Wedding Frusturations

So we are getting married in 2010. We have made all the arrangements like booking the wedding hall, arranging the caterers/florists etc. Now my future MIL want us to change the wedding date, so that it will be a summer wedding. Else she won't attend the wedding.

Since we are not going to change the wedding date, I assume she will not be attending it. Though my fiance is trying his best to make her come, he himself doubts that.

I'm very much annoyed at this. It would be better if i don't think about wedding. But I'm always thinking about it. Hope there is something in the world which will make me forget that we have a wedding.

Elope!

Is there a reason that she's being a stinker about it?  Medical/financial/conflict with work?

If not, just enjoy yourselves and be grateful that the monster-in-law won't be putting a damper on things.

Did she know the date before you made all the arrangements?  Because that would have been the time for her to speak up (assuming that she has a valid reason for not being able to attend unless it's summer - which may not be the case).

tell her you'll make sure to get a good video to send her then. sheesh, is she a pagan or something that you have to get married in the summer?

Yep she do know about it. The reason why she want us to change the wedding date is her daughter(my future sil) is due one month before our wedding. She has plans to assist her post delivery.

My SIL wasn't pregnant when we planned our wedding. I can understand if SIL can't attend the wedding due to travelling with new born. But I think she can manage for a day or two without my MIL help.

We are still not sure whether this is the reason why my MIL want us to change the wedding date.

Too bad she won't be there... or maybe not.

You already had a date planned and you made arrangements accordingly.  It's not your job to accomodate other people because it later turned out to be inconvenient. 

If you're flexible and don't mind changing the date, you could make the offer that she pay any additional expenses that might arise from the date change - i.e. more expensive hall since it's in the normal 'wedding season', fees simply for changing the date, etc.  But I'd get that in writing.

Have you asked her why she thinks it is so important that you have a summer wedding?  I mean, if the season isn't important to you or your fiance, I don't see why it should be important to her.  She should really give you a concrete reason for this....

All of these stories I read on here about crazy mothers-in-law make me really grateful for my mother-in-law.  She is as sweet as can be!

As we all said in Chat yesterday, black beauty, tell FMIL to Stuff It! Your FMIL Is a dramatic personae and if she wins on this, she's going to have the expectation she can have her way with you every time she whines, whether it's truly fine or not.

Tell her that it's too late that the wedding is set and you really would be disappointed if she didn't show up.

Seriously, tell her just that.

Original Post by mollymouser:

Elope!

 2nded

It is your wedding, not hers.  If she was getting married she wouldn't give a damn if the date she set was good for you.

But then I planned my daughters wedding down to the date, church, hall everything.  I also paid for the whole thing.  Their only job was to show up.  SIL's family was a bit peeved because I did not consult them on anything.  They were also pissed baecause there was no alcohol at the reception.  Too bad for them, they also decided to invite about twenty extra people without even informing my daughter or SIL.  Good thing it was buffet style and there was enough of food.

As I said, it is your wedding.  The day is for you and your SO.  Family and guests are there to witness the event.

Sorry she's being a pain.  It's not your fault SIL got pregnant and  I can understand wanting to be there to help but that's your MIL's choice.  A lot of people do fine without help, and those that do get it *can* survive for a day or 2 without it.  She could do both (depending on distance) but is trying to push you into letting her control things.

A lot of companies could add extra fees (my friend's florist did) for a date change so you could always bring that up and ask her if she's going to pay all the extra expenses you'd end up with.  For all you know the hall or photographer/videographer or entertainment could already have a booking and there's another point.  It's not that you're doing it to spite her request, it's that everything is totally straight and changing it now could mean your big day doesn't go exactly as planned.

It's unfortunate and I'm sorry she's stressing you more then you need to be.  I wish she could compromise so it's not one or the other.  The only one she is going to hurt in the end of all this is herself.  It's something I know will haunt her.  My parents didn't come to my wedding, 11 years later my dad still apologizes because he sees how wrong he was.  

I got married 4 weeks ago, and despite everyone telling me that I must be gutted that it's over - no, no I'm not, I'm glad it all went to plan because I worked my ass off making it perfect but it's done and I'm happy.

Suggestion for the MIL - don't worry right now, arrange everything as if she's going to be there (not many (good) mothers will miss their sons wedding), don't not talk about the wedding in front of her but don't include her in the planning until she comes to you.  Just tell her that you both want her there, that you hope that she will be and that there will always be a place for her.

Although at the planning stage it seems that you need to plan for every eventuality for every person - on the day, if you have to move one place setting away - no big deal and no one will notice.

Just leave her be, at the moment she's getting the attention from her son that perhaps she is missing now but you need to come together with your soon to be husband, put on a united front and let her see that you are his priority now.

Good luck

It is YOUR day, not FMIL's day.  It is up to her how she chooses to schedule her time and priorities, and if staying with SIL is more important to her...well... then at least you know where you stand. 

Personally, I would NOT change my plans for her, and I also would not waste my time kissing her butt and begging her to come- and if she expects you to do that then good luck in the future with this one!  It's probably best she doesn't come anyway- sounds like she'd likely do her best to put the focus on herself the entire day. 

I would change anything about my wedding it would be this.

I would get married where I honeymooned and then if my in-laws wanted a repeat of the  ceremony and I would plan a small one. Whenever!!

This is YOUR DAY NOT HERS!!!

I'm not going to let our wedding date to be changed. My fiance too agrees on this. It was conveyed to our MIL. She's giving the reply don't expect me there then.

My fiance is going to check with his sister whether she can do without MIL's help for a day. If so may be we will sponser her tickets.

Else one person less from our guess list. May be my fiance will feel bad about it. But i'm not

My MIL "got sick" and didn't come to our wedding.

It didn't change the day at all.

Good for you (and your fiance) for sticking to your guns.  There is no reason to expect you to go through the upheaval of re-planning everything, just for her desires.

And it very well may be that once she sees you aren't going to change everything, and the date draws closer, she will end up changing her mind.

So I gotta know,  is your fiance the youngest of his family.

Does he still live at home?

Sounds like she still wants to control his life.  Has she been welcoming to you in any way?

Do it without her.  and dont regret one singly thing you do on your day together.  You and your fiance are gewtting married not your MIL

Sounds like your MIL is being a brat. Chances are she'll still show up and expect everyone to be sooooo grateful that she granted you her presence.  Whatever. Look, your fiance doesn't care, so why do you? it sounds like she's a control freak anyways, do you really want her at the wedding?

What kind of mother doesn't want to see her son get married? I'm sorry, but she's a bitch.

Original Post by spuckine1:

So I gotta know,  is your fiance the youngest of his family.

Does he still live at home?

Sounds like she still wants to control his life.  Has she been welcoming to you in any way?

Do it without her.  and dont regret one singly thing you do on your day together.  You and your fiance are gewtting married not your MIL

 Yes my Fiance is the Youngest of his family. She likes controlling everyone's life. She was in fact very shocked that her son is getting married early when we announced our engagement. My fiance is 30 today and this will be the perfect time for marriage.

As of now I'm going to proceed with the plans and may be she will honor us with her presence at the last minute!

stick with your guns and have your wedding when you want! it is between you and your fiancee, not anyone else!