worried about bulimia, need information

I am concerned that my stepdaughter is showing signs of bulimia. Last night, we heard her in the bathroom throwing up. This is the second time in two weeks. When confronted, she claimed that it was from the heat. She barely ate anything for dinner or all day for that matter. What are some ways that we can help diagnose if she is suffering from bulimia?

Thank you!

http://mentalhealth.about.com/library/mh/blte ened.htm?terms=bulemia

I have never been bulimic but as a former anorexic, I know a little bit about bulimia. If your step-daughter continues throwing up, then you should take her to the doctor and have her get a blood test to check her electolyte levels checked. This can confirm that she has been throwing up consistantly. If, in fact, she is bulimic, she will need a therepist to work out the physchlogical part of her eating disorder and a nutritionist considering that bulimia is almost always accompanied by bingeing and the throwing up is the purging. Try not to be angry with her for her behaviors. Your step-daughter needs you love and support during a time like this. Overcoming an eating disorder is a hard road, but catching it early on like this can make bring much more hope to recovery. I wish you and your stepdaughter the best of luck.

I am a recovering bulimic.

She could always just be ill - I know a lot of people who throw up after eating when it's hot and they're far from bulimic/anorexic.

Bulimia is not purely a way for (mainly) youngsters to try and lose weight - that is a main part of their 'focus', but there is also the aspect of control involved. Controlling their weight gives them something in their life to control and it has to be triggered.

Has there been anything distressing in her life lately? Broken up with a boyfriend, family member died, fell out with her friends, even a pet dying? Does she have anything wrong with her self-esteem; does she think she's fat when she's not? Does she think that she's bigger than she is? Does she think she's ugly?

Also, does she buy magazines with pictures of skinny models in them to try and 'inspire' her?

Watch her habits. Bulimics tend to binge a LOT of food and then throw it up. If she's binging a lot on chocolate, cake, sweets, crisps and then disappearing then that could be a sign.

If that fails, they exercise a lot - to the point of exhaustion. Is she doing that?

Does she own any laxatives, because that is something which bulimics use a lot - they think that because they lose immediate water weight that they are losing fat which we all know they aren't.

Try taking her for a blood test because her electrolytes would be severely messed up if she's making herself throw up a lot - also her heart can become very weak from throwing up - I was throwing up so much that it got to the point that I was having painful heart palpitations if I threw up even once a day. So watch her very carefully.

And also be there for it if she DOES have it. It's a difficult disease and if there's no-one understanding there for her, it can be a lotter harder for her to manage and she could never recover. I know this because my parents would not understand - the only reason I am able to recover is because I have a compassionate boyfriend.

So she will need somebody.

She definitely is a teenager and suffers from all the things that come with that.  She just moved in with us about a month ago because she was having trouble at her mom's house.  She is 16 and stays in her room all day.  She doesn't really buy "girlie" magazines - she's more into her Rolling Stone.  I know that bulimia an anorexia can sometimes go together, so I worry that her lack of eating combined with the vomiting are some signs that we should be concerned.  Even if it's not an eating disorder per se, she may still have a medical condition that requires our attention.

One person suggested checking out her internet history, but she has a laptop that she sits on all day in her room.  I don't want to infringe on her privacy because I think that will only make her more untrusting of us.

I guess I just really want to know a good way to approach her with our concerns.

Would you rather infringe on her privacy and keep her safe or let her have her privacy and wonder if she is hurting herself?

She's 16. Her internet history is your business.

That's a good point...

Uhh yeah.  I would not let my 16 year old have a laptop without any regulation.  Eeek, it's scary what kind of things 16 year old can get involved with on the web without a watchful eye. 

I was bulimic/anorexic as a teenager and your daughter sounds alot like me.  Is your husband close to her?  sometiimes kids dont take things well form step-parents.  One thing you could do is tell her to spend more time outside.  You do not have to let her stay in her room all day.  I always did better when I was outdoors more as is can help manage stress.  Sounds like she has alot of it.  I mostly needed to lose weight and used my ED as a was to control something when my family life was very stressful. 
   When she goes outside look at her internet history and not to tell you what to do but I would not let my teenager have thier own laptop in thier room where I could not keep an eye on their activities.

Personally, I think it'd be best to not have her feel imposed upon.

When I lost a substantial amount of weight in a reasonable amount of time, my doctor had accused me of having an eating disorder because I was eating all low-fat things and did not want to eat full fat things and because I was exercising about half an hour to an hour each day.  Personally, I found it ridiculous; I was being healthy - I ate enough calories and I was being active.  She then required that I visit her every other week for weigh-ins at which I would usually have a .5-1 pound loss; she persisted to say that I needed to see a psychologist and nutritionist.  I was not at an unhealthy weight, by any means.  I was about 120 pounds at 5'3.

Because of these weigh-ins and her rude comments, I began a vicious cycle of binging the day before and felt so full and guilty that I wouldn't eat the remaining time.  Her comments stopped and I gained quickly.

I suggest that you try to keep an eye on her habits for a while before making any assumptions.  If her ways persist, take her for some blood work; perhaps you can tell her it's a yearly check-up as to not make it conspicuous.  Making her comfortable enough to come to you and for her to want to recover is most important.

I have to agree with the above poster about making her feel imposed upon. i hear what everyone is saying about her being 16 and the need to protect her overrides her right to privacy, but honestly, if she dows have an eating disorder, it will reveal itself without the need to pry and go through her things. At 16 the sense of violation will run deep, when and if you have to confront her on it, and speaking from experience with an ed, it will only make her more secretive and make the eating disorder much worse.  don't create a crisis when trying to stop one!

If she is binging and purging, you'll figure it out. sounds like you are already getting some big clues.

At 16, there are bigger concerns than EDs when you don't monitor your child's internet activity. MUCH bigger concerns. Like pedophiles. My parents had access to my computer till I was 18, and I didn't spiral out of control in rebellion.

Well then she should sit her step-daughter down and tell her that they are starting an internet monitoring program, instead of breaking into the computer when she isn't around and then confronting her on anything. There is a way to do things that balance protection with privacy. I'm just saying don't snoop behind her back. It will only make things worse.

As a teenager myself, i would hate it if i saw my parents monitoring my internet sites and what not. thats invasion of privacy! Just talk to her. 

as a courtesy; transferring copy of comments from duplicate thread that was deleted.  Did not include comments unrelated to technical difficulties.  Thanks :)

#1 cupidsvictim513 (Edit) Jul 16 2007 08:35 Try to talk to her. Bulimia is a serious illness that can cause heart problems, eroded teeth and eventually death. Maybe you can check her internet history. Many young girls with ed find sites on the web that give them "tips" on how to hide their problem. It is a vicious illness and is usually accompanied by depression and many times is a result of emotional trauma. I suggest therapy if you keep seeing sign of this. Good luck. Jul 16 2007 13:28


#3 adouty5035 (Edit) Jul 16 2007 20:51 I can pretty much guarantee that if she's been caught throwing up once, she's done it a million times in private without getting caught.  I've been battling it myself for about 6 months now, and i know how horrible it is.  Of course I would deny it if confronted, but sometimes i wish i had someone there to help me.  Please get her help.  It's an extremely addictive pattern, so i doubt this was an isolated occurrence. Jul 16 2007 21:52  

#5

united2gether (Edit) Jul 16 2007 21:56 Hi Durden

I'm sorry ~ I'm sure you are terribly worried

Here is an article that may help

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bulimia/DS0 0607

and for more and support, check  Something-Fishy.org (information about eating disorders)

Hope this helps, united

I FEEL FOR YOU.  I PUT MY FAMILY THROUGH YEARS OF WONDERING.  THEY WONDERED IF IT WAS A REAL PROBLEM.  THEY WONDERED IF IT WAS A PHASE, IF IT WOULD GO AWAY ON ITS OWN, IF I WOULD OUTGROW IT, ETC.   MY BULIMIA STARTED BEFORE MY 16TH BIRTHDAY, WHICH WAS BACK IN 1997.  MY SENIOR YEAR (1999), I DROPPED BELOW 100 POUNDS.  I HAD AN ANOREXIC MIND WITH BULIMIA.  I MAINTAINED A HEALTHY WEIGHT EXCEPT FOR MY SENIOR YEAR.  WELL, IT WASN'T UNTIL 2004 THAT I GOT HELP FOR MY PROBLEM.  BULIMIA IS DIFFICULT TO RECOGNIZE DUE TO THE FACT THAT MOST BULIMICS MAINTAIN A HEALTHY WEIGHT. 

 IF IT CONTINUES, DON'T HIDE BEHIND UNCERTAINTY.  SHE WILL HAVE TO WANT TO GET HELP TO BE HELPED, BUT I NEEDED A PUSH IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION ALSO.  I STILL STRUGGLE, BUT I AM DOING SO MUCH BETTER THAN I WAS BEFORE.  DON'T WAIT UNTIL IT IS TOO LATE.  I AM JUST LUCKY (TO BE HEALTHY AFTER TEN+ YEARS OF ACTIVE BULIMIA).  MANY AREN'T SO LUCKY. 

MY MOTHER WAS A NERVOUS WRECK ABOUT IT, AND WAITED A LONG TIME TO HELP ME DEAL WITH IT.  SHE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MY PROBLEM.  TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL.  GET THEIR ADVICE.  IT IS BETTER TO HELP HER IN A SUPPORTIVE WAY, THAN RISK HER DAMAGING HERSELF FOR LIFE. 

GOD BLESS,

LINDSEY

Dear durden17, I feel for you. I was bulimic in high school (and still struggle with it, 8 years later). I threw up 3-4x a day and my parents NEVER knew. That was partly because I maintained a healthy weight, but also because in many ways it's an easy disorder to hide. That said, it sounds like your stepdaughter is not being as secretive as possible. It's possible she may (consciously or unconsciously) being dropping hints, letting you see that she has a problem. A 'cry for help.' I would urge you not to betray her trusty by going behind her back and checking her computer, but there's nothing wrong in making a few new rules about computer use and enforcing them. I finally told my parents after my boyfriend found out and he helped and encouraged me to tell them. After 3 years I was pretty hurt that they had no clue. Teenagers, especially girls with eating disorders, need a lot of love. Be there for her and love her and try to gain her trust before you confront her. Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

Hi, sorry to hear about your worries, i am only 15 but think she may just be ill, if she says she isnt feeling to good and hasnt eaten because shes ill it may be nothing to worry about, ask one of her friends to talk to her or something as id hate to be confronted by my parents, bulimia is far from throwing up once or twice, its a seriously controlling way of life, throwing up more than once a day, but i hope you get to the bottom of the problem xx

Im sixteen years old and bulimic and i know if she doesnt want you to know that she has a problem with food, you'll probably go on being worried. I actually dont really know how to help because i dont know your relation with your stepdaughter. A month ago i told my mom and it was quite a big thing to do but after all im feeling better and trying to fight bulimia. dont check her computer, if she figures out she probably never trusts you again. my parents let me use the computer whenever and when i know theyre about to use it, i just delete history. just try to talk, try to make her comfortable around food. even if she only wants to eat low cal food, then let her. after all its better than nothing.

after all im glad im not in your position! but i do wish you the best of luck! stay strong x 

when i first read that... i thought no, because like one one of the others girls said...twice in two weeks doesn't sound like bulimia, it sounded like she was just sick.....but then i remembered it started something like that with myself...it was here and there and then became more frequent and now is a constant battle to avoid.

I only just told someone, and she like everyone else would never of known....you get so good at hiding it, and the thing is; half of you doesnt want to validate or label yourself as having this disease or disorder you previousli could never relate to or even consider much less understand.

I dont feel ashamed, but I feel disappointed in myself fornhaving let something become bigger then me...

The reason I told this particular friend is because she had made some VERY SUBTLE comments over MONTHS.....long gaps in between, none of them directed at me personally and always let me shrug it off without pushing me further....at first I thought it was co-incidence but recently I realised she knew....I had a particularly bad night and let her in.

You need to know that she wont let you help her untill she realises herself there is an issue...if there is an issue.

A good site that may give you a better idea if she is bulimic or not:

http://www.bulimiahelp.org/book/bulimia-overv iew/recognising-bulimia

I think checking her internet without her knowledge is asking for trouble - even if you do find something you will have to tell her and she will feel violated.

But you can tell her you care about her and are worried about her behaviour. Ask her if she is happy at school and with her body. Does she think she needs to lose weight? Reassure her that she is already a healthy weight; she may shrug off your comments but it's still good to put your view out there.

If you become more sure that she may be developing bulimia, you might want to print off a few useful pages from the website above and leave them for her to read. Tell her you wanted to leave them for her just in case - because you were worried. Let her know is she ever wants to talk, you are available to listen.

If she is open to receiving your help she will come to you; ultimately recovery is not something you can force, regardless of her age.