My wife...Only eats 200 calories a day

And i need help. I went to yahoo to try and research these type of things and there is nothing but weight loss aricles. What about people who claim they eat but really starve themselves. These weightloss things may be good for some people but those who look like ethiopians it only hurts them. We fight and she will fight to the death she is not aneorexic, though when she used to weigh 200 lbs she was for a time. Now she is an unhealthy 108. There seems to be nothing i can say to her that doesnt hurt her. I am so frustrated.

You need to get your wife some medical assistance.  I don't know how you do it... ask her to come to the doctor's with you claiming you feel sick?  Ask the doctor to make a house-call?   If she's starving herself, lying about eating and if she's what sounds like underweight (?) then she's got a very serious problem.  People who starve quickly lose grip on reality, often experience depression/obsession and become very aggressive when their behaviour's challenged.  But what she's doing is dangerous and you're right to be very worried.

I do hope you can get her to a doctor soon.  Good luck

you know i never thought of that.  Tell her i had an appointment and have yhe doc talk to her about it.  She wont listen to me, she started this while i was in iraq.  I aprreciate it GI Jane, sometimes you just need an outsiders opinion...  Just if that is possible, i dont know but thank you

Its a control issue for her.
And I don't mean that as an insult to her at all, but its seriously an issue of not feeling like she has control in her life with her weight, with you being away, anything.
She does need help. Now.

There's no guarantee she'll listen to a doctor's advice either, of course.  But at least she'd get checked out physically.

Original Post by gi-jane:

You need to get your wife some medical assistance.  I don't know how you do it... ask her to come to the doctor's with you claiming you feel sick?  Ask the doctor to make a house-call?   If she's starving herself, lying about eating and if she's what sounds like underweight (?) then she's got a very serious problem.  People who starve quickly lose grip on reality, often experience depression/obsession and become very aggressive when their behaviour's challenged.  But what she's doing is dangerous and you're right to be very worried.

I do hope you can get her to a doctor soon.  Good luck

 She should see a doctor, that's for sure. But to trick her into it... not a good idea. She is anorexic, or heading for anorexia, and as another poster said, it's a control issue. To "force" or "trick" her into getting checked out takes this control away from her and that will only make her more resistant to good advice and treatment.

You say she started this while you were away - that is why you can't have much influence on her now, you were not there when she developed this mental condition.  Get a friend or a family member to talk to her, lay out the facts and risks for her. (such as infertility, osteoporosis, and, possibly, death because her heart can give up) What you can do is show as much love and tenderness for her as you can, be supportive and don't get into fights about weight/eating.  

Hi, I will agree that you are right to be concerned but not everyone who under eats has an ED.....I agree with Gracie that it is a control thing....it could be nothing more (not belittling it of course) than depression....perhaps she just isn't coping with you being away.....not everyone who is depressed overeats. I suffered from it a few years ago and the first thing I did was stop eating not because I didn't want to but my appetite just went. So I would tell her that you are very concerned about her (but don't label what you think it might be)and to put your mind at ease would she agree to go with you to the Dr (I also agree with don't trick her).

If it is depression and she is trying to hide it, it maybe because she thinks that if she tells you it will cause you to worry too much about her when you are away and also she won't want you to think that she is weak & unable to cope without you.

All best wishes to both of you.

To put it bluntly your wife IS ANOREXIC 200 calories a day is starving her body and will kill her. You will have to get her help because she is not in a state to do it herself. No one knows your relationship like you do so your gonna have to figure out the best plan. You may have to make an ultimatum or get together other close loved ones and have an intervention. I dont know if you guys have kids but if you do this is NOT a good example for them and if you cant help your wife right now, help them. I have a friend who is ana as well and it literally took us almost force feeding her and telling her if she looks emaciated we will not hang out with her. It worked but just like any other addiction its never really kicked, just managed. Just remember she may get pissed at you, but if she gets healthy in the end you have done the right thing...I will pray for you guys

You said that everything you say hurts her.  Perhaps you can suggest going to a couples therapist.  You and she can work on your communication and perhaps through therapy she will feel that she is better able to manage her feelings.  This would be supportive, suggesting that you want to be part of the solution, improve communication between the two of you, and get her one step closer to professional help without lying to her. 

I know this is a really tough thing to go through. My little sister is bulimic, and my father and I have had to fight with her countless times throughout the years (she told us about 8 years ago, when she was about 15 or 16). She even went through all the venues of inpatient and outpatient hospitalization, therapists, nutritionists, etc. The hard thing for the loved ones is that we have to accept that they will need to want to be helped, otherwise seeing all the doctors in the world won't help. I think "disc" is right, that she can't be tricked, otherwise you'll lose her trust, and that would probably just make the rift between you grow even more.

I think you can just present research and information to her, and let her get used to these ideas. I know my sister is a smart woman, but somehow, she can't see that she is too skinny. And sometimes, even if their brain wants them to get better, I think their bodies kind of take over, and that's scary for them, too. Just make sure she knows you're there for her, and that you just want her to be healthy. It's obvious you love her so much, but maybe she can't see it because of this situation? I'm no therapist, I don't know. But I hope that this will help at least a little.

I agree with Anndjoe 100% on how to phrase it. If she flat-out refuses both going to the doctor 'to put your mind at rest' and couples therapy, and it continues for another month or two, THEN you might need to force or trick her into getting help. I'm so sorry to hear about this, and will pray for you also.

How do you know that she eats only 200 calories a day?  Is that what she's telling you or have you tracked what she eats and that's all and you're sure that she's not eating when she's not around you?

That is not enough for her to even stand, let alone fight with you over anything.  If she's eating that small of an amount then she can probably barely move as her body will be busy scavenging her muscles and organs for energy.

Only eating 200 calories a day is as dangerous as anorexia.  Eating under 1200 a day can be detrimental to your health.  Look up information on anorexia and try to have an intervention.  If she won't listen to you, maybe she'll listen to everyone who cares about her.  Eating only 200 calories a day will kill her.  This is not dieting.  She needs help quickly.  I hope and pray that she will accept it.  Make sure you reassure her how this is because you love her.  You aren't mad at her, etc.  Good luck.

Hey concerned soldier---

I sent you a PM (private message) in regards to your post. Please read it! Thanks!

It is true that she needs to decide to want to get help in order for the situation to get any better. Your goal is to find something that will convince her to save herself.

My parents never tried any of the "anorexia kills you" convincing because I stopped listening to them once I heard the word "anorexia." However, when the subject of college came up one night, I asked my mom which college she liked of the ones I'd picked. She shrugged and said, "It doesn't matter - you're not going. It's sad that you may not live to go."

The realization then started to sink in, and I started recovery the next day. Does your wife have a dream, goal, aspiration? Does she play sports or have children? Remind her that none of those dreams will be possible if she is sick or dead. Remind her that, if she has children, they will grow up without a mother. Remind her that she can no longer get that degree because her brain tissue will be consumed along with muscle and organ mass. Remind her that she can never have that dream career unless it involves typing in bed.

Of course I suggest therapy, doctors, and the works, but until she decides that she wants to live, all of the professionals in the world are pointless.