I just hate life. I have no friends, live with my parents, have a million addictions, and hate myself. I am never happy and just try so hard to get through each day. My life is going nowhere and I feel like no one cares..Im so small and so unimportant and my life is so MEANINGLESS you know? I cant find meaning..I dont care about any one or anything. Ive tried therapy, pills, drugs, you name it. Nothing seems to matter or work.
Reason: Suicide is a very serious issue, please get professional help in your real life.
i just posted a more long winded version of what you just said. I totally understand your pain...I'm so upset too, everyday my eating and my weight is the focal point of all of my thoughts. Life is a constant struggle, I'm in my mid twenties and I feel like a 10 year old. I am very ill equipped to deal with the real world and the WORST part of all of this is I'm a cook. I've been blessed with the burden of being a very talented chef...AND i have these food problems. Life truely is cruel. Hang in there...there has to be something...something good has to happen right?
Hey, so theres a whole bunch of us out there!
Sure life sucks at the minute, but surely, one day, life will pick up. If you wimp out and end it now, you'll never see if you fall in love, get married, have kids....
You should probably get yourself on some antidepressants or get some councelling. It wont fix things, but it might give you enough of a lift to summon the strength to make a few small changes and make things better for yourself. Seriously though, dont do anything stupid. You may not feel like this in a few hours/days/weeks/months, but if you do something now you cant take it back! (And for the record, OD's HURT!!!)
If you want to talk, bitch, moan, whatever, please feel free to pm me, either of you. Im peak depression/borderline ED too, so I can kindof understand what your going through
Original Post by court2335:
I just hate life. I have no friends, live with my parents, have a million addictions, and hate myself. I am never happy and just try so hard to get through each day. My life is going nowhere and I feel like no one cares..Im so small and so unimportant and my life is so MEANINGLESS you know? I cant find meaning..I dont care about any one or anything. Ive tried therapy, pills, drugs, you name it. Nothing seems to matter or work.
There are times when we all dislike life. Let's take stock of what is bothering you.
~ You have no friends....ok, put yourself out there and make some friends. Be a friend that someone would want. Wear a smile
~ You live w/ your parents...so do many young people. No worries. Save as much as you can for your future.
~ Addictions....call a crisis center. They are specifically trained to help those in crisis with addictions.
~ You are never happy and your life is going no where? Change something. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
What do you want for your life? Do you realize that you are responsible for 'saving' yourself. No one else is going to do it for you. You hold the keys to your future. And at the risk of sounding preachy...(I'll continue)...if you hold negative thoughts, you run the risk of them becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What can you do?
Talk to your parents. Tell them how you feel.
Talk to a therapist that YOU feel a connection with.
Volunteer and put yourself OUtside YOURSELF.
Get help for your addictions.
And finally, post back here and let us all know how you are doing. We are a community here, albeit on the internet, but still a community. We care about each other as human beings.
Good luck...now go talk to your parents!
edited: add in volunteering
court your post is very troubling. If you really, truly want to die please talk to someone IMMEDIATELY. I can hear the desperation in your post & hope you don't plan on hurting yourself...
Been there. Visit occasionally. (once a month actually haha).
What I believe, what gets me through, is that life evens out. No matter how happy you get, you'll have a time when you're that sad. And vice versa.
It ebbs and flows, and you'll be up again. You'll be down again. Its what makes life, life. Its not fair and it sucks at times, but its beautiful and amazing at other times. You have to be patient through the down times, but the up times WILL come.
I like kahlil gibran:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.
You need to see a doctor. You may have tried pills and therapy, etc., but there are a lot more treatments for depression you could explore.
In the meantime,.... reality check. Who says life has to have meaning? And as for being 'small and unimportant', unless your name happens to be Barack Obama, welcome to the universal human experience of being a small cog in a big wheel. Most of us just get on with what we have to do, earning a living or raising children - thankful we've got a full complement of limbs & not living in a war-zone or a famine region - rather than lavishing valuable time wondering why we're not big and important.
Happiness is rather like that Mary Poppins song... 'A Spoonful of Sugar'... find the fun and snap the job's a game etc. The bluebird of happiness is in the back yard but you've got to open the door to see it. The happiest people I know are the ones that try to find the needle of pleasure in a haystack of crap. Making friends requires a little effort.... they don't fall off trees. Sit around hating yourself, wondering about the meaning of life and waiting for something to happen and you'll wait forever.
Good luck
I agree with jane, you need to see a specialist.
Though every situation is different, I can empathize. I am a longtime sufferer from severe Depression , Anxiety Disorder, and had bouts with eating disorders. My parents are severly depressed and so are all three brothers (two hald, one full). One of them even tried to kill my father. I started drinking trying to cope with everything and I started to binge and purge, thinking that that would stop all the pain and return meaning to my life. And even then I just felt worse.
I had the same feelings of being small just like you have. Ive felt useless and just completely disgusting. I neveer felt as if I deserved the light of day from anybody. I excelled at adademics, sports, you name it. But I neveer thought that was good enough.
But then, I got help. I went to a psychiatrist, got Prozac. But it wasnt until afterwards when I just had a serious reality check and took a long walk and broke down in front of a cemetery that I realized what I had to live for.
People love me, and I KNOW they love you too. Look at all teh sacrifices people have made for you. Look at the potential you have to make a great life for yourself. Things might truly suck but hey, you really need to realize that you CAN get out of it. If its not okay, its not the end. Find someone that you relaly love and look at how much theyve done for you and that alone should restore some meaning to life.
I had bouts with killing myself but then I looked at my mother,whos my best firend and saw what she gave up for me, and I completely did a 180. Also, God helps.
I know that all the stuff I resorted to in the past would have DEFF killed me so I know theres someone looking after me. He even saved my mother form a traumatizing situaiton. And for her, I believe in God and that helped a lot.
In the meantime, message me. Talk to ANYONe you can trust about this. Itll be hard, but believe me, its way worth it. I have faith in you and will keep you in my prayers.
I am not sure if people are scared to hit this issue or not...but what about God? If you believe in him or not, doesn't take away from his existence and his power (absolutely a personal opinion.) Try him. If you really believe that life is meaningless, then it wouldn't hurt or matter if you try him. At least you'll get some sort happiness and distraction out of it.
Even if you don't believe in God, I will pray for you.
Court,
Someone once said: Life is God's gift to you; what you do with it is your gift to God.
In my 20's I didn't understand that--today, it makes sense. I encourage you to re-read your words posted and really listen to what you are saying about yourself. I understand self-loathing. I grew up in a combat zone with alcoholic parents that were totally selfish and disfunctional. I spent my childhood in fear, my teens in depression, my 20's looking for love, and my 30's finally finding not only love from another but love for myself. Today, at 50, I am ever so thankful for the ugly start to my life--if I had had any other experience, I would not be who I am now--AND I am pretty GREAT!!
I checked your bio and see that eating problems follow you. I understand that, too; but you don't have to stay there any more than you have to remain "stuck" in your "sucky life". That's the good part about living life--you have the power to live only yours--no one elses AND no one else can impact yours unless you give them permission to do so. You can consider your life insignificant and end it, but why? Would it not be easier, safer, and more fun to acknowledge that up to now, your life stinks--so let's begin again.
When I turned 18, I headed off to college. Once graduated, I never looked back. I never saw my father again, and I separated myself from my mother in 1998 and never saw her again, either. I have a wonderful life now. I have a successful marriage with the same man for 26 years. I raised 2 beautiful daughters, both college graduates and happy in their chosen professions. I live. I laugh. I love. This is a long way from the sad, lonely scared child that I began as.
You can be happy, too. Reach out. Get counseling. Most of all, look in the mirror and nurture the person looking back at you. Remember: God sat up late in the night designing the perfect blueprint that became you. You weren't a mistake, an error, or insignificant.
Now, step outside--breathe fresh air, and take your first step toward a happy, satisfying new life. You have the power. Go for it!!
J-mom
I think a lot of us have been where you are - and props to you for seeking out help, I agree with the other posters that it is very important you do so.
I can understand where you're coming from; I've battled depression since I can remember, and had many suicide attempts. One day I realized this: I can either let this conquer me, or I can conquer it. I realized I was stronger than everything that I had been letting ruin my life so far. I would highly suggest reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, it really changed my life. Also, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a good supplement.
Good luck doll, and if you need to talk or anything you can message me :o)
Dear Court~ Life is so awesome and you are so young to hate it. There is so much out there that God has provided for us, but we need to meet Him halfway and seek it. God has provided us His Love, Mercy and Grace. All we need to do is open our mind and hearts to Him. Call Jesus' name and ask Him to come into your heart. If you do this, you will find the peace you are looking for. We travel thru life hoping that happiness and peace will just come to us like magic, what we don't realize is that we have to be open to it first. I know what you are going thru because i also suffered addictions and as you may know, having an addiction is like a slow suicide.
Jesus has said "I am your Healer, your Joy. With noiseless footsteps I draw near to you. I need no agonized pleading. Your need is My Call."
Just call His name and open your soul to Him, He loves you so very much, and as He has promised, He will take care of us when we don't even know He is there. Faith is believing in something you can't see. Have faith and know that if the CC community is hearing your cries....So is He.
Original Post by biatchita:
I am not sure if people are scared to hit this issue or not...but what about God? If you believe in him or not, doesn't take away from his existence and his power (absolutely a personal opinion.) Try him. If you really believe that life is meaningless, then it wouldn't hurt or matter if you try him. At least you'll get some sort happiness and distraction out of it.
Even if you don't believe in God, I will pray for you.
I totally agree with you! God loves us so much, and is always willing to strengthen us! I certainly thank God every day for bringing me out of severe depression! He truly gave me the strength!
Give him a chance! Changes may not happen right away, but He won't let you down!
Thank you everyone for responding. I still don't know what to do or where to turn but just hearing your stories is lovely
Suicide is an extremely serious issue - it's frightening and traumatic for anyone who has a friend or loved one involved with it or with suicide attempts
If you have suicidal thoughts, the most important step you can take is to talk to someone about it - either a medical professional or a trusted person in your family, school or organization.
If you don't know who to talk to, please call 1-800-784-2433.
This post is being locked and we strongly encourage anyone who needs help to seek it from an appropriate professional.
