just wondering...for those recovering from anorexia...

to eveyone recovering from anorexia...

How come some of us struggle with periods of bingeing while recovering, and others don't? To the ones that don't - congrats, I wish I were you, because bingeing while recovering to me is the absolute WORST feeling. When I was restricting, i had such self-restraint and will power. Now when I binge (or just "Over indulge in sweets or something") i feel so out of control and disgusted with myself. The self-hate from that alone makes me want to end all this and give up. I mean, it's getting a bit better...but still. I don't know and don't TRUST myself to believe it will end. ANd I'm still terrified of weight gain, but I can't stop the pendulum.

Just having hard time coping and never expected that recovery would be like this. How about everyone else coping with recovery? Experiences? ANyone else bingeing/feeling the need to restrict/trying not to over exercise???

I am in exactly the same boat! I'm at a healthy weight now, and actually a bit ABOVE where I want to be, but I can't seem to beat the ED mentality. I still have to force myself to eat on "fat days" (which are becoming alarmingly more frequent lately!) and try not to overexcercise. For the past two weeks, I've been literally flat on my back, walking downstairs to get meals and THAT'S IT. You want sedentary? This is as sedentary as it gets, folks. Only this past Sat. was I even allowed out of the house, and that was just for a few hours. Ugh. Needless to say, the ED demons came back with a vengeance. It's so, so hard to justify eating when you're not moving, therefore not burning anything (or so it felt like), and therefore not hungry. Ugh. Even as I'm writing this I'm feeling my thighs and going "ughhhh, what's going ON here?" I know, logically, that even if I did gain the past few weeks from significantly decreasing my activity level, I certainly haven't shot my health goals you-know-where. But boy, it feels like it. I still struggle with bingeing. A lot. And I don't know why some people do and some don't, except to postulate that it might have something to do with intake. Maybe the people who don't binge have found their personal perfect formula for staying satiated and thus avoid the binge? Right now, I'm working on indentifying my binge triggers and dealing with them in ways that DON'T involve food, because I think I'm an emotional eater a lot of the time. Also, I'm trying (key word again: TRYING) not to let too much time pass between meals so I get super, super famished and binge as a result of actual, physical hunger. It's an uphill, daily battle, I know. One I'm still trying to figure out, and I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be "normal" with regards to food or if this ED thing is something I'll have to carry around with me for the rest of my life. In short, I don't know. But that's how I'm pluggin' away at it. Best of luck! 

of all the different types of disorded eating I have experienced i would have to say binging was the most damaging and volatile.  Of any it makes you feel the most depressed, guilty and out of controll.  I think I finally have it under controll, after years of living with it.  What helps me is to have a little of what im 'not allowed' every day.  Even when I was underweight starving and still losing weight, I would eat a little chocolate every day (chocolate and sweet things being my downfall).  Knowing that I was allowed some, and would again eat some again tomoro kept me from having the all or nothing mentality. 

Its hard to know what exactly is a binge and when to stop sometimes.  I had trouble this easter, I 'let go' and ate what I wanted. I think a binge becomes a binge when you eat something just for the sake of not being allowed to eat it tomorow (or once the binge is over).  So by those desciptors, I did binge, eating lots of chocolate easter eggs when I was drunk just to get rid of them!  But then at the same time, I ate the same amount as my friends over the same period of time so maybe its just a binge to me.

Not binging is the main thing I focus on.  I can overeat, ie go over my calorie allowance but the moment i sense its becomeing a binge thats when I HAVE TO STOP.  It takes time, and the main thing is eating more when your not binging.  The more you starve the more you want to binge.  balance it out helps.

Ive never been a binger, but it seems like a lot of people who have had ana eventually do have problems with binging, I dont know why that is. But when I was a kid, I was overweight, and I was sooo depressed and thinking back to that pain is enough to stop me from binging I guess.  The thing is, Im always afraid of going overboard, and end up restricting more. 

I have never been a binger either, but I do like to eat at night and snacks frequently during the day versus individual meals. I think this is what sets me apart from feeling the need to binge, because I seriously eat like every 2 hours! An apple here, pb there, toast here, a turkey wrap there, yogurt here...so you get the idea.

I think with recovery the most important thing to remember is that we deserve to had food when we want and what we want! I think if you don't allow your body something then when you allow yourself "that bite" it turns into "the whole bowl".

Hope this helps. And don't get down on yourself...you are pushing one step at a time....

I never binged either, but I always restricted.  I think it is because I felt that junk food, sugary foods or anything with grease would mess my stomach up, so it was easier for me not to eat them.  So, hmmm...I'm not sure why some of us turn to binging and then others over-exercised or some other form of control.  I know we all have experienced that sense of self-hatred you referred to during recovery though.  That is the worst!  Pulls you down & you think you will never get up again, but you will--just take it day by day and things begin to get better.  It's a gradual progression, so hang in there

same here. i never binge. i don't know if its because i haven't reached that point yet, or because i just simply don't do it. i too eat at night for various reasons (because i feel like i haven't eaten enough during the day, or because i dont get home until 8:30-9 at night)

but i am struggling with my period. or lack there of. i havent had it for a little over a year. and its starting to really worry me. im terrified of osteoperosis or infertility, though i never wish to have kids. its still detrimental to my health, and i cant understand why im not able to change my "restricting" habits, despite my knowledge of the fact that im ruining my body.

I've never truly binged. But there was one time when I found out that I was going to be hospitalized and kept i.p. until I reached goal weight. The day before I was admitted I basically binged all day to try to gain as much wight as possile, thus geting me out of the hosptial faster. I wouldn't consider it a tru binge though because I felt in control and I was actually trying to gain weight, and I didn't feel guilty about it.

I'm not sure why some people binge while others don't. I think i may have something do do with the strictness of one's ED. I never really counted or completely denied myself. i just kept busy and didn't eat. When you've got more time to dwell on food, I think you are more likely to binge.

S'cuse the total lack of organization in this post. I was typing without really thnking, but I'm too lazy to redo it.

never binged here either. but exactly like positve........ i eat every hr thou i love to snack esp at night? im recovery from severe anorexia for the past 10 yrs

See, I've never binged in my entire life until  I started recovery. I think that what makes it even harder on me - i feel so ashamed, out of control, like "how could i ever had had anorexia when I am so out of control now"? It's the worst. I'm trying to just move one today and stick to my meal plan, enough with the beating up and self hate. BUt it is so hard. I'm so scared. This is the hardest thing i've ever had to do - mostly because i don't know what each day will bring. Even if i plan, if i have some willpower - sometimes my mind and body just take over each other and I am scared and don't have any control (or feel like it). My N said the over eating (or what I consider overeating) happens because of starvation mode, and my body is just trying to refeed..I don't know though. Oh well.

Original Post by picklepug31:

but i am struggling with my period. or lack there of. i havent had it for a little over a year. and its starting to really worry me. im terrified of osteoperosis or infertility, though i never wish to have kids. its still detrimental to my health, and i cant understand why im not able to change my "restricting" habits, despite my knowledge of the fact that im ruining my body.

 you dont have your period back because your body isnt at a healthy weight yet. when your body is "happy" and functioning properly, youll get your period back.. i had not had a period in ten months and was freaking out. but when my body reached it's "healthy weight" which was a little more than i had actually wanted in the first place, i got it back, and now i feel so healthy. so that few extra pounds is actually worth it when it comes to health.

hang in there, keep trying!

hmmm...I hope you don't mind me asking, but what foods have you been binging on?  Also, perhaps what you consider to be binging would actually a "normal" amount of food to a person who has never suffered from an eating disorder before?  It's as though you have to re-teach yourself to eat again so what may seem like a LOT of food may actually be what your body needs inorder to get out of that starvation mode.  Just a thought.

It depends how you go about recovery, nutritionally and mentally.

If you were very mentally involved with anorexia (I know all sufferers are, but some moreso than others) then you are more afraid. Sometimes the apprehension of binging actually makes you binge. It's like if you're afraid to drop something fragile, you normally wouldn't drop it, but because you worry and overthink it, you drop it.

Also, make sure your diet is balanced. Plenty of protein and healthy fats. Also, 95% of your food should be healthy. When your body is underweight, yes it craves calories, but it also craves nutrition. If you give your body 3 brownies instead of a calorie-heavy, nutritious dinner, your body receives the calories but does not receive any nutrition. I believe many people binge on peanut butter not because it is good, but because it contains fats, which many dieters avoid.

Yeah, my days of bingeing have never amounted to more than 2,500 or 3000 cals (including regular meals too) TOPS. So maybe, yes, it's nnot really a binge. I think what for me makes it feel like a binge is that i eat large amounts of sugary treats (cookies, chocolate, cereal, ice cream) in a very short period of time (like an hour) and then I'm done for the day but very uncomfortably full. I still force myself to eat my regular MP, but my tummy remains bloated all day and hurts the next.

I'm trying trying trying. I restricted SO MUCH before recovery, so I know that's why this is happening. I have to allow myself some treats on the days when i follow my MP...I will start to do that this weekend because i've eaten my treat intake for the week I think. And I think I'm going to start eating the treat out with my husband or a friend so i can't go nuts...i don't know. Just typing that makes my heart speed up with fear.

One step at a time, though, right? We can all do this...

would it have to do with the days on which something happens to you that you find hard to handle? Like someone being nasty to you. On the days that you feel better you are more focused on controling your food? Just a thought...

hey i'm recovering from anorexia too. i binged the entire day (8000 calories?give or take) and on very unhealthy stuff. but look at this the better way.

you're feeding your body to health!
your body has a set weight which is where it'll fluctuate around
you're revving up your metabolism

i agree it's terrifying! i feel it too but i try to think positively! hey one binge won't kill you. the binges will stop when you're recovered!(: THERE FOR YOU! (: (: