So very down...

Hello Everyone,

I am a new Mother to a beautiful little 8 month old who is my complete heart and soul.  I am also married to a wonderful man who feels my place is at home with our baby (Thankfully!!:-) and will be turning 25 at the end of this month. 

We had a very stressful pregnancy due to choosing the wrong Doctor and then had a very, very stressful several months after delivery due to sevear colic and multiply hospital visits ordered by the Doctor.

I had been a very athletic and muscular 5'10 and about 165 pounds.  My last weight before delivery was 206 and my first after delivery was 190 and headed down.  I am now at 210.  5 pounds less than when I started calorie count but I already know I have gone back up. 

I am sooo very tired and depressed I don't know what to do.  I had thought I was loosing weight and would be able to buy a new pair of shorts only to find out in the fitting room that I am 3 sizes larger than my end-of-pregnancy maternity clothes.  My Husband wants to see me wear things other than sweats; but I am so disgusted that I can't bring myself to buy something that is double what it should be.  I never thought I would be this big in my entire life.

My Baby and I walk everyday and go to the pool.  I will often hit the gym though it isn't everyday as it was a few months ago and yet I can't get below 207 pounds.  I don't even change what I am doing and I will go back up in weight faster than lightning can strike.  I feel like watching what I am eating is a joke because even though I put everything in from the tsp of cinninom to the 4 oz of chicken and stayed at the calorie level I am supose to, my body isn't giving.  I am getting more definition, but what good is definition when you are 55 pounds overweight with a butt the size of Manhattan, a beer belly minus the liquor and breast that hang to your knees?

My body hurts, I am tired, my feet are expanding and it seems like the harder I try the harder I fail.  I almost feel like I should just get over it and realize that this is my life now.  But I don't want to.  This isn't my life.  This isn't me.  I also want more children and fear that I will only become larger and larger.  How will I play with my children if I am out of breath just carring the groceries up the stairs?

I need motivation...

First of all, quit being so hard on yourself (hugs).  They say it takes a year for your body to get back to normal functioning.  Focus on taking care of yourself - give yourself a manicure, do your hair, put make up on even if you aren't going to leave the house, take a nap and catch up on some of your sleep.  The little things add up....and as much as you don't want to get out of the sweats and buy something bigger you need to....the sweats are just making it worse when you look in the mirror.  Buy a nice summer sundress (not a frumpy, no shape one though!)- it is cool, it is flattering and it hides a lot of bulges and bumps - looking pretty, despite weighing too much, will make you feel a lot better about yourself.

You didn't mention how many calories you are eating when you are trying to lose.  Also, are you breast feeding?  I found that despite what everybody says about the weight "just falling off" when you breast feed, my body was completely stubborn and just refused to give up 1 oz.

P.S.  - I had a colicky baby too - not fun!

Hi Tinaek,

  Thanks for that, :-).  I am on 1400 cal a day and don't breastfeed.  I really wanted to and ended up pumping for 5 months before having to let it go.  With the colic being as bad as it was, my little one was never really able to nurse so pumping was the only way I could give breastmilk to my Baby.  The trade off is that I completely destroyed my breast tissue.  My Baby is the most important and I would do it again, but it is really hard looking at my body and seeing what I have become.  My Husband says he loves me no matter what but I do occassionally catch his expressions and looks when he doesn't think I see him.  It is hard and I feel like a failure for not being able get back.  My Hubby says that I don't have to get back but maybe 15-20 pounds and that I will feel better being a little lighter.  He is so very sweet.

I have thought of buying another summer dress, but everything I try on only seems to make me more sad because I can't find anything that fits right.  *Sigh*

Honestly, I was 55 pounds overweight after my two kids as well - and, well, some things just aren't going to bounce back to the way they were before.  That doesn't mean you are not attractive now, simply that kids change EVERYTHING! And it is not reasonable for most people to expect to just return to the way things were before.

Kudos to you for pumping for 5 months - I did that too for my first, about the same amount of time - and it was so incredibly HARD!  I can't imagine doing it with severe colic.  You are still recuperating from those difficult months, and probably still aren't getting all the rest you need.

I would recommend not cutting your calories much at all right now - concentrate instead on getting your energy up.  I can't do 1400 calories, especially when I am fatigued, and I'm shorter than you.  Try to get out and go for a walk, or do some exercises with your baby (they love it!).  If you search for "exercises with baby" you'll find lots of ideas.  Cut yourself some slack as far as weight - it really does take time for your body to readjust. 

And there is hope for the future - not all babies are colicky, and having one that was does not mean you are doomed to having them all colicky.  And all the little tips and tricks that you are expending brain energy on learning right now will be second nature with the second - and you'll find new ones as well.

Enjoy your little one!

Most of the mothers I know have gained quite a bit of weight after pregnancy and can not, no matter how hard they try, drop the pregnancy weight. Perhaps it's natural?

Either way, it sounds like you need a 'vacation'! You should take a spa day, volunteer somewhere, call up some old friends... anything that will make you feel good about yourself. I think.. before you can change anything, you have to learn to love yourself as you are... and strive to improve yourself so that you'll love yourself even more. :)

Maybe Daddy could watch the little dear for an hour every evening when he gets home from work so you can go for a brisk walk by yourself or with a friend.  Kind of a mini-vacation.

Do you have any friends with kids the same age as yours?  I'm wondering if you need a group of friends who understand what you're going through, and then you could trade babysitting a couple of times a week to hit the gym.  Playdates are good for moms as well.

Finally, 1400 calories doesn't sound like enough food.  Your body is still recovering and you need the energy to look after your little guy.  One more thing, just because you're staying home with your baby doesn't mean you need to be perfect.  The house doesn't have to be spotless, you're allowed to be bored once in a while, you just have to recognize it and find some interests that keep you liking yourself.

Original Post by amiblue24:

I have thought of buying another summer dress, but everything I try on only seems to make me more sad because I can't find anything that fits right.  *Sigh*

I hear you there ....I live in Ontario, Canada and it is almost impossible to find anything that fits properly or is flattering over a size 12....no idea why, but it is just the way it is!  If you live in the US I only have 2 words for you -- Dress Barn.  I  have actually made a few trips across the border just so I could go shopping there....I swear I have never tried anything on that was a size 16 that didn't fit me perfectly...the first time I went I spent almost $800 (I could hear my credit card crying on the way home LOL)  And then had to pay $75 of duty on top of it because I was honest about how much I had spent (I lie horribly LOL).

I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse, but my youngest just turned 10 -- and my body looks nothing like it did before I had babies.  When I get down about it, I just think of what an amazing thing my body did by creating those beautiful babies and if the stretch marks and wider hips and butt are the only price I have to pay for them, than I consider myself lucky  

Amiblue, Your story sounds exactly like mine. My baby is 7 months old now and I am just finally getting this weight off. I used to be athletic also and then just finding the energy to dress myself became difficult.

I pumped for four months because of latch issues. Due the hardship of my pregnancy and my insecurity with my huge weight gain and body changes, my husband and I are considering adoption for our next child.

I developed a few food sensitivities during this time and have cut wheat, dairy much sodium and refined sugar from my diet. The result of cutting caffine and sugar has been amazing. I have had sooooo much more energy and have found ways to slip exercise into my day. (stay at home mum too) Sometimes even doing yoga or weightlifts with the baby!

This has given me even more energy! I have often found it hard to eat enough cals in the day with this kind of diet but at the end of the day when baby is off to bed I have no guilt when I climb into the bath with a glass of red wine :) except, however, if I catch my nude reflection in the mirror.

I know what it's like to despise this new you. The whole "be proud of this body that gave birth" thing doesn't move me an iota. But as soon as I accepted myself (not the same as liking myself) the way I was and vowed to change it, I became a little more selfish with myself, my time and my health. I feel that my babe needs to have a role model of a women who knows how to put her needs right up there with baby's and daddy's needs. And you know what? It's working! I am losing weight, losing stress and gaining respect for myself even through the frustration.

Hang in there. Forgive yourself, give yourself time make yourself a priority and move into the new even more amazing you.

Sorry for the rant. I just figured all this out not too long ago and I am pretty dern passionate about it!

Original Post by oaeneo:

Well said.

Don't get so frustrated so fast: give yourself a chance. It won't happen overnight and it takes a bit of concentration and work.

I've lost a good 31 lbs since I began in March, and I was 215, 5'6. I started by walking for thirty minutes /day for three days a week, and just eating low-calorie, whole foods, rich in vitamins, in small meals throughout the day, about 4-5 meals.

I'm talking veggies, fruits, a little bit of meat, a little cheese...I eat salads with vinagrette dressing, olives, sometimes anchovies and a bit of white cheese (the cheese I've been sticking to is white and low in calories, good calcium supplement.) I make strawberry/sugar-free yogurt smoothies, and when I have bread I will use a half a pita for portion control, and stuff it with a bunch of lettuce, a bit of cheese and a bit of meat. Or I will use an 8-inch whole wheat tortilla, which also holds a good amount of whatever you want in it. My doc put me on this regimen.

As for a few tips and tricks to kick start the metabolism, it is said that cardio in bursts (like a few reps of jumping jacks, or running in place) for a minute or two done throughout the day helps, drinking water before every meal helps to make you feel full and stimulate digestion, and supplements of flax seed oil or fish oil can help, as they are essential amino acids that lower your blood cholesterol.

But yeah the water thing is important. DO NOT go NEAR any type of soda, diet or not. Regular soda is liquid candy, and diet is full of chemicals that wreak havoc on your metabolism. 

On a last note, my mother has tried every diet known to man and exercise, and she just couldn't lose the weight; well, it turned out she was insulin-resistant. So her doc gave her a prescription for the condition, and now her metabolism has responded; she's already lost twenty pounds. You might want to go to the doc and ask some questions.

I hope I've helped!! :)

Hi, you mentioned that you eat up to 1400cals? Have you tried upping them? My bmr is around 1450, (I'm 5'8 and 157lbs) but just eating that left me so very tired and not losing. So I upped them to get around 1600, and the weight is coming off, slower than I wanted, but I do feel so much more energetic.

It will happen!

Good luck