Has your weight gain/loss affected who you're friends with?

For instance, I'm a girl and I've been overweight pretty much my entire life and I've ALWAYS gotten along better with guys than girls. But then in high school, I dropped down to my lowest weight ever and all of the sudden...I was more popular with the females at school. They wanted to go shopping and "hang out."

I'm curious to know if anyone else has noticed the same sort of thing in their social life?

Not that way, exactly, but who I hang out with has changed. Before (and I hate to admit this) I was one of those three fat girls who sit together and made snide comments about the semi-skinny girl who talked about how she wanted to lose weight. We'd sit there going "She's sitting right next to us! Her being that skinny and saying she's fat is so insulting to us!" All the while we wouldn't be trying to lose anything. Just trying to make ourselves feel better, or something.

I guess getting skinnier has also made me a little more... enlightened? Because now instead of being snooty about it? My thought is "good for her".

Yes, I think there are some girls who will only be friends with skinny girls.  It's sad but true, some people look at friends as making up part of their image and being a reflection on themself.  It's a shallow way of making friendships and they're missing out on a lot of cool people.

Edit: sorry I just read your post again and I see what you're saying about understanding where the skinny girls are coming from now that you are friends with them.  Anyway I still think the best friendships aren't based on outward appearances.  I guess in high school you have the cliques, but a true friend should be supportive no matter what their friend's weight.

In a word: no.

But I'm 29, and kids are meaner than us.

I don't actually get hit on more either, really. Probably cause I was always pretty confident in bars and stuff, and i was overweight, but not crazily so. But I DO get blatantly eyed up in the street more, and I get BEEPED AT! Why do they beep?? You'll never get laid - even if I responded, you're gone! Muppets.

Hahaha! That is an excellent point about the horn-honking.

And yes, you're right, kids are meaner. Not as smart about being mean, but less socially-restrained. Stupid evil children.

Not that I'm bitter!

No, but it's affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. He is not dieting, and it is bothering me because he needs to way more than I. It's not that he's overweight that bothers me, it's that he doesn't care. I would never say anything to him, but I wish he would exercise portion control -- especially when we go out -- and it is really irritating me right now. It's just not attractive to see hiim eat 9/10 of every appetizer we order. Why can't he just have a portion, I'll have mine and we leave the rest?

I have kept my current friends, but find I'm making new ones because of my new "lifestyle"  I meet people in aerobics classes, on bike trails, in the produce aisle, etc., that I never had anything in common with before.  It has widened my circle.

Erin,

This is no excuse, but the reason I have so much leaving food uneaten on the plate comes directly from my mother - cleaning our plate at dinner was a requirement to leave the table, because uneaten food was WASTED food. And only selfish greedy people are wasteful.

Was he maybe raised like that too? Or is he just on the "see-food" diet like the old joke goes?

I know I was raised to clean everything on my plate. Its really hard to get around too.

I've had a friendship affected by my healthier eating habits (among other things that really caused ours to end). She paid no care to anything that she ate, and would only eat things sugary. Only drink soda. And would stick her nose up to anything remotely healthy. It only bothered me because she'd get angry at me when we'd eat food together and I didn't join her in eating a diabetic coma.

Original Post by alwaysinconstant:

Erin,

This is no excuse, but the reason I have so much leaving food uneaten on the plate comes directly from my mother - cleaning our plate at dinner was a requirement to leave the table, because uneaten food was WASTED food. And only selfish greedy people are wasteful.

Was he maybe raised like that too? Or is he just on the "see-food" diet like the old joke goes?

alwaysinconstant: I have the SAME issue with my Mother. I believe this is the Number One reason why, if I'm full, I'll still continue to eat the food in front of me... Hard to break life long habits!

Trying to lose a little hasn't affected who I'm friends with but it has changed their opinion of me a little bit. Some think its weird that I eat fruits, salad, or something else healthy for lunch instead of fries or pizza. And if I do by a cookie for example, eat half of it and offer someone the rest, they think its really odd. Then again, most of my good friends have awesome metabolism or work out a lot. They can't understand how frustrating it can be to eat half as much as they do but still be 10 pounds heavier.

Original Post by questobefit:

I know I was raised to clean everything on my plate. Its really hard to get around too.

I've had a friendship affected by my healthier eating habits (among other things that really caused ours to end). She paid no care to anything that she ate, and would only eat things sugary. Only drink soda. And would stick her nose up to anything remotely healthy. It only bothered me because she'd get angry at me when we'd eat food together and I didn't join her in eating a diabetic coma.

It's horrible but I wasn't raised the same. My mom would try to get me to eat what she made when I was really little but If I was really determined, I would choose to not eat it or throw out the rest.

I didn't stop being picky until I was 16 (going to a really poor village has that effect on you) but if I make way to much food I'll just deal with throwing the rest out or saving it for the next day.

It's definitely affected friendships, but it's more that I have been more confident so I make friends with people who I used to be intimitated by...tall, thin, rich, pretty, etc.  Now I have many more friends than before.  I still have a lot of weight to lose, but my state-of-mind is so much better already that I'm not hiding anymore.

That's a great word to describe it, jodiferjuniper - hiding. That's exactly what I've done when I've felt really fat and unattractive. So maybe those girls were just responding to the fact that I wasn't hiding anymore. Hmm....that or they just never invited me to go shopping before because, let's face it, the stores they went to didn't carry plus-sizes!

And questobefit - I have sorta a similar problem - my father is addicted to sugar, and as long as he continues to constantly buy cookies and ice cream and cakes and pies, my family will stay overweight. It's depressing, especially for my little sister...it's hard to try to eat healthy when your parents practically shove Little Debbies in your face!

The whole thing has effected alot of relationships I have.  I didn't realize that the majority of the time I spent with my friends was going out to eat.  Now I'm like hey maybe we do something else cause I just can't down all that food for no reason other then socializing anymore.  My best friend was upset like two months ago and came over my house with two pints of ben & jerry's.  She cleaned hers out in about 15 minutes and mine sat in the freezer for about 6 weeks.  I think everyone's just used to how I was and now I'm changing everything about my bad habits and they just weren't ready for it.  Although I have noticed that people are nicer to me now then they used to be, a bloody shame if you ask me but that's the way of the world I guess.

Yeah, when I was  gaining my extra weight I had some work associates who backed away from me.  Now that I am way more fit that I used to be, leaner (still have a way to go) they pay attention to me again.  What is that!!!!!!!!

Pudpie, I think that's just called being "insensitive, discriminatory and rude"

I've always made friends very easily... and I will say that my friends have in my younger years always been diverse.  Being a hairstylist, I meet all kindsa different people and some latch on and become friends and some don't.

In my more personal friendships, I will say that I am choosy now that I am older (in my 30's hehe ).  I'm very very deeply devoted to my husband and so almost all my time goes into playing with him.  But when I do go out with girlfriends, I find that because of my hobby most of my friends are much older then me !

I am a stitcher and finding young stitchers is hard.  I enjoy stitching circles and spending my afternoon with ladies of all shapes and sizes over coffee and stitching, we laugh and tease and talk about men, mostly their sons ! Hehee ! We share our stitching projects and entice each other into buying more stash.

Even back home in the States before coming out to Oz, I had a few young friends but  most of my time was spent with my Mom's dear girlfriends who are all ..well my mom's age.  We'd go out for lunch or have craft days and just play !

My dear stitching friend here is often mistaken for my mother when we go out shopping or to have lunch out.  She handles it with grace, but it always gives me a giggle, because 1. she isn't old enough to be my mother and 2. She is short and I am so tall and we look NOTHING alike ! !

I guess, and I don't mean to sound snooty so please forgive me if I do..I find that younger women my age and I don't have  much in common.  I'm in my early 30's and I never watched " Sex and the City" and I'm not into clothing and clubbing and I am NOT NOT NOT into cheating on my sweetheart...  ( not saying that all young women cheat) but having had so many hair stylist friends..most of them were not faithful to their partners.  I DO know how easy it is to meet handsome men whilst cutting hair..but still...that's not for me.  I MARRIED a handsome young man, I don't need TWO !

So, no I have not found my weight to ever be an issue, I've been underweight and over weight and friends come and friends go.

At my previous job, everyone was healthy. We ran together, only ate at restaurants with healthy menu options or we'd split unhealthy plates.

 However, at my new job, no one is very healhty. This resulted in me gaining about 27 lbs. when I moved here. I've since lost 15 lbs, but it hasn't been easy.

At my new job, everyone gets the 1000 calorie coffee drinks while I'm ordering a fat free, sugar free latte (which they make comments about). I've received comments about how I should eat the cookie because I'm skinny enough or vanity shouldn't be important, but it's not about vanity, it's about being healthy.

My grandmother is 300 lbs., diabetic, has heart disease, can't walk, and is going blind. She has always had the mentality that healthy eating is a waste and that she should be able to eat whatever she wants because life is short, but I am determined not to end up like that.

I would have to say "yes"  I slowly realized that I gained my weight to hide who I was.  I was never comfortable with compliments (low self esteem will do that to you).  I gained the weight and became the "funny fat lady"  Nice face, but what have you done to yourself, etc.  My true friends remained constant, but those friends that were only interested in having me around because I could hang in the bars has changed significantly.  Some of my current friends (we moved 4 years ago) tend to be a younger, healthier crowd and it helps.  They are very encouraging, but they have only known me as the big girl and didn't see the uptick in wieght. 

My best friend and I were estenially the same weight wise and we both went up the scale together.  She has recently dropped 45 pounds and is part of my motivation. 

I realize that your weight definitely determines who hangs out with you!  But it's okay because, the people that are not in my life because of the weight gain probably shouldn't be there anyway!