Welcome to the Group

Welcome! We would love get to know you, so please tell us a little bit about yourself. You can choose any format you'd like, but most of us here share some or all of the following details:

1. History with weight loss:
2. History with Calorie Count:
3. Reason for joining this group:
4. Some interesting details about yourself, such as your job, your family, your pets and your interests:

And now just go ahead and make that first post!

Hi there!  I thought I'd post.  See, I had no idea there were other people with the same problem I've had.

I've had an eating disorder for about 12 years.  I say I still have it, because I don't think it ever goes away - but I don't consider it - active - if you know what I mean. 

I was last in treatment about three years ago.  I was in the hospital for pretty much three years before then (leaving for a few weeks sometimes only to return)  I discontinued treatment when I turned 18, and managed to find a balance on my own.  I honestly believe that treatment was hurting me more than it was helping.  But anyway - I am here because I went a fair bit overboard on the whole "you can eat now."  I gained a substancial amount of weight in treatment - I am still angry, because they did not stop me.  I went in underweight and came out overweight.  On my own, I started binging - purging for a while, but I've not done that in about two years now.  I gained and gained and gained.  I became obese.  I couldn't understand myself.  I'd gone from anorexic to obese - who has ever heard of that?

One day I woke up - that there is a different between being healthy and gaining weight and just changing food habits.

So I started exercising a lot.  I didn't really change my eating habits, at least I didn't notice it, but I exercised enough that I lost a lot of weight.  Perhaps over exercising, but I didn't realize it.   I lost about 50 pounds, and was so happy - a healthy weight again!

And then stress and emotional eating and not even THINKING about it, coupled with being unable to exercise the way I was - and I gained 25 pounds of it back.

I got scared of it all coming back, of being right back where I was.  I realized, or I thought I did, that I would have to work to keep it off, I would have to change things. 

But I am scared of the eating disorder.  It lives in me still, messes with EVERYTHING I think and do - but I know I need to lose weight.  I'm not anorexic or bulimic or binge eating (not usually, at least) - but each of them come out at little times, and I know its hard to lose weight RIGHT when you don't know what RIGHT is.  Its easy to screw with your own head. 

Now I'm hoping there are others who understand and can give advice.

I'm trying to up my exercise, because thats the easiest thing for me to do.  But I need to change my eating habits too, or I'll go up and down forever.

Any advice?

How are you doing?

I can understand exactly where you are coming from frizzbug as i have exactly the same problem! I am 18 now and weigh 168 pounds, which puts my BMI at just normal. I had an eating disorder for 4 years and at my lowest weighed 105ibs (im 5ft9ish). When in recovery i just started to eat so much and never stopped and went up in 3 years to 230 pounds (obese)!

I was shocked and ashamed and had honestly never heard of anyone else who did what i did until i read your post. In september last year (as i started university) i decided i had enough and in the 3 months following did drop 62 pounds. It is a lot but i did that through exercise too, going for long runs or walks and spending a lot of time with the horses which gives you constant exercise! but remember if you are eating properly now with enough protein etc some weight will be muscle which is like 3x heavier than fat.

With the eating disorder i know you said treatment didnt help you and you stopped at 18, but i am guessing you didnt want to really go then, almost like your parents forcing you and you were just too ill to not go? Because when i got hospitilised (only for 1 year though) i was in a really bad way. i know that was what it was like for me anyway. So have you ever thought of mabye seeking councelling for it as i found once i went to a councellor out of my own choice it was way more helpul. Because i was so desperate to change (and it sounds like you are too) i found that through therapy my veiws of food did start to change, i am finding better ways to loose weight now the right way, and mabye that could help you too? it is a constant battle but with the proper guidance and support the battle does get easier! I am even studying dietetics at uni now!

Also mabye go see a dietitian or GP who can refer you to a dietitian to talk about eating habits etc, they can tell you the right sort of foods to eat for you and give you diet plans/advice etc. i am just going to go myself when i go back to uni (my lecturers noticed the weight change in me, cant miss a thing when you are studying to be a dietitian).

Well i think that is all i can say really, i cant give nutritional advice etc i just dont know enough about it and i cant anway until i finish my masters! I hope all goes well for you, and with help and guidance you can loose weight (but not too much) healthly. :)

 

 

Hi!  I am 26 years old, 5'6'' and currently 155lbs...I am the heaviest I have ever been and I hate the way I look/feel.  From the time I was 16 until I was 24 I practically starved myself to maintain 120lbs...I absolutely ruined my metabolism.  When I was 24, I started eating "normal" again, hoping that I would settle in around 125-130lbs, but in the two years since, I have gained 30lbs.  Now, no matter what I try, I can not lose the weight.  Even eating under 1000 calories, and working out 4-5 times a week (45-60 min on either elliptical or treadmill), I can't seem to shed the weight.  I am wondering if my metabolism will ever get back to normal, and what I can do to get back to a normal weight.  I would be happy at anywhere between 125-130.  HELP!

Helloooo!

I'm 32 years old- 5'4" and *guesses* about 112-115lbs ( I usually talk in stones & pounds!) however.... I don't have any scales, they got hidden in the garage a couple of years ago, by my husband, after I came out of an IP stay so the weight estimation is based around clothing I own that has fitted me at various points over the last few years.

In brief, I've had Eating Disorders since I was 16 to now (32) on and off and rangeing in severity from an IP stay at 17 for anorexia a couple of times -to severe bulimia -to several years which included having my son at 21 and a barely non-existent eating disorder (just a bunch of complete NO foods and around 2000 calories a day + alcohol but not massively obsessive counting or anything, that anyone would notice)- to another IP stay at 30 in 2006 which was pretty severe due to being married and having a child, responsibilities etc.

 

I could waffle forever- but to the point- I had to recover as best I could as even after leaving the clinic, things got worse before better and when I did start to gain much needed weight, I had horrible binge-eating and alcohol excess problems, up until about 6 months ago and unfortunately I found myself wearing a bigger size than I had in the whole last 20 years or ever!! Even though I started doing regular exercise, it was messed up by drunken overeating episodes and too much cider and a way way even more messed up metabolism!!!

I cut out weekday drinking in October and tried really hard to keep to a healthy daily amount of calories to lose the excess weight, even though it was only about 15lbs, I just wanted to be happy with wearing size 8/ 10's instead of 12's and be HEALTHY!!!!

It seems to be working and my metabolism is seemingly back to 'normal' and I am losing slowly on around 1100- 1700 cals ( I change the amount from day to day and food types, just so I don't get into bad habits of only eating certain things at certain times). I know I am pretty much at a weight / size where I need to stay in order to be ok with myself and keep my body healthy so I guess I'm here for support and advice. It just SOOOOO long to get my body back to functioning properly again that I would hate to mess it up again.... even at a higher weight for over a year, it still wouldn't play- like it wasn't gonna let me forget what I did to it. Hard work!!! ;)

Hi =]

My name's Ally, and I'm 17,  5'8.5, 147lbs (ish).  I was, up until about 4 years ago, an insignificant figure in those massive child obesity statistics that keep getting bandied about.  At 13, I was 5'4 and around 170+lbs, not to mention a complete perfectionist. So I dieted, pretty healthily for one year.  Yet the weight wasn't coming off fast enough.  So I cut out some more food, cutting the calories down until I was on less than 500 a day, and in the gym for at least 2 hours daily.  I managed to keep this up for a year, messing up my entire life in the process. 

I never once truly believed I had a problem.  My periods had stopped, I was getting downy hair, and I would go weeks without sleeping, but because I was never underweight I believed I was in control.  I don't think i really could have been more wrong. I was 5'8 and 135lbs at this point, the only time I've weighed that little since I was 11.

15-16 was a year of intermittent recovery. I'd eat 1200 calories one week, then gain 2lbs and stop eating until they were gone. I gained about 5lbs during that year.  Then at 16, I began proper recovery.  I went to my doctor, didn't try to do it alone.  Admittedly, the doctor wasn't much help, but she convinced me to speak to a friend about it, and that has really really aided my recovery in a way. I'm now 17 and another 7lbs have piled themselves to my hips.

I joined this group as I feel the extra weight is making full recovery significantly more difficult.  I can't help but compare my body now to my body back then, and how much better I looked (even though I didn't appreciate it back then).  I want to prove to myself that I can get to that weight the healthy way, that it is possible to live a healthy life and be a healthy weight.

Interesting facts? I'm a netball umpire. I do a strange qualification at an indie institution.  I like cats. and dogs.  and any other animal that you happen to throw at me.  I'm a vegetarian.  I play guitar.  I hate my stomach, I love my calves.  I want to walk into the woods one day and never come out. 

Hi, I'm Jen. I'm 28, 5'5 and 120lbs. I suffer with ED-NOS, and have done for 8 years with mainly annorexic-otherexic tendancies, periods of 'normality' plus the odd B/P session. I wasn't diagnosed, but my doctor knew about my eating habits and gave me a diet plan along with medication (Omeprozole) for a stomach problem as a result of under eating 2 years ago. My stomach turned on itself and started breaking down the lining, causing intestinal bleeding and painful cramps. I struggled with the diet plan and decided not to follow it, but devised my own and it mainly included just healthy foods, no additives. Everything was going well. And my weight went up from 108lbs to 112lbs and I felt 'ok'....but it gave me an obsession with eating only certain foods and not allowing myself anything else. I was also battling depression and the medication (Citalopram) made my appetite rocket, I started eatign more rubbish foods and less healthy foods and drank more booze....even though I shouldn't have and it had a terrible effect on my overall state of mind, well being and of course weight. I went up to 132lbs in 4 months.

I decided to take control, and to start eating properly. But as I started losing the weight, I started restricting again and I soon got my weight down to 116....my brain had clicked back into my old habits and I soon started working toward a goal of 105....but then I met a man and we've been together since Aug 08. He eats ALOT and we eat together quite a bit. I worried about him knowing about my habits, so started eating more. Fortunately he eats very healthily...but I steadily started gaining again and over Christmas ended up at 124lbs! 8lbs ON!!!

I've managed to lose 4lbs of that weight through eating well and I'm trying not to restrict too heavily. I want to enjoy life and not be ruled by this constant obsession with calories and weight. Though I do still have a little voice inside my head saying 'What if you were just a little bit thinner'....It keeps me from going the other way, but I wish I could be 100% comfortable with myself.

So I guess, I've been trying to recover for 2 years, with the odd slip. But I do want to and I'm making every effort to. I do have a goal weight of 112lbs though. The extra weight I've gained is making me worried and I was actually happy when I was 112lbs before.....so I'm hoping that I will be again.

I'm not sure if I belong here.....but I feel I can talk openly about my thoughts without being judged. Old Habits are hard to break.....

x

hey im natalie im 20 and 135lb (62kg) i suffer with anorexia and ednos also bulimia(with out the vomiting, yeah you can be bulimic with out throwing up) i am recovering and i have gained more weight and trying to loose it while still struggling not to fall into ed's. sometimes i can eat and be OK. sometimes i carnt eat anything and sometimes i carnt stop eating. any support welcome XD

1.

Normal - to age 14

Anorexia and exercise bullemia - age 14-15

Bullemia- age 15-16

I'm still battling bullemia but it creeps up vaguely

2.

Joined this summer - during anorexia and exercise bullemia. Stopped using and just recently started again.

3.

Want to be about 48.5kg which was perfectly reasonable and maintainable for my current 5"2 height as I have not grew in height at all hehe. But without falling into ED, as I have not fully recovered this is a touchy area.

That means losing about 7.5 kg

4.

I love dancing and have done it since I was 3.

Hi, everyone.

I'm just about 2 years out of treatment, and although I haven't read a scale for over 2 years, I think I've put on about 20 pounds.  When I was in treatment, I was around 115 and I guess I'm about 135 now.  Have suffered from A & B for 24 years (I'm 38). 

Disordered behavior (Pging) is not that frequent, though restrixn is every day. 

Husband doesn't get the idea of not filling the 8" plate so that you can only see the rim. 

Need some ideas on low cal meals that fill me up.  Not to mention needing support.

 

Hey everyone!

I am a 28 year old journalist from Israel, battling with overweight ever since I was a child. Almost a year ago  I decided to stop smoking and was very afraid of weight gain, so I started nibbling on veggies to keep my mouth busy. Somehow I started a 1,200 calorie a day diet, which later turned to 1,000, and later to 1,000 every other day and nothing on other days. I'm almost 5.7, I reached 121lbs, and everyone around me started to complain and worry. After realizing what I'm doing to myself, I reached out and started treatment, and made good progress.

The only problem is, I now feel much better and happier, but have reached 140lbs and am starting to really hate myself again. I know I can always diet but am soo scared to return to my old habits and stop eating, whilst finding it very hard to eat in a balanced manner. I feel my goal is very reasonable- 6lbs and I'm at my target.

Any tips? How much should I consume a day?

hey! I suffered my eating disorder when i had just turned 13.  I had orthorexia, which is a more minor disease where I cut my calories to 500 a day for 6 months and become obsessed with exercise.  Its been almost a year since complete recovery(which i did all on my own), but now I am 5'3" and 125 lbs.  I would love my body except the fact that i strive to be a professional dancer. In order to reach my goal I have to lose about 10 to 15lbs.  I started my diet today and I need to lose the weight in about 8 weeks.  Any support or good ideas are greatly appreciated!!

hi! it's nice to know that im not the only one out there. i am currently 5'5'' and 110 pounds. before my recent recovery i was 80 pounds. when i went to Renfrew for recovery, they made me gain 32 pounds, and it's just making me more unhappy. over the past few months my weight has been up and down and i was just hoping that i could loose a little and make it stable but im soo afriad that i've ruined my metabolism since the weight isnt coming off as fast as it use to. i just want to be thin and pretty like i used to.

Hi everyone,

It is such a relief to see that i am not alone in this. I really had no eating issues before starting college, but I developed anorexia during my first year. I struggled with it for about two years and at my lowest weight i weighed 98 pounds at 5'7". Well, i did a number on my mind and metabolism, and now i find myself at 118 pounds. I know that does not sound like too much, but i have a pear shape, so i am relatively thin on top with a lot of um-- "junk" in my bottom half. the hard thing for me is how relatively little i eat to maintain the weight i currently am. i am finding it hard to diet since my body seems to hold on to every calorie i put into it! if i can't lose as much weight as i'd like, i at least want to get in better shape so that my body is more toned, and maybe my metabolism will also speed up a little. i am really trying not to restrict too much so as to help normalize my metabolism. this group is such a great resource and i'm really glad i found it!

Hi everyone!

 I'm 19 and in college. I started with laxatives when I was 15 and quickly moved to restricting. I stayed with that till I was almost 17.  By the time I was 17 I was hardcore fasting. I went from 130lbs to about 112 in just two or three months. When I reached 118 I went off the deep end. I started starving for at least 7 days straight many times more and then on other days I would eat about 100 calories then throw it up and take a fistful of laxatives to just to be sure. Things happened really fast and the people I dance with made me get help. I was never officially diagnosed but I got help from a few therapists and by the time I was in college I was doing better. I gained weight fast my first semester and went to full on purging. Then my new friends found out and I went to therapy again. I started cutting to stop the purging and now I am here. Trying not to cut or purge. I lapse sometimes.

I currently weigh 138 which is more than I have before in my life. I hate myself for it and want to loose some weight again. I am 5'10 and technically in the normal range. I just want to have a better image of myself and not go back to the other stuff.

 

I dance and no that's not why I am worried about my weight.

 

I look forward to posting on here and meeting all of you.

HI.

 i came out of my second 'spell' of ip 2 years ago, because it wasn't working - by working, i mean helping my behaviours and gaining weight (their analysis, not mine).

 Anyways, I was an op for a year and then, last september, under threat of going in again I ate and ate and hated it but i didn't want to go in again. Then I went a little over my target weight (43-45kg) and blamed them. So I refused to go back, but carried on eating, because.... well, I don't know why. Even though I was a normal weight, I still panicked about waking up an ip again blablabla. I'm not going to excuse myself. I'm gross - well, technically, I'm in the healthy weight range. But at 60kg I'm just so unhappy with myself.

  In my head - because the only way I've ever lost weight was with anorexic behaviours - I go between trying to starve, retaliating with eating alot; all the time lowering my metabolism and gaining weight. Je deteste ca. Trying to be healthy, and steady, is so much harder. So I cannot commit to anything, because I want to lose weight quickly, without ...well... killing myself and hurting my family in the process.

 

Any help would be VERY much appreciated. Thankyou

Hi :)

1.) My name is Alexis and i'm 23 years old.  It is hard to say when my eating disorder began.  I guess i've always had mild issues with eating and low self-esteem, but up until around age 20 i had maintained a healthy weight of around 113-125 (i am 5'3''). Around that time i began restricting and exercising more than i usually did, and I quickly went from my healthy weight down to 79lbs in less than a year.  Then in the summer of my 21st year i was hospitalized for a few nights and the doctors pointed out that i may meed to go into an eating disorder recovery program.  I had never considered myself anorexic, and was in denial for another month following my hospital stay before finally realizing that i needed help.  

After 3 months in an intensive out-patient program i was up to 105, several months later i was up to 118 (a shock to me at the time though it was what my dietician recommended).  At this point i was struggling with bingeing, at first a purely physical need for calories had developed into a new coping mechanism.  my highest weight was 137.  Eventually with the help of my dietician, therepist, and taking an anti-depressant, i lost about 5lbs.  I maintained that for a while, then lost another 5lbs.  Now, almost 2 years since i left recovery, i am fluctuating between 120-125lbs.  Although i'm relatively happy with this number, i have a goal weight loosely set at 115.  I am still bingeing on occasion, but i think that as i work on that issue, i will continue to lose the weight naturally, as i have been so far.

2.)I started with Calorie Count a few years ago when i was freaking out about gaining weight.  I stopped logging on when I realized that i was using it in an unhealthy way, and was seeing a lot of eating disorder driven comments.

3). Now i am confident in my recovery, and i think that the benefit of having support from a group like this outweighs the risks of running into triggering comment here and there. I hope that i can be a positive voice.

4). I am still a student (EDs tend to get in the way of life), and hope to become an art teacher. I am married to a great guy, and have a sufficiently interesting life.  I love music and animals and reading (guilty pleasure=Harry potter!)

can't believe i wrote so much.........

Wow, it almost made me cry to see that there is a group dedicated for this purpose. I'm so glad there are other people in my situation..

1. okay let's see...I'm 5'6.5"

Senior year of high school, became anorexic, went from 140ish down to 108ish in about 3 months.

Freshman year at college, went from 120-125 at the beginning of the year to 155-160 by the end of the year.

I've spent all summer trying to install HEALTHY habits, and it's sort of working. I've gone from my HW to my current 143. My goal is to remain below 135 and to neeevverr go below 125 again.

2. I started with CC my senior year while in the throws of anorexia, and the calorie counting fixation on this website actually only enabled me to become worse. Now I'm counting on CC to help me get better!

4. about myself...I'm 19 and am a sophomore at Colorado College., but I'm from Northern Virginia. I love hiking in the mountains, going camping, and running! I have a pet corn snake named Longfellow who I love to death, and my parents are bringing him out here to live here in my dorm room, though they are not allowed. I play the guitar (poorly) and I sing back-up for a band here at school.

I totally welcome anyone to send me a private message anytime! I'm here to both give and receive support.

Hi everyone, I'm really happy I found this group.  I feel like I've been struggling for SO long and working so hard to keep everything a secret but I've realized I'm not going to fix anything if I don't admit I have a problem!! 

21yrs old, I'm 5'7 and somewhere around 160-165lbs. 

1. I have been a little overweight most of my life but have also been very athletic.  When I was 12 years old, 5'5 and 120 my dad put me on the Atkins diet and ever since I've had intense emotional issues with my weight. People would call me "solid" but no one would ever tell me I needed to diet.  I was really muscular but hated the way I looked in clothing (especially compared to my slim friends).  I tried to starve myself and occasionally binge/purged but had no luck losing weight...I felt hopeless.  During Soph year of college something changed--I made new friends, lost weight, and gained confidence.  Then I started REALLY losing weight.  I went from 175 to 140 and then, excited at the extreme change.  I have a large bone structure, long torso, big head (haha), and I'm muscular so at 140 I could fit in size 2 jeans and size 4 dresses.  I felt slim for the first time in my life.  Desperate to not gain, I cut calories more and more until I was exercising everyday and consuming <800.  I dropped to 127 (which doesn't sound too small, but I looked really bony and gross according to my friends!). 

 

I maintained for a while, eating less and less and then, during the summer, I developed a sleep eating disorder (has anyone heard of this???).  WORST THING EVER.  I went home for the summer and would wake up in the middle of the night half-conscious and binge eat fatty foods like gobs of peanut butter and honey.  I woke up each morning feeling hungover yet STARVING.  I became more and more depressed and tried extreme measures to stop but I couldnt, the weight just keep creeping on.  To cut a long story short, I'm almost back to my starting weight and I have hit an all time low.  I'm so depressed.  I've been purging lately and becoming better at it....I really don't want this to become a problem, I just want to feel healthy again!

2. I've tried it off and on but never made a commitment to use the site everyday. 
3. I feel hopeless, alone, and embarrassed about this stuff.  Just reading these posts has made me feel so much better. 
4. My mom and dad both suffer(ed) from eating disorders but they're good people.  I love my sisters and my dogs. 

I'd love to get in touch with someone if anyone want to talk!