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Weight Gainers: What did YOU eat today?

I am copying the many times copied thread, "What did you eat today?" in hopes of helping some of those who are just starting to gain and have no clue what to eat. I know that when I began weight recovery, I was eating tons of low-cal foods just because that's what I was used to. I learned the hard way that dense foods are essential to weight gain when you have high caloric requirements (at one point I needed 4500 cal to maintain my weight on BEDREST). Perhaps newbies can get some ideas if we post our weight gain meal plans! Even if you're not gaining anymore, grab an old one and post it!:]
Please note that every body is different and some will need more or less calories than others to gain. This thread is just so that you can get an idea of what you need.
Oh, and yes, I'm breaking the "no calories, no portions" rule, since it is pretty helpful in this case. If you want to post cals/portions you can. I just ask that you don't post if you're not eating enough, though as this is a weight gain thread, I would hope none of you are undereating.;]
I'll start....
Breakfast (875 cal)*

• 1/2 cup oatmeal (150) cooked with
• 1 cup evaporated whole milk (300)
• 1 mashed banana (100)
• 2 tbsp peanut butter (200)
• 1 tbsp ground flaxseed and cinnamon to taste (50) 
• 1 hard-boiled egg (75 cal)

Morning Snack (300 cal)*

• 1/4 cup mixed nuts (200)
• 1/4 cup dried apricots (100)

Lunch (660 cal)*

• 1/4 cup rice cooked in 1 cup chicken stock (300) and
• 1/2 cup canned or cooked chickpeas (145) and
• 1/3 cup shredded cheese (150) and
• 1/4 cup each onion, peppers, and tomato (30) cooked with
• 1 tbsp olive oil and curry powder to taste (120)

Afternoon snack (390 cal)*

• 1 serving baby carrots (35)
• 1/4 cup hummus (155)
• 1/4 cup mixed nuts (200)

Dinner (875 cal)*

• 1 cup of my insane Mac & Cheese recipe (515)
• 2 cups tossed salad (45)
• 2 tbsp rasins (60)
• 2 tbsp sunflower seeds (105)
• 2 tbsp dressing (150)

Evening snack (480)*

• 1 cup plain whole milk yogurt (180)
• 1/2 cup homemade granola (300)

About 3600 calories :]

Gaby you're visiting Clay? For real? Aaah that's so exciting! Take a pic for us!

Everyone I'm so sorry I've been so rubbish at replying and posting recently, especially when you've all be so supportive. Lala I got your message about the media thing - I am trying to brainstorm as I type!

I've just been in a bit of a blug place - I genuinely think my medication might need changing. Can you become immune to Prozac if you take it long enough? Like 4 years long enough? Bleh.

Just had a mini pot of cookies and cream haagan dazs. Mouth orgasm.

I'm so full though and I wish I could just stop eating now (for the day mind!) rather than having a bowl of porridge later.. I feel so bulky now. It's so easy to be positive BEFORE you've gained the weight, but once the weight starts to come on it's so easy for ED to creep back in as you freak out.

I'm not giving up though and I'm not restricting. Just occasionally entertaining the thought then (metaphorically) banging my head against the wall to stop the craziness. It's all so tiring ><

hey guys thanks for all your support today i needed it so badly

the rest of my day went okay but i'm feeling cruddy now and i dont feel like posting the rest. i will tommorrow for sure. 

i know i shouldnt compare myself but that and body checking is where ed has me strongest by the reigns. i want to be healthy but its always and 50/50 fight right now. i'm just scared but i can't cop out this time. 

i'm actually really ashamed at the moment. i'm eating dinner from the cafeteria in my room because i dont want to eat with my friends tonight and i want to just take my time. ugh i need to work on social eating. am i the only one with that issue to tackle?

you guys are doing great as always,

lala-thanks for everything as always and everything you say is right and i know it but it sure does help to be reassured (and you all did;))

rrebel- you are a trooper- awesome job working through feeling crappy i know you can raise and keep goinggxx

Gaby: AHHH! Tell Clay I said hi and give him a hug for me <3

Ngemma: I do eat socially, but I prefer solitude. Then again, I always have.

Mashed: Don't worry, my dad (of all people) gave me a really good idea! :D Thanks though.

Ngemma; I have a hard time eating in front of other people too. Especially when its people I know. I could eat at work and be perfectly fine, but in front of people who know I'm anorexic - I'd get scared. I was so afraid they'd be judging whatever it was I was eating. Granted, most of the time the only judgement they would make would be "Why don't you have a cookie instead of that granola bar?" or something to that effect Not exactly helpful really, but it was never anything ED insisted they would be thinking.  Sometimes I just get nervous because I have peculiar eating habits. Most of which only I know about (Like I purposely cut my sandwich unevenly so I can decide which half to eat first...I divide my fruit and vegetables up to eat in coordination with halves of the sandwich..etc) And I get paranoid that someone will notice. I can tell you this though; it gets better in time. And it gets easier the more you do it. A lot of the anxiety decreases just with better health, as when your weight is healthy your mind is healthier too. Maybe start out small - pick one or two days a week to eat one or two meals in the caf. And then make it 3-4 days, so on and so forth?

Hey Guys.... I know i havn't been on for years coz been in Hospital.... and this is like my 4th time home.... really scary and nervous but I'm trying so hard to try and make it go well....

you all sound like u r doing really well and i hope you all had a good xmas break/ new year etc!

ngemma- dont worry about the social eating I scared of that to for i do have weird eating habits and i get embarased or scared of wot people might think, as rebel said just try it 1 to 2 nigths a week and then things will get smoother.. u can do it!

Mashed - hey hope all is well..... keep everything up... yer i finding now the weight is coming on because it has to in hospital im feelin so scared and more edish any advice??

lots os love and speak soon x

Omg Lulu!! That's so bizarre I was just thinking about you the other day - how's it been? I hope hospital has been helpful and you've managed to keep focused on yourself rather than getting absorbed in anorexic competition. Yeah I've come quite a way since you were last here - feel free to message me any time hun, I'm so proud of the way you confronted this :)

Hey you guys, oh man... how i have missed you. Sorry for being so AWOL over the last month but tings have been crazy. Graduated College and out in the real world! AHHHHHH! Im actually about to go to work now but i had to come on before i left.

I have been reading up with the posts and keeping track and have been doing better, i think i even put on a couple pounds. The only problem is now im finding the motivation to keep eating hard. There is alot of stress with the parents and moving and where im gonna live and such and i know its triggering me, i also know that there is not better place to get kind words and good vibes from. Honestly, yesterday i got a Facebook request from Jemma and it got me smiling so much. Ill be back on later to post food and reply and such, but it would really help me immensely if i could get a few good vibes fromm all of you. (Sorry for being so needy, im such a woman sometimes) Catch you all later!

Hey again.... well being at home for last night and 2day has been quite scary and overwhelming ...... but i hope it shows i have done well on monday (weigh day) woop woop grrrr..... it is so annoyin i tried to go on this blog as hospital but one of the school teachers was standing near so i cudnt go on or i wud get the site blocked.... god they r so strict

Glad to hear you all are doing so well and striving for your goals i have to try and grab mine again to push me again... you really need your goals/ambitions in life to get you through so hang on to them!!!

xxxxxxx

Hi Everyone:
It’s been a while, and I miss you.  I needed to sort through a lot of confusion, or at least get started on that, plus make sure I wasn’t spouting irrational emotions that hurt you special people.  You are my friend and an invaluable source of support—in many ways more helpful than anything I’ve been able to find through professionals, and I love you as friends also, and I am so sad that my previous comments were hurtful to you.  Please know that while what I said about anorexia/”wanting” to be anorexic was incredibly insensitive and wrong to say, I truly did not mean to insinuate that I thought anorexia was some sort of cop out.  I know it is anything but an easy fix, but at an emotional low it was all to easy to get stuck in my own poopy yard and think the grass stands a better chance of recovery over there.  The other thing that I think frustrates me and leads me to such thoughts is that it is often assumed that I am starving myself or anorexic and even the nutritionist I saw seemed to insinuate that it was all just a matter of me not being able to cope with a bit of gas and eat 2200 calories a day.  As much as those assumptions hurt, it makes me want to truly have it just be a matter of eating more.  But of course truly suffering from anorexia is not a simple matter and the fight you all have taken against it has made you some o the strongest people and “real” sort of friends that I have ever known. 

For my situation, in sum I ditched the plan.  First I was starving, and then I relapsed bigtime.  I’m still suffering from another bad flareup, almost couldn’t’ function at work today [fortunately we had very few cutomers].  It was similar to the last two times when I have gone of my strict eliminations thinking I’m being too extreme.  I’m realizing that when it comes to coping with my gut, at this point I know better than anyone what I need.  It is still a mess that I need to sort out, but I’m a lot closer to that when I stick to my plans—so far I’ve had twice now where I’ve been more stable than I was in months, and steady enough to be able to identify problems.  It has repeatedly been when I take on the notion that I just need to “eat big” and healing will follow.  So far it has all resulted in just the opposite and a much suckier life of survival and scariness [I was in the bathroom bawling the other night, for the 4 hours I should have been sleeping between working].

That said-I haven’t gone back to the strict eliminations and buildup yet.  What my nutritionist said about basic coping mechanisms for IBS as well as what Lala mentioned about her sister and Colitis lead me to do some research on my own with these specific conditions.  Instead of being so fixated on it being various food intolerances, I am realizing that if I do have the suspected Chrone’s or something like IBS, I could be getting these flare-ups not so much in direct reaction to something I ate but rather just as a factor of a malfunctioning GI tract from the condition.  Of course this still needs diet-related coping, but eliminations aren’t always going to be the answer.  I found a lot of interesting information from some sites on eating with IBD and/or IBS [similar guidelines] and a lot of it has to do with amounts and proportions.  It also separated guidelines from dealing with times of flarup [to re-stabalize] and stable periods [to prevent flare-ups].  So eating to heal and cope for me might be less a matter of what I can or can’t have, or permanent rules about what how much of things I can eat, so much as best ways to keep my GI tract functioning and more strict guidelines at times like now when it seems like ANYTHING is a nightmare to get down.  It explains why I find fiber a lifesavor sometimes [not just to help me go, but to make me “go” properly vs. spasms and partial bowel movements], but then sometimes it seems to cause problems.  I have a lot of information on fiber types and proportions [more soluble, still need insoluble when stable in smaller proportion, and during flare-ups having just soluble—but not as a permanent fix or it does cuase problems.  And fiber is just one of the things.

So to skip to the point—instead of fixating on the perfect meal plan I’m focusing myself on finding how I can eat.  Honestly, when I’m feeling okay I just eat nonstop, plus I’m sure absorb better.  I think if I can get where I’m stable more than unstable, not only will I have a better quality of life and enjoy eating more, but be able to eat [and absorb] enough to gain weight.  Fixation on counting or programming input isn’t really helpful in solving the real problem.

That said I will have to see progress.  My official weigh in is tomorrow, and I’ll see after a week if I’ve truly improved in figuring out how to function and ability to eat. If my weight slips while I “solve” this I will need some sort of intake quota backup.  Also, if the “coping” guidelins don’t calm my flareup I will go back to my own experimentation and buildup.  I’ll just be more open to the possibilities with how I eat and not just what I can eat.
Meanwhile, this doesn’t mean I just skip eating when I don’t’ feel good by any means! I’ve been in massive discomfort all day but absolutely try and eat as much as possible every chance I get.  And the cool thing is I’ve noticed that when I’m paying attention to hwo I feel [even if it’s like crap!] versus stressing about what or when I’m going to eat, I can definitely tell hunger vs. just not feeling well.  For instance, this morning was a huge low point, but I used a bunch of paper towel to “hold” me together and was eating my oatmeal and even though every bite going down caused distress I could feel this hunger telling me to keep eating til I absolutely couldn’t.  Then later I had a stable period and was eating nonstop [appetite really caught up with me!] then suddenly I was full—not just stopped by my stomach, so vice versa.

Anyways I really hope this works.  It’s scary for me mentally because I don’t have anything exact.  Eat this, don’t eat that, eat this much and so on.  But long term I hope I am dealing with and solving the real problems.

ahh clay ive missed you =] we should keep in touch! [facebook or msn?]

howve you been??

Clay!!!! I have missed you so so much! It's not been the same without you - team Clashed was left with only 50% membership! I'm so glad you're doing OK - I know what you mean about weight gain making it harder to eat.. I've finally started to consistantly and steadily gain and Christ it's hard work to motivate myself to keep going... especially when Rex gets Vexed (mwahaa) and tells me I'm a big fat whatnot... But never mind that now. Please keep going - there's still a long way to go before health and happiness is reached - but you're a couple of pounds nearer now XD Ooh and yay for facebook - though I'm INSANELY BAD at writing on people's walls... expect a message soon ;-)

Everybody - OK I'm over myself. My thighs feel fat but there are more important things to worry about in the world. I can't keep doing this - crying all over the place. It's not healthy and it's not fun for anyone else (or me, for that matter)
So no more self pity. It's pithing (lisps get you around the swearing blocks ;-) my family off no end and it's making me hate myself even more.

I'm all excited, I'm making a properly delicious Sunday dinner for myself tonight (potato and lentil gratin bake) Usually I just have leftovers while my family have a cosy stodgy dinner and I feel all left out (damn vegetarianism, and the way my dog is whining at the moment, I might just spit roast her instead... just kidding..) so yeah - hopefully my lentil gratin will make everyone else jealous..

Anyway. I must stop procrastinating. I'm on essasy 4/6 and I'm running out of steam.. really cannae be bothered with this.

Sod.

Human moment.

I just binged for the first time in months. And yes, I mean binge. I don't mean "ate an extra slice of cake", I mean, binged. Dad has been drinking all day, I've been at tech rehearsal all day, Dad shouts I'm tired and now my family's gone out without me and I just... snapped.

I know it doesn't matter calorically because I am gaining weight but I feel sick as well as miserable, now. I'm still going to eat dinner, I'm not going to let this make me fall, but I just feel so physically AWFUL at the moment. And yes I have a hot water bottle on my stomach and all that, but fgjgbjb. GodDAMNIT. I am so bloody angry right now.

If anyone's around that'd be super. If not, I may lie down for a bit. I ate a lot of sugar and it's making my head feel fuzzy.

*hugs*

Lala, you summed it up with 'human moment' - everybody has slip ups, and frankly, with the amount you have to deal with sometimes on a day to day basis I'm amazed you've been coping so well. You are awesome - I know you'll be able to push through these feelings. Like you said, straight back to the meal plan eh? It's one slip up. If you want it to mean nothing, it can mean nothing :)

 Edited to say: message me if you want to chat :)

Thanks, guys. To Jem and to those that've PMed me. I'm calm, now. Dinner is a pasta bake with soy cheese so that'll be alright on my stomach, I think, but my evening snack is looking more and more liquid-based. I ate an AWFUL lot of fibre as well as sugar (accursed dates) and... well. Let's just say I'm glad that everyone goes into work early, tomorrow... D; That's not going to be pleasant.

Mashed; It's horrible that even as you continue to increase, make the right food choices etc, there's still that niggling bloody voice telling you your thighs are getting fatter or your arms are flabby or whatever. But you're doing so well, you seem to have come such a long way! And you summed it up well - there are more important things in the world. Plus, your self-worth is not measured by the size of your thighs, and I have seen that you're a friendly, supportive and witty person..AND you're beautiful! You have a beautiful face and a beautiful personality. I don't even know you that well but that much I have witnessed. =) Life will get even better as you get your health back; so much so that you will be able to live your life and shove these irrational thoughts away even more, and continue to challenge them! I'm rambling now so I'll shut up. ;]

Lala; I'm a bit late but you're right - a binge is a human moment and we all have these. It's over now and you can continue to successfully move forward as you've been doing. In a week it probably will not matter that you slipped this time, as you'll be continuing on the positive road you've been on! I know after I've had a binge or another bad moment I comfort myself with the fact that in a few days it will most likely be forgotten; as I am committed to learning from these experiences and making them few and far between. Hope your tummy is feeling better!

Now I have a sort of medical question which I might post on the Health and Support forum later..

For about a week I've experienced intense stomach cramps and aches after I've eaten something. For the first week a LOT of diarrhea followed. =\

My doc said I most likely have caught some sort of "stomach bug" and prescribed me with some medication for these "gastro like symptoms". They seemed to decrease the number of times the aches pop up during the day; but now I seem to be backed up? Does anyone else experience this?

Hello everyone. I'm not sure if anybody remembers me or not; it's been about 4 months since I last posted. I moved about halfway across the country and my life has been so horrid and hectic I honestly haven't had the time to post. I am up to a perfectly healthy weight, but I feel so terrible about myself now. I hate the way I look, and I really want to lose weight, but I know I can't because with all the stress my parents are under, it would kill them. I also have an awful therapist that is cruel and the only reason I want to get better is to get away from her. My body image issues have reached a new level because my therapist is not helping, and I can't trust myself to look in the mirror anymore. My weight is healthy, but my mindset is exactly how it was when I first started recovery. I remembered today how much this website helped me before, so I decided to post again. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

Well, my stomach is giving me hell as expected this morning, haha.

Trigirl: That is so awful about your therapist. But you have to remember you're healthy for you, not for anyone else, and shouldn't be driven by any motivation to get well beyond yourself. Have you raised how cruel your therapist is to your parents? I know you don't want to stress them out and you certainly don't need to lose weight, but I doubt it will pressure them greatly if you make them aware of a malicious health professional. Particularly if this person's a detriment to you and particularly if you're paying the therapist!

Hotsauce: Thanks. As for your stomach, start taking a food/reaction diary. Write what you eat at each meal (if you plan already this is all the easier) and then your reactions thereafter. What you're experiencing could be a serious indicator of something. Take my sister's ulcerative colitis as an example. :\ If and when you go back to your doctor show them your food/reaction diary, and ask for more help.

lala- Thanks. I've never really wanted to recover for myself. I just do it so my parents and younger siblings don't have to worry about it. I realize that if I want to get better, then I need to do it for myself, but if it didn't let people down, I would be starving myself again. My mom takes me to the appointments every week, and she has met the therapist. She does not like her any better than I do, but as we moved here a few months ago, we don't really know anywhere to look. We are trying to find a new therapist, but until we do I am stuck with the one I have now.

Trigirl: A perfect example of why anorexia is more than just the mindset. Hun, you NEED to want this for yourself! It's honestly a little distressing to hear someone admit they would be starving themselves if they didn't have people to keep the hopes of up. I'm going to guess your self esteem isn't too high (and I don't mean that in a cruel way, honestly, but a concerned one) but you mustmustmust learn to love yourself more, corny as that sounds. And that means beyond how you look!

Listen to how you think about yourself: is it all negatives, name-calling in your head and putdowns? If it is - that has to stop! Positive thinking really does make positive action. Try writing yourself a list of what you like about yourself and stick it to your mirror or somewhere you can see it easily to remind yourself about those good things. Always a good start. :] Or take up a new hobby that DOESN'T focus on appearances or food and get learning. It's always a confidence booster to learn new skills.

http://www.anad.org/22301/index.html That might help you!

Lala- Thank you so much for your amazing insight. You have my personality down pat. I have never had very much self-esteem, no matter how many times people give me compliments. I always think that they are lying to make me feel better. I am really trying to get through this, but I feel terrible about myself. I am endeavoring to like myself, but every time I think something positive, a little voice creeps into my head and tells me it's not true. I'm never satisfied with anything I do. Sorry to unload like this. Thanks for all your support and help.

Oh, and thank you for the link; it should prove very beneficial.