Weight Loss Strategy - Marital Advise Needed

I have lost a bunch of weight in the last half year.  So much so that I am only a few pounds away from the same weight as my wife.

My wife is also watching what she eats as well but her method varies greatly from mine.  She only eats until she is full.  She has lost 10 pounds in 6 months.  I am restricting my calories and exercising and I have lost 45 pounds in the same time frame.

At the rate I am going, what issues will I encounter when I weigh less than my wife and what suggestions could anyone give?  She knows what my goals are and where I want to stop but I can't help but think that there might be some hurt self esteem and friction as a result.  Words of wisdom are appreciated.

I used to weigh more than my husband, now I weigh a great deal less thank god. All I can tell you is what bugs me coming from my husband. Nothing gets me angrier faster than my husband making "helpful" comments such as "Do you realize how many of those chips you've eaten?" or "It's fine to have a treat but you shouldn't overdo it". He thinks he's trying to be helpful but it really just makes me want to unhinge my jaw and devour his head whole.

Be encouraging, tell her that she looks really beautiful and that you're proud of her. My husband says "hey sexy", and pats my behind. I really don't find that pleasant at all but it's his attempt I suppose.

It's super annoying to most women that it really is so much easier for men to lose weight so just try to be sensitive and supportive without putting too much emphasis on the numbers. You're a great guy to be so concerned with her feelings, I'm sure she's proud to have you.

All I can tell you is what has happened to me...

I'll tell you what happened to me in my first marriage. I ended up heavier than my husband and any bad feelings that I had because of it, were my own thoughts. One day, we were fighting and he said "You're so fat that I'm not even attracted to you. Who wants to sleep with that?" Let me tell you, I broke the coffee pot and that was the last day that I lived with him.

So, that being said.....definitely don't say anything negative to her. However, you could be the dinner maker or encourage her to do active things...go out dancing, go hiking, heck - just go to the mall and walk around. Just say that you want some time with her. Or, if you go to the gym, ask if she wants to go cause you could use the company. Just don't lay it on too thick or she'll catch on.

It IS easier for men to lose than women, it's just a fact so don't be overly smug about your superior methods. I sounded nasty and you didn't come off as smug in your OP but your wife WILL think you sound smug if you give her unsolicited suggestions. You should probably tread very lightly even if she asks for suggestions. (hint: if she complements you, it's NOT the same as asking for suggestions.) I was in her shoes at one time and I really advise you just to do your thing and keep your mouth shut about it.

As etahbear suggested, be complementary and tell her you love her regularly. That's always a good idea! (LOL, I personally like the little pats on the behind but that's just me!)

Original Post by etahbear:

He thinks he's trying to be helpful but it really just makes me want to unhinge my jaw and devour his head whole.

Funniest thing I've read today!

My husband and I have always been on the slim side, but I've never really appreciated the times when he can fit into my jeans and look better in them than I do. He can weigh whatever weight, just don't rub salt in the wounds dude! lol

It sounds like you are a supportive and sensitive husband. She can see that you've been approaching the same number as hers, she knows that you're aiming to go lower. So my advice is this- treat it as a non-issue. If you bring it up, it may create an issue where there was none. Take every opportunity to show her that you love her (as you would anyways) and go from there.

Try not to over do it on celebrating your own success.  As a woman, nothing would annoy me more if I was having a hard time losing weight while my husband was gloating and celebrating.  Tell her she looks beautiful, and that you will love her at any size.

I love the suggestions of doing a fun healthy activity with her, or you can always go with my fiancee's favorite line "sex burns lots of calories its good for you!"  seriously though, even if shes not in the mood knowing that she turns you on is a real confidance booster!

Sounds like her method kind of sucks...

Is there any way you can politely tell her that.

Original Post by jblarghp:

Is there any way you can politely tell her that.

 Oh yeah, do that...if what you really want is to sleep on the couch! LOL! 

That's one of those things that if she WANTS to know, she already knows. It's right in front of her face. She just doesn't want to do what it takes, as bigdad has done. That's her right...but if you point it out, it's at your own peril.

I noticed a trend through out all the responses that he'll be torn to shreds if he doesn't act a certian way. I don't agree with that at all. A marriage shouldn't be one person walking on egg shells because the other is "suspected" of flipping out. And what does that say about her? Can't we give her the benefit of the doubt that she won't be some basket case of emotions because her husband was honest about her weight/weight loss routine?

OP, you seem to be a honest, sweet and truely empathetic husband. Your wife knows that you wouldn't be intentianlly crule or mean spirited to her, so just be honest with her when she asks you a question or makes a comment about the weight loss goals.

Encouragement and support on both side of the scale will make loosing weight together fun and interesting. Just remember that men and women are different, so loosing weight is going to be different as well.

I was trying to be light-hearted about it, and perhaps I failed miserably. Sorry.

My real point it that if she asks a question or for his opinion, that's one thing. Sure, be honest but considerate of her feeling (as always, right?) BUT unsolicited advice or comments about her weight/diet are not liable to be received kindly. It's a very personal thing that nearly everybody is sensitive about under any circumstances*. She is liable to be even more so and feeling insecure because of his recent weightloss.

*Thus so many posts warning him. Notice that most of us have personal experience in her shoes.

It's not about walking on eggshells or making sure you act a certain way it's about sensitivity and we who have been in the situation sharing the things that we've experienced and upset us. Specifically because he was asking for advice and when I ASK for advice I'm glad to get it.

The sad fact is that even if his wife was following the same plan he was on she most likely wouldn't be seeing the same results as he is. That's a sad part about being a woman, especially as we age.

"Fate is a cruel snake with bitter herbs and spices."- Brendon Small

Everyone brings up good insight.  I think my best tact is to keep my big mouth shut!  Being loving and reassuring is a sure help.  I think one way that I have inspired her to expand her horizons was by what was not said rather that what was said.  Although this was with a computer, she would always ask for help and never learn because she could always ask me.  The unspoken word was she was capable.  With that extra confidence, she learned and has gone so far as to put together a website for her home school cooperative!

I don't think she will "unhinge her jaw and bite my head off" but she may get somewhat depressed.  I would never say anything insulting or derogatory but I sure could see myself making a suggestion that would be totally taken the wrong way.  I will be very careful of those statements.  I do like the suggestions of exercising together.  It will take some schedule rearranging but I think it is doable!