working up the guts...

Not sure if this topic should be here or in motivation, but since it has to do with weighloss and its "symptoms" I thought I would try it here.

So I have lost some weight, and although I am not close to my goal yet I am needing new clothing. I find however that I don't have the guts to buy things that I want to buy because I am afraid that people won't think they are appropriate for me at this current size. I have been fat almost all my life, and have never wanted to wear things that were form fitting or tailored. I don't like being stared at as a general rule and avoid it at all costs. I would however like to be able to become at least comfortable in clothing that actually fits on me instead of being baggy in an attempt to hide myself inside there. Now though, as I see that I do look different I don't seem to have the guts to let other people really see it too. After an entire life of trying to hide I am thinking I might actually want to come out of that hiding and wear something... gasp... slinky.

So what does one do to get over that self-conscious crap that goes along with being fat and ashamed? (And please realize that I am strictly speaking about myself... I know that not everyone is ashamed of being overweight nor does everone feel like these feelings are self-conscious crap... I am talking about me here). Does there come a point when I will be able to look in the mirror and say, "Hey, that looks good!" and not "Man, look at those rolls" or "Nope, not today honey"?

Sorry to ramble... maybe someone here knows of which I speak and can lend a few words?

Don't feel bad...I have always been concidered "big"...I am 5'2" and my highest weight was 228lbs....I have gone from a 22 to an 18 up top...from an 18 to a 14 on bottom...get clothes that fit you NOW!!!! I have found that even getting a new shirt or a pair of pants that fit correctly boosts my motivation!!! Stick with it...be happy that you can wear clothes that YOU want to wear...and forget what others think, they are not you, they don't know what you are going through and they cannot be happy for you...that is a job you must do yourself...so be HAPPY!!!!!! Congrats for needing clothes that fit...

I think it's chobe who offers this advice.. if they aren't related, and I'm not f*cking them, who CARES what they think?!?!

Frell Society. Buy what you wanna buy!

and for some of us.. even if they are related, and I am f$$ them..  and even if I care a little..      I dont let it stop me....  

Just do it! You only live once, why live your life for other people?
Be an individual, and go for it!

Buy one outfit that's tailored/form-fitting that you can wear on a regular day.  Then make it a goal to wear it once a week.  Once you get used to it, a month or so later, add another outfit and another day. 

I've always loved baggy clothes even when I wasn't overweight and was fit, but I've found that you always get more compliments when you wear form fitting/nicer fitting clothes.  I don't like them, but I make it a habit to look nice once a week.  Plus it helps to keep me on track!  Baggy clothes tend to cause me to slip.

i agree with shiryudesu...once you get used to wearing more form-fitting clothes, you'll stop being so insecure. don't force yourself though, you just need to build up your confidence.

you've worked hard to lose your weight, so you should be proud! hold your head high and let people stare...especially when someone says "wow, you look amazing". you'll feel sooooo good. and you won't get those comments hiding in baggy clothes...:)

keep up the good work!!!

I think often a tailored fit outfit looks better on an overweight person than a baggy one anyway. And, you'll look so great, you will be super motivated to lose those last pounds to your goal. So do it! Forget everyone else, and feel good about yourself!

Oh, I've got a soapbox on this one.  :)  Don't worry, it's in a good way for you. 

Larger people should NOT wear baggy clothes all the time.  As if a potato sack is going to hide the fact that we're large.  What we don't realize is that if we wear TAILORED clothes, it will help the illusion that we are slimmer.  It will put nice vertical lines in places where we need them, giving us shape.  It will make us look professional and more than a bump on a log. 

Frankly, big black potato sacks don't do anything to hide the fact we're big. NOTHING will hide the fact that we're big.   Big black potato sacks flatter NO ONE.  Not even skinny-minnies!  So don't be ashamed if a big black ptoato sack makes you look like you're wearing a big black potato sack. 

Properly-fitted tailored clothes can flatter a body at any size.  Larger people can even wear clothes snug to the body.  I'm not saying go out and buy a t-shirt 3 sizes too small and squeeze yourself into it.  But a shirt that is body-hugging, but not super-tight works well.  And even more so, tailored garments.  Yes, it's not tailored the exact same way as skinny clothes, but it does create flattering lines and shapes, and they are a wonderful thing to have. 

The trick is being really honest with yourself.  You have to say "uh, no, that shirt doesn't fit" or "my thighs in these stretchy pants look AWFUL!" or "DAY-UM this looks GOOD!"

You may not find that perfect outfit your first time out.  It's OKAY.  Don't settle for anything less than an outfit that you look in the mirror and honestly say "DAY-UM, I look FINE!"  And yes.  There will be that outfit.  There will be that shirt or pair of pants.  They exist.  Do not be ashamed and try to hide yourself in shapeless things.

So go!  Go shopping!  Get yourself some clothing that fits you now.  Go have fun doing it.  Have the guts.  You are worth it.  Go shopping!  And go shopping again when you drop 2 sizes too.  Be adventurous.  After all, no one will see you in the dressing room.  :)  You can pick out the most hideous piece of frivolous hideousness you want to.  Doesn't mean it'll sit in your closet.  In fact, if you start getting frustrated when shopping, go put on a hideous piece of hideousness and have a laugh.  Trynig on does not equal buying. 

And if you don't find anything that you like that looks good on you, go to the jewelry counter and get yourself something there.  :)   

Have the courage.  :)

People will start to notice and smile, then you will start to gain confidence in yourself more and more. Wear the form fitting clothes in your time; but do test the waters! You will be glad you did! I know....I was thin once! It's amazing how different and confident you will start to feel!

Wanted to say THANKS ALL! I did go buy some new jeans today, which was very needed... and a couple of new shirts, but nothing tailored as of yet.

I have a few other things which compound my "issue". I work in a school age program with 1-5th graders... I can't dress up to go to work due to the nature of my job... could be disasterous. So my main wardrobe has always been jeans and t-shirts. Secondly I don't see myself as a dress-up kind of person. My firned was asking me about this the other day. I told her that it just wasn't me... so she asked if it really wasn't me or if I had convinced myself that it wasn't me and accepted that. I thought long and hard about it, really I did, and I decided that I am not a dress up kind of person. I had one or two dressy outfits (well, I did... now I have a new one that I bought for a trip to the theater) that I wore to more formal occasions like interviews and company dinners and such. That seems to suit me fine.

Here is the funny part though... I know what I WANT to wear when i hit my goal (which is still in no way dressy... at least not in my opinion) and I know what NOT to wear when I was at my heavy weight... it is this middle ground that has me totally stumped. It is like I am thinner and should be proud (and I am, believe) but not thin enough to be comfy in my body. I have mid-loss crisis or something! LOL.

being able to vent does help!

Look around at other large women.  Find something that you like the look of.  Something sexy.  I always admire the way the larger black women that I work with carry off being sexy. They inspired me to buy a sexy blouse, something that showed off my breast.  Nothing to wild just a little sexy. I find Rayon is a lovely sexy textile. try on at least 10 tops until you find one that you know works.  Wear it with you jeans. Wear it out to dinner with friends.  Wear it with style.  Large women are sexy....take a look around you.  You will see that they have style and class too.

I decided to celebrate and buy something even though I might get pregnant in a month.  Now THAT is silly.  But I'm sick of all my baggy shirts that make me look pregnant.  I'm okay on pants as I have jeans left from when I weighed this.  I might have some shirts somewhere too, I need to look.  But I bet they're not what I'd want now.  Plus, I need to treat myself.  I even have a gift card for a department store.  : )

A good way to find something that will make you feel good and help you get out of your comfort zone is to go to a store like Lane Bryant.  I have always found that the saleseople there are very friendly and helpful.  Tell them what you want and ask for suggestions.  With the kind of work you do, maybe try your new jeans with a button-down, more fitted but comfortable shirt.  It is tailored but comfortable and will help ease you into something more in line with what you want.

I agree with the other comments.  Try on several things that you like until you find a style and color that makes you smile when you look in the mirror.  If you feel good in what you wear, it will shine through in your personality.  Other people will focus on that!

It's okay if you're not a spiffy-suit person (I personally can't wait until I can wear my spiffy blue suit again, but I digress)...

You can still get casual clothes that are a little more snug than the usual t-shirt. 

I highly suggest something a little lower cut as cleavage is always sexy, no matter what size.  It doesn't have to be cut lower than your navel, but just a little lower than the usual t-shirt. 

Or look for a "girl cut" t-shirt.  They've got wider necks, shorter sleeves and are designed for women's bodies. 

And you can always go for the clingy-but-not-tight shirts.  They're stretchy and casual, and show "look I'm thinner!" but don't give that icky sausage look (which I had the misfortune of doing on my way up to my top weight). 

Yaaay! Jeans.