I wonder what he thinks...?

So I am an inch shorter than my boyfriend, but we both weigh 155lbs. It's not that I absolutely HATE weighing the same as him, I would just prefer to weigh less....aka i definitely want to weigh less than him. Which is part of the reason I would like to lose 10lbs. This has no negative affects on our relationship. We are still very much in love, i just feel like I would like it, and possibly him too, if i were a tad smaller. Oh, the life of a female...

Just thought this would be an interesting thread. Wanted to see if anyone else feels the same pressures (not that i feel a dire need to lose the weight)? societal or individual they are all the same.

I understand. I weighed the same as my ex..one time. I was so ashamed to tell him. I didnt obsess over it. but i did feel more comfortable with losing weight. but really you cant compare your weight to him. hes shaped differently..and hes a guy. he loves you as you. not how much you weigh. guys are visual. he looks at you and thinks..wow your hot! i love you.

I feel like that with my boyfriend, hes only an inch taller than me and he only weighs15-18 pounds more than me (he doesn't know that cause i refuse to tell him how much i weigh).  He doesn't think I need to lose weight but I really feel uncomfortable being that similar weight wise to him, and he has smaller thighs than I do which really REALLY bothers me.  This is not my main reason for losing weight however, I'm doing it for me because I havn't felt comfortable in my skin for along time now.  So, I can relate to how you're feeling.

I often feel like that with my boyfriend. He is a foot taller than me, but I weigh almost as much as he does. I look adorable and petite next to him in every way--but where he's tall and muscular yet slim, I'm short and, well...wide. Just like xxana said, he always tells me I'm perfect as I am and I don't need to lose any weight. However, my feeling is that in addition to helping my overall well-being, self-esteem, and confidence, losing weight would make me more comfortable being intimate with him--not to mention it would allow me to gracefully and truthfully accept all of his compliments about my body. 

That's how I felt! My ex was around 5'11", maybe even taller, and he was a nerd and a total beanpole. Weighed the same, even like two pounds less than I did at 5'8" >.<

Why would you worry about these things?

It's stupid. Lose weight if you have extra fat, not because of an ambiguous number. He probably doesn't care, at all (Unless you clearly have some extra weight to lose, but then it's not about the number being close to his or some sort of comparison, it's about you not being at your best.)

I'm 5'2", my boyfriend is 6'3" and I weigh more than him. He doesn't care but when I found out that I was heavier than him I was shocked haha. Weighing less than him is nice but you shouldn't make that a reason for losing weight. It's just a number.

I have a similar problem! Im 5'5 and my boyfriend is 6' and although he is a good 30lbs heavier than me (he is very muscular) we recently found out (as he wanted a pair of tight jeans for an 80's party we were attending) that he can fit into my jeans...snugly...but his butt looked better in them than mine did!

My bf and I are at about the same weight. The major difference is that he's a male with a slight build & I'm a female with a larger frame. And he's "skinny fat" (naturally skinny, doesn't exercise, doesn't eat regularly or healthifully all the time) whereas I am physically fit, active & eat a balanced diet. I'm ok with being the same weight, pound-wise, as long as we're both healthy. Men's & women's bodies are SO different!

aren't they though? we have to feed our curves :)

If it helps, I'm on the other side of the equation... I'm a guy (6' tall, and working on 175 pounds).  I've been dropping weight for about 4 months now, and coming dangerously close to my wife's weight (she's about 5'6").  I'm now getting comments like "You're too skinny" and "You need some fat; you'll get cold".  It's been kind of disappointing and frustrating to hear... Not one supportive comment, even from the start when I was no-where near her weight.

And it hasn't really changed how I feel about my wife, although I do wish that she would work with me to provide what I'd consider a better example for the kids.  She does most of the grocery shopping (she works outside the home about half as many hours as I do), so stop buying junk food for them.  Start exercising; the other day my son wanted to ride his bike to school, and she drove the van behind him.  Just little changes that can make a difference.  That's the part that bugs me about where she's at physically... Not the appearance, but the attitude.  Well, and her jealous attitude towards me right now isn't making me feel all warm and fuzzy towards her either...

Clint

Well, would you ladies rather lose your boobs and butt so you could look like your bfs? Women are supposed to have curves and they're supposed to have more body fat than men. To me, it's a silly thing to obsess over.

To clint..

Just try to be understanding to your wife. Im sure she doesnt appreciate you talking about her in that way.. you know? Maybe sit down and have a serious talk with her. Maybe go out together and take a short walk at the end of everynight together. She wants to feel sexy when your around her. She might take you wanting her to workout with you as a insult. Haha women are sensitive that way. When she wants to she will. Especially if it means more time with you. Just dont do it in a condescending way. She might very well be jealous of your weight loss success. Its all in how you approach her. If you really her to work out with you dont say because of her weight..say because you want to spend more time with her. :)

haha on the other side of all this, my boyfriend is almost 100lbs more than me (a little chunky, but actually carries his weight well...lots of muscle? ;P) and i STILL feel the need to lose weight. *shrug*

Original Post by pbear999:

If it helps, I'm on the other side of the equation... I'm a guy (6' tall, and working on 175 pounds).  I've been dropping weight for about 4 months now, and coming dangerously close to my wife's weight (she's about 5'6").  I'm now getting comments like "You're too skinny" and "You need some fat; you'll get cold".  It's been kind of disappointing and frustrating to hear... Not one supportive comment, even from the start when I was no-where near her weight.

And it hasn't really changed how I feel about my wife, although I do wish that she would work with me to provide what I'd consider a better example for the kids.  She does most of the grocery shopping (she works outside the home about half as many hours as I do), so stop buying junk food for them.  Start exercising; the other day my son wanted to ride his bike to school, and she drove the van behind him.  Just little changes that can make a difference.  That's the part that bugs me about where she's at physically... Not the appearance, but the attitude.  Well, and her jealous attitude towards me right now isn't making me feel all warm and fuzzy towards her either...

Clint

 Clint, please try to be more understanding of your wife! Maybe its your attitude that needs to change. I remember when my dad started working out and lost a bunch of weigh. He bruised his own arm poking at his new muscles too much.  He got a new self-righteous attitude along with his muscles. 

My fiance and I are the same height and there was a time we were getting close to the same weight. It was the catalyst I needed to get my butt back to the gym :)

Original Post by ibez:

Why would you worry about these things?

It's stupid. Lose weight if you have extra fat, not because of an ambiguous number. He probably doesn't care, at all (Unless you clearly have some extra weight to lose, but then it's not about the number being close to his or some sort of comparison, it's about you not being at your best.)

Well said.

I've always weighed more than my husband except for a few brief months right around our wedding when I was all of 10 lbs less (6 inch height difference).  I definitely have some weight to lose, but as said above, my needing to lose has nothing to do with his weight.  He's also on the very thin side, so my goal weight is still only 10-15 pounds less than his current weight.  I have some insecurities about this, but it's much more due to my weight than to his!

Clint-- I am in similar shoes. I finally got motivated to start loosing some weight but my husband is still in the "I know I need to but I'm not making the effort" phase. He is under the assumption that you don't have to watch what you eat to lose--you only need to exercise.

At first, our situation sounded similar to yours--minus the jealousy bit. He was fine with me losing weight but not supportive and still manages to sabotage my diet on a regular basis. At first I would tell him all the things he needed to do--nagging, essentially and rubbing his imperfections in his face.

But I hate nagging and he gets mad when I do it (we've already been there with his smoking). So now I just drop interesting facts that I've learned from CC or tell him how great this program is. He usually receives my information well and sometimes it starts a whole conversation. Yesterday, we started talking about how many calories he had eaten and he did a rough estimate and said, "Yeah, that's a couple hundred over (his deficit) but not too bad"

So, I guess my point is--just try to talk to her about it if she needs to lose weight. Don't tell her to lose or that she needs to lose. It's not about weight--it's about health. Tell her you want to start eating healthier meals, or plan the weeks meals and give her your grocery list. Just because she buys the food doesn't mean you don't have an input. And if she usually cooks--volunteer to be the chef a few nights a week to try out some new, healthy recipe. If nothing else, she will be glad to have a night off AND be trying some good but healthy food.

getfit--I know how annoying it can be but if he thinks you are beautiful and accepts you at any weight, that means he'll stick by you even during the bad times. I understand though--I have dated some guys that were my weight, maybe smaller through highschool. My husband now is much taller and bigger (barrel-chested) and weighs much more. Maybe it is a subconscious thing--men are the "protecters" and a person smaller than ourselves doesn't seem like much protection. Or maybe it is the media making us think we must be smaller.

SORRY for the long post.

Original Post by pbear999:

 the other day my son wanted to ride his bike to school, and she drove the van behind him.

Well how was she supposed to bring your son's bike back?

You and your wife should really communicate better. Maybe she's insecure or thinks she can't do things like you.  Don't make her feel bad for not trying. Figure out a way to get her involved. Does she have to workout? How about taking the kids and her to the park some time and playing volleyball or riding bikes together. call it "family fun day". Be cheesy...it works.

OP: I understand what you think. I feel the same way.  Me and my bf weighed the same, but that's bc I was so overweight. He's gained some also since we've been dating, but he's so strong and his arms and chest are pretty big for a 5'9" frame.  I decided to lose weight bc I had to, inturn I am not at goal weight yet, but my confidence is MUCH higher. Even though he's not that much "bigger" I feel way sexier than I did, but he's always thought I was sexy!

As long as your not unhealthy, I don't think a pant size or weight is going to make you feel diff. Have to ask yourself: If you're guy was 3inch taller/weighed more, would you want to lose weight? Don't change for anyone but yourself. What happens if you don't workout? Will you change your body for the next guy?  Make sure you're doing this for yourself.

Original Post by caloriequeen86:

I have a similar problem! Im 5'5 and my boyfriend is 6' and although he is a good 30lbs heavier than me (he is very muscular) we recently found out (as he wanted a pair of tight jeans for an 80's party we were attending) that he can fit into my jeans...snugly...but his butt looked better in them than mine did!

 

 Oh, so thats what "getting in her pants" means!

I agree with ibez, it's just a number. I've never heard of anyone stressing about the number and comparing it to a person of the opposite sex none the less. Men are built completely different then women and comparing weight numbers with them seems useless and only will bring down your self esteem.  It's enough women and men have to compare themselves to super models and celebrities, why would someone want to degrade themselves even more.

My bf is 2" taller than me and is what I consider, a small frame. I'm a medium frame, and as it stands right now, I'm about 5 lbs. heavier than him. I have told him that I weigh more than him, but I won't tell him how much I weigh. I told him I'll tell him what my starting weight was after I get to within a normal range of my target weight.

It doesn't really bother me that I'm heavier than he is. I'm losing weight for me, because I don't want all of the health risks associated with being overweight, and I love the increased energy I feel by exercising regularly and eating a healthy diet.