Because Of My Weight I ..............

This is a good one.

    Name something that YOU have held back,didn't do,wanted to do or was afraid of doing because of your weight.

Its a few things with me, but this one right here takes the cake !For me, it's sex. I'am in my early 20's, and iam still a virgin. Why ? Because.....

1.I would always ask myself who would want to sleep with me and this body?

2.I was afraid I might become that girl who liked the guy,but he was only looking 4 a "good time" and never call me again.I know to many people that has happen to, and im not trying to become a statistic.

3.I don't even think I would enjoy it, cause I would be to worried about my body, even if tha lights where off.

4.Im soooo insecure and self-conscious.I can barely do eye contact with a guy, so even thinking about some bedroom loving is a joke in my world.

Cant wait to see you guy's post !

Hmmm ...  

Being honest, I've always strongly considered law enforcement ... particular federal ... but at a highest weight of 218 that was clearly always out of the question. Maybe if I keep the trend up I'll get there and can consider that.

Wow that was another one of mine, but i wanted to become a correction officer.Im still thinking about it.So your 218 right now ? Cause if thats you in that picture, wow, you look good. You dont look no 218 girl. I cant WAIT till my scale says 218 ! Compare to where im at now.....218 is a beautiful number.

It's funny how weight is all about perspective you know! I'm actually at 204 right now (I started on here at about 212/211 - depending on the scale lol).  That pic was probably taken when I was about 212 so .. I don't know, I try to avoid being in front of the camera.

But I like your post and question because it's so silly that things we've dreamed of look so outside the realm of possibility, when in reality we just need to kick our butts to get there!

And I understand how you feel about the being a virgin. I'll be honest, I was until I was 24. Then (so stereotypical I think at times) I went to Europe to study abroad for a semester, met an English guy, we got close and voila lol - what can I say, I'm semi-shy about all that stuff still.  But I never really even dated before him so I felt so self-conscious all the time, convinced it was my weight that no one could love. But it's out there .. rather, he's out there. I'd rather find that guy that loves me at this weight then the guy who realizes I'm special when I get thin ... if you know what I mean.

I have a bunch:

1. Working out at a gym or in group exercise because I always feel like others will laugh at the fat girl trying to work out. Isn't that crazy, because if I was tiny, I wouldn't be at a gym.

2. Wearing anything other than loose flowing modest clothing.

3. Meeting others or making friendships (because who wants to be the fat girl)

4. Dancing in public

5. Eating with girls that I work with (they all go out to lunch together and I refuse because who wants to watch a fat person eat)

6. Meeting people I knew in college

7. Wearing lingerie or having sex with the lights on or the covers off (yes I do cover up)

8. Engaging in therapy because many of my issues are still rooted in my eating disorder, though I have symptomatically recovered. I feel that any therapist will look at me like Im crazy as a fat girl who used to be an anorexic

what a great post...  get all of our fears out on paper and leave them there!

Because of my weight, Ive always been crazy worried to eat in restaurants that dont have booths.  I would be mortified if a chair broke under my weight or if i couldnt scooch far enough in with my chair to let someone pass behind me.

Because of my weight, I like lasmith hate the gym.  You know some of the kinny girls are there only for attention and LOVE to pick on the fat girl who just might have gotten the courage up to try to do something for herself.

Because of my weight, I have remained socially withdrawn from just about all old friends because im ashamed of what they may say. 

SWIM SUITS!!!

When I was in high school I got my Open Water Diver certification. I kept telling myself I would go on a diving trip once I lost some weight. I couldnt stand the way I looked in a swim suit. That was 10 years ago and I havent been diving since, what a waste of 700 dollars.

In college I watched all the pool parties from my dorm window wishing I could go, but there was noooo way I was gonna go out in public in a swimsuit. Kept telling myself that I could go once I lost 15 lbs. That was 8 years ago and 40lbs ago.

I would love to be able to go to the pool or a beach with my husband wearing a bikini and having every guy on the beach jealous of my hubby. Thats probably very unrealiztic since only celebs can afford that kind of plastik surgery. LOL!!! But hey I lost 2 lbs last week, thats a healthy loss so im happy.

This was an excellent post!  I am 5'2 and 135lbs (lost 6 pounds the last 2 1/2 weeks!!!).  When I was in high school I wasnt even 100 pounds and wouldnt get in a bathing suit bc I thought I was fat.  WOW!  Wish I could go back to those days and ENJOY who I was!

But now, the biggest thing that is holding me back is still the dreaded summer and bikini days.  I have two children and my goal this summer is to walk out on that beach, wearing a biking and be PROUD of who I am and not about how much I weigh.  Every year I take the kids to the beach and once the clothes come off, I wont get out of the chair.  This year I want to be able to get up and swim with them, build sand castles and play football in the sand!

Because of my wieght:

I wear nothing but baggy or back tops and loose fitting jeans. I remember when I was 17 and wore little tank tops and guys shorts (not because of weight issues but because I thought it looked really cute) Now the only stylish things in my closet are shoes and I can't even wear the heels I buy because I don't have anything to wear with them. (I feel so nerotic at the moment)

I won't go to the spa to get a massage because I think the person doing it will be disgusted or will make fun of me when I leave.

I don't have very many pictures of me with my son because I don't want people to see them and think "wow she got really big"

I only look in the mirror for as long as it takes to brush my hair and put it in a ponytail because I don't want to look at myself and remember what I used to look like.

Wow that was a bit nerve racking.

Because of my weight I won't:

Wear a swim suit without a shirt and/or shorts at least at the beach.  I LOOOVVEEE swimming and the beach.  :-(  I'll wear a suit to a pool though lol maybe it's because I have confidence in myself as a swimmer

Try on cute clothes at the mall or wear skirts/dresses

Talk to guys because I'm afraid they are judging the way I look

Run/workout with others.  No, just no haha

Because of my weight I won't:

Try on clothes because I know I'll hate the way they look

I won't buy lingerie

I refuse to get married to my boyfriend looking the way I do because I don't want to be "the fat girl" at my own wedding.

Try horseback riding

Take dance lessons

I don't enjoy life as well or as fully as I should.

What a great thread. I totally see myself in a lot of these replies. I really hate that how we feel about our body image can restrict our enjoyment of life so much... but we feel how we feel, right?

Here are the things that my weight always held me back from:

1. Learning to swim. There is no way Jose that anyone is ever seeing me in a bathing suit until I slim down. I have the chubbiest, whitest legs, a pot tummy, chubby arms and big boobs - the thought of covering all of that with just a swimsuit? Argh!!

2. Having nice clothes. My legs have always prevented me from wearing skirts/dresses/shorts, and because of my tummy and huge boobs, any decent looking tops are distorted and stretched, rendering them horrid. Sometimes when I do gather up the confidence and go clothes shopping, any illusions I have are shattered when I see it on in the mirror in the fitting room.

3. Going to Thailand. I was due to go on a trip to the beautiful island of Phuket in Thailand last year, but one of the reasons I ended up not going was because it was a group trip with my friend and her team mates from the local Thai boxing club. I didn't want to be the only one there that was chubby and unfit.

4. Meeting someone. I have so little dating/relationship experience because of my crippling lack of self confidence. I know I'm not ugly, and I'm not obese, but I sometimes just think I'm so unattractive and chubby that someone that I like would never like me in return. And I don't want to settle for someone that I'm not attracted to, just because they like me. I want a chance with someone that I like, too, and I want to feel at least half-confident about it.

I knew I wasn’t the only person in the world who felt like a lot of what you all are saying, but it’s nice to read it and remember that I’m not alone. 

1. I’m in my early 20’s and I am still a virgin too, mostly for the fact that I want to wait till marriage.  Also because there haven’t been many opportunities of guys who want to sleep with a girl who’s overweight.  The few guys that have been interested, I wasn’t interested in them and I am too nervous and self conscious about my body that I would feel awkward about it.  The guys I am interested in I don’t really try to pursue anything because I can’t help but think who wants to be with my large body?

2. Sometimes it’s hard to do even the simplest things because of my size with my friends, like walking through a crowd.  Most of my friends are tiny and can squeeze through anything.  If I try to follow a lot of the times I have to find my own path because I can’t squeeze between two chairs or two people the way they can. 

3. I used to love theme parks, but I went last summer and had trouble fitting in some of the rides because the belts weren’t long enough and that was horribly embarrassing being told I couldn’t fit and had to leave the ride after I waited an hour and a half. 

4. I’m nervous about meeting new people because I think why would anyone want to hang out with a fat girl? The friends I do have would slap me if they heard me say that because they know I’m a lot of fun, but there aren’t a lot of people who would just walk up to me and start conversations.  More often than not I only meet people through personal introductions. 

5. Wearing heals because that's a lot of weight on the balls of my feet and I can't last that long.

Being overweight sucks, but knowing that I’m not the only one who feels this way and saying it out loud actually does help! Thanks everyone.

God, this post is heartbreaking. It's all true. We don't even let ourselves live life. 

1. shopping is a nightmare that i avoid at all costs. when im forced to buy clothes i shop alone. I must try everything on, cuz usually nothing fits and the thought of returning large sizes to a customer service counter for them to think ' ha, even a Large didnt fit her big butt" ...i think not. I even return my own failed clothes from the dressing rooms so the attendants dont have a chance to think the same thing. For all they know everything fit fine. 

2. Boys. the end. ( and i used to be the pretty girl who had boys lined up! every day/night....i miss them, stupid as most of them turned out to be :P )

3. Going out with my friends, whom i miss dearly. they're making all the memories without me :( . i dont know the stories they tell, or the jokes, or the people they talk about...im not a part of it. 

4. I lock myself away in my room at my parents house like a troll. 

5. Eating in public. anywhere in public. even if its just an apple...always torturous....

6. I've lived my entire life in a seaside resort town. my house is mere blocks from the beach. i havent put my feet in the sand in YEARS. i refuse. i just tell everyone ' i hate the beach' as my heart shrivels at the sound of those words cuz they couldnt be further from true. 

we should try to make these goals for ourselves. instead of a list of ' oh well' it should be a list of ' soon enough!' No one is as mean to us as we are to ourselves. we hold ourselves prisoner. time to shake these shackles!!

Crystal

I laughed so hard on your voila part....it was so cute and funny to me. But congrats to being down to 204, and bigger CONGRATS if your less then that now ! Yeah, I know what you mean about a guy or person loving you 4 you.

Marilyn Monroe once said ," I'M SELFISH,IMPATIENT, AND A LITTLE INSECURE.I MADE MISTAKES,I AM OUT OF CONTROL, AND AT TIMES HARD TO HANDLE. BUT IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST,THEN YOU SURE AS HELL DONT DESERVE ME AT MY BEST.

So if a guy cant love me 4 me right now,(and now me feeling like im at my worst because of my weight gain)then I dont want him 2 have me at my best.And plus I cant love nobody right now, till I love myself.

But thats kind of a lie....because I LOVE YOU GUYS HERE ON CC !!! You guys are the BEST !!!

muah!  we are all we need right now!  xoxo girls!

WOW Lasmith86,it blows my mind to see you saying what im feeling. Just about everything you said, I feel the same way.Just about everybody on this post is going through the samething one way or the other!

But dont worry about the therapy, you can talk to us here on CC,but im going to have to charge you ! Ill send you my information, I only do paypal.....lol....just joking.But for real, alot of us on here knows how you feel,including myself.So you can always come talk to us....free of charge !

I, like many of you, feel and experience these things. I am 20, 5'0'', 124 lbs. and I've been overweigth since I was about 9. I remember being one of the "bigger" girls in my grade from then on. Going through puberty and being chubby was a nightmare! Trying on clothes sometimes brought me to tears because all I would see were the love handles and big thighs. I decided recently to cut the b.s. that was going on in my mind and make the changes. My breaking point was when I ate a whole pint of icecream and felt so guilty I tried to vomit. After that, I never wanted to feel that feeling ever again and made a promise to myself to deal with my emotional eating issues and live a healthier life. I am so grateful to be able to voice my feelings to others who are dealing with the same things I am. I feel less alone and able to express my fears out loud. The most important thing for us to remember is that when we feel the love for ourselves inside, you're always full!Love you guys and keep up the work.

bga1423 is that you in tha picture? My gosh, you are so pretty!  I just see certain people, and im like ......what weight problem?Their beautiful, maybe its just me.

And another thing,I never been to the gym to workout. I like working out at home or outside, and i guess its a good thing i dont go to the gym,because i keep reading how some of these "skinny" girls like to throw looks,whisper and talk about the plus size girl who is trying to get in shape. See,im not a violent person, but if i go to a gym and a person dares start with me because im there trying to lose weight and not throwing my ass and breats in front of steroid boy,or not wearing a barbie pink spandex workout gym fit in a size 2,im going to beat their ass ! Excuse my language, buts thats truth.

Here iam trying to workout and better myself, and you want to "PICK" on me ! And picking on me at the gym, where i'am already pissed, because i have to be there to lose this weight that is driving my life crazy ! And then on top of that YOU WANT TO PICK ON ME !!!  I would SOOOO pick up a dumbbell and go up side their head.Be the last time they would ever pick on a big girl at the gym!  And then I really would lose weight because I would be sitting in jail for assault, and we all know the food there is crap !

Im sorry, didnt mean to write this much.And im sorry you guys have to go through what you go through at the gym. Just hang in there.

And bga1423,I know its hard. Im withdrawn to. You guys are all I have here on CC. I really pray we all can become good friends and help each other out .

Congrats on your 2 lbs girl ! And I could never do the pool thing. I would have to have a big white t-shirt on,over something that was semi-made for a big girl and water. Get in tha pool and look like a big floting marshmallow.No thank you. And sweetie if you REALLY wanted every guy at the beach jealous of your husband because of his HOT WIFE, you can make it happen ! Dont sell yourself short !If you believe it you can achieve it.

Oceanspray191your comment was beautiful. I think thats what alot of us need to do, is just let go of the BS, or really hit rock bottom.Stuff like that really opens your eyes, and you say enough is enough.

I just love the end of your comment....."WHEN WE FEEL THE LOVE FOR OURSELVES INSIDE,YOU'RE ALWAYS FULL !