WARNING: vent -- my hubby & friends are TOO indulgent!

I have people all around me that keep telling me there is nothing wrong with me the way I am.  My husband says over and over again that he doesn't care what I weigh.  My skinny friends say things like "but you just had a baby" or "you don't look bad".  However, I know that at 5'5" and 185 that I am DEFINITELY overweight!  I don't have a body image problem, I am just realistic -- not to mention I have NEVER had to wear size 16 ANYTHING in my life.  Seems like the people around me that love me are just scared I will take it too far, or that I will feel lousy about myself being this heavy and my baby boy only being 6 months old.  (For crying out loud, EVERY freaking woman I run across has gone back to being a skinny flat-tummied MILF within 2 months of delivery, and here I am still looking 5 months pregnant!!!!!!!)   I think that they are being WAY too nice, way too forgiving, way too SOMETHING.  I don't need to have my ego stroked, and I don't need the people around me telling me a pretty lie just to "save my feelings".  I feel guilty being mad about this;  how ungrateful a woman am I, to be be-itching about having people be so nice to me??  But honestly, when I have a "belly-skirt" that rests on my thighs when I sit down, when I have blubber hanging out of all parts of my bra, and when I can feel folds touching when I simply bend over to pick up my son, I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, and no amount of "you are beautiful just the way you are" is going to change that reality!

Honestly, these scary cholesterol and liver test results from two weeks ago were a blessing.  Now I can count calories in the name of counting cholesterol and fat taken in.  I can diet in the name of getting my cholesterol and liver enzymes somewhere in the normal range before having to go on medication.  The people that are arguing that I don't need to lose weight can't argue that I don't need to lower my stroke-level cholesterol levels, or somehow get my liver healthy again. 

If you made it this far, THANK YOU.  It seems sometimes like I am the only one to feel frustration with this kind of issue.  Everyone else probably hates me for it, thinking about their mom/dad/boyfriend/skinny best friend/whomever that is critical of their weight and harping on every bite they take.  I am sorry that so many people feel a need to criticise those of us who aren't the societal ideal, and it makes me angry when I hear of an insensitive husband that berates his wife by saying things like "do you really need to eat THAT?".  But there are times that I wish my husband would be that honest, instead of donning rose-tinted spectacles and trying to hand me a plate of pasta. 

LOl. I know where  you are coming from girl. I have the same issues  as you. My husband has always told me you look fine...ANd i am like yeah right. I had two kids and two c-sections. So lets not talk about belly fat. Lol. It really, really, really, really, sucks when you still have to wear "pregnant, big panties" just to fit your stomach and butt in them with out them looking like thongs... Or having to find the perfect bra because having your kids caused you to go up in bra size. In my case i went from a "C" to a "DD".  So  Girl, trust me when I say I know all to well what you are talking about. And the only reason why I think that family and friends say that is because deep down in side they dont want to hurt your feelings. When you and I both know that they are thinking that you do need to loose weight. so the next time they say that, do what I do, tell them " now yall know yall are lying, put your hand on the bible and say it again"

Original Post by mommashay:

"........ I had two kids and two c-sections. So lets not talk about belly fat."

WTF is with that "shelf", anyway???  In this modern age, with all our amazing medical breakthroughs, isn't there a way they can stitch you up a little better than THIS???  Don't get me wrong, I love my son dearly and would have gone through ANYTHING to have him here and healthy.  But that belly skirt SUCKS!

".........It really, really, really, really, sucks when you still have to wear "pregnant, big panties" just to fit your stomach and butt in them with out them looking like thongs."

YOU ARE SO RIGHT!  I used to wear CUTE panties.  Now I wear the Grannie Panties I used to make so much fun of, just because I can't stand to have the waistband of said cuties sink into the C-section canyon.

".......... Or having to find the perfect bra because having your kids caused you to go up in bra size. In my case i went from a "C" to a "DD"." 

Erm, I wish that is all I had to deal with.  I STARTED out a DD.  Now I am going to have to mortgage my house to hire a local construction firm to manufacture an industrial-strength scaffolding to hold in these boulders.

"...........So  Girl, trust me when I say I know all to well what you are talking about. "

I am so glad to hear from someone that understands!

"...........And the only reason why I think that family and friends say that is because deep down in side they dont want to hurt your feelings. When you and I both know that they are thinking that you do need to loose weight. so the next time they say that, do what I do, tell them " now yall know yall are lying, put your hand on the bible and say it again"

Have Bible, will challenge!

HI

Is your husband thin or average or heavy? Sometimes the thin ones just don't understand what it is like to try to lose weight. My husband is like that. I'm a lot older than you and I've been married a loooong time. My husband is quite thin and never watches what he eats. So, sometimes, he sabotages me because he truly doesn't understand, for example, that eating a "healthy" baked potato or salad loaded with toppings/dressing/cheese isn't a way to watch your diet.

So, this time around, (of course, I've dieted before) I tried something a lot different. I didn't even mention it to him that I'm dieting. So, you might try the same thing. Just don't talk about it around him or the other people that give you what you see as false support. Try to eat your real "skinny" meals when others aren't around, and at dinner, etc. load up on veggies, or take some of the regular meal, but just sort of push it around your plate and don't eat too much of it. I know you've already talked to your husband about losing weight, but maybe just kind of down play it for awhile and keep going on your own.  

I don't know if that helps - but, so far, it is working for me. Maybe it's a new way to think about it.

I support you in your weight loss goal. If I had gotten serious when I was 185 (like you) instead of 210, I would be that much closer to my goal now. So, keep up the good efforts, and know that there are people out here that do understand.

Consider me on your side.

The biggest difference is that they are seeing what you look like and to them maybe you do look fine the way you are. However, something you are forgeting to help them realize is, that it's not about the way you look, but about the way you feel. Let them know you appreciate the thoughtfulness of their opionins in how you look, but your concern is how you feel.

Your health and well being are not just about how you look, but how you feel. When you got your test results, that was a chance for you to direct this on a different course. Now take it a step further and let your family and friends know about how you feel. If they are as supportive as you are indicating, then they will understand the difference, and will encourage you to new heights.

God's speed and favor in your endeavor, and my prayers are with you.

Blessings!