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Weight Gainers: What did YOU eat today?

I am copying the many times copied thread, "What did you eat today?" in hopes of helping some of those who are just starting to gain and have no clue what to eat. I know that when I began weight recovery, I was eating tons of low-cal foods just because that's what I was used to. I learned the hard way that dense foods are essential to weight gain when you have high caloric requirements (at one point I needed 4500 cal to maintain my weight on BEDREST). Perhaps newbies can get some ideas if we post our weight gain meal plans! Even if you're not gaining anymore, grab an old one and post it!:]
Please note that every body is different and some will need more or less calories than others to gain. This thread is just so that you can get an idea of what you need.
Oh, and yes, I'm breaking the "no calories, no portions" rule, since it is pretty helpful in this case. If you want to post cals/portions you can. I just ask that you don't post if you're not eating enough, though as this is a weight gain thread, I would hope none of you are undereating.;]
I'll start....
Breakfast (875 cal)*

• 1/2 cup oatmeal (150) cooked with
• 1 cup evaporated whole milk (300)
• 1 mashed banana (100)
• 2 tbsp peanut butter (200)
• 1 tbsp ground flaxseed and cinnamon to taste (50) 
• 1 hard-boiled egg (75 cal)

Morning Snack (300 cal)*

• 1/4 cup mixed nuts (200)
• 1/4 cup dried apricots (100)

Lunch (660 cal)*

• 1/4 cup rice cooked in 1 cup chicken stock (300) and
• 1/2 cup canned or cooked chickpeas (145) and
• 1/3 cup shredded cheese (150) and
• 1/4 cup each onion, peppers, and tomato (30) cooked with
• 1 tbsp olive oil and curry powder to taste (120)

Afternoon snack (390 cal)*

• 1 serving baby carrots (35)
• 1/4 cup hummus (155)
• 1/4 cup mixed nuts (200)

Dinner (875 cal)*

• 1 cup of my insane Mac & Cheese recipe (515)
• 2 cups tossed salad (45)
• 2 tbsp rasins (60)
• 2 tbsp sunflower seeds (105)
• 2 tbsp dressing (150)

Evening snack (480)*

• 1 cup plain whole milk yogurt (180)
• 1/2 cup homemade granola (300)

About 3600 calories :]

hey guys thanks for the support.

first of all, lady, i'm so sorry about what you're going through and i'm really relieved that you're going to inpatient soon.make the best of it ok? concentrate on yourself, keep a journal of motvations and affirmations and recite them everyday. you're 21, and are blessed with so many opportunities for a great life. friends, pursuing interests, traveling, family, jobs.. you know it girl.. you have a healthy body with all your limbs and a beautiful face to lure in all those men who you're missing out on too;) i'm actually really surprised that they didn't admit you into the hospital or inpatient immediately but doctors and doctors and as you wrote in your profile they havent addressed your disorder appropriately in the past. those idiotssss. 

keep eating, listen to some happy music to get your mind off of it. paint, read encouraging book or books non related to eds just to completely distract for now. cuddle in your bed and snack all you want. you can do it i promise, i was in your position not even 7 months ago, my heart stopped a bunch of times even and i refused to believe i was sick enough that i wouldnt see a doctor and finally the someone at the school who noticed my condition reported me to health services who immediately summoned me into the office, gave me a check-up and booted my butt out of there. wake up call much? 

speaking of which.... weigh in tuesday like i mentioned in my last post has motivated me so much i completely stopped tracking , didnt track last night, went out, had a drink, came back 2am and made a bowl of oats with spoonfuls of peanut butter, cottage cheese and yogurt and went to bed. this morning, made an increase on my breakfast even though i wasnt hungry, sat here, was motivated by you guys as usual and finished it fine. now instead of walking around i'm going to read my book (water for elephants,- its amazing i highly reccomend by the way!) and wait until snack time or lunch which i'm really going to do, focus on exchanges, and only estimate calories so i know i'm eating enough but i know what meals to make anyways that have enough calories so i dont have to worry about underestimating too mcuh.

i'm so happy (but obviously a bit anxious) i called my mom today and istarted crying and for the first time it wasnt because i hated myself but because i'm so proud. i know i still need to up the cals, i'm barely making 2000 at the moment but coming from last weeks barely 1500 thats so huge. and eating dinner last night, foods i have no idea of calorie intake was so liberating. 

i'm going to stay in school. i'm going to be around this summer. i'm doing this myself and i'm going to be happy. 

i'm nervous of course, but thank god for that wake up call.

ok shower time. i'll check in later with you all, love you!

ps. thanks lala for the encouragementxx

Ngemma: Remember, it is okay to slip a bit, but I am so, SO glad you've got your second wind. Estimating is a tough switch to make and to make sure you're not cheating yourself, wise up on visual portions if you don't know them already.

NIRC: Getting to Know Portion Sizes (PDF) 
Nestle: Keeping an Eye on Portion Sizes

I own a tennis ball, a pingpong ball, a pack of cards, a pack of stamps, dice - yes, it's a bit sad, but all for this purpose. I also worked my way into estimation by weighing what a portion looks like and then working by memory. I check myself once in a while; I get pretty damn close. And if all else fails remember there is no upper limit and if you think you're undercutting your portion add more to it. In this case, less is not more.

You're always welcome. :] I'm glad you get to stay in school. Uni has been a huge drive for me lately, too.

Lala, Mashed, Rebel:
Thank you for all the chick pea ideas! Like you Lala, I find they improve my digestion as opposed to so many even neutral foods that stir things up.  I am out of them now, but I can’t wait to find more creative uses!  Yesterday I finished off my can mixed with lentils, curry, and cooked lettuce [did you know that works?  Makes it less bulky!].  It was quite surprisingly deliscious.  Now I need to get the ingredients and motivation up to make some REAL recipes!

Rebel:  I guess I misunderstood your last post-sorry-I just sure hope that at least if you weren’t up for making the “real” increases at the very least you’re stepping it up 200 cals ever couple days…leaving 2500 your long lost minimum from weeks ago, not the safe bottom of a range you’re comfortable in.  Comfort = stuck =leads to disaster.  Change = scary=leads to improvements we have yet to discover and experience so we’ll love the change!

Lady: Wow, and I thought my blood tests were a wakeup call! I am SO glad you survived and are in good hands now…you want this so badly, I see you working through this with those professionals and getting things back in order asap.  Yikes, you’re going to be kicking our butt’s come 6 weeks from now! Take care darlin.

Mashed: I was reading through your blog yesterday and I love it.  I saved your “freedom” picture with the butterfly outside the box.  You’re an incredible young lady with so much blooming in life.  I’m so glad you’re deciding to beat of Anorexia for good so that it can be in full bloom!

I’m coming of a pretty bad GI relapse: I got a little carried away with allowing things yesterday.  I decided to allow and monitory minor soy and lactose ingredients.  Well, I had soup with both, plus red pepper, and then a drink that had some citric acid [I have problems with citrus, but not sure how much].  I was “ok” [bearable at least] at first, but things went downhill fast overnight. 

It’s not my first relapse, but the problem this time is I can’t pinpoint it as well as I was before.   For instance, before it was worth noting that the veggies weren’t causing any real flare-ups, just normal gas and bloating on an extra sensitive stomach.  But I did notice that every time I added flax meal to something I had chronic flare-ups.  But I can’t pinpoint last night to anything because I added too much at once.  Lesson learned I hope!  …but not a time to give in ebcaue it’s “bad again.”

I’ll try to keep updated today:

Morning: way too much coffee [warm and good for my tummy = oh no!] + lactaid
Late Brekkie [11-noon after a nice lie in!]
1.5c quinoa cooked in leftover broccoli water [I hear it has vitamins!]+ dried blueberries
1/2c lactaid cottage cheese mixed in with above
2 servings of rice cakes + peanut butter also dipped in above concoctions
Large apple

…more coffee/milk…

>Planning<

Snack: roasted almonds, lactaid/cottage cheese, maybe a banana or some grapes
Lunch: quinoa or one of my gluten free TV dinners + a serving of cooked carrots
       &nb sp;    Grapes, last round of coffee + lactaid
Snack: maybe trying a rice bran shake?
Dinner: seeing what my mom makes, or some combination of my bean stew, sweet potatoes, cottage cheese, nuts, grapes, lactaid
Bedtime: Ideally a couple ounces of pistachios, the last of my cottage cheese, and a banana—hopefully I’ll be on top of my calories enough that I don’t have to add a million things to that!

Lady - Oh my god I'm so sorry, you must have been absolutely terrified honey :'( You are going to be in the best possible hands and I know you can do this. <3333

I got my feedback from my Oxford interview today. My teacher talked for 35 minuets on the phone to the head of Classics at the college who interviewed me and guess what? Academically, I was up to standard. The reason they didn't let me in? 'I looked incredibly fragile' and they were worried I'd have to pull out after six weeks.

I have never been so angry at myself.

If it wasn't for ED, I might have a place at Oxford University right now.

One more thing anorexia has stolen away from under my feet.

Mashed; I lost a scholarship to Pratt Insitute for Fine Arts two years ago. Because of ED. I had actually been accepted, went off to college, and lost weight (not really intentionally...I had never really "learned" what I needed to eat - my mom insisted on making everything for me to make sure I had enough...) I had to go home, but could return the following year under the stipulation of meeting their health standards. Needless to say, I didn't gain enough in the time span I was given, and lost a $16,000 scholarship to one of the top art schools in the USA.

Oh what horrible things I said to myself after that.

It is not your fault that you have an eating disorder - its an illness caused by a combination of genetic predisposition, personality traits, and environmental factors. Its like the lottery - without the exact right combination, you don't get it. It is not something that can be chosen. You can, however, chose to live outside of it. And that is what you are doing.

Oxford isn't going anywhere anytime soon. You can apply again when you are stronger, healthier, and thereby even more captivating and irresistible. Next time around, those Oxford folks will be like "We have to get that Jemima in our school before Cambridge does." (is Cambridge a school? It sounds like one...if not..well you know what I meant ^.^)

Mashed: Don't be angry at yourself. Rather, take that anger and put it to your ED; vent this as energy to BEAT this thing, rather than blame yourself or beat yourself up.

Tears: I don't like cabbage. x__x Alas. Then again, in a curry, I expect there wouldn't be so much of a wierd taste to it. As for making more recipes, I'd pick one or two, buy the ingredients and make them both. Then freeze leftovers, and alternate through the week.

My sister has found there is no real cause of her UC relapses, and as such she simply eats potential triggers (lactose and wheat gluten) in moderation. However... she also has steroids to help with her flare-ups. Still. One thing she has been told to avoid straight up? Too much caffeine. You might want to watch your caffeine intake - or switch to decaff. I'd suggest green tea as it has caffeine but in much smaller quantities but you also seem to get milk/lactaid intake with your coffee and milk and green tea is a bit odd.

...cooked in leftover broccoli water [I hear it has vitamins!]... LOL. I could hear someone really enthusiastically saying that in my head like a sales pitch.

Rebel: Cambridge is a high achieving Uni on par with Oxford. They're the big two, really.

While it is not quite the same, if my ED hadn't gripped me, I would be at Uni right now. Not retaking a third year because I was so ill during my exams last year I couldn't focus and nearly collapsed in some of them. And I had BEGUN my recovery by the time they came around.

But Mashed, Rebel is right: you can apply for Masters at Oxford and otherwise if I am not mistaken. And even then, you're heading or hoping for Warwick, right? Warwick was my sister's second choice, after Bath. I remember visiting it with her and it was a gorgeous campus. Wherever you're headed, though, you'll be brilliant - and more so without your ED and a low weight and all the health dangers therein plaguing you.

Lala: Hmm, I hadn’t thought about caffeine as a separate entity from coffee.  I know coffee is a common trigger, but since it helps my stomach I just figured it was an odd exception with me.  Caffeine, though, I don’t know.  I do use decaf later in the day.  I’m going to try to wean myself off the caffeinated kind completely after the morning and see what happens…
I think you’re right about flare ups and some trigger foods mainly if you over due it.  In the past I’ve eliminated things, then tried them [like a bar containing soy] and been just fine…only to start eating that ingredient and have things go down hill to right where I started and worse with the symptoms.  I’m testing the waters a bit with soy and lactose as minor ingredients this week.  I’m keeping a food log and color coding them [highlighting] and seeing if I notice any trends.

Hmm, so I think I should make myself a broccoli hat and create a broccoli-water jig. :-P

Mashed:  Wow, that’s awful about the college thing.  I had a similar thing happen at my job, but not nearly as bad. I mentioned in my original post on Health and Support that my boss actually talked to me saying they were “concerned about my health.”  Fortunately they mostly are giving me another chance, but I didn’t get scheduled at all this next week so I have to wonder.  If nothing else I KNOW that I need to make the improvements and prove myself or instead of getting a full time position after school ends I could be jobless!

Ugh you guys—any time we are tempted to gravitate towards the same ol’ or get stuck we have to remember that not only are we in need of preventing imminent disaster, but we don’t want the same life we are stuck with at this place!  Time to CHANGE for better things!

Update on the Eat:
Snack:
1oz roasted almonds [that’s about 25 Dolly, and part of a snack]
1c grapes

Lunch:
Sheppard’s pot pie
cooked carrots mixed with extra mashed potatoes
1c grapes

Afternoon tummy-soother: 2 mugs decaf coffee + lactaid
Snack: ??

Dinner: ??

Snack: Hopefully my favorite bedtime combo of pistachios, cottage cheese, and a banana!

Breakfast
All Bran
Banana
Skim milk
Grapefruit juice
Snack
Cookies n' cream Luna bar!!!
Lunch
Jacket potato
Cheese
Salad
Snack
Fage
Cocoa powder
Agave
Branflakes and blueberries
Dinner
Veggie sausages
Mashed tatties!
Asparagus + broccoli
Dessert
100ml mini tub of vanilla haagen dazs
Snack
Pumpkin oats
Blueberries

Tears: Well, a strong black coffee is often a good aid to constipation so if you have trouble in the opposite respect it can make it worse. D: Be prepared for a headache, mind. I used to be a complete fiend for coffee but I weaned onto green tea and have one strong cuppa in the morning. I do much better, now. D; No crashes and headaches and withdrawls, lol. Good idea on the slight introductions. Most people can tolerate a small amount of what they are intolerant to in large amounts.

Mashed: Eee Luna bars! :D

Lala-I don't get D much at all.  The one time I did it was a relief cuz I could finally just go and get it over with.
...but then I'm not always constipated either.  I go all the time, just never complete and sometimes I have spasms and popping and end up with a mess but no actual stool. And a lot of aggravation and time and chronic discomfort.  But ack, sorry about the TMI...

Coffee is odd.  It actually calms my stomach.  Not necessarily  making me go, but the discomfort and even need to go dissapates.  It's backwards. I don't know. I'm a freak.  But when it puts me out of my distress it's hard to change just because I "drink too much coffee."

Unfortunately I don't like tea much, but I think I can switch to decaf. As it is it's what I normally go to post-noon except for abck in the days when I had practice a second time later. Might as well take advantage of mostly just sitting on my bum now to break the need fo caffeine!

Tears: Decaff tastes the same, and you may find that the coffee and taste of it is a placebo rather than literally soothing your stomach. Then again, I might be wrong! And don't worry about TMI or anything like that.

Lala: Well, I am queen of TMI...thanks for putting up with me all the time!  The coffee is the opposite of a placebo because for the longest time I was convinced it was a “bad food” and have eliminated it in the past, since everyone said it was acidic, hard on the system, etc.  I’ve had seemingly magical cures from flare-ups, calming the system and elimination of very obvious symptoms, repeatedly after a “coffee fix” so it’s definitely real!

Woohoo!
My mom stopped at the supermarket today, and instead of loading up on just bread and diet food like last time, she got me some hardcore meat!  Well, hardcore for me having been vegetarian in the past and now being quite a picky meat eater.
You know what’s weird? I’m actually craving meat now! I’ll eat it straight too.  Maybe my body is especially desperate for it now? Weird and different craving for me.
So dinner plans changed just so long as I can figure out how to cook a frozen chicken breast!  How sad is it that I have never even made meat, frozen or anything, that involves real cooking outside a precooked thing you stick in the microwave? >blushes<

And not so woohoo…
After the shower I’ve been waiting two days to take I was finger combing my hair to spare it, and even without brushing I had bunches of hairs in my fingers.  My hair is still relatively thick, but my hairline is receding and when I pull my hair back I’m seeing barren spots on the sides of my head.  I feel so helpless! I’ve been strog with my meal plan and steady gaining, but I feel like my malnourished symptoms are getting worse. I was perfectly healthy a few months ago, working out a good 15 hours a week and eating less than I do now!  I hope I’m really on track to health and not still headed downhill now…?

Tears; Even people with healthy hair will find that chronically pulling their hair up into ponytails will cause breakage and loss of hair around the hairline. Given that your hair is also weakened, I really really suggest that you stop pulling it back so much. If you need to tie it to get it out of your face, use a soft scrunchie and tie it loosely at the nape of your neck. That will help reduce the stress of pulling on the roots of your hair, and a soft scrunchie will be much kinder to your hair follicles than an elastic.

Tears; I know how you feel about the malnourished symptoms. I started my meal plan a bit over a month ago and although my hair did fall out a long time beforehand, it's been falling out even more in clumps now. Plus my bones feel even weaker and more susceptible to breakage!

I think the reason it's falling out now is because supposedly it is a sign of the state your body was in three months beforehand. So though you're eating well at the moment, you're now paying for how you treated it those three months back.

Hair does grow back, don't let it get you down too much, you most certainly are on track to health, keep up the food plan and the good work! =D

As for me and my food..

BREAKFAST: All-Bran with banana; Glass of orange juice

SNACK: Handful of cashews; Sultanas

LUNCH: Toasted multigrain chicken schnitzel sandwich with cheese, tomato, hot sauce, tzatziki, cucumber slices, chargrilled capsicums and eggplant dip

SNACK: Berryfruits yoghurt with frozen bananas

DINNER: Two big slices of mum's homemade vegetarian pizza, drenched in hot sauce because that's the way I like itttt

SNACK: Glass of skim milk; Apple; Small bag of cashew, sultana, apricot, dried apple mix

Tears: This thread has spoken about our bowel and digestive habits so much, it doesn't phase me. And with me having IBS-C and my lactose intolerance, and Claire having UC and IBS-D, our household discuss them a lot too. >__>; So I'm not troubled! XD

Hairloss sucks but it will grow back. I am proof if it helps any; I lost so much hair initially and now it's growing back nicely. I have photos, incidentally, of when I had lost a lot of it compared to the present day, though those I'll only share if requested. The "before" photo... I look horrendous. Remember, though, your hair reflects the state of your body a few months prior so it's going to be showing through now.

Meat is SO easy to prepare. Chicken can be quickly baked or grilled from frozen. What other meats do you want, like? Salmon and tuna are delicious - pretty much all seafood is, to me! - as is a good piece of lamb. Turkey I like, too.

One pot chicken chasseur
Zingy chicken stir fry
Beef stroganoff with herby pasta
Chilli beef shepherd's pie

Man, I keep throwing recipes out lately. :x

So bedtime I had closer to 900 cals left and had to tack on a shake and pumpkin oatmeal after all… Both are quite tasty, but those 400+ additional cals on top of 80 pistachios, cottage cheese, and a banana, really isn’t so comfortable the minute before I try to crash for the night!  I stuck to my schedule most of the day, then got behind at dinner because my dad unexpectedly asked me to go out and help him get the car to the shop.  But I stayed strong most of the day and still got my calories in, so today it’ll be the calories in for the whole day!

BTW, Lala: Have you tried rice bran?  I thought of you! It’s quite good, and also has a host of bone-booster vitamins, calcium, magnesium, and the like, along with a couple grams of fiber.  It gives things a bit of a grainy texture, but I kind of liked the thickened taste—I do miss my fiber-y grains these days without gluten!

The chicken turned out well, so today I plan to cook more than 2 breasts! I was so pleased, even if it was quite simple.  The thing is I’m SUCH a picky meat eater that I love chicken or pick it a part to take out the gross parts.  So having cooked it myself to the texture I like was an accomplishment for my poor culinary skills.

The excitement got me thinking—why am I so stuck in the box? I’ve made changes with my eating, and I can make changes in what I do to go with that! Just because I’ve always lived off of snacks and processed or preprepared food doesn’t mean I can’t become someone who makes tasty things! No, I may not have the lifestyle that allows for constant cooking, but I do enjoy it when I get the chance.  I’m thinking maybe a cooking day on Sunday, and before then I’m going to gather a few simple-ish recipes to begin with and get the ingredients to try them out.

On the hair: Yes, I know I shouldn’t pull it back, which is exactly what I’ve been trying to do—following your past advice, Rebel. It’s hard because it’s poofy and really bugs me loose.  I’m tying it to the nape of my neck atm, with a scrunchy, so hopefully that will compromise.  And I know it’s falling out now can’t be a result of my improved diet and weight gain, but it’s poor reinforcement when I was perfectly fine prior to making the [positive?] changes!  Like you hotsauce, I was also an advanced athlete, running hardcore at this time last year with much worse eating habits, and now I can barely do a thing—or at least I dare not do more than my physical state governs [activity guidelines based on my weight and such: I get 1 hour 15 minutes this week: Less than I did in a day this past year!]

Rebel: Just had to check in on you—are you ready to kick Anorexia off your butt yet?  Really take the next steps?  You know your future won't wait for you to be ready and I know that disease has you secure in your first stage of recovery, but you’ve got a long ways to go and so much to gain [non weight wise] for it! Come on girl, move it move it!??!

Tears: I've not been able to find rice bran anywhere, though I've tried soya bran. I like good old coarse oatbran as a thickener, though, heh. As for having trouble sleeping with a full stomach, I have to admit that's kind of surprising to me! I can usually sleep a lot BETTER after eating! XD Don't worry about things happening that put you behind a bit. You did the right thing in having a shake alongside that oatmeal as liquid calories are so much lighter and easier to digest in those situations.

Good to hear the chicken turned out well, too! Question: do you like bacon, panchetta, proscuttio? Slit down the side of the chicken breasts so it makes a pocket, then putting sundried tomatoes or roasted tomatoes and cooked rice in the middle, and then wrapping it over like a parcel sealed with panchetta or bacon rashers or proscuttio. Bake it in the oven for about 30-40 minutes. Tasty!

Tears; hooray for pumpkin oatmeal! You know, if you add more toppings to the oats, it makes it much easier to get the calories in. With mine, I use 1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup pumpkin puree, 1TBS brown sugar, 2TBS flaked and sweetened coconut, and dried cranberries. 450 calories right there. Sometimes I add a handful of almonds too, like if its for breakfast. Its really good and it packs in calories without much more volume. Then you won't be stuck having to have four or five different things.

The condition of your hair is not relative to your health/eating habits now, its a product of three months prior. So, you won't see improvement for a little bit. I know it is frustrating but it will start to look better. And I totally know what you mean about poofy. I cut all my hair off when I was 15 for that very reason. I had a big cloud of hair that practically floated around my head in a mess of waves and fly-aways. I couldn't even use the same hair tie for more than a few days because they stretched out. So! I got tired of it and cut it all off. Funny thing, the hair dresser asked me a million times "Are you sure? This isn't teen angst or rebellion, you didn't break up with a boyfriend? Are you sure?" I guess since I had such long hair, it was a bit unusual to suddenly go cropped and pixie-ish.

Today so far...

Breakfast: Muesli with dried cherry/berries and a handful of almonds stirred into warmed applesauce/protein powder/coffee creamer mix. cup of pineapple. cran-plum juice

Snack: Greek yogurt with honey and coconut flakes, strawberry almond rawfood bar, apple juice

Lunch: will be Dark Chocolate PB/fruit preserve pita-wich. Cup of sliced raw veggies, clementine. Peach cream cup.

Snack: will be Vanilla yogurt with ground flaxseed, handful almonds, chocolate chips, and sultanas.

Dinner: will be bulgur with tuna and shredded spinage, topped with ricotta (its Italian tuna casserole essentially) and broccoli with hummus-dressing

Snack: hehe well, read the above. Pumpkin oats with allll the fixings (cranberries, coconut, and brown sugar)

Weigh-in tomorrow. Little nervous, but I'm trying to keep myself busy. I'm trying to make myself really believe that no matter what happens, everything will be okay. It won't be the end of the world if I have to increase calories again, and it won't be the end if I've gained either. Whatever it is, I will accept it and continue on with my day and do what I need to do. I should probably write that mantra down somewhere for safe keeping...

heyhey guys 

i had another good day yesterday and the guilt is slowly fading and being replace with motivation, i just have to make sure i don't weigh myself or body check. 

i made a bunch of increases yesterday and went to whole foods with my mom and had dinner at home and bought a bunch of FFs and i swear i've never seen my mom so happy. usually she doesnt show pride if i challenge myself but when i picked up a jar of cinnamon raisin peanut butter that wasn't low fat or diet she almost started crying. i know this is odd but i remember that right before i went to inpatient i told her someday i was going to buy some of that good peanut butter because i always wanted to try it but it gave me panic attacks just walking down that isle in a store. so for a snack last night, after a cashew chicken stir fry dinner (!), i had a bowl of oats with a big scoop of that peanut butter, and a ton of cottage cheese which i had more of later and an apple. and right before bed i realized that i do make healthy choices and i do need to gain weight and everything's going to be okay as long as i keep calm and organized with my eating. it's so weird how this suddenly came about. 

anyways, tears i'm so sorry you're feeling ill, i dont have any gi issues i know of but i am very lactose intolerant and have to have lactaid milk/cottage cheese as well... i actually prefer it thought;) as far as your hair goes, don't worry, its natural for it to fall out as you re-nourish but it will stop soon i promise, as lala said, and i'm proof of that as well. i used to go days without untying my hair and washing it because i knew it would all fall out and my dorm room had to be swept all the time because of all the clumps but once i started eating fats and proteins again its all growing back and barely ever falls out- so keep going girlxx

rebel- god you always eat the best foods:) i almost bought the dark chocolate peanut butter yesterday but i decided on the cinnrais first. and those rawfood bars? is that the brand name or are they called something else? i usually have odwalla super proteins or lunas but i'm looking to try something else..ps. good luck on your weigh-in, i have one next tuesday and thursday and it makes me calm down so much when i hear you say "whatever happens happens" because its so true. its such a burden to think about it all day or week or worry about it- if we're doing our best then thats all we can do. i know you can gain this stupid weight, i'm looking forward to be here for you for support when you reach your goal weight and i know you can make it happen soon. haha and a mantra sounds good. since i'm in my apartment all alone i put affirmations and motivations all on my refrigerator and door basically threatening my ed with my future and telling me that i'd rather gain with my lovely dried fruits, cottage cheese, almonds, home-made food than the treatment center's food i lived off of for 3 months.