I joined this site awhile ago. I liked it very much. Felt like something I could do. Then December hit. I just stopped. I have talked to myself about it. I have come to the conclusion that it was actually December. First there was my birthday, Christmas, my husbands birthday. All that I would be doing alone. It has been awhile since my husband died, but last year was a complete fog. Now I just know for a fact that I am alone. All those celebrations are gone. I started to eat. I started to have more glasses of wine than I should. I stopped walking, swimming, sometimes even cleaning. Now it is the middle of Febuary and I have just given up on myself. Every morning I say I will try today. So, what is willpower? Is it something learned or something we have? I am thinking that it is learned. So what do I do to start again? How do you start believing in yourself again? I tried to find things online about willpower. I could not find anything. So it is something that I cannot even get from sites. I need to get it from myself. I need to know I can do this. I do know it will all take time. So, today again I begin. It is all I can do. Willpower. The answer is there, power. We all have it and need to know how to use it.
This really made me sad :'( I started to cry a little bit...I know that you didn't post this for pity or anything, but I just can't imagine losing someone so close to me like that. I'm young and it hasn't happened to me yet, but I know it will happen sometime soon. If I lost my boyfriend I could imagine my life stopping for quite a while. I wouldn't want to keep dieting, I wouldn't want to live in this apartment anymore, I wouldn't want to do anything. For me, I see willpower just as you described it- power. Power doesn't come from nothing, it has to be fueled by something. We get the power to perform daily activities from food, your computer gets power from electricity. I believe that willpower comes from another source, something that pushes you to keep doing whatever it is that needs to be done. My willpower came from a few different sources, from pictures of myself at my largest, from seeing others around me shrink while I ballooned, things like that. All of it added up and I was eventually charged to my fullest and began to go like an energizer bunny. If you're not quite ready to hop back on the wagon yet, then maybe you need to search for a source of inspiration. I suppose "soul searching" would be the right term. There are signs everywhere, you just have to open your eyes to see them. I hope this helped :) xoxo
I loved what you said about power needing to be fueled. Finding what does that may be the answer. I know I just did not want anything anymore. I do want to keep trying. Perhaps this is the day that I can put my foot in front of the other for another day. Today I did well. I kept track of what I ate and I have not done a whole day for awhile. Tomorrow I will do it again. Once all those days add up I will see the weight come off. I see that you said that too. It all seems like a long road ahead but if you do not continue to walk the road, you do not get to your destination. Thanks, I did like your letter.
A friend said to me once that it takes 21 days to form a habit and 4 days to break it. The actual truth of the length of time needed is a topic of debate online...however, it brings up a very valid point. Once we give ourselves a little rope, give in to temptation, let our guard down, and validate what we do as OK because "it's a birthday" or "it's a holiday" then we can easily slip into a second day, a third day, and by then any willpower and good habit you have created is broken. (I'm not saying this directly "at" you, but that's the general consensus of ALOT of the Calorie Camp closeout notes that I read around the holidays.)
Now what? You've made a good choice to think this through - to see what went wrong - to evaluate. Now, pick yourself up and do it again. Start over. It's a new day. Don't look back - look forward. Don't make excuses - hold yourself accountable to your choices. Because no matter what peer pressure exists, no matter how many angles you're tempted from, it all comes down to you making the final choice on what to do in those moments. Make the right choice, and when you fall - acknowledge the wrong and move on.
You've got to want it more than anything in order for it to stick.
I am struggling to make the right choices. So far so good. I know it is me who keeps putting the food in my mouth, me who has to many glasses of wine, me who does not get out of the house. Yesterday I went to my water class and walked. Tomorrow I will do it again. I have told myself that the wine is no good. For one thing it makes me eat. I want this. I will continue making the right choices and in time it will show.
Willpower is a bit like a muscle in my opinion.
We all have it, but it needs regular excersize to stay in form and when it takes damage it needs time to rest and recuperate before before being flexed and used again.
Baby steps, in all areas of life; Grief is a terrible thing to pull yourself from and make peace with. I wish you all the best on your path.
I like that. Being like a muscle. As I have been finding out this week how my muscles have not had much work lately and now I am doing things, they notice it. It takes work to get them in shape. Perhaps getting the willpower is the same. At first it hurts to start getting it but in time it will be easier.
All the comments from this post have been so helpful. This is going to be a long journey and I will come here for support whenever I need it. What is the good thing is that there are people out there willing to give it. Thank you.
Sandi, for me willpower starts small, i.e., "I can do this for one minute, five minutes, one hour, one day..." And it adds up. And if you don't make it, forgive yourself and try again. Those are the important parts, not beating yourself up about anything and not giving up even if you don't do well all the time. Keep your chin up!
I wanted to share with you a recent interview/article NPR did on willpower and how we have limited quantities of it and can train it up.
I really struggled with this the first time I tried to loose weight on here (2010 fall), i stopped caring and then rejoined in January this year and found I had a change of heart about my situation.
Be honest with yourself about why you want to lose the weight (for me, I miss the cat calls i used to get on my morning commute and looking good - really shallow but it's true).
I think this helped me restart my willpower for this go around and I find myself losing more weight this time and not rebounding.
I have done it again. Stopped. I was logging in all my food and actually losing weight. Then I just stopped. Today I started again. Not sure of my reasons for stopping but have some idea. Will need to get over it. I know it works if you do it. So all I can do is try again. Going now to read the article you sent.