Want to become vegetarian, but need advice

Hi everyone,

As a member of CC for a few years I've come to browse the Vegetarian forum from time to time, but I've reached a point in my life where I feel like I'd rather not eat meat anymore for a number of reasons.

My only concern is ... well, I'm scared - I'm really worried about how to react in social situations, especially since my grandma thinks that making a lasagna "but not putting meat in one little piece" makes that one piece vegetarian. :rolleyes: I live on my own so cooking and shopping is not that much of an issue, but I've seen how they react to my uncle's vegetarian girlfriend (note the lasagna issue, though I was so upset by it I actually made a separate vegetarian lasagna for her when I wasn't even vegetarian...!) and it worries me.

I considered eating fish (though I know that's NOT vegetarian) because I thought it might make things easier, but one day it just dawned on me how awful it was that fish are pretty much just suffocated to death and not really killed mercifully. I guess you could say I'm sort of torn between how I feel about it and not wanting to be an inconvenience to those around me, so I was just wondering how those of you out there deal with this kind of situation, and I'd really appreciate any advice you can give.

I forgot to add... since my family get-togethers usually involve barbecueing... how do you deal with that kind of situation as well? Thanks :)

Barbecues are easy - just buy yourself some vegetarian burgers or hot dogs. You can get vegetarian immitation chicken breasts, beef strips and I've even seen an immitation steak. I have a barbecue and LOVE using it. My fiance eats cow flesh and I eat tofu dogs. It all works out.

You can get some pretty incredibly portabella mushroom patties in the cooler section of your supermarket. I shop the Safeway and Superstore. There are tons of options.

As for the family friction... yeah, I know all about that. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me "where do you get your protein?" I'd have a hell of a lot of nickels, and for the first few months I was vegan I got criticized every time I went out socially to a restaurant or dinner date at someone else's place. It took a really long time for my boyfriend to stop trying to buy me cheese and ice cream. I also had to teach him and my roommate what it meant to be vegan and what foods were good and what weren't.

There's a ton of misinformation out there and yeah, it's going to be really hard. You have to decide whether or not it's worth it to you to deal with all of that. It gets easier after your friends and family get used to the idea and realize you're not crazy or dying of malnutrition, but generations of teaching have reinforced in them the idea that meat is necessary to make a healthy, 'complete' meal. It's like trying to tell 16th century europeans the world is round to say you can be healthy and not kill a cow to do it.

Make sure you're solid in your convictions and go hard. If you're not 100% sure of why you're doing it it's easy to fall off the wagon. Remember you can always come back here for advice or ideas, most of us are very eager to help. ;)

As for dealing with family? PATIENCE is key. Akward dinners and conversations are imminent. Just try to understand that for the most part they're well-meaning and just misinformed (or completely uninformed). Read up on the topic and be prepared to defend your stance. Remember, you're doing this for you (and the chickens!), not for them. It would be nice to have their support, but it isn't strictly necessary.

Grilling veggies at a barbecue is also good.. eggplant, zucchini and mushrooms brushed with olive oil and some spices - YUM!

I know asking for opinions can shed a new light on the issue, but in the end this is your choice and you have to find a balance that works for you, so that you are happiest and most satisfied with your food choices.

For instance, I am not even close to being a vegetarian, but I seldom eat red meat, and sometimes go for days on end without touching meat. It`s not on purpose, or even scheduled, it`s a matter of what tastes good to me and makes me feel good physically. I am being overly selfish in that I prefer not to give much thought to where what I`m eating comes from, but for me it`s worth the tradeoff, since I don`t want to overly restrict my diet or turn my eating habits into some sort of religion and beat myself up or have a guilt trip over any intentional or unintentional slip-up.

Regardless of what you decide is best for you, any discomfort you might cause your family should be the least of your concerns. This is again me being overly selfish, but they should be able to respect your personal choices, regardless of the reasons you made them, as long as you are not inflicting harm upon yourself or others. It should be a weird little time of them getting used to the new you, as I`m sure it would take you a while to get used to your grandma dying her hair purple. But it`s an effort that they`d have no excuse for not being willing to make.

Bring your own alternatives to family gatherings you think might be awkward. Try to make something that's ready to go straight into the oven or the microwave so you're not crowding the cooking space too much. If your grandma offers you some lasagna, or whatever, then politely decline, but don't forget to say how delicious her green beans (or whatever side dishes she's cooked) are. If your hosts have made something separate for you, you can always pop your veggie alternative in their fridge, then freeze it when you get home to eat another day.

But be warned, whenever I take one of my dishes to a family gathering, the meat-eaters all want to have "just a little bit" as a side dish, and they almost always come back for more, so make enough for everyone!

You being vegetarian absolutely does not need to be an awkward situation, as long as you communicate with everyone about exactly what you won't eat, and be prepared to bring your own food with you. If your family is going to a restaurant, don't forget to ask whoever's booking to check that a vegetarian alternative will be available. It's really that simple.

I am the only vegetarian in my extended family, and my fiancé and his family also all eat meat, so I know how you feel. With a bit of communication, plenty of smiles and use of the phrases "I don't want to be a bother though so I just brought this which you can pop in the microwave/oven", and "goodness these beans are delicious", nobody will feel put out or offended by your choice not to eat the meat dish they slaved for hours over.

I really haven't found it to be a big deal, and I live in TEXAS (beef capital of the world).   I also don't talk about it too much - if anyone asks why I'm not having a big bloody steak like everyone else, I just smile, say I don't eat meat, and change the subject.  I think if you don't act like it's a big deal, most people will follow suit.  Yes, I have had the occasional person who really freaks out about it (Thanks, mom!) but I just try to remain calm and continue acting like it's no big deal.  If all else fails, I have been known to turn the tables and look at them quizzically and act like they are the weird one (which we all know they really are!)  :) and get really confused by why they are asking all these stupid questions.  That tends to shut people up.

I can find things to eat in pretty much any social situation.   I have had a few awkward meals such as dry pasta only (sauce had meat),  bread and cheese (make your own sandwich bar where the only sandwich option was lunch meat), lettuce/tomato/pickles/onions on a bun (hamburger cookout with no veggie options), etc. but I have never completely starved.  I have also had problems with Caesar salads - you think salad should be safe but it contains anchovies, so I won't eat it.   The key is to prepare in advance - if you are going to a situation where you don't know if they will have anything for you - eat before you go!  If you are going to a restaurant, check their menu or call them and ask if they can prepare something for you.

If I am going to a barbeque, I will usually bring some marinated veggie burgers with me.  Most people don't even notice they are not real meat (the marinade kinda covers them up).  Once I brought tofu to a BBQ and I got endless questions and rude comments, which I blatantly ignored... but, lesson learned.  Veggie burgers it is from now on.  :)  Another easy thing to do on the grill is veggie fajitas... throw some slices of bell peppers, onions, portabella mushrooms, zucchini, tomatoes, etc. on the grill and serve them up in a tortilla with guac, salsa (and sour cream, cheese if you aren't vegan).  They're awesome and no one will miss the meat!

Though I have been on and off the vegetarian bandwagon for a few years now, I understand your perspective.

For ethical reasons, my friend made an excellent point: if you are a pet-owner and you are an ethical vegetarian, then make sure you maintain your pet's diet as a vegetarian as well. I understand vegetarianism from an ethical standpoint, but in the end, I come on top to think that ethical vegetarianism as a little hypocritical due to all of the little critters that die in the harvest combines.

Otherwise (health reasons), go for it. I lost ten pounds pretty quickly once I stopped eating meat, and I had a huge load of natural energy. I was awake all the time, perky, etc. Unfortunately, I had to do it again because my husband lost an intense amount of weight when he stopped eating meat as well (and our budget isn't big enough to serve my vegetarian needs and his omnivorous needs).

As far as inconveniencing people goes, in my experience, I just pick a dish that doesn't have meat in it, or I pick the meat out. This obviously isn't considerably "vegan," but by vegetarian standards, it should be OK.

And one piece of advice: it can't be done overnight. Start omitting your animal products week by week and pretty soon, your taste buds will reset itself.

I disagree that it can't be done overnight (I did) but everyone is different!

Did you use the patch or gum? lol

I found the biggest challenge for me is hidden meat/fish when eating out. For example, Mexican food, usually the beans and sometimes the tortillas (and chips) are made with lard. Japanese - miso soup, soba and udon noodle, the soup base usually contains bonita or other fish in small amounts. Thai - fish sauce in almost everything. And when servers speak English as a second language there is even more opportunities for confusion. Often they think, like your Grandma, that if there aren't visible pieces of meat, then the dish is vegetarian. I am an ecological vegetarian. I don't eat meat/chicken/fish because it's not good for the planet. Also, being a vegetarian isn't the same as vegan. I can get eggs and cheese from the farmers market and support family farms. I find this works best for me.

I'd like to recommend the books, "Fast Food Nation" and "Diet for a New America" to help give you ideas about why being a vegetarian is important. Good luck!

try not to worry about what other people think. a plant diet is the healthiest thing you can eat.  i eat mostly vegetarian dishes but i got lazy and i eat meat now. but being vegatarian is good for so many more reasons than just the health ones. shoot i think i might get back on the ball!

I know where you're coming from. Last Thanksgiving with my family I cooked and brought m own tofurkey and a nut-based gravy, but the only thing I could eat there was the mashed potatoes. Then my aunt tried to put chicken broth in those too, despite the fact that everyone told her this would make them inedible for me. She later hit me as a goodbye saying "Eat meat." You just have to ignore people like that, and hope the rest of your family understands your choices and will protect the mashed potatoes.

Answer questions politely and do not react to people who see your refusal of meat as a personal attack. Stay calm and explain that it's your choice, and it doesn't effect them whatsoever. If they see it as a chore to make vegitarian options, bring your own to family gatherings. I always pick up veggie burgers or Veggie dogs before a barbeque, and tell the person barbequeing hey have to be cooked first or after you cook the fat off the grill, and then I provide them with a seperate plate. Most people will comply, but if they don't, just cook it beforehand. It's a bit of a hassle, but it ensures you have something to eat.

Most memebers of My family and my Step-fathers family were very understanding about what I eat once I explained it to them. If you let them know why you chose to stop eating meat, explain that it has nothing to do with them and they do not have to eat Vegitarian just because you do. There will always be some one who is unreasonable and continues to see your diet as something public that mocks their choices. Just smile and politely ignore them.

I HAD to respond to your post because I truly believe I was born to be a vegetarian.  I still remember when I was really young and my grandma would treat us with happy meals and I would eat everything but the patty.  No one understood me. Even in my teen years I got a lot of flack from friends and family.  Since I moved out and started cooking for myself, it has gotten a lot easier, but there are still those awkward situations where you get stuck with people who just aren't open minded enough or respectful enough to just leave you alone about it.

I complete know what you mean.  I remember I went to a dinner party and they made a beef stew, and instead of making a vegetarian alternative, they simply gave me a plate of veggies covered in meaty sauce - now I though that was disrespectful, but I also felt it would also be disrespectful to say anything, so I just filled up on the bread and pushed around my veggies.

After a few of these encounters I finally decided to take matters into my own hands.  I now make sure I tell future hosts in advance about my special diet needs.  I usually tell them if is because I am sensitive to too much dairy and meats.  Usually that lessens some of that haggling if you make it out to be because of digestive problems.  Now, I know it can sound pushy or rude, but you can simply state that you are fine brining your own entrée in a Tupper wear container if they cannot accommodate you.  This usually will scare people into making you a vegetarian alternative in fear of looking like a bad host. Just, be prepared to have to do things like this if people refuse to be accommodating.  It is much easier to just take care of yourself then to expect people to accommodate you when they don’t understand you desire to not eat meat.

On a related note, have emergency food.  I keep a cliff bar on hand at all times in case I get stuck somewhere for a meal without prior notice.  I can usually live off eating a few of the sides and secretly eat my cliff bar to keep protein in my system and to keep me going.

Now, I know with family it is hard, but you really just need to demand them to respect your decisions.  Just continue to remind them of how important it is to you.  Over the years my family has come to terms with it, and for the most part they don’t haggle me, but I will assure you, there will be the moments when they will bug you about it.  Try to let it roll off your back – in the end it has nothing to do with you, really the people who make these comments are afraid of something different.  And stay firm.  If you cave once, they will assume you will continue to do so and it is likely they will never try to accommodate you.

Also, just a tip, in asking for them to accept you, don’t bug them about them eating meat, and don’t expect them to stop eating meat around you.  If you show that you are open to letting them do what they want, it will make them more apt to accept your decisions.  I never expect my boyfriend to switch to being veggie for me.  In fact, I will cook him a steak once in a while.  It keeps up moral, and it shows respect.  He never haggles me about being a veggie because I never haggle him for not

I totally understand where you're coming from. Like one of the other posters, I'm from Texas where meat is in pretty much everything, however, unlike that poster I've found it a little difficult to find vegetarian friendly options especially at restaurants. However, if you're willing to put forth the effort it can be done. With regard to your family, I understand that too. My family has always eaten a certain way and there's a ton of meat in the freezer. I'm staying with them over the summer so I'm experiencing quite a bit of the feeling like an inconvienence. That being said, sometimes you just have to bring/ask for alternatives. With family get togethers you might have to bring your own alternatives and I think the poster that mentioned making enough for everyone was spot on. Chances are if you introduce vegetarian friendly cuisine, your family will probably enjoy the food and start to open their minds a little.

Good luck and congrats on your new vegetarianism.

Being a vegetarian is not that big of a deal, really.  Beside being vegetarian, I am also gluten intolerant, and cannot have the meat analogues, either.  But I am able to find simething to eat where ever I go.  Restuarants will usually omit or add anything to any of their items for you.  And family will usually come around if you are consistant and pleasant about it.  (Like the other poster recommended--be pleasant and bring your own dish.)  I always ask before I eat in a mexican restaraunt if they cook with lard.  Most places nowadays use vegetable oils.

If you get tired of trying to explain your reasoning to family/friends, you can use my husband's reason: McGuyver was a vegetarian. =)

We've been doing it as a family for a while now, and we love Indian food when we eat out!