Weight Training Weight Loss Question

My girlfriend and I have been going out for over two years.  We are fairly active people and go to the gym about 2-3 times/wk.  We oftentimes run in local and regional 10k races.  I think she is great.  When we first met she was around 5'3" 130lbs and very fit.  She had an athletic femine build.  When we worked out I would do weight training and she would stick to cardio.  About 6 months ago we had both been a bit lazy and had gained some weight so we decided to increase our workouts.  She decided to change her workout to include weight training because she had read it would help her to reach her weight loss goal.  Since then she has been working out 3-4 times/wk and has GAINED weight, not lost it.  She is approaching 150 lbs now and is becoming more muscular.  Its beginning to be a big turnoff for me, but I'd like her to be happy with her body.  

(1)  Several websites indicate she should lose weight through lifting, but she is gaining weight and muscle...why is this the case?  Is this because of diet or simply because her body type is able to gain muscle mass?

(2)    I am a big supporter of women in athletics, but I've indicated to her that I am simply not attracted to overly muscular women...can someone lend some insight to why she insists weight training is helping her to reach her goal?

Any reply would be helpful.  Thanks.

maybe her goals for herself and your goals for her are not the same anymore.

She's obviously gaining a lot of muscle, hence the big weight gain.  When I work out, I do less weights, more reps. This is more of a fat burning/toning workout.  But, if she's happy with herself, then you need to support her.

If she has gained that much weight lifting weights, then she is eating over her maintence calories.  If you lift and eat more than you burn, you get bigger and gain mass.  If you lift and eat less than you burn, you don't build much mass, instead you get a more toned appearance as the fat comes off.

I would say she is eating too much.  The lifting aspect is not what's hurting her, its the diet.  If she was in a calorie deficit, the scale might not be changing much at all, but she would be dropping fat and looking more toned.

Original Post by elainemiller:

She's obviously gaining a lot of muscle, hence the big weight gain.  When I work out, I do less weights, more reps. This is more of a fat burning/toning workout.  But, if she's happy with herself, then you need to support her.

Unless she is on some pretty serious "supplements" it's unlikely that all the weight gain is from an increase in muscle.  Gaining 20 lbs of muscle in 6 months would be really hard for a women, it's more likely that she has also gained fat and/or water.

Additionally, less weight more reps will do less to burn fat than higher weight and more reps, see the following article for an explanation: http://www.t-nation.com/readArticle.do?id=152 6539.  Also, "toning" is pretty much a myth, muscles either get bigger or smaller, they don't get more "toned" or more "lean" or "long" or anything other than bigger/smaller.

To the original poster, it's likely that if your girlfriend has put on significant weight that she's eating more than she's burning, you can lose or gain weight by weightlifting without changing you routine at all (only changing your calorie intake).  See the article I linked above for more info.

Thanks for the replies.

#1  - I came to a similiar conclusion as you about new goals vs initial goals.  I'm about 90% sure that her desired weight goal has changed...but 10% of me thinks that she is just sticking to the plans that she finds in every magazine and website she reads about womens' fitness.  Its hard for me to understand how she is viewing her body.

#2 - She is gaining muscle.  I find this unusual, because magazines say women shouldn't gain muscle mass due to the lack of testosterone.  But even when she was not lifting she was 5'3", 130 lbs, and very toned.  And I thought she looked great.  I think she must have some incredible genetics or something.  I think its great she is really getting in shape, but at the same time its difficult for me because I can't really interject that she should use less weights or no weights to tone vs lifting for muslce mass gains.     

It is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for a female who is not taking steroids to gain more than 3lbs of muscle per month.  And this is women who are packing in protein and weight lifting workouts for HOURS each day .  This was a study done by dr.'s and researches at Harvard.  Which means she is eating too much or gaining serious water weight.  Is she on any medications?

Maybe you should just try and accept her for what she is?  When my husband and I first met I was about 15 lbs overweight and he was ripped.  Now after working long hours at the hospital and studying constantly he is no longer the fitness buff he used to be.  However, I have lost around 15 lbs and am in much better shape.  Do either of us care that the other has changed physically? No.  Of course I loved his ripped body- but there is far more to  our relationship so It's not enough for me to care about.  Unless your girlfriends health is at risk (like she's obese) then I would just brush it off.

Floggingsilly, as a former amateur bodybuilder (way back in my younger days), some women can indeed gain a lot of muscle. I always joked that I could gain muscle just by looking at a dumbell. I still gain muscle very easily when I work out, and do lighter weights now because I don't want that bulk anymore, even if it would mean more fat burning.

I agree with you on the use of the word "tone" for muscle. I used it as a word people would understand, not as a literal definition for the muscle.

Again, thanks for all of the replies. It is very insightful. My girlfriend and I are the most athletic of most of our friends as they are all in their late 20s early 30s and are having children. They simply don't have the time to workout like they once did. This forum is a great place to talk to people that have similiar priorities as we still currently do.

#3 - I think that fact that she is defintely working muscles more than she ever did and therefore increasing not only her metabolism, but her appetite, might be the cause of the situation. I can attest that she is eating more, but I didn't think so much to the extent that she would gain as much muscle and weight as she has. Looking into the caloric intake vs. burnoff would be beneficial. But its is not easy to convince her (a strong woman is never easy to convince).

#4 - That is quite an impressive website. I truthfully don't think she'd be involved with supplements of any kind. That is/was not her intent (she does not like me using supplements). I do agree with the muscle "toning" comment. She had a low BMI to begin with and her workout load has increased a great deal. My GF's bodytype is definely more powerful that the girls on the website. Wider shoulders and more powerful legs. It was always my understanding that a muscle gets bigger based on repeated breakdown and repair. I don't understand how that could be different for men and women. But the magazines and websites that we've read so far insist that is the case. So I guess diet, again, should be the main focus.

#6 - Although I agree it is possible that the new weight is not all muscle weight, I don't think it is necessary to use steriods to get that gain. She is simply eating more due to the increased workout load and gaining mass. She is not on any type of steroidal medication that I know of.  She is not obese in my estimation. 

I gave this a lot of thought before I posted. In the past two months I'd been expecting the trend to change from weight gain to weight loss, but it really hasn't. We were recently playing around and we measured our biceps for fun. I am 6' and was an mediocre 17", but she was at 14.5". That is really impressive for a girl when the average is 10.5". It's becoming harder to accept this as being normal. Don't get me wrong, the only reason that I am posting these questions is because I care about her a great deal, but it's becoming outrageous.

#7 - I tend to agree with you. Certain women can make gains quickly. In the past two months I've read articles from both Serena Williams and Jennifer Garner indicating that they cannot use heavy weights because they will gain mass very quickly. Its just difficult for me to bring this point to my girlfriend because she is so driven. Hey, maybe she likes the gains, I can't really tell anymore.

Thanks for giving me some feedback. I feel bad talking about my girlfriend like this but I am confused about both the physiology and the mindset.

Is it possible for me to ask what a normal height to weight would be for a "toned" woman of 5'3" with a powerful build?

The relevant number for your girlfriend's health is bodyfat %. Too high or too low is a health risk. Too low and women stop menstruating and mess up their reproductive health.

http://www.weightlossforall.com/fat-percentag e-ideal.htm

But for strength training, I don't know that "normal" is the goal. If your girlfriend was a runner, would you be happy if she finished in the middle of the pack, but sad if she won the race?

 

#10 - I agree.  The bodyfat number is probably the most important to monitor for health.  My guess is that this number has increased in the past 6 months due to a lack of concentration on diet.  That should be more of a focus for us both.

Thanks for the website.  I like this passage, "The only way to maintain your lean mass while losing fat is to feed the muscles with plenty of nutritious calories and at the same time, burn the fat off with cardio."  The focus should be on diet and cardio with less to no emphasis on weights due to the tendency to gain muscle mass (so pretty much what she had been doing before the weight training).

And of course I'd be happy if she won the race, but at what cost?  I would think not being able to fit into her old clothes because she is so big is probably not a goal most women have.  I like running because we have fun no matter what place we finish in and its a great way to maintain weight and general health. 

I know you say you care about her a great deal, but if she's healthy and happy with her body, then honestly it's not your concern.  Be grateful you have someone who is comfortable with herself.

I see that this discussion has run its course.  I actually feared there would be more comments like this when I intially posted.  But I'm happy to say that posters #1-#11 provided facts and suggestions based on my questions and subsequent answers that will help my girlfriend and I meet our goals and for that I thank you. 

 #12 - Geez.  I didn't go in depth about my girlfriend's specific happiness, satisfaction, and c omplete health situation here.  That is not a discussion for strangers.  I posed a physical weight loss question and a mindset question.  I find it awfully presumptuous that you would provide this panacea and suggest that it will solve things without knowing the full story.  Your answer doesn't address either question and provides no solution.  

 

If she isn't actually gaining fat to an unhealthy extent, but instead is becoming more strong and muscular, then that is a challenging situation.

If you can adjust to the situation, that would be better. If this is really, truly affecting your ability to be physically attracted to your girlfriend, I feel for you. 

It's not like when a guy grows a beard, and a woman finds it scratchy and uncomfortable. He can shave it off, it's probably not a huge deal for him, even if he somewhat prefers to have facial hair.  If she is really into fitness and being physically strong is part of her goal, she may not want to change. 

Good luck to both of you. 

Your post disturbs me to some extent. the fact that you are mad that she is in better shape but the scale reads a larger number especially. I hate that we live in a society that labels us with so many numbers.... age, weight, ssn numbers whatever... enough already....

You said in your post: 

 "(2)    I am a big supporter of women in athletics, but I've indicated to her that I am simply not attracted to overly muscular women...can someone lend some insight to why she insists weight training is helping her to reach her goal?"

Why don't you ask her why she thinks weight training is going to help her reach her goal? Do you know what her goal is? Perhaps she started training initially because she read it in a magazine, but as time passed, she realized how strong and happy, energetic etc it made her feel. Much like running can be addictive to many people, so can lifting weights. I understand you dislike the way she looks, but do you want her to be happy with her body or would YOU rather be happy with her body.  I am sure you'd like to say "both," but much like the 1st poster said, it doesn't seem like you have the same goals in mind any more.

You said its hard for you to understand how she is viewing her body.... thats probably a problem for every man in America. Most women don't even know how to view our own bodies and when we do, its normally something we don't like because its not up to societies standards. Its a difficult issue, and I would rather be a muscular 150lbs than a fat and flabby 150lbs. 

Have you discussed this in depth with her? try to understand where she is coming from, and if she is just doing the weight lifting because of some article in FITNESS magazine, maybe you should suggest some new form of exercising the two of you can do together?  She needs support to reach her goals and you telling her that you are turned off by her new fit body isn't a good way to go about it.

Perhaps she's gaining for other reasons, and you just think you're seeing dramatically more muscle because your brain tells you weight lifting = extremely muscular bodies? My mother's not in the best of shape, but she's not obese, and when she was pregnant a few years ago, she gained about 30lbs in a couple months without it making any appearance on her body.

 

Just a thought, good luck. :)

ok I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in here.

firstly, I would like to say, that contrary to popular belief, it can be quite easy for a female to gain muscle mass.  Escepcially is she is genetically prone to it.  If she was very muscularly toned when she was only doing cardio then you better belive that she will build muscale mass quickly by weight lifting. I know this by experience because I can put on muscle mass faster than my boyfriend right now.

 Secondly, if it is bothering you that much you should probly just tell her.  She will either tell you to hit the road because she likes how lifting weights mkes he feel or she will back down.  Either way it turns out it will be good because if you stop becoming sexually atracted to her then the relationship is gonna go down hill anyways. And if she decides to cut back then you get to continue in the relationship the way it is.

The other thing is, that once she hits a certain ratio of muscle mass per body mass her fat will literally start to melt away.  This is probly why she is continuing to lift.  and she will start to "look smaller" even though the muscle mass will still be there.  Give it some time and if you still have problems with he body frame in 3-4 months then you should talk to her about it.

Also....this maybe just me....but I seem to get the impression that you have a strange expectation of what a females body type should be and that her muscle bulk is making you feel less masculine? am I off here? Just curious.

I totally agree with "patches" comments.  She is overeating.  I did the Bill Phillips program, "Body for life," with my wife for 90 days and had the same thing happen.  90 days, exercising 6 days a week and eating 5-6 meals a day...AND GAINED ABOUT 15 LBS!  UGH! 

My wife leaned down, lost wieght, got toned and looked great.  I looked just about the same after 90 days and was very discouraged; what a dissappointment.  However, I was throwing 50 lb dumbells around like the were bottles of water after the program so there was significant strength gains.

Ultimately, how someone looks and what their goals are comes down to them and the decisions they make.  You can try sitting down and having a heart to heart with her and just simply saying you will support her no matter what, but be honest about the fact you find very muscular women less attractive.  There is a lot to be said for keeping it real and being honest.  Then, it is up to her to decide  

If she wants to trim down, the only thing I can say is to watch the caloric intake.  Sometimes we think we are burning way more calories than we actually are.  After meeting with a nutritionist, I realized that the "palm" sized protiein, the fist sized carbohydrates and the "low calorie" meal replacements put me around 3100 calories a day!  I am 5'7" and even with all the exercising, I was no where near that level of burn rate to lose fat/weight.  I did an analysis of what my body actually burns in a 24 hour period with no exercise and it is about 2200.  I still exercise several days a week, but measure out everything I eat and come in around 1700 kcal/day... and I have lost 15 lbs and 2.5" off my waist.  Yeah, baby!

If she "wants to," have your significant other use the tools on this website to figure out how many calories she burns in a 24 hours without exercise. Reduce caloric intake by 500 kcal/day and run with it for 30 days. 

-Peace

"The other thing is, that once she hits a certain ratio of muscle mass per body mass her fat will literally start to melt away. "

Flychiq, I was debating whether or not to hit the gym again this lunchtime as I've already been 3 times this week - I wanted to let you know this comment of yours got my butt in there!!! :):)