just want to vent sorry

im just starting treatment for anorexia, and im very scared, im trying to get my head round the fact that i do need to put on weight altho i dont think i do, im scared of putting on weight, im scared to eat anything other then my safe foods, i eat 500 calories max aday at the moment and the thought of eating more then that is scaring me stupid, i go in to panic, my mum is being very great, she is listening to me and understanding, i dont know what i would do if i didnt have her, my dad rings me every night to see how i am but he starts of how r u, then it straight into what have you eaten today, ive found myself lying to him, just to get some peace when i tell him the truth he says lucy you know thats not enough, you need to eat more, you cant go backwards bah bah bah, then its i worry so much, i cant sleep he makes me feel guilty, which in turn makes eating even harder, ive asked him to stop asking me what ive eaten but hes not listening. ive asked my mum not to do it and she dont, i also told her that when i do eat something that isnt on my safe list not to make a big deal out of it, as it makes me feel bad, guilty and then i panic that im gona put on loads of weight, i hate it when people draw attendion to what ive eating, my mum gets it now and has stopped, she also says that its ok for me to eat something if i ask her, shes brill. im also going through a break up with my partner of 10 years, we have 4 children and im finding it hard, im looking forward to moving out getting my own house, and i know i have to beat this ed for my kids and for myself.

sorry for going on but i feel much better now.

lucy xx