Wise members of calorie-count, please help me

My boyfriend of over 2 years recently applied, supposedly on a whim, for a job halfway across the country. Then he had a phone interview, which I didn't know about until afterwards, since it was short-notice. Now they've called him and asked to fly him out for the weekend for an in-person interview.

This does not bode well for me or our relationship.

I can only forsee three scenarios:

1. He doesn't get offered the job. Seems pretty unlikely to me considering they're paying for him to go all the way over there for the weekend. But I know little of these things.

2. He does get offered the job and takes it. I'm out a boyfriend, a place to live, and a cat. I'm miserable.

3. He does get offered the job and doesn't take it. I'm miserable anyway because I'm the reason he didn't take the job, and that just makes me feel bad.

So 2 out of 3 I'm miserable.

I'm really upset and depressed right now and I don't really know what to do. I feel like crap. He hasn't discussed with me whether or not he'll take the job if offered. He hasn't discussed anything with me, really. And I don't really feel it's my place or my responsiblity to bring it up.

He asked me "what's wrong" yesterday. I said "nothing". He said "you can say nothing but something's wrong". Yes something is wrong and if you're too goddamn stupid to know what it is then maybe you should move...

Please give me some advice if you have any to offer.

Um, you better believe it's your place to bring it up?! Why can't you talk about it with him?

hmm communication is the key. Just the fact that he has such a major decision to make and he didnt evne include his girlfriend in it, makes you wonder. sorry If I sould so blunt but ya know what my motto is : Do me first and then worry about everyone else. I'll take care of myself first and then others. and I say this only because I have a boyfriend to and I'm not married yet.

This seems to be so important to him and by him not telling you makes me think of 2 things. the relationship might not be that serious and he doesnt think it's important to tell you or it is important and he want's to go but doesnt know how to bring it up to you.

One ques - Can you go with him?

i'm with kris!  talk to him about it!  how do you know what he's thinking if you don't ask him about it!  his decision or this situation affects you too.. so don't be quiet!  

Would you be able to go with him? Is your relationship at that level?

my question is why can't he talk about it with me? I feel like I'm always the one initiating serious conversations. It's his job, not mine. He'd be the one moving, not me.

If he tries to avoid the issue today I will bring it up, but at the same time I wish he just plain had the balls to talk about it without me initiaing it...

I can't go with him even if I wanted to. I have to finish school and the only place I get free tuition is here because of my state scholarship.

edit: and I would if I could

Honey, he asked you what was wrong and you said nothing. It sounds like you want him to know exactly how you feel, but you need to tell him.

Just talk to him.

Why are you telling HIM nothing's wrong and tell US something is?

listen closely here:  MEN DON'T TALK ABOUT THINGS! 

i've been married for almost 8 years now and i've had to start most of the serious discussions we've ever had! i'm not saying this is true of all men but alot of men have a hard time starting conversations about serious stuff.. once the conversations get going they are fine.. but to initiate them is hard for them! 

that, and maybe he's not sure what's going on himself..

I don't know. I guess i just didn't have the balls to talk about it myself...

That's such a huge step, I can't believe he didn't mention it to you!  How do you forget to bring something like that up?  Yes, yes, yes you have to bring it up to him.  Or if you don't want to bring it up, at least say something next time HE brings it up.  This is effecting your future, too, so you have every right to find out what exactly is going on.  I'd be more concerned as to why he didn't feel the need to tell you he was even applying for a job half way across the country or that he had a phone interview until after the fact.  Good luck and keep us posted!

Well then the answer is just talk to him like Kirs said.  You live with him and you're together so you have very right to talk to him.

Obs I hear you on that one. Guys dont like talkig at all. To them it's not big deal but to us it's something really big.

I will talk with him tonight. But I still have no idea what to say. I know I'm gonna break down. I don't want him to go but I don't want to hold him back either...

Then tell him exactly that.

thanks for the advice everyone

Good luck, okay? Let us know how it goes.

:)

I agree he should have told you before applying. That happened twice to me with my ex. Yes, he is my ex now! Nothing to do with him applying somewhere else, but that was a bad sign (in my case). First time it was in the early days of our relationship, so that was ok. Second time, he did not get the job, not even an interview.
You definitely should talk to him. It will a difficult conversation but you have to have it. Ask him if he thought about your relationship when he applied and what are his plans if gets the job. And see if it agrees with your plans. It's important to have common goals in a couple.


good luck 

Glad you're going to talk to him about it.  I have no sage advice about what to do after all the facts are on the table but I wanted to share this with you.

I am thank G-d very happily married to a wonderful man.  Many times he doesn't share things with me b/c he doesn't think I would be interested.  That's one thing.  But when he started, a year or two ago, making plans for the future of his career without me I was very upset.  He had even discussed it with some other people w/o bringing it up with me.  When I confronted him with it he said that he was gathering all the information for the decision and he doesn't know why I would want to be involved in that part, and of course he wouldn't make any final decisions w/o me.  I told him that I love him and we share a life and I want to be part of the path towards the decision too.  I don't want him to wait till he "has the job" or what-not and the situation is set up and ready for the final decision.

My point to you is that maybe you should not be so hurt.  If he's anything like my husband (read, husband & father of my 3 children - he can't go anywhere without me!) he might not realize, as basic as it sounds, that you consider the "setting the stage for the decision" phase to be a part of the decision.

He probably applied on a whim, didn't expect to get contacted.

How long have you been together?