Wives Improving their Lives Club

Hi everyone,

My name is Rachel.  I'm 5'4 and I've been between 185-190 pounds for a while now.  I've been going crazy trying to figure out why I'm having so much trouble losing the weight this time around.  Then it hit me.  The difference this time is that I'm married and have children!  I never realised what an obstacle that could be.  Fortunately I have a kids that will eat whatever I put in front of them.  That just leaves one factor that is throwing me off this time.  My husband.

So I thought I'm sure there are other ladies out there who are having trouble because of their husbands (I know my mom is too.)  I thought it would be a great idea to have a forum for all of us to support each other, to give each other tips and to vent our frustrations when we need to.

There are three main reasons why my husband is making it hard for me to loose weight (and he doesn't even realise he's doing it, or at least he says he doesn't):

1. He's a picky eater, who grew up in a house where fat was the number 1 food group.

2. As an active young man he needs MUCH more calories than I do and I'm having trouble with adjusting family meals.

3. He sabotages me daily.  This is the hardest thing for me to deal with.  I've tried reassuring his insecurities, but he says that he's not doing it deliberately.  He does the grocery shopping (because I don't drive) and usually it's full of tons of junk and the healthy foods I had on the list are no where to be found.

So that's my big three obstacles I'm going to have to deal with if I'm ever going to fit into my cool clothes again.  Is anyone else out there in the same boat?

 

As you already know my dear friend, I am having the same obstacles. It just isn't as easy as it used to be to loose weight. Married as well now, my husband also sabotages me with eating junk food all the time and doing the groceries since he is the working one of the family at the moment he always buys junk food or very bad foods that are high in calories.

I am 5'6 - 21 year old. Stay at home house wife. Right now, I weight 160ish. I have been married for a little over a year and a half and in that year and a half I have put on about 30 pounds! I have always been 125-135 in weight all my life and now I am having a really hard time to get motivated, loose weight and eat right. Also working out is a really hard part for me.

My main challenges are:

1- My husbands junk food obsession. Eating it all the time in front of me or wanting to go out to dinner at restaurants all the time.

2- Not getting enough work outs. I am used to living always with a couple of girls in the house. So we used to walk, work out all the time and watch what we ate. Giving pointers to each other on what and what not to do. So now that I am married, I am having a really hard time being the only woman in the house. My friends/Family are very far or have very busy lives as well so we don't get together as often. This is my second biggest struggle.

3- My third biggest struggle is not eating right. I tend to wait till I am starving and then do something really fast like opening a box of KD. (Kraft dinner) Not good at all I know! I used to be always starving and eating all the time but now I am the opposite. I don't know what it wrong with me lately. Now I hardly eat anything! I started eating breakfast now in the mornings but then I won't have lunch and i'll be hungry for supper and have a big supper! or like I said in the middle of the day at around 3pm I will make KD and eat that..then won't be hungry for supper until 8pm. I hate eating to late because I know its bad.

So thats it for now. Thank you for making this board. I hope we can all give each other pointers and motivation. :)

Hey Ladies...

Ok, so I have the husband troubles too... Not that he is not supportive, but that he burns A LOT of calories in a day, so he can eat much more than me and "Indulge" much more than me.  I have lost 63 pounds now and I'm down to 202 from 265!!  Here are our compromises:

1. I don't want him to "Suffer" because I got fat and have to fix that... so I don't ask him NOT to eat what he wants to... I just ask him NOT to put it in my face!  He has bags of candy, but he hides them in his office so I don't see them every time I walk by.  Most of the time he'll eat them when I am not around.

2. I get Fudgesickles that are sugar free and only 40 calories each... They are really good and they satisfy me while we are on the couch and he's having his ice cream.

He actually does enjoy healthy dinners/food so that is not as much of a struggle... My problem is just that I could sit around and eat chocolate literally ALL DAY and he could have one thing of chocolate in his desk for 2 weeks... He has self control with sweets and I just don't... so he has to hide them from me so I can have success.

The more he saw my weight coming off, me feeling better about myself, and me looking a lot better... the more supportive he has become.  Just keep "doing it" and showing your husbands that you mean business and you care about yourself... they will get more supportive with your success!!

Good Luck!

Nicole

Hey ladies,

Let me start off by saying I love my husband! thats because I am about to light in to him :) No but I can totally related to all three post so far. My husband and I have gained a considerable amount of weight together but just recently has he seen his.We have been married for 4yrs this July and I have been fighting my weight ever since. I am 30yrs old 5'9 and 220lbs. My damn husband "loves me just the way I am" dammit him! LOL Why couldn't he be like my friend's husband and be repulsed or even a little bothered by my new after baby body(well my son is 4 so...) but no he is very supportive and thats my problem I need a big push,kick in the butt, reminder something.

But then one day I realised that I needed to do this for ME. When the hubby sees me working out or eating well he gives me the thumbs up but just recently I have noticed that he has stopped snacking atleast.

 I do have some issues with him:

1)He thinks it No big deal to lose weight just get off your butt and work out...but he is still going to eat whatever he pleases just a smaller portion.

2) When I fail at a diet he doesn't seem surprised since "that diet was too extreme anyway who doesn't eat white foods"

3) He is on severence from his job of 10 years so he is taking sometime off..he offered to cook...great but do you have fry MY food for christ sake. I have a grill pan just leave my portion I will do it myself.

 Would it have killed him to buy me water if he was going to buy the 3 liter pepsi?

So you got me no snacks since I am on a diet? Doesn't the man know I can atleast have fruit!

I look forward to this thread I am just getting started!

Hi, My name is Yerushalem, but please call me Yari.

I am 33 years old and have been married for seven years. When I got married I weighed 115 pounds at 5 foot 7. I was naturally thin; didn't make an effort at all and ate what I wanted. I am on medication that has caused be to gain weight just eating what I was used to; the meds slow down my metabolism. As a result I am sitting here at 195 lbs. My husband is very supportive, but we are also very close. So when he has a craving to go out and eat, I am more than happy to join him. Then there goes my caloric intake for the day. With him here is what I face:

1. Eating out and hanging out with him makes me very happy, so it's hard not to let my hair down and just have fun with him while eating junk.

2. My husband has the metabolism of a god, so he can afford not to workout for weeks. Again, I "piggyback" on him and convince myself that if that's okay with him, it is also okay for me. (Trust me...it's not! )

3. I am an emotional eater, so if I am having a bad day, I "cheer" myself up with comfort food - usually ice cream.

But that's the problem!!! If you guys look at what I wrote above, you will see that I ALWAYS have a legitimate "excuse" for this "last" soda, or missed workout. I had to finally face that there will always be a reason! So I finally decided to become aggressive with my weight loss goals.

Since I am an emotional eater, I need structure. I plan out all of my meals 7 days at a time, and my husband and I shop together to hold each other accountable to the list. Guys, I plan even down to the snacks and the fruits! That way I am taking care of my calories as well as anticipating the times I will be hungry, and I plan all of it!! Now it's easy for me to identify an emotionally driven craving.

Next, I figured that since I will always have a reason to deviate from my objectives, I will give myself reasons not to. I wrote out the "Pros and Cons of my Diet Today" list. It is hilarious! The "Pros" side is huge, and for the "Cons" I had to think so hard that I just shook my head an wrote, "I get to eat whatever I want?" When I compared it to the "Pros" side, I had to laugh.

I did the same for my workout. I wrote out the "Pros and Cons of my Workout Today" list. That was even more amazing. My "Cons" were so pathetic! "I get to watch TV?" Hands down in black and white I see all the benefits and I can't deny them.

I do that every day. I make it fresh daily so it doesn't get boring, and when I feel weak I look at the lists from time to time during the day. It actually works! It has done wonders for me, because I am no longer influenced by my husband's eating or workout habits. I feel like I am finally in control of what I do, and it has done wonders for my self-esteem because I have finally taken control of my life and I no longer make excuses for my actions. I workout every day, and I never go over my calories. All I have to do it is stick to my plans.

Guys, you know what? My husband even admires my efforts, and now he is actually way more careful about what we eat and even about if we eat out, because he doesn't want to ruin what I am trying to do. He surprised me by buying us a gym membership so that he can workout as well. If for anything, challenge yourself for the sake of no one but YOURSELF. It feels good when you do something and you know that YOU were our motivation.

I love this thread. Would LOVE to hear more ideas!!

Hello ladies,

This boat is more of a fleet. I am married for 9 years, two little girls, just quit my full-time job to be a stay at home mom. I thought I am going to loose this weight so easily. I forgot I am now 29, have had two kids, and am no as active as I was at work.  It's that 160-190 range I can not get past.

I finally had to have a discussion with my husband. I thought I would have to convince him to let me join a gym, but he said it was evident I needed time out of the house for myself and if it was a Gym tham he would support me.

As far as the food goes, unless he cooks (hahaha), he eats what I make. He still has snacks at night, and not so great choices when we eat out, and it used to bother me. But when he snacks at night, I drink water. When he makes not so smart choiced when we eat out I laugh as he rushes to the rest room.

Now it's three weeks into the Gym and I am gaining muscle (weight), but my clothes are fitting really well. So it's take a deep breath, enjoy my extra energy, and try to figure out a way to break thru the barrier to a healthy 145!!!

Good luck to you all. My one piece of advice is to be honest with your husbands. Matter of factly say-you are hindering my chance to live healthy, when you feel like helping me out let me know when we can talk about this. Then walk away and let him think about it.  Balls in his court-then he can feel like he's helping you !

Hi everyone!

It's so great to know that I'm not alone. Last night I was so close to giving up too. My husband says he actually prefers me bigger, so that's where so big problems are coming in. I'm trying to do this for me and my daughter, so that she learns to live healthy and so that she doesn't have the problems I had when I was younger and overweight.

To those of you with supportive husbands congratulations! Mine says he'll support whatever I choose to do but we will have to see about that.

I had planned on planning out my meals and snacks ahead of time, like Yari, but I still haven't done it yet though. It's hard right now because I stay at home with the kids and until May my husband doesn't have steady work. So we're living on a limited budget and on what we have stocked in our cupboards -- pasta. *sigh*

Another really hard thing is that Dean is inactive but is still borderline underweight. So he NEEDS to eat more while I NEED to eat less.

I'm so excited that other people have posted on this thread. I was worried that no one would. It's nice to see that I'm not alone. So if I find things that work I'll let you all know. I've been wanting to make this thread since I started here. One thing that has been helping me for the last couple of days is that I hung a shirt that I used to fit into before my first child (it was my favorite shirt) on the mirror in my room to keep me focused. So far so good. I think this thread will also be a big help now too.

Another thing I'm trying out is setting up rewards for every ten pounds lost.  With the ultimate reward being my knee high boots and long leather jacket.  I can't wait!

I look forward to talking to all you ladies while we shed our pounds!

I am a married woman that has found that being married is a struggle all its own when it comes to my weight loss, too! I gained the bulk of my weight before I ever even met my husband, so I can't really blame it on him , but keeping it on and even adding to it... That he had a part in. We have been married six years and although he has made it VERY easy for me to stay overweight, he is also completely supportive and doing his best to keep me on track now!

With him, these are my struggles...

1. The man is a stick figure. He can eat whatever he wants as much as he wants and still lose weight. That brought on a lot of guilt because I felt like if I made him give up his favorite foods because of my weight issue he would be missing out and it wasn't his fault. Great way to justify bad behavior huh?

2. He doesn't get it. He tries, he really really does, but he has never been even an ounce overweight so he just can't connect it all in his head. It's just not a big deal to him in the same way it is a big deal to me. It isn't a daily struggle for him like it is for me. On one hand I am happy for that because I don't want him to experience it himself, but on the other hand it gets a little frustrating.

3. He doesn't think I need to lose weight. He loves me just the way I am. In fact, there are certain body parts he would probably be sad to see shrink. LOL. He wants me to be healthy and happy, but he married me plump and never had a plan to thin me out even enter his mind. That makes him a less than enthusiastic support system at times.

4. He is LAZY. We have a deal... One night a week is HIS night to make dinner. He is already struggling with his own laziness issues, and then add cooking a meal on top of that? Forget about it. He would rather take the easy way out. Unfortunately, we are both stubborn. I don't want to give in and let him get away with ducking out of his ONE stinkin' night of cooking, and he doesn't want to actually cook. LOL.

Overall though, he is a wonderful man who just wants me to be happy. Someone earlier up in the thread said that their one piece of advice is to be honest with your husband... I can second that completely! Ever since I stopped worrying so much about him feeling deprived and spoke up and told him that he is hurting my chances to lose the weight (and added in a BTW honey, just because you are thin doesn't mean you couldn't stand to eat better yourself) he has been completely on board and the going has been MUCH easier. I have a 50 lb weight loss under my belt since then!

Hey I took lisasgirlz advice and was as honest as I could be about our weight gain and my healthier eating, and surprisingly he agreed.

He is actually recogniing me on a diet and buying/cooking the appropriate things for me! And he is not smirking when I say I'll have water/just veggies no carbs. He seems to very proud of my start now I just have to not quit again to make him a believer!

Hi,

I agree also about being honest with the hubbie. Not just in telling him about what you need to do to lose weight and be healthier. I've found that on the days that I felt like I didn't want to workout or eat right, I had a tendency to just "go through the motions". That's not bad - it's good to push through - but over time I grew tired of it. I tried telling my husband about how I felt one morning - that I didn't want be "disciplined" today - because I wasn't in the mood, and I am so glad that I did! He knows what my goals are (caloric intake and calories burned) and how important they are to the both of us, and he helped me get going.

While I worked out, he cheered me on occasionally; he helped fix my meals all day so that I wouldn't cheat. I allowed myself to be vulnerable about the whole issue, and I made it successfully through an entire day with his help, and I felt great. I can only imagine how different that day would have turned out if I didn't allow him to help me.

That's what hubbies are for!! They are our better halves; they love to feel wanted and like they are helping out, so let's get them involved!

I have been married for 3 years now. I have  been aware of this problem that women gain weight when they get married for all the reasons mentioned above... Because of this I have been very careful not to gain any. This is what I do:

My husband, like most of yours, has a high metabolism and can eat 2500 cals or more without gaining weight. Me on the other hand gain as soon as I go over 1500 for more than a week(yes I have tested this!). I dont like to work out, so my only way of staying slim is trying to consuming low fat/high fiber diet of 1200 cals a day. Since I cook for us and my husband likes to have high fat food every night, I trying to keep some steamed veggies, boiled beans or fruit on the side for me....
When we go out to restaurants( and it is alway places like Red Robin, Famous Dave, Chillis!) I usually have a side salad with wine. He didnt like this in the beginning but I think he is OK with it.. Ofcourse, once or  twice a month  I go for the main entree, but it is hard to have 1000+ cals of entree for your dinner when you are on 1200 cal diet.

Hi,

I fully agree. The best route for success is to be PROACTIVE and not REACTIVE with this whole process.  This ensures that you won't be sabotaged or taken by surprise.  My strategy is PLAN, PLAN, PLAN then execute.  That is the only way that I am making my way through this successfully.

The side benefit of this is that you become so disciplined at making the right choices even when it is difficult to do so.  That discipline overflows into other parts of your life, not just in the weight-loss aspect.  I'm loving this new me!

Hi, I'm glad to see this kind of thread! I've been married 11 years (tomorrow is the anniversary). I gained 30 pounds the first year.

Except for 2 years, I haven't worked since my pregnancy 9 years ago. This contributed even more to my weight gain. If I work, I shed the pounds without trying. My son is autistic though and we don't believe in daycare/babysitters. So I don't work and my husband makes the big bucks.

He works long hours which is good and bad. I dealt with severe depression and sat around a lot planning my binges, eating junk all the time. I stopped caring about my looks. The good side to this is that now I want to change things, I have the free time to eat the way I should and exercise to my heart's content.

My husband supports me because he knows it will make me happy. I shop and cook and he appreciates good, fresh food. I just make more of it for him. He's always eaten better than me.

I think he also supports me because I'm happier and talking about more positive things. I"m not whining so much about being bored or fat.

The only thing that I miss is that he won't go out with me. He'd rather stay indoors. So, when I exercise when he's home, I might feel bad that I'm leaving him to watch our son or we're not "together". He'll sleep in really late on his days off and his late shifts, I'd always crawl back into bed and sleep the morning away. Now I walk and he's already up by the time I get back.

Hi, my name is Sarah, and like everyone else here, I'm so glad to hear the same problems exist in other people's lives. I'm 28years old, 5'6" and 174lbs, but I was 135lbs when I met my husband four years ago. We only got married last July, and I've gained at least ten pounds since the wedding! This morning I cried about it. My fat jeans are tight around the middle.

I guess I'm looking for some community. My husband is not supportive of healthy eating habits. It's not that he doesn't care, he cares that I'm happy or sad, but he doesn't understand how difficult this is -- after I cried about being overweight this morning he tried to make me a lunch of deep-fried fish and chips! 

My husband works nights, and I'm a student (at least for another month), so our "us time" is usually over breakfast at 11am, and then sometimes I don't get a chance to eat until I get home from classes (7:30pm or even as late as 10pm).  It doesn't help that my husband's method of eating is to gorge himself on steak and "salad" at 1:30am, and that's just on days that he works. On the days I get him up early to get things done, he'll have only coffee for breakfast and then not eat again until 4pm! I have to BEG him to stop so I can have some lunch, and by then I'm ravenous. And he always, always, ALWAYS asks, "Can't you just wait another hour?"

NO!

And he wonders why my acid reflux is back. We've even had fights about meal times.

I do love him, but he's not helpful with the grocery shopping, which is another part of "us time." In fact, he stockpiles snackfoods in the garage. I'm serious, he's got bags of chips, nuts, and candy out there. His major contribution to the last shopping trip is to put three bags of cheetos into the cart, claiming it's his right as a man to eat whatever he pleases. And he won't work out with me, even though he's got a membership to our rec center. I try not to let it bother me, he was in a catastrophic motorcycle accident three years ago, so he's got chronic pain and mobility issues. I've also decided to let the garage go, he can keep whatever he wants out there as long as I don't have to see it.

My mother-in-law (who in all other ways is honestly a saint and the best mother-in-law that I could ever have) is morbidly obese. She cooks extensively when we come to visit her, which is practically every weekend. It's like a weekly Thanksgiving. She has--more than once--served me a steak the size of a salad plate, plus she'll send any left-overs home with us. The leftovers are good and bad because it's great when I don't have time to cook, but sometimes the leftovers are 90% of a sheet cake with buttercream frosting.

So, you see, I'm surrounded by the "enemy." Well, not mortal enemies, just empty-calorie ones.

Lately, I've decided to pack myself a lunch and a snack on every day that my husband and I have to run errands together, that way I can eat on the go.  I'm also going to explain to him that we don't have to eat at the same time, and no, I will probably not share my lunch/snack with him. I made it for me, as a way to take care of myself. I've also moved my breakfast forward to 9am,  then I can sit and have a cup of tea or coffee with him at 11am, then I can have my lunch at 1pm, bring a snack with me to school, and then possibly eat dinner when I get home from class (if it's not too late).

I'm also thinking about taking grocery shopping back as another chore that's on my list. (Unfortunately, pretty much all of them are on my list.) So, I'm here for suppport. And any ideas to help my husband acclimate to my decisions would be gladly accepted. 

Great Thread!!!

I dont know if I told you guys but I mostly work from home... But this morning for a couple of hours I had to go out to meet the client...
In the morning I had 2 bread with egg and an apple...Pretty good.
I came home by 1:00 and by 1:30 I have had the following:
4 bread with butter
a waffle
2 egg omlette
ice cream
1 Indian fried bread (It is basically enriched pita fried in lard!!)

So I have already consumed 1300 cals and my husband just called me that he wants to have steak tonight...

WHY DID I DO THAT... and i wasnt even that hungry...

Friday day is my husband and I's only "date time" when our son is in school and we have a whole morning together.  So, we go out to fancy breakfast.  Because of working out, I usually eat oatmeal but this morning I waited and just combined breakfast and lunch.  When we first started going there, we'd order a big breakfast and then share an order of french toast.  The first time I told him I couldn't do that, he was upset.  He doesn't ask anymore. 

Oh well.  I don't really like the place anymore but I'll still go there.  I can always order something smaller, which I might start doing next week.  In a couple of months we won't have that free time anymore so it won't be a problem. 

hey ladies,

I am ready for a good weekend! I have a kiddie party to go to tommorrow so I hope I don't get drawn in to all the food that will be there. On another thread I am on I got some wonderful advice to just eat before I go something sensible like a salad. Or when I go take my own food with me something small as to not offend. So I am looking forward to it again I get to hang out with my son and see my inlaws who I really love.

The hubby went food shopping alone!!! Yes He did get me extra veggies to take to work and some lite snacks.... there is a god!!!

Good night have a great weekend!

Hello ladies,

I also have a party to go to this weekend.  It's a wedding shower and dinner.  The menu for the dinner is so long I can't even remember it.  I think there's going to be cheesecake...how can I fight cheesecake?!  My plan is to pig out on the veggie plate that will be out before the meal.  Fortunately I can't eat past full anymore.  My body just doesn't allow it.  I even conquered the inner cheap skate.  Yesterday we were running errands and had to have lunch out.  My hubby and his friend picked Montana's.  Usually when I eat at a restaurant I have to finish everything to get my money's worth.  Yesterday when I was full I stopped eating.  Left the rest of the over-priced chicken burger there.  Hurray!

We get to grocery shopping this weekend too so I'm looking forward to have fruits and veggies in the house again.  Plus Dean gets paid on Monday for the job he has then so we should be able to keep up the healthy foods.

I wish all you ladies a wonderful, healthy weekend.

I'm usually pretty careful about either eating with my husband (even if it's modified junk food) or at least getting him something to eat.  For some reason, he won't make himself breakfast on his days off.  Like he's waiting for me to offer him something.  (he never admits that)  Today I worked out and came home and immediately made my own lunch.  I think he was bewildered that I wasn't offering burgers or to go out to IHOP.  He hadn't eaten by almost noon!  When he saw me sit down with my tuna fish sandwich, he announced he was getting his own lunch at In n' Out. 

Oh well, we did have steak and salad for dinner together.  and he was very happy!

I try to stay away from sandwiches in restaurants because of the white bread.  A couple of weeks ago, I actually ate a burger open-faced and left the bun at Red Robin.  I eat oatmeal, wheat germ and real wheat bread at home. 

Hi,

I am beginning to develop a rhythm here. I have been cooking all of our meals.  Shon usually eats what I prepare because I am cooking healthier and he is on board with me now.  Because of the difficulty in getting healthy food at a restaurant, I've made an agreement with myself in advance that eating out means SALADS for me. 

This afternoon we treated ourselves.  He had a turkey wrap with fries and I had a nice salad.  I asked our waiter to get the chef to tell him the measurements of the chicken, lettuce, cheese, croûtons, and dressing so that I can look up the exact amounts on CC.  He did it!  The chef actually gave me a piece of paper with the exact amounts of each of the items.  It felt good - I was still doing the right thing even while eating out.

I'll admit...his fries looked NICE but I just held my ground, got nice and satisfied on the salad, and didn't want to cheat.  At home, I also have made an agreement in advance what I would cook.  I plan my meals a week at a time down to every single meal and every single snack.  It's worked so far, and Shon is so impressed that he has asked me to include him on my evening workout which is just calisthenics and ab work.  The morning workout is the one that is more toning, cardio, and strengthening and lasts for a minimum of 60 minutes.

The reason I split the workouts is that after my morning workout, I was cutting my calisthenics sessions short because I would be tired.   Splitting the calisthenics into a later workout ensures that I do ALL the ab work and calisthenics without cheating by cutting it short.

I've lost 3 pounds this past week, so, we'll see what this next week brings.  I am now challenged to maintain the same momentum and discipline: that challenge is usually my weakness.

I'll let you guys know how it is going...

hey fellow wives,

I went to IHOP today my skinny friends held our girl session there today. I was good, I looked up the menu before we left for the resturant. Surprisingly they have a lo cal menu. Why they don't have wheat pancakes? I don't know but they had a pan seared tilapia with steamed brocolli. It was 350-390 cal. Someone needs to tell them lo calorie does not also mean less food. I got the smallest piece of tilapia I have ever seen and 4 brocolli spears. Now I will admit it was good but I had to order a small side salad to insure that I didn't eat off of my friends fatty plate. But I did it so I am proud of myself I will get on my bike later.

Have a great evening!

Yerushalem, The salads in IHOP had more cal than the lo cal menu items so be very careful of the dressings,additives.