Wanting to live my life and recover. please help

Ok, so I started suffering from anorexia almost a year ago when I wanted to lose weight before entering high school. I was 138 pounds at 5'5'' now Im down to 113 and totally miserable. I know that I need to gain weight and stop counting calories but I just can't stop, the thought alone of no longer counting calories seems crazy. I don't trust my body to know when it needs food and when to stop. anyone who has been through this and can help me learn how to get my life back, please help me. I don't know how to leave this body image obsession behind me and stop worrying about what other people think. I'm 16 years old and I can't enjoy just eating pizza with friends or goofing around because I feel as though I should be exersizing to keep from getting fat. I don't even know how many calories would be healthy. If there's anyone that has had an ed and stopped counting calories, can you please give me advice on how to do this please? I'm so sad all the time....

pls......... if you can stop it now i have had it for 10 yrs and the sooner you can get back to your old self the better.. dont let it steal ne more of your days .......... be good to yourself and love the REAL you!

Healthnut, I know exactly what you are going through. I honestly feel the same way at times. I think that calorie counting might be something that sticks with us during recovery, but this can be a good thing in order to make sure that we are getting enough. Maybe you could try to go out to a random place where you have no idea what the intake would be...I started doing this and then I just gave up counting on some days.....life is all about choices. I feel that you can make a great one....

hello--

i'm your age (16) and i'm recovering from anorexia too. 

believe me, it's NOT fun. i hate it. but recovery is worth it because every step i make, every morsel of food i put in my mouth, distances me from the shivering stick i used to be. i'm on my way to being healthy. for months all i could think about was food, food, food---when i got to eat next, how much i'd eaten already, how little i should eat at the next meal so that i could get in x amount of calories for the day. i dwindled to 108 lbs (i'm 5'4", but really muscular... competitive gymnast and track runner) and i was cold ALL THE TIME. my hair was falling out, my bones were sticking out.

but then, i said to myself, why is this worth it? is this really beautiful, to be this bony, shivering girl? no guy is going to think that's sexy. i would rather be the 124-lb, happy, healthy teenager i was before the anorexia.

i keep calorie tabs in my head now, and try to make educated decisions when i go out to dinner. that's not to say that i don't utilize sites like healthydiningfinder.com to find out exactly what i should order when i go out... my parents still think that's weird. 

recovery is a great thing. it really is. that isn't to say its not hard, because it seems at times like everyone's against you but you (doctors telling you to eat, eat, eat... therapists asking you why you won't eat... etc. etc.) but it's worth it. the best thing you can do for your body is feed it. 

i eat 1800 calories a day. to gain, i ate up to 2500. but after putting on 10 lbs i'm allowed to maintain (yay!!) i think you should probably be having around 1800 if you're even a little bit active. teens need more calories anyway (which i'm still trying to get my mind around. it's a bit of a struggle with the calories still, every day.) if you're really not sure, then maybe seeing a nutritionist would help you. it was a great benefit to me. overall... i promise, you are stronger than your ed, no matter what. 

best of luck!! ((hugs))