I think that families see food related to love and want to create memories to last a life time.  On holidays and special occasions we make special recipies that connect us to long lost grandmothers and aunts who created those memories for us.  Changing that is difficult.  My daughter-in-law is a great role model for me.  On holiday's she puts out shrimp and plates of fruit and veggie trays for appetizers and we take a hike before or after dinner.  Great memories and modeling for my grandchildren how to create healthy happy memories without guilt and belly aches!

The main thing that irks me is all the pressure to eat cake.

At work, at family gatherings, at church...

Why can't they pressure me to eat something nutritious like sauteed shrimp with bok choy and snow peas on a bed of mushroom "risotto"

I had this situation only yesterday - went to my partner's mom's house for dinner, and knowing that she always tries to over feed me (she's very overweight herself, but I don't ever try to underfeed her!), I offered to bring dessert for us all. I made a reasonably healthy lemon tart, and then found out that even though she'd agreed to let me bring dessert she'd also made TWO other desserts loaded with chocolate, sugar, butter, and LARD! I mean come on! Who uses lard?!

Anyway, out of having to be polite (there's no way round it when they literally force a plate onto your lap), I ended up eating THREE desserts, when I didn't even want one! Oh, and got another lecture on how my half marathon running is bad for my knees. (It's not, they're fine.) Sometimes people try to overfeed you out of love, but sometimes it's just deliberate sabotage!

Peer pressure to eat is motivated by their feeling guilty about over-eating alone.  If you join them in their bad habits, then they do not have to feel bad about it.  It is the same with people who drink a lot.  They do not feel good about drinking when you are not.  Once I had 2 overweight friends whom I loved dearly -- one of them for 20 years.  The other told me that the reason she couldn't be around me any more was because I was thin and it made her feel bad about herself!  I refuse to over-eat and eat badly to make others feel good about bad habits!

My future mother-in-law commented on Sunday that we are less fun now that we are trying to eat healthy because we don't eat as much.  She loves watching people enjoy her food - it really gives her a sense of love and purpose.  I told her that I really wanted to eat more than what I took but I was still full from brunch with my family.  You could see she was disappointed.  My theory - it's ok to indulge once in a while.  Everything in moderation, especially moderation. 

I don't look at it as familys 'not' being supportive.  If I decide 'not' to drink coffee anymore it doesn't mean the family needs to give it up as well. 

Familys gather at holiday time, bbq time etc and it's always a challenge.  My remedy is to offer to bring a dish or two which is always a healthy contribution to add to the mix of other foods.

jaylynn

My husband loves to cook, so every weekend he makes these big Italian fest, so  now matter how good I was durning the week it is undone in two days! Plus he has a bottle of wine on Saturday and Sunday, the temptation is just too much for me!

We CANNOT let our diligent very hard work get undone because we are with those we love.  Read Nigella Lawson's take on Diets in How to Eat.  I love her approach that no one should know.  I also love that my daughter in law has worked on making the focus less about food and more about being together.  We also walk or do some activity even at Christmas in very cold weather.  I love cooking and feeding people and also figuring out how to have celebrations with abundance without over indulgence.  Also read the Mediteranean lifestyle - a small taste is all we need.  As for people filling your plate - just don't let them.  It is simply too much work not to figure out some way to stay connected without undoing weeks of effort-there has to be a compromise!!!!

I try to find some healthy dish like salad and pile quite a bit of it on my plate.  Then I get "samples" of everything else.  This way I have full plate to make my family happy, but it is better for me. 

My entire family is overweight, so when I visit them they criticize what I eat and say I am "too skinny."  (I'm 158 lbs and 5'6, so that isn't true.)  It's really difficult not to become frusturated and to tell them that they're actually all really fat!

I just try to select the "healthier" options and take a tiny sampling of the not so healthy options.  I agree with the moderation point - As long as you eat slowly, enjoy your food, and fill up on the more nutritious options, your family will probably not even notice what you're eating.  :)

I CANNOT resist the temptations of all that yummy food that only comes around 3 times a year.  So because it's not that often, I pig out.  Around Christmas time when it seems that the "bad" eating habits last for weeks, (with all the goodies leading up to Christmas), I just tell myself, "you can eat WHATEVER you want...just be ready to suffer the concequence of working your butt off extra-hard @ work-out time!"  I make sure that I compensate for the extra calories, by spending the extra time on my workout as well.  As long as those extra calories are canceled out, all is well:)

On Easter, I filled my plate with salad and had small samples of my family favorites which filled my plate. No one even noticed or said anything, however when it came time for dessert, I was asked if I wanted any (I could have said "No" but my grandmother's face was like a puppy dogs). I said "Yes, but could I have a small piece, I'm still stuffed from dinner". She proceeded to cut me the biggest piece of cake I had ever seen and said "You have no choice" and handed it to me. While sitting at the table eating dessert, I took small slow bites of the delicious buttery cake...and since it was on my plate, I ended up eating the whole thing...and was even asked if I wanted seconds!!! It's hard to resist the temptations of home-cooked family food, especially when it's only around a few times a year...

Next time I just need to say "No thank you" or "I'll get some in a bit" and I do believe that I can politely get out of overeating without hurting anyones feelings...

It is tough though with family!

I found this easter bank holiday away and not in complete control of my own meals became quite frustrating by about Sunday lunch time as I had decided to reject excess calories.  Trying to pursuede the in-laws 2 potatoes is plenty I really don't want 4 or more, two pork chops (with the 4 potatoes) is ridiculous (I only ate 1),  I don't want any crisps (all calories no sustainance), I don't want any cake with my lunch and a bowl with a huge slice of apple pie overflowing with custard after dinner (on the same day) really is not at all funny *sigh*.  I've been calorie counting since mid-February and have lost 10lbs+ and I'm not giving up now just because other family members want to carry on piling in 2500-3000+ calories a day to swell their already over large waist lines.  Perhaps by Christmas they will realise I'm serious about this and it's no laughing matter.
On the flip side I must confess, now that I am calorie counting, I'm finding their "glutony" an annoyance that I should learn to ignore, none of my business what they eat.

I try to have the gathering at my house, so I can control at least some of the meal, and if that isn't possible, I bring a dish that I CAN eat. They all know I am on a low carb diet, but 99% of my relatives forget or choose to ignore it. Carb counting isn't for the faint of heart, you need at least one person on your side to give you support and that is my son. He counts my carbs for me!!!

I think the more weight we lose, the harder it is for our family and friends to be supportive. Hearing "oh, you've lost so much weight, you don't need to watch what you eat" is not at all motivating! I mean, I didn't lose the weight by eating whatever looked good, and I'm not going to keep it off that way either.

Oh I know this so well!  In my family they could always say "Well at least I'm not as fat as Duke!"  And when I lost the weight that all changed.  Even still at a very healthy 400 pounds I out weigh most of them, but now I am able to do things most of them would die trying to do.  And to be honest, a lot of them don't like it!  Me being able to lose some 275 pounds without surgery, or pills, or strange diets, and in my mid 40's, takes away their "well I just can't lose weight" and puts it to "I don't want to put in the effort to lose weight."  Some have followed me, while most have not. 

And then there is my wife, who would like nothing better than for me to put the weight back on.  She eats terrible, watches TV all day, and hates that I now go out in the evenings.  I have tried many times to get her on the same path, but she simply refuses, and now that my dad lives here she is even worse.  Once again trying to sabotage my program at every turn.  Sad really. 

So I do my thing for me!!  I am in the best shape of my life, and the Y has become a second home.  But I did not do all this work to sit around watching TV and being bored out of my mind. 

I think that people all want to believe that everyone CAN eat whatever they want.  I know that's what I really want to believe.  So, they encourage you to eat something that they know is delicious because they want to believe it won't make any difference. 

I don't think that anyone wants to be unsupportive, and I would really hate to think that anyone would want to sabotage!  I think that everyone just wants to take a diet holiday when they are with their family - they want to remember a time when we didn't have to be so disciplined.

I thought that I did well over Easter.  I didn't have dessert, and I drank only a couple of glasses of wine at one dinner, and none at the other (home made wine, that despite protests from the winemaker about how good it is, it is just gutrot that I would rather not waste my calories on!), but I just managed to eat too much.  Even a little taste of the rich foods made me eat too much of it.  I managed to eat too many leftovers on Monday, too! 

To me, this is the problem with these holidays.  A little overindulgence once in a while is probably okay, but I find that it takes me a little too long to get back on track.  Perhaps, in my personal case, I need to not overindulge.  I want to be one of those people who can just work out more and counteract it, but it doesn't seem to be helping me!

I think I am going through  that now with my wife and kids. I used to eat alot of cake, cookies and chips. But my daughter and wife loves this stuff and my daughter brings those snacks to school. I ahve only been on a diet for three weeks and everyone knows it. So why buy that type of food if you know I am trying to quit

Original Post by: cynthiacall

Peer pressure to eat is motivated by their feeling guilty about over-eating alone.  If you join them in their bad habits, then they do not have to feel bad about it.  It is the same with people who drink a lot.  They do not feel good about drinking when you are not.  Once I had 2 overweight friends whom I loved dearly -- one of them for 20 years.  The other told me that the reason she couldn't be around me any more was because I was thin and it made her feel bad about herself!  I refuse to over-eat and eat badly to make others feel good about bad habits!

I *love* running-is-bad-for-your-knees comments from very over-weight people!  I never go around and tell obese people their knees are in terrible shape and they have severe pain b/c they are obese! 

I told them I found out I have stomach problems and can't eat very much in the way of rich foods and sugar anymore.  Most of them never even asked what the problem was, those that did I told them the problem was the more of it I ate the bigger I got and my doctor told me it would kill me if I didn't turn it around.  Enough said and no more pushing me to eat.  Amazing when you put it to them nicely that they are trying to kill you they seem to back off. LOL

You know, I know exactly how you feel.  Recently though my Mother has found out that she has diabetes and all of our eating lifestyles have changed.  We still eat the food we love but at half the servings than before.  My mom is also trying to excercise to get her weight down and get a little bit more healthy.  Before my hubby and I go home to visit my family we up our workouts a little and restrict ourselves from going over our calories.  Plus when we do go home we try to do lots of family activities that require movement :)

I've got an unusal situation.  My husband is a Diabetic.  He's not very careful with his diet, but is worse when I'm trying to cut back.  He won't eat Salad as often as I want to serve it.  He whines because there's nothing sweet in the house.  He complains that the "sugar free" has a funny taste.  He won't even hear about portion control.  Sadly, he could loose 50 lbs but just doesn't believe he needs to.  He doesn't believe he needs to be careful with his diet.  It's just like I'm carrying both of us through the diet instead of being supported.  I've lots 27 lbs but sure want to get more off.  One day at a time. 

Take responsibility for your actions. No one is forcing the food into your stomach. If you fill your plate past the point of your "normal" standards then that is your problem not your families. If your family accepts you unconditionally when you are plump, they will accept you unconditionally when you are thin. I believe the problem only becomes a problem because you are over analysing the situation. Stop making a big deal about being on a "diet" and just be on your "diet" if you do not bring attention to yourself my bet is no one will notice that you are not "taking enouph" food. As I see it you have eaters remorse and jealousy issues-- perhaps about what your family feels good eating with out the regret that you feel.

AHHH I agree with all of these.  It is so hard when I go voer my moms and she insists on making 5 desserts, lots of side dishes and veggies covered in butter and stuff.  My brothers and I are all trying  to eat healthier and this makes it so hard!  I think to goal is to just say no thank you and not sititng in the room, get up and go do something.  Family should respect your feelings.

I agree with you on the "running is bad for your knees".  I also like "you need to rest, you are doing too much".  I guess you can call these sort of comments "Reverse Support"  LMAO

I do the same thing as some of the other people have suggested. I pile my plate with lots of veggies and salad and only take a small sampling of the other food. I also try to talk alot and put my fork down, so that way it takes a long time for me to eat. By the end, when everyone has had 2nds or 3rds, I am just finishing my plate and no one notices.

When I comes to dessert I ask my mother-in-law for a small piece of cake because I'm still full from dinner. If I end up getting a large piece, I eat just a little, then I put my napkin over the rest. I then throw the rest of the cake (wrapped in the napkin) away in the trash. So far, no one has noticed.  :)

I have had problems with my weight my entire life.  In fact, my mother took it upon herself to put me on my first diet at age 8- although I look at the photos now, and I see a perfectly normal weighted child!  Even my sister who teased me mercilessly says that she can't figure out why everyone said I was so fat.

Having said that, I have now run into a a different attitude.  With 80 pounds to lose, every time I start to lose weight, begin a new excercise regime, watch my calories, et cetera, my mother bakes.  She will make every goody she can think of that I like.  Now keep in mind that I am a 45 year old woman.  I do have choices, and most of the time I choose to say thanks but no thanks.  What gets me is that my Mum "drops off" cakes and cookies at my office.  When I refuse them, they invariably end up on my front doorstep.  Once in the house, I am a gonner.  I have to suspect my mother's intent, and wonder if she feels she will lose me if I lose the weight and finally start feeling better about myself. 

Anyone else have this problem and how do you deal with it?

I wish I could say it was just over holidays, but it is a battle every night at my home.  My wife is not participating and feels that this is just a fad for me.

Anyone that is not supportive is not interested in your battle or simply can't relate. They do not share your passion and commitment to be healthy, and in most cases are not happy themselves. Ya, the knee thing is dead on. I've been running forever, and it just isn't true.

It's kind of like saying "God Bless You" or "Merry Christmas." If that person doesn't share your values, it is unlikely you will get a positive response. I use religious views ans an extreme, but is everyone going to be as passionate about you as you are about your stamp collection?

Your personal road to fitness is exactly that, personal. When you get into a group setting, especially one that involves family and the holidays, you can expect the unfit and unmotivated folks to chime in on how you are obsessing over your intake and love yourself the way you are. It's ok to love the way you are, but those that wish to be fit need all the support they can get. Shame on those that are trying to block that progress.

c

Being on the same page with those close to you is definitely an advantage in the healthy eating area.  Luckily my mom looks to me for support when I go home to visit.  She's more than happy to have me decide the meals.  

Eating can be a very social thing, and finding the proper balance can be difficult.  I guess I'd rather eat with family than eat alone so I focus on the company and not the food.  So even if it's just salad with no dressing I try to enjoy the atmosphere.

I have had this same kind of family pressure my whole life. My mom is undeniably a good chef. She likes to show it off, and she likes to have people tell her it's good. Even those of us who already know she's good. So it's always been about the food, and enjoying it, rather than trying to think about what you're actually putting in your mouth. Even after I've been watching what I eat and she -knows- it, she had to get upset with me this weekend when I substituted dry toast for her pain perdu (bread soaked in whole milk and eggs, among other things, & baked). She has decided that I am now at my maintenance weight (which I am not) and therefore thinks I shouldn't be worried about what I eat anymore. She said it wasn't nice when a cook makes a good meal and then you don't appreciate it by eating it. She actually said that. Anyway, it just shows me how messed up about food I am because of that kind of attitude. I'm glad I'm not the only one that's feeling the family pressure (though I don't wish it on anyone!!) I'm not sure what the solution is - just grin and bear it if you want to stick to your lifestyle changes, I say!

And to tamarakezar - I don't think this discussion is "overanalyzing". Maybe you don't have anyone in your life that's critical about the way you eat, in which case consider yourself lucky. I don't think anyone would be talking here if there weren't a larger problem than just taking responsibility for yourself and your diet. It's the reaction of the people around us (especially if it's negative), whether we're giving in to the pressure or not. 

Your reply could be "Actually my doctor is more concerned about my fat and sugar consumption than he is about my knees."

Igor makes some excellent points in the original article that are not always acknowledged -- namely that our culture (I speak mainly of Western culture since I think that comprises most of us on this site) is reared in a history of large families built on the brink of famine with their members almost all engaged in strenuous manual labor for a living.

The goal of parents during the early twentieth century was to feed their children to the best of their ability.  That is also why so many things that our grandparents ate, we no longer consume.  Not many people eat tripe or cow's tongue or kidneys any longer, but our grandparents prepared these things because they were edible and they were nutritious (sort of).

Not many of us still eat goat's brains -- but the vestiges of that time still remain in our portions and overall mentality regarding food.  As a few of the other posters intimated, there has developed a strong emotional link between food and family (and in a broader sense: pleasure).  My father was notorious for this; whenever he wanted to get together, we had to go "out to eat" -- even if it was about something over which we could have had a coffee.  And when we would dine out, it would become an event.  He had to find the right seat, get the right waitress/waiter, pour over the menu for about 15 minutes, start off with some sort of pastry while he waited, and so on.  I am remorseful now that he is no longer around, but at the time, I eventually had to stop going out with him because it was a day-long project -- and he would do this with every meal.  When we would get together with relatives from out-of-town, they too had this mentality and it would only get worse.  Thank goodness I started realizing this subconscious link with which I too was raised.

People get sad when you don't eat their food at the holidays -- that is all part of that link.  I do to them just like I would do when people would pressure me to drink -- either take a small portion, "yes" them to death and then ignore their request, or take food and then pawn it off on someone else or discard it.  If you were going to eat it anyway, it was going to turn to rubbish one way or another, so no need to feel bad.  We need to break that pleasure bond and start thinking of food as sustenance only.  There are so many good things out there from which we can derive pleasure -- particularly from within if we are able to achieve such a level of enlightenment -- that food just does not need to be one of them.  I am not writing as though I am there yet, but now that I have truly internalized this precept, I only see improvement in dealing with taking weight off and leaving it there.

I am a vegetarian and my husband's family tries to sneak meat into my meals!  (a.k.a. beef stock in soup and bacon in green beans)  They also think that I am "unhealthy" or "deprived" because I watch what I eat and have no respect for my beliefs.  I don't know how I look malnourished at 165 lbs!

as a diabetic, i get frustrated with family urging me to eat this, try that, and one time a family member said they were offended i wouldn't try their cake they worked so hard on, to which after years of frustration i replied.. just as i'm offended you could give two sh*ts about my health and wellbeing as a diabetic.

i've never been given a guilt trip since

I can definitely relate to this issue, portion sizes have always been massive at our family dinner table. I've lost over a stone of weight since January this year.

I feel much better in myself for eating healthier and doing more exercise, but then came the negative comments when they saw me for the first time in ages. My mum was the only one who had something positive to say. I lost a lot of body fat from 23% down to 18%.

It came to serving time Sunday this weekend just gone and they wanted to load up my plate. But I held strong and said I can't eat all of that. It did offend slightly but I've put in a lot of effort since Feb and not going to spoil it!

I find it hard to deal living with my family.  When my dad cooks (wich is always) he get offended if I ask what he put in it or if I eat something else.  But then he says he supports my efforts.  Does there always have to be a fight?  I'm not asking him to change.

You want to talk about unsupportive?

I have dinner with my family (and extended family) every Monday.  The two women who take over much of the cooking (my mom and aunt) cook one calorie-laden meal for the rest of us and then the two of them heat up their lean cuisines for themselves.......yeah.  I told them we should just all start cooking one healthy dinner for everyone and stop with all of the nonsense.

It hasn't sunk in yet for them, but they are slowly coming around.  Italian women are kind of stuck in their ways.

i definitely feel that it's harder to lose weight when the people around you don't share the same goals. my problem is not pressure, it's just that i live with my mom, and though she could stand to lose a few, she is not interested AT ALL in dieting. she buys ice cream, chocolate, chips, etc, all my weaknesses. i have tried asking her to NOT buy those things because it's too big of a temptation, but every time she brings up the fact that she lets me have alcohol in the house when she's in AA. i know it's different, because she would never go back to the bottle because she is very aware of her disease, but if i try to tell her it's not the same, she says it is. i'm stuck, and it makes me resentful towards her because I KNOW i would do better if i was buying food myself and picking out healthy things. i pay her for my part of the groceries she buys, but i just can't get her to stop buying the bad stuff. it stinks.

Original Post by: clairelk

I had this situation only yesterday - went to my partner's mom's house for dinner, and knowing that she always tries to over feed me (she's very overweight herself, but I don't ever try to underfeed her!), I offered to bring dessert for us all. I made a reasonably healthy lemon tart, and then found out that even though she'd agreed to let me bring dessert she'd also made TWO other desserts loaded with chocolate, sugar, butter, and LARD! I mean come on! Who uses lard?!

Anyway, out of having to be polite (there's no way round it when they literally force a plate onto your lap), I ended up eating THREE desserts, when I didn't even want one! Oh, and got another lecture on how my half marathon running is bad for my knees. (It's not, they're fine.) Sometimes people try to overfeed you out of love, but sometimes it's just deliberate sabotage!

My in-laws are pretty much the same way! My mother -in law and sisters in law are all very overweight and every gathering is filled with mayo and cheese based salads, fatty bratwursts, or greasy sloppy joes, etc. My mother in law is teetering with type 2 diabetes, so her solution is to have one piece of cake instead of two. It's really unbelievable. I am absolutely disgusted by mayo, so I usually bring a healthier pasta salad to the gatherings and then load up on veggie cold cuts (no dip). Then I can get away with a smaller serving of whatever greasy meat they have and skip the bun. Usually there is so much commotion and chaos in the house that nobody really notices whats on my plate.  

I am worried for my 5 year old niece, as she is already picking up on the rest of the family's eating habits. They often have random bowls of snacky foods strewn around the kitchen and living room and I've watched her go from room to room, eating handfuls of snacks - with no supervision. It really scares the crap out of me! I try to gently offer redirection, as I'm not her mom and don't want to overstep my place, but so far it's not really helping...

I am an insulin dependent diabetic and could never keep my sugar under control (I cheated all the time) The doctor sent me to a specialist to teach me the proper way to eat. I had no idea that carbs are bad for a diabetic. She taught me how to count carbs, what was good, what was bad, and how to handle every day life. I thought I was doing all the right things, when in reality I wasn't. I am going to watch my weight, I ate a big baked potato. I made bread, loved pasta and rice. When I started to actually count carbs, 40 carbs per meal, 3 times a day, I was shocked to see how badly I was actually doing, I would eat a whole days worth of carbs for breakfast. Once I learned how to control the carbs, I lost 10 pounds without even trying. My family has joined in helping me count carbs which has made my life a lot more pleasant.

Original Post by: cynthiacall

Peer pressure to eat is motivated by their feeling guilty about over-eating alone.  If you join them in their bad habits, then they do not have to feel bad about it.  It is the same with people who drink a lot.  They do not feel good about drinking when you are not.  Once I had 2 overweight friends whom I loved dearly -- one of them for 20 years.  The other told me that the reason she couldn't be around me any more was because I was thin and it made her feel bad about herself!  I refuse to over-eat and eat badly to make others feel good about bad habits!

I think you're absolutely right, and behavior like that expands beyond just healthy eating and drinking. On a similar note, people who don't exercise don't want to hear that you can't do something right now because you need to work out, and, just as with eating & drinking, if they're selfish, they'll try to sabotage.

I really feel bad for you guys -- I'm not in that situation at all (no family close by, friends humor me, and I have no problem firmly telling people what my needs are), but . . . well, if your mom or grandma puts a piece of cake in front of you, I can see how it would be tough to say "Take it away, you old bat, didn't I tell you I'm trying to eat healthy?!!"

But that'd be my only advice -- firmly, politely, push it away, say you're not interested, with a determined look in your eyes, and if they insist, say something like "It looks delicious, but this is a hard enough battle as it is, don't sabotage me," and go on from there.

If you can't be sneaky and toss stuff in the garbage, like that other poster . . . I think assertiveness and letting people know your needs ahead of time is the way to go. And guilt-trip them when they sabotage you -- flip that "You're making me feel bad by not eating the cake I slaved over!" into "I don't understand why you won't respect my battle to get healthier, I could really use your support in this!" I'd go so far as to actually use the word 'sabotage' *to them* when describing what you think they're doing.

And frankly, family or not, anyone who INSISTS on trying to force-feed me after I've made it clear about what I'm committed to, well . . . we all make choices, family or not, about who we eat dinner with, and how often.

So what I will simply do in the future is make my cheat days coincide with times when I get to see my family, and this will make those dinners even more enjoyable.

Excellent idea! I never thought of that before until today. :)

My family can be unsupportive as well, but thankfully I'm confident in my knowledge of what's best for my health. <3

Learn to say, No Thank You!

I have worked hard all week at watching my calorie intake , so please forgive me if I don't indulge.

I have trouble with meals at home for the family.

I live with my boyfriend and his three teenage boys and it is so hard to cook meals that they will eat and that are healthy for me. I don't add alot of seasoning and butter and such when I cook, I feel they can add that after, but Larry fuses that putting seasoning ect on while it cooks brings out the flavor, yeah I agree with that, but it is not good for me most of the time.

Larry likes some spice to his food, I don't like my food spicey at all. It is hard to please all at mealtime.

Original Post by: jigglethehandle

I wish I could say it was just over holidays, but it is a battle every night at my home.  My wife is not participating and feels that this is just a fad for me.

I agree, everyone especially my boyfriend thinks it's a "fad" that I am going through...no one really takes me seriously, even though I've lost almost 8 pounds since January. My boyfriend will order pizza for dinner or his mom will make cream-chipped beef for breakfast (like she did Easter morning) and when I say politely that I can only have a little or will have oatmeal or a salad instead, they roll their eyes and tell me to just eat it...

These posts have been good today, I learned some great tips and ways to politely be more assertive. Thanks!

I have an overweight mother and law and husband my husband has been ribbing since i started going to gym and constantly cracks jokes at me . My mother and law is over weight and always trys and feeds more food. BUT...... I do not let either of them ruin my hardwork I think it is important to remeber why you started this journey and the benefits you will get in the long run just because someone chooses to stuff there face and doesn care doesn mean I have to its all will power easter and christmas and holidays are always hard i opt for the healthier versions and if I really feel like somethin I know is not as healthy I just have a wee bit and then go to gym or do some form of exercise this makes you appreciate how hard it is to actually burn off the calories and will make it less tempting. I hope this has helped

I think  everyone has made interesting points, I agree that one of the things I have noticed is that the older members of a family or a church tend to believe that you should be able to eat as much food as you can because it is a sense of love and rejoicement. This comes from the time when food, especially in ethnic areas was scarce, that you kind of filled up because tomorrow the meal was not promised. Now, because we all have blessed with some level of prosperity, we now are able to have nice meals each and every day. But when that happens then overeating can and usually does happen.

You also have the problem of everyone else thinking of eating healthy as a punishment, which I have been trying to work against. I always volunteer to bring at least one vegetable to a church or family meal because I know if I don't then all we would have would be meats, fatty starches and sweets. However, I do notice that if I bring in a vegetable people will usually eat it.

Another issue is folks with high metabolisms being at these functions, these are the people who no matter what they never seem to gain any weight. Because of that they tend to encourage letting loose at the dinner table because they never had to worry about gaining anything and think that we are somehow being prude or because we are overweight that we like to eat too much anyway.

It's been hard many times when I am at these things, I have offended many folks by turning down their fried chicken, mac and cheese, cakes and pies because I was trying to conscious of what I eating. I try to explain that I am not eating what they have because I don't like them but I know what the food will do to me. Even though that sometimes smoothes things over, I still get some nasty looks from some.   

wow what can i say? My  son after Easter dinner at my moms house barfed then this Tuesday she decided to bring him a whoopee pie ,because that was the only desert he didn't get that day! this is not love people! my son has man boobs but has lost weight thax to me and my husband!I want to say to her you are so selfish and the need for you to be loved or feel loved is over ridding your roll as a loving grand parent that should care more about the health and well being of your grand son, instead of the self indulgence's you get out of stuffing my little boy, its like a gunky turning some one on to heroine!