To those who want to be skinny

It sounds great, right? To be that nice and slender figure you see in magazines and on TV? It's not. A few months ago, at 5'6 and 125 pounds, I felt I needed to lose weight. I did good, ate healthy and excersized, and got to 119. But it didn't stop there. After two months of restricting more and more food and excersizing at least an hour and a half daily, I had lost 21 pounds. At 104 pounds, I was terrified to gain any weight and feared food. I listened to the voice inside telling me that I didn't have a problem and I was doing great. I saw a doctor and she only told me to gain weight, and I'd be fine. It was easier said than done. I then saw another doctor that specialized in eating disorders. She checked out my heart and blood pressure. My resting heart rate was 46. At 45, they rush you to a hospital. My weight was in the 82%. At 90% they dont allow excersize, at 75%, they rush you to a hospital. Guess what? I went to a hospital. I spent two weeks in there and my heart was doing horrible. After two weeks, I was stable enough to go home. My fear of gaining weight has somewhat passed, but I feel it will be a life long struggle. I'm still recovering from what is said to be anorexia.

My therapist told me something that made me think: She goes to Africa a few times a year and she tells them about eating disorders. They think we're crazy. They don't understand why we would have food and just throw it away, or not eat it. They also find it odd that we want to look like we can't afford to eat.

So the message is: BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF. Don't let dieting get out of hand...especially if you dont even need to lose weight in the first place. I didn't know it, but this disorder made me feel horrible. I was tired, depressed, unmotivated, and worried all the time. I'm glad it was stopped before it got really bad. Don't let it happen to you

I stand and applaud you for coming forward and telling your story.  I wish more girls would realize there is a problem and get help. 

how long have you been recovering and what weight are you at now?  What are you Working towards?

Only share what you feel comfortable with sharing, no pressure.  I feel that stories like yours are the only thing that could possibly help others to get help.

thank you for sharing your story. many of us need to hear that message; i think the reference to africa is excellent!

good luck on your journey... you'll find support here when you need it.

I am currently at 113 (although I really am not supposed to know, my doctor who didnt see the disorder told me) and I have been recovering for about a month now. From what I've been told, it's a long process and I'm still not aloud to get up and walk around much at all. I'm still unstable, just not to the point it was before. I'm mostly working towards getting a healthy heart right now and getting to a healthier weight.
Thanks for the support :D

So, the dr that figured out your disorder, what did they advise you to do?  Im very curious :)
We have seen many girls come on here just not understanding the importance of taking care of their bodies and the amount of damage that they are doing to their bodies.  Do you mind sharing your age?  I guess the more information you could share with us the more your story could help them too.

I added you to my friend list.

Thank you for sharing your story.  And congratulations for taking the first steps toward good health for life.  It was very brave of you to get yourself to the doctor.  It sounds like you got there just in time.

Please do post often.

Your story is motivational.  I have anorexia and nobody knows it.  I'm working on fixing myself though.  Any advice on recovery?  My current issue is not being able to wear the size 1 pair of jeans I just paid 40 bucks for for school.  I'm afraid that by gaining weight, I'll outgrow them too fast and won't get my money's worth.  I know it's stupid. 

But I also fear the hospital and dying as well.

star I would say to talk to your family...Im sure they would be willing to buy you any pair of pants at any size to see you take care of yourself. your health is very important and a lot more important than clothes. 

heck I will buy you a pair of jeans if you outgrow them too quick!

Good for you girls coming forward and telling it like it is.  Too many people don't understand the damage that can be done by not giving your bodies the nourishment needed to survive.

relientkchica - Most people would not think 104 was a bad weight to be.  Thank the Good Lord you went to the doctor and actually listened to what you were told.  You are right, it will be a lot of work to strike a happy medium of what is healthy and what is not either way of the scale balance.  Keep up the good work and we will help you all we can.

Slappy - I'll pay 1/2 for Star's jeans, when the time comes.

Star - Working on fixing yourself is great, but I do wish you would get some help.  Although, there are a lot of us here on C-C willing to help, we are not doctors or any other professional qualified to truly help in this area.  We can give lots of love and support and that is just as important, but seeing profressionals is important.

Both of you girls, know that you are loved and supported by all of us here.

Thank you for sharing that with us all. I hope your story serves as inspiration to others here who struggle on a daily basis to eat a healthy amount of food. My heart hopes that they can find their way too. Stay strong and be healthy. 

Thats great to read especially just after eating a bag of maltesers....

starsweetie...i know it will be hard, but you should get yourself to a doctor. They know what's best. I was strictly on Boost (nutritional drink) for a week because my body was too weak to handle anything else. Now I have a team: A therapist, nutritionist, and a doctor who all specialize in eating disorders. IT WILL HELP. You need it. It is scary and hard at first, but after a while, you'll find that you enjoy being able to get help and eat for what may be the first time in a long while. I strongly urge you talk to someone, anyone, who can help. Also, I reccomend getting the book Life Without Ed. I'm currently reading it, and it's great. So please, do the right thing and get help...what do you think is more important to people who love you? Your health (and possibly your life)...or your jean size?

slappy- my doctor advised me to go to a unit for people with EDs. They advised me to get the team I have now...ANOTHER NOTE FOR STAR- I'm also going to go to a group therapy with people my age who are going through the same thing. At the unit I went to, we had a group after meals and got to share with eachother and it really helps. So that's another thing to look into during recovery :D

relientkchica, thank you for being brave enough to share what you're going through.  you're not alone, but many don't realize how much harm "being skinny" can do to them. 

I think you'll definitely be a positive role model for others who visit this site!  And, I hope you find the support you're looking for.  Overcoming eating and weight issues isn't easy, but it is do-able, and if there's anything you ever feel like talking about, this is a safe, nurturing place to do it!

Starsweetie, I agree with relientkchica.  Even though it is great (and admirable!) that you want to get healthier on your own, a doctor should be involved because there may be other things going on--or that come up--that you'll need his/her advice, care, and/or support for.  :)

All the best to you both!  (((HUG!)))

i agree with everyone above.. thank you so much for sharing your story and working hard to overcome something so difficult!  

*hugs* Thank you all so much!

Ahaha...Slappy and Veevee- I appreciate the offer!

Relientkchica- Thank you for the advice, although it will be very hard for me to tell my family or my doctor.  I actually think I'm due for a physical soon, and we get our weights taken when school starts.  I figure if I chicken out of going to see a doctor, the school will eventually force me to go then.  I feel kinda bad actaully becuase I've lied to my mom.  Let's just say that she's very "open" about when it' her time of the month, and she always asks me "is it yours? or "have you had yours yet".  I always telle her yes, even though it hasn't been true since January. :(  I'm such a...*tries to think of proper word*...wuss.

star how old are you?  if you havent had your period since Jan.  you need to see the dr dear.  My offer is here and in Writing- hold me to it.  And Veevee too! :)

you should be old enough to talk one on one with the dr, if it would be too hard to talk about in front of your mom.  Mothers appreciate honesty and when it concerns your health, she will be there for you and be by your side.  Shes your mother.

Relient- I must say I am very impressed and proud to see someone willing to work towards better health and starting out the way you are, Im sure we will see you reach a healthy lifestyle!  Way to go!

Getting the support of your family and getting involved with a group is the best thing to do for yourself.  With the Right support, anything is possible. 

Star and Relient- maybe you guys could exchange emails and relient, maybe you can give star the name of your group so she could find a support group in her area. 

I am assuming both of you are teens so I would like to give you another teens name on this board that would be AWESOME support for you both.  Alwayzfreetobeme  look her up if you need someone more your age to talk with.  BUT We are all here for you guys! 

Star PLEASE listen and read what Relient wrote here, you dont want to end up in the hospital.  take that step and talk to someone!  maybe a friends mom???? if not your own.  Someone that can help you get some help.

I added you both to my friends list and hope you will stay and get the support you need and deserve.  Use the site to make sure you are getting enough calories a day :)

star-i'm glad your at least considering my advice, it's a step forward. During your physical, i think you should ask your doctor if s/he could recommend a physician that specializes in eating disorders, or search for someone online if your to worried to do that. Honestly, from what I hear, people like me who have recovered have never felt better or more free in their life! I wish you luck in finding the courage you need in finding your way to recovery.
slappy- thanks so much for the advice and support! <3

no problem! :)  we are all here for you guys!  Take care of yourself and learn from it!  you are working to gain back control of your life, a new beginning.