I want to cry. (binging)

So yeah, I've been over eating every day this week.

If anyone asks if it's because I'm not eating enough, I think I'm going to scream. I don't work out at all anymore, ever, and I'm almost completely sedentary. That would put my burn up to 1770, which I've been eating up to or over every day this week. And today, directly after waking up, I had my first honest-to-god, eat-like-you-won't-see-food-again binge. 2100, but all in one sitting first thing in the morning? And after eating at/above maintenance all week?

P.S. I just had my period, so I'm not pregnant and it's not PMS.

If I sound rude, I'm sorry. I've got a history with bulimia and this just feels like I'm taking steps backward. I feel so damn useless right now.

oh my god, i did the same today. and i've also been eating sufficiently this past week. for breakfast i had 2000. then persuaded myself to have lunch and keep eating even though i wasn't hungry. now sitting at 4400, and too bloated/sugar-headachey to exercise.

i don't get it. i've been eating enough. i've been allowing myself treats. this is some kind of sick self-sabotage. i just feel like my plan to lose weight is slipping through my fingers like sand. i don't know what to do tomorrow - do i try to eat a normal 1600 and end up binging or try to eat not very much at all and end up binging? argh, bodies, eh?

and you know the weirdest thing? im still thinking about going to get some more food from the kitchen right now.

i've lost 10kg (22 lb) the healthy way since july. it would be a total shame and waste to gain them all back over december.

i need some 'you can do this'.

First of all, get back on the horse and ride cowgirl!  This week has been horrible for me as far as my calorie intake goes because of the holiday.  Tomorrow I kick my butt back in gear and get back on track.

I usually eat about 1800 calories and I track my nutrition using Fit Day software.  At 1800 calories, it is tough to get all the nutrients that my body needs.  When I am hitting on all eight cylinders, my hunger is non existent.  Also look at your calories over a week's time and don't worry about the day to day.

Other things that have noticed that make me want to eat like a horse are sugary foods or foods that will raise my blood sugar level, lack of sleep, and lack of nutrition.  If you are missing in any of those three areas, your battle will start going up hill.

Why did you stop exercising?  You're a hottie!  Get back and start exercising again!  Good quality exercise for a half an hour 4 days a week does wonders for self esteem as well as health and so on!

Blessing and best to you!

I think this past week has been that way for a lot of people, myself included.  I keep telling myself tomorrow is different, but with a big deadline coming up, I just can't seem to stop!

I know we can do this, all it takes is one day of good eating and we can be back on track!

You could be bingeing for many reasons - it's not always due to not eating enough. Were you bored? Sad? Anxious? Angry? Tired? Lonely? Stressed out? Figure out the trigger and it's a lot easier to anticipate. And you can take precautions even without knowing the causes. I used to carry around a notepad to doodle on instead of following temptation to the fridge and the cupboards. You can also use it to write how you're feeling instead of eating.

Do you have access to a college or school counsellor? Or do you have a parent or doctor you can go and speak to to then approach the college with in the same manner? Anyone you can trust to vent to.

What you are struggling with is nothing to be ashamed of. To help you, as well as going to see a doctor or just to speak with someone, write a list of all the reasons why bingeing does more harm than good to you - more than one copy if you need - and put this list on your fridge door, on your cupboard door, above your bathroom/bedroom mirror... places you will see it and the places it's most important to see it. Examples could be:

• Food costs
• General costs
• Impact on happiness
• Impact on work
• Weight gain
• Additional stress

Next time you have an urge, busy yourself. If you have to, get out of your house and away from your kitchen to somewhere that doesn't have access to the fridge. You can call a friend, or you can come on CC. Write down your feelings instead of going for the cupboard. And remember, import antly, you do not have to tackle this alone!

For online support sources, here are some helpful links:
Binge Eating Disorder - Something Fishy
Compulsive Overeating - Something Fishy
Binge Eating Disorder - Eating Disorders Online

Take Care of You - Something Fishy

I'm with you littlecalypso. I've spent the last two days binging. My definition of binging isn't just eating above maintenance, its eating until it literally hurts. I've spent the last two days eating until i was sick, crying, headache. Whole deal.

So i want  you to know i feel your pain and i know where you're coming from.

Three years ago i lost weight and had a binge relapse and totally gave up. Gained back all my weight and lost all my self esteem.

I felt the same way this time. But i forced myself to go out for a jog today. I got 'back on the horse' and it was totally worth it.

You and I are going to have days where we slip. But we both know that we can fix it. One day, two days, a week. We haven't failed unless we give up.

The most important thing you can do right now is forgive yourself. Forgive yourself and keep trying.

Stay strong. We're with you!

I'm not the girl in the pic, but she'd be glad to hear that :)

You guys are awesome. I know I'm not the first or the last person to say they have no one else they can talk to about this.

new_bee: Don't decide what's going to happen tomorrow today. There has to be a day that breaks the cycle, and there's no reason it shouldn't be tomorrow. Heck, there's no reason the beginning of the end can't be right now.

What the both of us need to do is take a deep breath and relax. If the binge was emotional like lala said, which would make sense, flipping out is just going to make this worse. Look at how far you've come; you're allowed to have slip ups. That doesn't mean you're not going to reach whatever goal you've set. They're a part of getting there.

Cliched as it is, I think "eyes on the prize" is the best advice here. One day, week, month, or even year isn't going to determine the rest of your life.

I have never been a binge eater exactly, but this week was terrible for me.  I know things were bothering me and I did reach to smart people who know me, but I just couldn't digest their help.

i know at the holidays, I really miss my parents, I don't care how old you get not having them hurts.  I have no children and I guess around this time you wonder if you made a mistake not having them.

So for days, i have gone without exercise and ate and ate.  Fortunately is was good for me food, since I don't keep other stuff in the house.  But way too many walnuts, is still not too good.  Every time, I go on a diet or in this case I choose to eat right and use portion control, I get to 4 months and start to back slide, I don't know what this is all about. 

I will take some of the good ideas I saw and if anyone has more please let me know, sorry not meaning to hijack your thread but you helped me by writing it.

Hi,

My first time here and can sympathize with you. I've been going through this all week myself and I promised I wouldn't. I agree with the emotional triggers and the holidays bring on the best and the worst of them.  As awful as I feel, I look to tomorrow with hope of starting fresh again until that goes out the window, but I refuse to give up.  I can relate to everyone here, suffering from the same issues and frustrations.

The worst part is being misuderstood by those without an eating disorder or have no real interest in food. They blame it on willpower, but I know for me, there are the underlying subconscious issues "eating" away at me or creating a "void".

Thanks for letting me share. With hope and encouragement, we can look forward to developing a healthy relationship with food.

I've recently discovered the root of my own binge problems: blood sugar.

I would never binge from emotional insecurities, excessive diet restriction, or social pressure. So, it was doubly confusing and frustrating when I'd find myself experiencing a desire to binge that I not only couldn't ignore or fight away, but also couldn't explain. I was mentally aware that I didn't want it and it would only set me back, but the intense craving that I felt was more than mouth-watering-- my mouth almost hurt I wanted food in it so badly, and my thoughts revolved around food fantasies.

Not meat, though, or vegetables, or anything that wasn't excessively carby. I could never binge on that kind of stuff. It was always breads, donuts, cookies, ice cream, sweets.

Just to test the effects, I recently decided to cut back my carb intake drastically. I ate healthily, and foods that I enjoyed; but I cut out all "white" foods and simple carbohydrates for a couple of weeks, and counted my net carbs. This led to a lifestyle change, similar to something Atkins-y but not quite, and I've been maintaining it for a while now.

My physical cravings for sugar and breads are gone, and I attribute that loss to my now-stable blood sugar level. I'd still love to eat a cookie or a piece of cake, sure, but it would set me off pretty badly. I might not binge that evening, but I'd want to.. and the want would get worse until I cracked 3 or 4 days later. In the past, if I ate something carby (which I did, more often than not), my blood sugar would spike, and then it would crash.. and in the crash I'd have my cravings.

I realize counting carbs isn't the answer for everyone, and that because of my intensely carb-rich diet throughout most of my life, I probably built up some particularly bad insulin resistance. But after struggling with binge eating for more than a year, it was extremely gratifying to find out that-- for me-- it was rooted more in the physiological than the psychological. :) Not a binge in sight, and I've never felt freer.

hey darlin

im sorry to hear that you feel so crap

its funny, when you binge your mind suffers so much more than your body! (usually...)

im just back from 2 weeks of eating watever i pleased, and i didnt gain a pound so i reckon you'll be ok

love

Hey little calypso - I have the same problem, and I haven't really told any people about it.. I guess I never wanted to admit that I have a problem, and I am ashamed of myself. But after browsing around on CC, joining up on a December weight loss challenge compounded with just having binged tonight (i know....), I decided that I gotta stop this once and for all. Does the following scenario sound somewhat familiar to you?

I've always had periods of binging throughout my last few years, but this recent period of binging only started up for me 3 weeks ago, when I started a new job (where I work with gourmet food... trust me it doesn't help when chefs keep offering you to taste stuff), and life with the boyfriend hasn't been so good. (I am not sure if it is the binging that is causing the fights, or if the fights are causing the binging) So I would say that I have been in a tough emotional state, and that resulted to me going from 107lb to 115lb in 3 weeks.. it sickens me, and I am always embarrassed after I eat. I eat in secret, after my bf has gone to work/to sleep/in the shower.. :\ I sometimes eat 3 or 4 slices of bread or whole plain tortillas with butter and sugar on them (i know...........), or a bowl of leftovers from the fridge (things like rice, pasta), or cookies/cakes (3-5 at a time), muffins, or some pastries/breads (2-3 at a time) in under 30-45 mins.. I don't even taste the food anymore, and its not even enjoyable. Most of the time the food doesn't even taste good, I feel so guilty, so out of control, and mildly sick afterwards. It is causing me so much distress... perhaps I should see a doctor. :(

anyway, didn't mean to detract from you there; I just wanted to share my story because it might make you feel better knowing that there is someone out there with the same problem as you. I decided that the only way I can stop this binge cycle is to stop the root of it - my negative emotions and feelings need to be put under control. Perhaps you are similarly emotionally distressed like I am? Don't feel useless! I know I should be taking my own advice... Regardless, tomorrow is Dec 1st, which means it is a fresh start on my calendar, and I will take it as a fresh start for me. You should too. Don't give in!!

I hear you and i feel your pain.

I hope you dont mind but i wanted to share my story from last night.

Last night my husband left on a business trip, i was feeling 'yucky' all day, still not over my thanksgiving binge, even though i had been 'good' for two days. I had weighed myself yesterday morning and was 115lbs, up from my 112 prior to thanksgiving. I immediately started panicking and stress that i would be 117 in no time.

The whole day i was good.. and then last night when he was packing, i felt anxious because he will be gone for three weeks. He went and spent some time with the children and instead of enjoying this special family time, pathetic me, opened a whole box of slim fast Peanut butter bars and ate 10 of them.. 220 calories each! I downed them like a crazy person, actually shoving them in my mouth. Then i went down to the kitchen and pretended i was making the kids' sandwiches for the next day (hubby was yelling 'come and play with us), and instead i opened up a jar of Hershey's chocolate fudge, poured some in a bowl, heated in up and then poured it over a huge bowl of vanilla icecream. I then proceeded to take some chocolate chip cookies and crunch them up and mixed them up with the ice-cream. .. I downed this without anybody k nowing. By that time i felt high as a kite from the sugar. My husband commented at what a 'jovial' mood i was in... of course within an hour, i was somber and depressed and feeling like i wanted to curl up and cry.

I know i binged because i was hating him leaving for the month of Dec, but in a way i think i gave myself 'permission' to binge because of this. All night i tossed and turned, i had nightmares (funnily enough of a recurring theme of a group of bitchy girls at highschool not including me in their activities). Woke up feeling putrid... and vowing to never do it again.

Oh i need help LOL.... when you choose food over quality time with your family, something has got to be wrong.

I am freaking out now because i have two major social events surrounding copious amounts of food and alcohol on the weekend. Both 'all you can eat" type scenarios. Ugh!!!!!