Ever worry about the obese???
Ok so I'm standing in line to buy groceries at my market. I see the same lady evertime I'm in there... we always say hi, and she looks at my handcart, and I look at her cart-cart. (mind you she could have had all this in a hand cart too)
My handcart: bag of lentils, azumaya lite tofu, litehouse tofu pups, 2 18-count egg cartons, 2 pure protein bars, 2 boxes of Gorton's Frame Grilled Tilapia.
Her cart-cart: 1 big container of Dreyer's ice cream, a big jug of mango juice, Hawaiian Sweet Rolls, a slice of Chocolate Cake from the bakery, 1 package of Chips Ahoy Cookies, 2 microwaveable meals by Hungry Man.
Me: 5ft 4, 137lbs, 24 years old, in shape, diet, wearing my yoga clothes, take good care of myself, cheerful disposition.
Her: 6ft, roughly 300lbs, a little greasy looking (poor skin quality), looks like she has problems walking, possibly has gout in her feet (wearing open sandals, very puffy looking feet; also poorly maintained), wearing lotsa stretchy-type clothing (baggy over-sized t-shirt, and a mismatched pair of stretch pants). Roughly about 35 years old.
I was so close this time to just talking to her... I get concerned. She'll be dead before 60. You can just see the health problems by looking at her. Then when I get in my car, and I see her have to "back into" her car and plop into the seat. It was so sad, I feel guilty not talking to her. I know I'm not the best at diet/fitness but I've come so far, and I know so much... I just feel like it's my duty to help people who obviously have serious eating problems.
BUT here's the thing: is it morale? Should I step to her, cautiously, and say "Hi, I see you in the store all the time... you know I noticed you have poor circulation in your feet and legs and I know a couple of ways to help alleviate that if you ever wanted some help... for free of course; I work out at Gold's gym right over here and I cook and bake a lot and I would love to teach you some methods to kinda help you with that..."
I plan on continuing going to the market, and I like seeing the people I always see there... I am genuinly concerned... Should I say something? I battle with this everyday with people I know who are obese (co-workers, friends, and then the "strangers" locally I see often)
What would you do? Do you ever have this????
i feel for you but it's not your place. people are very sensitive about their weight and I'm sure you'll just make her feel worse and dig directly into that ice cream.
I really understand where you're coming from - and the compassion you feel, and the knowledge that you have that can help - but realize - this knowledge is everywhere - I'll bet there's a "Shape" magazine 2 feet from her right were you saw her.
And you, standing there with your grocery cart is another teaching tool -
But, you were right to say "Hi" - who knows, maybe she'll bring the topic up to you.
Unfortunatly anyone you over-indulgent in any kind of substances whether it be narcotics, alcohol, painkillers, gambling, shopping sprees or food do so because it is a deeply ingrained habit in their lifestyle and even if the consequences of these are certainly hazardous (and they are very aware of this fact) they feel that trying to change is futile, pointless and giving up the one thing they believe brings them comfort, happiness or excitement will only make them miserable. Its hard removing the crutch if your leg isn't healed. The metaphorical leg that I speak of is confidence and the inner most desire to change who they are. Some people simply don't have that. It is an initiative a person has to take themselves. My auntie Theresa is a heroine addict but the only person with the power over her future is herself, and it doesn't look good. Sadly most people don't want to change or don't want to acknowleged that they have a problem.
It happens everywhere, all the time and unless someone seeks our help out it isn't our responsibility to help them. It's almost like it's human nature to self-destruct. But hey, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't talk to her or befriend her, infact I would encourage it. After all, maybe she just hasn't met anyone she could ask yet. But don't immediately talk to her about weight loss, if she asks, just let her know that it is possible, and if she is willing to take the first steps you could be there to help.
you're obviously a very sweet and compassionate person to want to help her so badly, but I agree with most others that she probably would only be embarassed and upset about you approaching the subject like that. However, I do think that you can still have a positive impact on her. Continue to say "Hello" to her everytime you see her, make her a friend. And then maybe you can say something like "Hey I was supposed to have my parents over for dinner but they've totally bailed on me and I've made so much food, would you like to come over for dinner?" That may seem over-the-top, but you seem to be committed to helping her and others like her, and sometimes to make a difference in people's lives you've gotta risk being awkward. And who knows, maybe she needs a friend as well as health advice =]
But I'd never step in. Mostly because it's none of my business and I don't want a punch on the nose!!! I don't know if they're on a limited budget or what else is going on in their lives that makes them choose to live that way. But it's not my place to interfere.... I wouldn't like it if someone judged me on my trolley contents, after all.
"Hey, that single portion of tuna steak, DVD and the bottle of wine suggests to me that you're a pathetic loner and need my expert help improving your social life.... "..... THWACK!!!
Suggest you restrain yourself.
Original Post by gi-jane:
I find myself 'trolley gazing' a lot of the time in supermarket queues. And there are lots of people just as you describe. Very overweight, not looking too healthy and with a trolley full of junk. Even worse when they're accompanied by matching overweight, unhealthy-looking kids.... poor things have no chance.
But I'd never step in. Mostly because it's none of my business and I don't want a punch on the nose!!! I don't know if they're on a limited budget or what else is going on in their lives that makes them choose to live that way. But it's not my place to interfere.... I wouldn't like it if someone judged me on my trolley contents, after all.
"Hey, that single portion of tuna steak, DVD and the bottle of wine suggests to me that you're a pathetic loner and need my expert help improving your social life.... "..... THWACK!!!
Suggest you restrain yourself.
LOL! That's great.
Yes, I find myself eyeing other people's grocery carts. Especially those of parents.
And I'm going to be flame-worthy here, I get really irritated about those damned electric carts. Like it would kill you to walk around the grocery store! Not walking is how you got that way! Leave the carts for people who really need them.
And then I take a deep breath and realize that I have no idea if the person I'm glaring at has an actual need for the cart. I have no idea if they were fit before some debilitating incident. It is not my place to judge them or to offer unsolicited advice or guidance.
I just realized that people looking into my cart at the store totally know I live alone with a cat.....
PS even with good intentions I doubt approaching this woman about her own issues will go well. Say hi, chit chat a little, leave it at that. She's a big girl capable of making her own choices.
I think everyone has it right...Just keep on being nice to her...maybe she will reach out to you...
I also totally look at what people are putting in their carts...Now that I finally get it...its like when I finally quit smoking...I felt sorry for all the smokers because I know how hard it will be for them...Its like I made the huge leap over the gaping crevice and made it...and they still have to make that jump...
If I see the skinny people I usually really pay attention...I want what they have... : )
Wow. Reminds me a little of fibromyalgia- supposedly some folks can't even tell when a person has that and is feeling crappy- like when I lurch and hope someone doesn't think I'm drunk when its only my hip malfunctioning. Also reminds me of the old days when my family was super poor but eating cause of grinding our own wheat for pilaf etc. and the local church pastor came over with a Thanksgiving basket for us "poor folks". We told him he could keep his food. We were doing fine. And then the time that a lady in line ahead of us gave the checker 10 dollars to give to us and she took off really fast so that we couldn't catch her- she meant well but dang it, I was pissed. At the time she gave out the money, my hubby was a well paid social worker. Ok, he can't see but for God's sake, that does not mean he is a street corner bum. That over weight lady knows whats what. Plus sugar is an addictive substance. My Dad knew what was what but kept on sucking down the nicotine. Slow way to go but sure fire. It hurts to see the lady but she has to live her life like she wants to. Her choice. And Shape magazine- I've been getting that recently and wondering if Lesbians like it cause some of the photos are on the edge of porn- I wish they would feature women in their 40s, 50s and up and not just wow! women in their 20s and 30s. Guess your comment got me grouchy. Sorry if anyone is offended.
Just a suggestion.. since you know what car she drives, etc can you leave a note on her windshield?
Write one that is heartfelt and non-judgemental sounding and says that you've noticed her here before, she seems like a good person and you are honestly worried about her health. That a lifestyle change could help and you know how hard it is to do that but you hate to see another one of the good people in the world lose thier lives to heart disease, etc. Then you could give her websites that might help her out.
Then at least you know you tried and maybe you'll see some differences in her cart the next time.
BTW.. just a note to the posters that see people using the electric carts when it seems like they dont' really need them. I know of someone that uses them because he has balance issues when he walks. He's in decent shape otherwise.
After reading several of the post I pictured my daughter. She is not overweight and she does workout occasionally and she does eat properly most of the time, her challenge is that she is a juvenile diabetic who does not watch her blood sugar. She waits until she feels miserable before taking insulin or is close to passing out before she eats. She runs in the 300s most of the time so I can imagine what her organs are starting to do. I as a mother try to talk to her about her health as does the rest of the family; her uncle is a dr. Nothing works. So, no you talking to this woman will not help her. You saying hello to her in the store and maybe sometime striking up a conversation. That is the best you can do for her. The people in such dire situations have to make the choice themselves to help themselves or to seek help.
Your compassion for a stanger is very refreshing......you have a kind heart.
Please continue to make an effort to say hello to this woman when you see her. That simple action by you most likely gives her the feeling that she isn't invisible to the rest of the world. That maybe there really are kind people on this earth that have respect and compassion for people who are not generally accepted by society because of their looks. I use to be like the woman you describe. Granted, I'm still heavy but now, strangers actually look into my eyes when they see me. Now, I get smiles and greetings from sales people when I enter their stores. People hold the door open for me when I'm in public. They now say, "excuse me" and "pardon me". It just never occurred to me that I was being treated indifferently due to my weight when I was so much heavier. Let me tell you...losing weight has been a real eye-opener for me in more ways than one. People treat me so much better now. I don't mean family and friends, but the public. My feelings for others haven't changed. The way I treat others hasn't changed. I still go out of my way to help others, be kind to others, to treat others as I want to be treated. The only thing thats changed on me is my weight. So, I encourage you to continue to speak to this woman but she may become offended if you jump right in with the issue of her weight and health. Like the other posters have stated...become a friend to her. Slowly and surely, your lifestyle may just rub off on her. One day, she may come to you for advice and help on how to change her own ways. It would be a wonderful testament to your own character and integrity to make such an impact on another person's life.
So sorry to ramble on like this but your post really brought out a lot that was hidden away inside. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to let it out. Whew!
Absolutely, tell her Hi. Tell her you see her in the store a lot and introduce yourself. Offer to help her take her groceries out to the car. If a friendship strikes up, great! If not, you still added some positive karma to the world.
Kay, I'll probably tick everyone off with this, and no offense to the OP but really? You write this long description of how you've compared yourself to this obese woman, down to what each of you are wearing and buying, and you want me to believe that you are so interested in her health that you feel you should talk to her about what she eats? Really? Because it came across to me like you were judging her, and congratulating yourself for not being her. which is fine, I would think each of us does that. But I felt like you tried to play it off as concern...!!
I'm afraid I'm leaning a bit toward magnumgirl's take on this. It does sound just a touch judgmental to describe this woman as, essentially a greasy-haired slob with bad clothes.
Certainly, she knows that the food in her cart isn't healthy, and for whatever reason, she's not ready to deal with the fact that to get healthy, she's going to have to change. A lot.
To a certain extent, I see myself as that obese woman in the checkout line, from my past life. I was 5'5" and 278, I dressed better and washed my hair, but I had crap in my cart too. I made a conscious decision a long time ago as I started down the weight loss path that I would not judge other overweight people for still being overweight. I know what that's like.
Original Post by littlemalynda:
Ok so I'm standing in line to buy groceries at my market. I see the same lady evertime I'm in there... we always say hi, and she looks at my handcart, and I look at her cart-cart. (mind you she could have had all this in a hand cart too)
My handcart: bag of lentils, azumaya lite tofu, litehouse tofu pups, 2 18-count egg cartons, 2 pure protein bars, 2 boxes of Gorton's Frame Grilled Tilapia.
Her cart-cart: 1 big container of Dreyer's ice cream, a big jug of mango juice, Hawaiian Sweet Rolls, a slice of Chocolate Cake from the bakery, 1 package of Chips Ahoy Cookies, 2 microwaveable meals by Hungry Man.
Me: 5ft 4, 137lbs, 24 years old, in shape, diet, wearing my yoga clothes, take good care of myself, cheerful disposition.
Her: 6ft, roughly 300lbs, a little greasy looking (poor skin quality), looks like she has problems walking, possibly has gout in her feet (wearing open sandals, very puffy looking feet; also poorly maintained), wearing lotsa stretchy-type clothing (baggy over-sized t-shirt, and a mismatched pair of stretch pants). Roughly about 35 years old.
I was so close this time to just talking to her... I get concerned. She'll be dead before 60. You can just see the health problems by looking at her. Then when I get in my car, and I see her have to "back into" her car and plop into the seat. It was so sad, I feel guilty not talking to her. I know I'm not the best at diet/fitness but I've come so far, and I know so much... I just feel like it's my duty to help people who obviously have serious eating problems.
BUT here's the thing: is it morale? Should I step to her, cautiously, and say "Hi, I see you in the store all the time... you know I noticed you have poor circulation in your feet and legs and I know a couple of ways to help alleviate that if you ever wanted some help... for free of course; I work out at Gold's gym right over here and I cook and bake a lot and I would love to teach you some methods to kinda help you with that..."
I plan on continuing going to the market, and I like seeing the people I always see there... I am genuinly concerned... Should I say something? I battle with this everyday with people I know who are obese (co-workers, friends, and then the "strangers" locally I see often)
What would you do? Do you ever have this????
if you're seriously concerned for her well being then just befriend her, get to know her, gain her friendship and confidence and then little by little the changes will happen by your influence and honest want to help :)
Original Post by magnumgirl:
Kay, I'll probably tick everyone off with this, and no offense to the OP but really? You write this long description of how you've compared yourself to this obese woman, down to what each of you are wearing and buying, and you want me to believe that you are so interested in her health that you feel you should talk to her about what she eats? Really? Because it came across to me like you were judging her, and congratulating yourself for not being her. which is fine, I would think each of us does that. But I felt like you tried to play it off as concern...!!
MeganR & Magnumgirl,
I agree I do come off as judgemental. And in a way I kinda am. I am judging her on her weakness.... because I was really overweight and depressed and didn't care to take interest in my looks or weight or life or health previously. I guess that's why I mentioned all the other stuff. A lot of times I think the excess weight causes a viscious (sp?) cycle... like you hate your weight, so you get sad and eat crap, then you get sad you ate the crap food, then you don't wash your hair one day because you just feel too depressed to shower, etc, etc. The little things you let "go" and then one day you are 300lbs with health issues, and you look terrible. It's beyond judgement... it's a cry for help, and this woman is like 35 (give or take) and I just can see so much potential... I honestly think if she lost about 100lbs, she'd walk better, if she showered daily (or at least had better hair/skin care) maybe she'd smile a little more when she looks in the mirror... it's not about looking like In-Shape Magazine (lol, while I want to look like that, it's in NO means necessary), it is about wanting to be your best right??
idk, I know this is all very controversial and on the verge of being insulting or maybe ignorant (?) but I guess the main thing is that I encounter this all the time... like really often and I never say anything. I just look them in the eyes and smile nicely.
I think I will take the majority vote here and go with befriending her slowly :). I work in the marketing department of my work and slowly but surely I've gotten about 50 ppl on board with the whole "dieting" thing, lol. I think they have all just seen my results, and love my lo-cal baking ;). So who knows, if she has a sweet tooth and we hang out maybe we can bake "malynda-style" together and maybe she'll like it (or maybe not, but hey at least I can give it a shot right?) plus she kinda looks nice, or at least she has an honest face.... :)
I'll update this if I make any strides!!!!!!! :D
Honestly, I know you meant well, but if you did that to me, I would probably deck you. I'm short, and kinda heavy, but I am working on it. I had a bad problem of not eating enough and making my metabolism slooooow down. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just wasn't hungry.Then my husband would say lets go to Taco bell. If your body is in constant starvation mode, tacos are satan.
The really annoying part is that I was still strong as an ox, Seriously(was in drumline in school). I have shoulders like a bull and can fling my husband over my shoulder if I really had to XD. I also filled my cart with really healthy stuff (other then soda). I even went so far as to go Veg. All I did was starve my body of enough protein. ugh. bad idea.
I of course learned differently now that I'm on here, but then I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I did know I wasn't moving enough and I drank WAY too much soda. Sitting at a desk for 12-18 hours a day will do that to you, add caffine as your only life line and BAM you have a recipe for disaster.
I changed jobs, started moving again, and dumped the soda. I miss my Mt Dew, but I want to get on a ride at six flags again. Good luck, just be nice, maybe once she's comfortable, tell her how much you love blah blah and how tasty it is in a recipe. tell her she should try it and give the recipe to her. influence her carefully and slowly. You might be able to get her eating better. If you really connect with her, tell her about a great and easy walking path, invite her. you never know.
This is going to sound kind of harsh, but when I see very obese people, I just think of it as motivation for me to NEVER end up that way. I have a friend who I used to work with, who got me into losing weight and eating healthier. He kind of started as my motivation, because he lost almost 100 pounds. When I asked him what his motivation for losing weight was, and why he started dieting, he pointed to an obese person that we worked with and said "Him. I never want to look like that." Mean, I know, but true.
So you can log your weight -- which allows you to do the following:
- Plot your weight curve
- Analyze the trend of your weight (see under Recent in the figure above)
- Determine the projected target date (see under Overall in the figure above)