Weight gain advice for someone old and frail

SERIOUS subject here, please leave if you can't handle it

Ok, this might be different then most people here, but my grandmother is 90 years old, and she's slowly declining in health. The latest is that she can't chew, and she's pretty absent througbout the day. She lost a LOT of weight in the past month, and while the doctors don't have any magic/rejuvenating tricks in their sleeve, I can't just let her starve to death.

As an example of how she eats - Right now it takes her about 4 hours to eat some 200g cottage cheese with cream, and a glass of milk. I just spoon feed her once every 5 minutes, and give her a bit of liquid every now and again to remind her to swallow.

PS A nursing home is OUT of the question. Most of them are horrible places (keep in mind I'm not in the US).

So my question is - anyone have any experience with any of this?

Any  REALLY FATTENING foods that I could blend and feed her (I use a syringe to give her liquids)?

Any naturist treatments that I could try to increase her hunger, get her more alert?

Any way to squeeze in calories in liquids?

What I thought of on my own - I got those protein shakes for bodybuilders, and peanut butter. I'm thinkin - fullfat milk + 40g protein thingie + 1 spoon peanutbutter - a liquid meal

Thanks for the help

The liquid meal you've thought up for her sounds really good. You could also make it with full fat coconut milk/cream. Also, as far as extremes go, could you spoon feed her some healthy oils (such as flax seed). I know it doesn't sound that delicious, but it's a healthy way of getting some fats in there (and cold pressed oils such as flax are often meant to be taken alone, or on some salad). You could also spoon feed her avocados as they have a nice baby-food consistency. She's lucky to have you :)

When my grandma had cancer she drank a lot of Ensures. This way she got nutrients and also calories.Have you discussed this with her doctor cause he or she may be able to offer suggestions.I would talk to them just cause some items may be too hard on her stomach like weight gainer. I am not saying not to or to give it to her. I just always think it is safer to ask and maybe they could set you up with a nutritionist who deals with this. I am sorry about your mom.

Best bet is to speak with a nutritionist specializing in geriatric diets.

Good calories:

New Whey '42' protien drinks (available at GNC).  It a 180 calorie drink with 42 grams of protien (and it's only like 3.5 oz.). 

http://newwhey.com/

Foods like avacados, bananas and creamy peanut butter (mixed with milk to thin a bit) are high in calories and healthy.  You can add peanut butter milk to oatmeal also. I believe that all nut butters are high calorie and healthy.  I am sure you already know about Ensure.

http://ensure.com/

You can blend pasta and beans (baked beans usually are good and high calorie--also they have a high sugar content).  Rice and lentils are good too.

Any potatoes, but especially orange ones like yams are very healthy, high in calories and can be mashed.

Salmon, eggs (with yolks), cheese, whole milk, brown rice, olive oil, and almond milk are easily mashed/blended or can be added to a mixture.  :)

Almond milk (also an almond butter):

http://www.bluediamond.com/

Also, don't forget about your slow cooker (crockpopt).  You can cook lean beef until it's very tender and put it in the food processor/blender and/or add it to mashed sweet potatoes.  Also, the beef broth is healthy and can be used as a liquid instead of water.

Best to you and God bless you and your Mother.  If you need any help, please just message me.  :)  -Lin

Have you considered that your grandmother is slowly departing this world?  I don't mean to sound cruel, but part of letting go of living is taking in less and less food.  Often, when people are getting ready to die they slowly stop eating and drinking.  Their organs are shutting down, and it is not the worst way to go.  I don't mean to sound cruel, but I would spend the time you have together giving her as much food and drink as she will take willingly, but also just "being" together while she takes her final journey.  It may be time to let her dying spirit go.

My heart goes out to you, take care.

In the UK you can get 'Calogen' liquid, which is 50% fat (I think) and therefore very high energy so it's good even in small quantities - it also has added vitamins and comes in different milkshake-type flavours. Unlike Ensure/Fortisip etc where the serving size is 200mls, you just take 'shots' of Calogen, say 30mls and it still delivers a fair amount of cals. I would imagine other countries have similar and it would be worth asking your pharmacist as even if they don't stock it they might  order stuff in for you.

Another idea is chocolate - squares of chocolate can melt slowly in the mouth and don't need chewing.

The ideas you are currently trying sound great too, and most importantly you are clearly very kind and caring - while it's great if you can get her to eat more, you shouldn't stress too much or blame yourself if it proves impossible. I work as a nurse and know only too well that sometimes there's just nothing short of tube-feeding that's going to get adequate nutrients in, and often when this is the case it's a sign that someone's coming to the end of their life like dkenworthy said. It could well be a subconsious decision that she's had enough and that should be respected.

As far as natural appetite stimulants go I'm not sure there are any effective ones. Steroids (not the illegal ones some body builders take, but the kind that are prescribed for illnesses such as chest infections) tend to be effective for a while at least but careful discussion with a doctor would be needed to decide if they're appropriate in this case.

Take care of both of you.

Thanks for the advice and kind words.

I'm afraid any bottled stuff isn't available where I live (eastern europe), but the shake was a resounding success - she said she liked the taste (which is an improvement, hasn't said much in days). My mum is a family doctor though, so she'll ask the pharmacy for something equivalent to those calogen thingies.

The blended beef in mashed potatoes sounds great. she does eat mashed potatoes with egg yolks already, so this sounds like a doable variation.

Also coconut milk (duh, why didn't I think of that)!

As for "deciding to pass away by not eating" - obviously I'm not going to force-feed her or try to keep her on by prolonging her suffering but.... She can still express not wanting to eat, and one can tell if she wants to when she does. So what I mean is - I think it's more of a case where she's in this vicious cycle where she's too tired to eat, which makes her more tired and more unable to eat.

Thanks again