Weight Loss Lies We Tell Ourselves...Funny

I imagine I am not the only one who has them so I thought it would be fun to have people list the funny things they tell themselves.

ie...

Most of the calories in bread are in the crust which I feed to my dog.

The sauce leftover on the plate (or bowl or container) has at least 20% of the total calories of the dish in it.

The crumbs from the cookies that fall to the floor contain at least 20% of the total calories of the cookie.

The peanut butter left on the sppon after I measure it is at least an amount equal to 1/4 of the size of the spoon (doesnt count if you lick the spoon).

When I do some little exercise (like while waiting for something to cook in the microwave) I burn 1 calorie per second despite the fact I dont burn that much on the elliptical at way high intensity.

You get the picture...anyone?

i used to lie like that but no more lies here

except - that was a half bagel i ate but counted all the calories  and that was a serving of mac & cheese eventhough it was realy just a spoonfull

the theory - i put in more calories than actually consumed, see the total calories are way too many  then i  have more resolve to stick to the original plan.      &nbs p; it seems to help the the mind set that this is the life's goal - not to be fat anymore.  ignoring other calories didn't help me.  so join me and lets get thin!

good luck  and remember all the calories count (so enjoy licking the spoon and add those calories)

Oh, I guess I should have said this earlier...I dont actually believe them.  I put all the calories from the bread even tho I really dont eat the crust.  I dont take 20% of the calories from things because of sauce.  These were supposed to be funny things we tell ourselves but dont really believe (which is why they are funny).

If you store your chocolate on a high shelf the calories will jump out because they are afraid of heights.

If you eat it with your fingers, it doesn't count.

Vegetables are good for you.  Chocolate is a vegetable.

A couple of my favorite former lies:

If a cookie is broken, all the calories leak out.

Things the same color have the same caloric value, therefore Vanilla ice cream has the caloric value of Cauliflower.

If I steal a _____ (cookie, chocolate, graham cracker, etc) from my daughter's plate, it only has 1/2 the calories because the whole snack wasn't intended for me.

If I stand up in the kitchen and eat one cookie/spoonful of peanut butter/piece of cake, it doesn't count because I burned calories walking to the kitchen and standing.

Question:
If you don't eat everything in the serving....... how much do you take off, if anything?

Like fruits in 'light surup' still count the liquid in the calories.... and I'm not going to drink all the surup that the fruit is in!

Frozen dinners, I sometimes don't like the sauce and take most of it out.  I hate broccoli and always take it out as well.  Do I take anything off the total calories?

I'm not trying to cheat or lie to myself, I just honestly don't know what to do..... HELP!!!!!
*confused*

LOL, I love them, they are great!  Keep em coming. 

fmjess...Like I said above, even if I dont eat all the crust or sauce or whatever, unless I specifically measured it, I just count it all.  I am not counting a ton of things that I didnt eat so it wont throw off my calorie intake that much but bits and pieces here just arent worth it to me to guess wrong.

If you're just eating the chips at the bottom of the bag that are all broken, 100 of them = 1 unbroken chip.

a glass of juice or lemonade is way better than a can of soda.. even if they actually have the same number of calories and nearly the same amount of sugar.

Any calories in a margherita are killed by the alcohol.

And...as someone who struggles not only with weight, but budget...I tend to confuse money and calories in my mind.  Like if I get something on sale I think it has less calories.  Or free food is free of calories.  Ok...not really...but almost.

Dark chocolate is a health food.

A "bite" isn't big enough to have any caloric value (i.e. a bite of my daughter's cookie, a bite of my husban'ds pizza, a bite of anything and everything from the buffet or mini-dessert tray . . .)

And my personal favorite . . . .There are no calories in Christmas cookies!!!  (It's part of the magic of Christmas, you know.)

oh, i totally do the dark chocolate thing! i tell myself it's okay because it's so high in antioxidants that i'm doing myself good by eating it. 

"Or free food is free of calories"

You mean that one isnt true?  :)  LOL

Lauren

Haha! A couple of my friends and I had a whole list of these rules at one time... like:

If no one SEES you eat it, then it never happened.

If you eat it in the dark, it doesn't count.

and my favorite...

If you drink a diet soda with it, the diet soda absorbs the calories and they cancel each other out.

(if only!!)  :)

Anyone know Mitch Hedberg?

?It would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food, and then the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring, and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there and the carrot would say, ?It?s cool, he?s with me.?

I love him.

Haha, I was just listening to Mitch today!

I'm guilty of the Dark chocolate thing too :O)

Put your "high calorie" foods in high places like on the fridge because calories are afraid of heights and will jump off.

vacation food doesn't count.

if you are standing <over the sink, in front of the fridge> you burn more calories while you eat..

My bathroom mirror adds ten pounds, and the bathroom scale is in on the conspiracy.