Winter blues and raising anti-depressants.

More of a rant and to meet others in a similar situation (even if I may disappear due to moving jobs).

Well..... It is that time of year whem my mood dips, energy dips, beer increases and I feel like giving up on everything.

It is rubbish! The get over it lines and get active lines really do not help. It is a horrible feeling. I feel genuinely chuffed to have got out of bed this morning! That was a huge achievement.

Come March I will suddenly be hyperactive charging around and ready to take the world on at everything.

My meds have been increased (serious do need them. Had a HUGE collapse last year and still recovering).

All I want is to be active, not tired and happy.

Instead I put on a front for family (they do know my struggles), fight by the minute to stay interested in activities.

Ah well.... Hope the damage is limited, and for those that understand.... how rubbish is this??? LOL....

All the best *hugs*

I don't think it is rubbish at all. I think depression is real. Yes, it is all in your head... but that doesn't mean you have absolute control over it. =) There was a time a few years that I took anti-depressants regularly... but then there came a time that I decided I didn't want my emotions controlled by little pills. Not saying that taking medications for any reason is wrong. It's a personal choice.

I am learning not to "put on a front" for family and friends when out and about in public. I used to do that too... still do it sometimes. I've sort of been learning to embrace my inner crazy self and have found wide acceptance for just being honest with people. =) It's ok to say "no' sometimes. "No, I don't feel like doing that". Liberating, really.

The holiday season is really frustrating. It's possible to feel as those you are expected to get out there and make merry. But you know what... you don't have to. It's ok to turn down holiday invitations and it's ok to stop fighting pretending to be interested. Really, it is. Life happens as it happen and keeps ticking forward.

We have a severe autistic lady here on the Island from a very wealthy family. For many years her family fought to make her fit into what they considered "normal". One year, when she was a bit older, her family left her home alone (with aids checking in on her). One day she got a whim and decided she wanted to make pottery. She had a truckload of clay soil delivered and dumped in the front yard. Well, it rained and that clay soil turned into a solid mountain. Her parents where not please. But hey, what was done was done, what could they do about it.

This summer, while out and about on a dirt road, I saw her riding her bicycle. Her hands out to her side and a huge smile on her beautiful face. Such a simple thing that she found pleasure and enjoyment in. She's in her own little world, but she is happy there. It was very inspirational to me. So lately, whenever I get strung out and think I can't handle the world anymore, I remember her spirit and smile.

Keep it real. *wink* Even though no one else understands. =) *HUGS*

When the days get shorter I get less and less active.  Looking out at the gray and brown world, I feel like I could sleep like a bear hibernating in a cave.  We need the sunshine and light!  I sometimes wonder if the urge to eat comforting foods is some primitive preparation for the long winter ahead.

I got a lighted plant stand fitted with 8 fluourescent tubes that give off light that looks like natural daylight.  In the dark of night that room it's in looks like sunlight is flooding in. The plants love it and it keeps me happy too.  I have it on a timer for 18 hours a day.  When I'm in the room with it I do feel better.

If you feel truely depressed in the winter time, you may have Seasonal Affective Disorder - SAD for short.  You can google that and get all kinds of information that can help.

Thanks guys...

clairelaine>> Yeah. I am diagnosed with SAD, and been used for a nurses assignment. Given the history I have had over the years I have been advised to go on the ADs every sept-feb.

I do not want to, but history dictates that I am unable to cope.

The lighting (almost at daylight levels) has not benefitted me unfortunately. I used the lamp 25sm from face at 1000 lux, but to no avail. Normal office lighting would be 500 lux max.

When I said rubbish, I meant the condition I unfortunately have, but hey... come March..... multi-multi-task :)

Hi Roj!!!! I have dealt with depression since about the 7th grade - maybe that was 13 years old. I am 53 now. At about age 49, for some reason, the depression eased up. I don't know why, maybe it's my hormones changing as I get older. I live in SoCal. I used to disapeer from my family and friends from the week before Holloween until the first Sunday in January. I would even change my phone number once a year. I am much better now. I still get the BLOOOZ, especially if it is overcast outside. Christmas music makes me cry. I am a Christian, but I need to stay away from church during the holiday season, just the church decorations send me in a tailspin. So, I guess the combination of depression and a lousy childhood really messed me up. The one time, I told my sister about my depression, she told me, "Well, just don't feel that way!!! Mind over matter!!" - I sarcastically replied - "Oh, thanks!!! Good thing you told me that. Here, I have been praying, seeking God, asking Him to help me live through these valleys - and YOU have the magic answer!!!"

Just wanna encourage you to hang in there. Holidays be over!!! Holidays be over!!!

Roj,

That's too bad that the lights didn't help you - I was going to suggest that.

I've dealt with depression too. Mine isn't seasonal like yours - it's episodic and appears to be triggered by stressful events. Had severe postpartum depression - am lucky to still be here after that. Was 'cured' simply by switching to a different birth control pill (only after I endured the depression for 8 long months).  Had a much milder depression after I got divorced.  Took meds for about 2 months and went to a counselor too.  Didn't like the side effects of the meds and quit taking them, but the talk therapy helped.  Then last year lots of changes in my life including two deaths in the family sent me back down to the depths of dark depression (didn't feel suicidal, but just had zero energy or interest in anything, slept 10-12 hours a day, apathetically wondered if the world would be better off without me). Went on meds, no side effects, still on them, but I think I can come off of them in another month or two.

Some other things that might help lessen the severity of the depression:

• vitamin D - from cod liver oil capsules
• omega 3 fish oil
• vitamin b12
• exercise - but this is shown to help more with mild depression than with serious depression - if you can even make yourself do any exercise at all when in a serious depression that in itself is a major victory
• L-tryptophan - the amino acid, from either supplements (5-HTP form) or from foods that contain higher levels of it like milk, turkey, sunflower seeds, dried dates, bananas, oats and red meat. Tryptophan may increase the effectiveness of your meds.
• weekly or monthly massage - this requires little effort from you but leaves you feeling physically much better. Actually, maybe I use depression as an excuse to get massages, but hey! it works for me. Seriously, a massage will help the efficiency of your lymphatic system, which is responsible for elimination of cellular wastes.... that's gotta be a good thing

Sometimes, you just have to get through things. Just. get. thru. 'em.

Roj>>> Looks like you've got a lot of brothers and sisters here, including myself. ix>>>, what's your secret to avoiding the "front?" I've been trying to get rid of mine too, but so far to no avail. It's so easy for me to put other people's feelings (or how I perceive them to be, more accurately) before mine, and quite frankly I'm sick of it, particularly when I do it for people who I know don't care about me and quite frankly I don't particularly like anyway! *sorry for the run-on sentence, y'all* nubiker>>> my aunt gave me that response when I told her about my depression too. that is soooooo annoying. my stepmom made a comment somewhat to the effect of "those who want to commit suicide just want to take the easy way out." my mom and I both told her that we both hoped that she would never come to a place in her life where she could really understand what it means to feel that way, because clearly she didn't understand!

Anyway, I've found that for me, working with my dogs or just getting myself to do a simple, quiet task, such as painting my chicken coop, gives me a little boost in energy and mood. I mean, I'm not smiling ear to ear mind you, but it just takes the edge off a little bit in a healthy way. Hang in there everyone!

You guys are great (BIG HUGS all round)   :) :) :)

Really trying to get exercising, but so so hard. Ridiculous that I can stand in front of the exercose bike and mentally think of any excuse to not even do 5 mins. Unbelievable feeling.

Last year was a HUGE step forward in that I did not use drink to mask the feelings, but also made the time hard.

I am very lucky in that I have full support from family and friends. That in itself is of more use than anything IMO.

Do any of you feel guilt as well? I get the guilt about my effort and mood at this time. That dreaded spiral feeling. LOL

Nubiker>> Sorry you have to take this road, but glad things are easing up. I understand the wanting to retreat to a cave away from it all. I used beer to hide and left a phone behind. Not fun.

Nomore>> Councilling was very useful, but they are only able to take you so far. Show you a door if you will, which is only up to you to take. I rely on the support more than the advice which is my fault, but useful none the less.

Up until last week I was part of an on-line community in Braintalk, but my work blocks this site now :(

Can hardly wait for March. Suddenly a different person.... Talk about mad march hare! LOL

Regards

Hi Mrsklm, How to avoid the "front"? Especially for people you know don't care and that you don't particularly like... this I know well from experience!!

I'm a member of a local quilting guild here on the Island. It is mostly full of older members, there is about 30 years between me and the next youngest. Last year and the year before, I put a lot of effort into organizing a charity project for the group to work on. Be it quilts to go in local police cars to go to individuals in tragic car accidents or quilts going to newborn babies at our local hospital whose parents can't afford much.

Well, this past summer we had a quilt show. I put a couple of the baby blankets on display before they were going to be donated to the local hospital. One of the quilting ladies came by and said, "Where is the quilt I made?" Since we had been working in groups, I only put quilts on display that were made by the contributions of more than one member, I did not highlight any one person's work. I told her that it had already been donated. Seemed easier that way. She came back, "What a waste of time. If I had known you weren't going to display it at the show, I would have not made it". Not that her quilt was anything spectacular. No thank you for organizing this project that took 6 months. No thank you for contributing to the community.. nope, it was all about her showing off. That's when I threw my hands up in the air and said, forget these crazy ladies!!

I still go to the meetings, but I don't participate. I sit there and enjoy whatever they are teaching. If I don't like it, I walk out and find something that does interest me. I don't volunteer, I don't join any of their little social gatherings that are used to gossip and talk negatively about other members. I work on my own projects now!! So yeah, that is my recommendation. Get to the point of throwing up your hands and deciding to make yourself your first priority. =)