this wake up call really hurts.

i have recently got a job at mcdonalds. 

sounds like a recipe for overeating, i know, but ive never had a problem with eating fast food.

if you can believe it, thats because i couldnt go up to the counter, because everyone would be thinking 'typical fat girl, no wonder shes so fat etc'. im just too self concious. plus i dont really like the 'food'.  

but two days ago, on my first day working, i was given my uniform. i went to the changeroom. and i struggled. i really did try to get those pants on, but they just wouldnt do up. the shirt was tight and horribly unflattering. i felt like crying and hitting myself so badly. i was/am so angry at myself. 

for eating so much, for being so big, for hating myself, for breaking the diet, for eating in secret, for being ugly, 

for being a failure.

so now this is a wakeup call for me. i am unhealthy. i am too big. 

and i cannot live the rest of my life like this.

im not sure if this is the right forum, but i just need some advice for how to keep going, combating my stupid mind and its depressed eating tendancies, overeating and self loathing.

sorry for making this pretty much a novel...

love 

i nearly applied for a job at mickey d's and i dont even like fast food. but honestly, i bet it didnt feel good crying and hating yourself for being fat or whatever, and if you don't keep going, you'll end up doing that again and again.

i know it sucks, believe me i am so sick of feeling like that. let it motivate you to work harder and take a step closer to your goal because its worth it, dont let it consume you.

You need to let go of the self loothing, it does nothing postive for you.
Make a plan of action to get where you want to be, a postive step towards your future.
They can order you another uniform, keep the one that you have and use it as a goal.  When you reach that goal, hand back the larger uniform and ask for the next smaller size, your next goal.

Bring a healthy lunch and snack to work, include protein in it because you are going to need it to help you through your day.

But first list your goals and how to get there in a healthy manner.

God.... I have been there so many times and I'm so sorry that you are hurting.

The only thing that has worked for me is to change the way I look at my life and to tell myself that even though the days can feel so unbearable there has to be a first day of a life change.  I envision every single good thing that I do for myself as manifesting on and in my body and getting that much closer to where I want to be.

My mantra has become "Carpe Diem".  I told myself that this was the day that my whole life was going to start changing for the better.

I wish that computers had the ability to get across the feeling of what people say instead of just what they are saying because you can do this.

You can do this. 

((hug))

everyone has given great advice. i just wanted to give a hug and support.

be well, girl.

I agree that you need to stop hating yourself.  Granted, that is something that will take a while, but when you start loving yourself, you are going to want to take good care of you.  Part of taking good care of yourself is nourishing your body by eating right and exercising. 

As someone else said, you have had a wake up call!  While it hurts, try to think about it as a good thing.  You have realized that you need to start taking better care of yourself...many people have never reached that point and some never will.  You are lucky.  Now that you know that things need to change, you can actually do something about it! You are doubly lucky that you have found the CC community!  There are so many great tools and wonderful members to whom you can turn to for support!  We are all rooting for each other!

As for some advice, I think you should start off with small goals, like someone else said.  Before finding CC, I had always tried to do drastic diets...they never lasted and I never lost a pound.  With CC, I started making small changes.  I started off by making sure I started eating more fruits and veggies.  After that, I started cutting out processed foods a little at a time.  I started eating only whole grains.  But, in all that time I have always allowed myself a treat.  I allow enough calories to eat a small serving of ice cream or candy because sweets are my weakness.  I didn't do all of these things at once...I took it one day at a time, and I have lost about 20 pounds. 

Try to find some small changes that you can make over time.  Start off small and don't overwhelm yourself.  Over time, it will become easier and easier. 

Good luck!!!!!

First of all, your self worth is not tied to your weight.

The sooner you get that into your head, the better.

Think of it as motivation, but honestly, skinny people are no more happier than heavier people.  In fact, I find that I am more likely to eat healthily when I am happy with myself than when I am hating myself.  When I'm down, its too easy to say "screw it" and go binge on chocolate.

So chin up.  You can do it.  Stay motivated, take a few small steps first, and then go with it.  And remember, you aren't doing this because you are worthless, you are doing it because you are worth it. You owe yourself a good, healthy life, and only you can give yourself that.

Something really simple..

Imagine yourself looking fit and hot..and imagine your life changing for the best..and you having fun at all times..and people calling you and thinking that you are a hottie..

think that every day..when you stick with the program..you are one day closer..every day..every night..you are one day closer to become fit and hot and happy...

The power of the imagination works wonders *winks*

Now that should motivate you..it does me..