it that way, maybe the ex BF was blocking your view of your perfect mate. It will feel like the sky has fallen for a little while but keep busy and keep looking for your rainbow...it's coming!

Julieann

Hey sorry to hear about what happaned to you..

Hopefully not all men are like that (who am i kiddin we are pigs :( )

Anyway, you the only one who can keep u motivated.  We are here to fuel you up and make sure u dont lose it.  But you need to do this for YOURSELF...  yes imagining the face of your ex when he sees you after you lose weight will be motivating (btw i saw my ex 4 days ago for the first time since i lost weight and her face was priceless =D ) and is part of the reason, but you gotta also do it because you want to be health.

You will see you wil have so mush energy in you that you gonna start thnking about juggin on going into bycicle trips or go swimming. 

Imagine going shopping and having to pick new sizes as all ur old clothes no longer fit on you..

There is a lot of reason to want to do this..  I was the laziest person in the world and I manage to get off my ass and do something.. If I did it, im sure you can do it..

Best start is this:

gather information...  get ur measurements so u know where are u starting.  Read and ask..   Learn why X foods arent good for you and why others are.  First days may be sucky, but once u start feeling great u will not mind those foods and eventually u r gonna like them (me eating broccoli? one year ago i would had swear that will never happen..  but i do eat it a lot now :D )

Try new things, have fun cooking.. Sometimes it will be bad.. sometimes u will discover something really good. 

Enjoy this journey as mush as u can, cause i did it and it can be fun.  Once you start and weight start going down, u will have excess of motivation.  then you can walk in front of ur ex and move along while he is standing there drooling and thinking on the mistake he make.

I was once in an abusive relationship where it was not only emotional, but physical. He made me feel as though my worth was nothing, and my weight was an issue to him. After a while, the persistence in my "weight problem" got to me and I became anorexic.

I was with him for more than two years. And at the end of the day, the only pain that was felt was solely mine. But I don't blame him for my anorexia. I blame myself. I was not strong enough to tell him that what he was doing to me was wrong and to leave him. I let myself listen to him.

It hurt when he left me. But when I realized that I deserved better than that, the hurt didn't phase me as much. I realized who I was and what was most meaningful to me, and those things did not include someone who felt they could say and do such awful things to another person and still sleep soundly at night. You are worth so much more than a man whose only concern is that you look a certain way.

Because he is so concentrated on what his parents supposedly said, that only means that he cannot think for himself. Do you really want to be with a man who cannot hold his own opinion, and who is not strong enough to defend and uphold that opinion? If he cannot defend that, how else is he supposed to defend his feelings to people as meaningful as his parents when they do not agree with him?

I agree with everyone else. Do what makes you happy and do it for yourself. As of right now, at the end of the day, it's just you, kiddo. Do what feels right to you, do what makes YOU happy. Because you're the only one who has to live with YOU. If you are not happy, that is ok. But find out what will point you in the right direction and run with it!

I applaud you for looking for solutions to make you a better person, both inside and out. Do not seclude yourself in a shell... come out and be heard. Introduce yourself, find the outgoing bone in your body and use it.

As far as I'm concerned, it was a blessing that he left you. It's better to have found out now what kind of cruel and selfish person he really is. My prayers are with his fiancee as well. I hope she realizes what she is getting in to.