I wanna scream at my reflection in the mirror!

OK, so I don't know what to do. I absolutely wanna shrivel up and die when I see how much weight I have gained. I just feel disgusting all over. For me, it is more than just a physical thing. It makes me want to just break down and cry every time i see myself in the mirror. I feel terrible. I am not sure why. I weigh 124 pounds, and I have never weighed that much before in my life. I don't know what has happened to me, and I don't know how to stop it or change it. Any advice, comments, or questions, please send them my way. Thanks!

My comment would be that getting depressed over it will only make it harder for you.  Look on the bright side...do you know how many women here would kill to be at 124 lbs?  That is a good weight (depending on height, probably too skinny actually), but if you're not happy with it, then go to a doctor and see what he says.  He's the only one who can help you lose weight safely, cause frankly...I don't see how you need to lose any.

isusiubeste - If what you're saying about your feelings is true, I think you need to talk to someone...not on this forum, I'm talking about a psychologist. The words you used are extremely strong ("shrivel up and die, feel disgusting, break down and cry") not to mention for someone that is far from obese (unless you're around four feet tall). That kind of emotion should be discussed with someone who's qualified to explore these *seemingly* unrealistic feelings you're having about your body.

However, if you just had a dramatic moment there, I agree with finewine58...this attitude is only going to kill your chances of losing any weight that you think you need to lose. Calm down, and first decide whether your current weight is healthy. Look at your lifestyle, eating and exercise habits, etc. and see if there's a reason why you may have gained weight. Change of job, school, divorce, kids, etc...there's a list a mile long that could insidiously contribute to weight gain.

If you can't seem to find a reason, go see your PCP, and talk rationally about it. Go armed with the examinations I mentioned above, because he/she is going to ask you the same questions. Don't mean to be harsh, but talking calmly and rationally will get you way farther with your health care practitioner...it's flawed, but true. There are a number of medical reasons that could also be contributory, although these are less likely than the above reasons.

I have been different stages of overweight most of my life, and have gone through the gamut of emotions about it. Depression, sadness, hysteria, wallowing in it...these will get you lots of sympathy, and you can talk for days on this forum about how bad you feel, but it does nothing for your weight loss. Once I learned to "get over it," and do what I needed to do to lose it (which is what this site is all about), I am much happier. It sounds harsh, but you have to be proactive.

Just my 2 cents...good luck.

first, how old are you, how tall are you and what do you think you should weigh?  I would be too skinny at 124.  If you feel like you are having a problem talk to a dr or dietician. 

OK I just saw you are 18, 5'2" and 124.  girl dont sweat it.  First you are in europe eating new foods, you are still young.  You sound atheletic but arent getting the exercise you are used to.  Just try to find away to get some exercise in.  go for walks or play some sports with friends there.  Take a deep breath and relax. 124 isnt bad for your height, it just seems that way to you.  Just try to get some exercise in and you will feel better

Hi isusiubeste!  I just read your profile.  I totally agree with everything that jtpa1221 said.  But, I also see that you are in Romania right now - and I think it's possible that has something to do with what you are feeling.  I spent a summer in Spain when I was in college (and one in Germany, but it's not as bad there), and I felt the worst then that I have ever felt about my image.  I was a size 6/8 at the time, and I could not buy pants in Spain to save my life.  None of them fit!  Maybe it's not the same in Romania, but the Romanians I know make me think it might be...

Point is, Spanish women have no hips, I do.  Spanish women average much, much smaller than American women, and I felt gigantic among them.  Not because I was, but because I seemed so in comparison.  Does that make sense?  Anyway, it's something for you to think about, if maybe that is why you feel this way.  Regardless, do please be careful, and be healthy.  You are currently a healthy weight for you height, please just make sure if you do lose weight you stay healthy.  :)

wanna see huge?  take a look at my profile!  anyway.. i'm sorry you feel that way about yourself.. but you're 18.. i didn't finish growing (height wise) till i was almost 18 (it was around 17) you are still growing and developing.. you are supposed to gain some weight at this point in your life.  Making sure you stay healthy and strong is way more important than thinking negative things about yourself.  

Have you checked your BMI? 124 pounds is a healthy weight.
Have you been on this website long? Most people have a goal weight at or 15 pounds above what you weigh.
We are all here to support each other, but some of us get a little offended when a very thin person comes on here to complain how fat they are.  It makes the rest of us feel bad.

I don't think she's a very thin person complaining about how fat she is.  She didn't really say that at all - she's just saying that she feels terrible and doesn't know what to do about it.  I think she's entitled to share her opinion, regardless of what size she is.  I'm 165 now, and I know there are people who would love to weigh that - but it doesn't mean I have a healthy body image, nor that someone else telling me I should will make it so.

Not trying to be mean, but I don't want isusiubeste to think she can't discuss how she is feeling, because it's clearly bothering her quite a bit, and I think she needs our help.

You are in the normal weight range for your height.  From your other posts, it seems like your body has gone into starvation mode from eating so few calories.  You can raise the amount of calories you burn per day by building some more muscle (and muscle definitely holds up the fat better, so you look firmer).

However, such strong feelings when you don't medically fall into an overweight category suggest that you may need to speak to a professional about this.

I'm not a doctor and I don't know you well enough to say much, but these are just the impressions I get from reading your posts and bio.

-Nick

i agree with you pandajenn except that when someone who is 124 pounds and calling themselves huge.. then what am i?  there are no words for me.. other than whale, gigantic, disgusting.. i can probably understand poor body image better than anyone!  but people who don't really have that much to lose that are calling themselves these names ticks me off too.. because then where does that leave me?  i weighed in thismorning at 273 pounds THAT is HUGE!.. can you at least understand the frustration of the very large people on here in this instance? I think that isusibeste needs to work on how she views herself.. not on losing weight.. 

Ditto to pandajen.  There are even people on this site that have diagnosed eating disorders and are here to gain weight too.  It's about being healthy, which is tied into emotional well being.  Although I can related to sparkles too - I don't like thin people that I know to whine to me (can you spell j-e-a-l-o-u-s??!  :D  )!  (If I know them and I know they don't have any disorders besides lack of sensitivity!)  isusiubeste - hope you just need to step up your exercize and it will melt away - you are only 18, in a new place, and like everyone said, not officially overweight. 

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edited:  can we remember that this girl is only 18?  can we also realize that she is probably not making up her emotions and might need our help?  trying to be sensitive to everyone...  not always easy...

I'm not trying to be mean either,  I just can't fathom 124 being disgusting, that's all.

Obsidyan has a point.  She can say she feels bad, but when she starts saying that its disgusting and she makes herself sick at the sight of her...that's very depressing to some of us.  I used to have a girlfriend who weighed 115 soaking wet, and she would talk about how fat she was cause when she sat down, she had some loose belly skin.  There I was, 270ish lbs, being told by a 115 lb girl how "fat" she was, and I was supposed to feel good about myself???

Bottom line is, there is nothing wrong with Isus' weight, but with her body image.  She doesn't need help losing weight, she needs help learning how beautiful she is.  But then again, don't we all?  We're all beautiful in our way!!

shes 18.  think back to when you were 18.  she is out of the country too.  We are all here to help you.  You need to remember you are beautiful no matter what! You have been going without exercise and muscle does disappear if you dont work it.  go out and work it and you will feel better.  We all get upset with the way we look, you arent huge or disgusting, you just feel that way- LIKE all of us do at times.

I think Pandajenn was actually right about one thing. I think for me it has a lot to do with the culture I am living in. THe Romanian girls are TINY...I have to buy an xL at every clothing store. Nothing fits me, and the food is way different. I didn't move here to Romania until this past year, and I am living here without both my parents. So basically, I am just an 18 year old, trying to figure things out on my own, while surrounded by a sea of girls who have never seen a day when they topped 100 pounds. So I am really sorry if I offended anyone. Seriously, I never want to do that. I don't want to make anybody feel bad. So I am really sorry.

I am totally not trying to be argumentative - I just think we all need to understand that your weight does not dictate your body image.  And, someone else's body image should (I say should, because we all know this is not a perfect world) not affect how you feel about your own weight. 

I completely understand the frustration when someone who seems skinny is upset about their weight!!  But, she's not making a comment on anyone else - this is just about her. 

I've been in both places - super skinny but felt disgusting - and I use that word intentionally because I truly did feel that way, whether it was logical or not.  And later, 'severely overweight' according to my BMI, and still felt disgusting.  When I weighed 120 and had poor body image, I didn't look at someone bigger and think they were bigger than me - I actually thought I had something in common with them.  Logical?  No, but definitely something that should be talked about.

Does it help if I say {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} at the end of this?  :)Because I'm totally not intending to offend anyone, just for us to all think about it from a different perspective. 

AAAAAHHHH well ok then, I understand.  It can be disheartening to be surrounded by all those people.  I live in a college town and am surrounded by a bunch of phrat studs that make me look like month old meatloaf.  Don't get discouraged by it.  Theyre a different group of people with different metabolisms.  Just be yourself, but work on being HAPPIER with who you are.  Maybe some of the men there LIKE that you're different from everyone else.  I know if I were surrounded by a bunch of girls with 12 year old boy bodies, I'd look for the one with wasn't as tiny ;)

sorry for jumpin down your throat...i just didnt know where you were coming from.

Holy moly, you're in Romania?  I'm Romanian!  Isn't Bucharest awesome?  Go to the Transylvanian mountains in Sinai, you'll love it.  Best of all, go to Calarasi, my hometown, beautiful city.  Anyways, as for weight loss, don't compare yourself to Romanian girls, because the Bucharest ones are trying to compare themselves to American images.  Trust me, last time I went there (3 yrs ago), all the young people are obsessed with American culture and fashion, which is distorted through glam teevee and magazines.  And if you're gaining weight, it's the Romanian food.  I try not to go home to my parents that much cuz Romo food is ridiculously unhealthy.  In Transylvania they eat bricks of lard, no kidding, they call it "slaina".  Just relax, it'll be okay.  Plenty of excercise oppurtunities there.

You havent offended anyone to the point they dont want to help you Im sure.  feel good about yourself.  give yourself a hug!  I will tell you like I have told Others on the site...sit down and write down what you love about yourself, what you dont like about yourself and what you want to change and give yourself a reason for all of these. when you start  to feel better about yourself go thru the list and see what items have moved from the dislike column to the like column.

for example-  you dont like having to buy XL but you need to remember you are in another country, remember what you wear in American sizes. 

If you dont like the way your body looks because you arent as active- then get active.

ok.. i understand where she is coming from too. i never said i didn't.. i'm just trying to get people who really don't have to lose weight to understand what it is like to be this large.  Does anyone understand that it IS a put down to us?  we are called names all our lives (if we've been huge all our lives) i have been called: whale, huge, fatty, fatso, disgusting, repulsive (the list goes on and on and on), i have been told i should not be allowed to live because of my weight.. i have been told so much BS over the years that when i hear someone call themselves (or someone else) that isn't overweight by ONE OUNCE the same names that i have been called all my life,  does that up the ante of what people are going to start calling me?  this is why it frustrates me and makes me mad to hear this stuff. 

body image is hard.. especially when you are in a new area where your peers are shorter and thinner than you.. but you have to remember you are not a number on a scale or a size in a pair of jeans.. you are you.. plain and simple! so quit calling yourself names. .because if you call yourself names out loud that gives other people permission to call you those same names and worse ones too!