Write a letter to the unsupportive people in your life
So, I pose a challenge to you all who have experience with people having SOMETHING snarky to say about your diet -- whether they think you don't need to watch what you eat, they think you can't do it, whatever they say that is unhelpful and sometimes even hurtful!
Write a letter explaining (NOT excusing!) your new choice to become a healthier and happier person. This really helped me realize exactly how I feel about my food choices. Heck, you don't even have to show it to anyone! But then you'll have an answer immediately accessible next time someone comments on what you eat -- or don't eat. :)
Dear people who tell me I don't need to "diet" (or exercise):
1: "Health"
No, I don't need to. I want to not diet, but change my eating habits -- for my health.
My body fat percentage is about 25-26%. I aim for it to be a little bit below 22%. No, it's not so unhealthy for me to be at what I am now, but I'm aiming for healthy, not for skinny. If I stayed the same weight but were muscular instead of fatty, I wouldn't mind. If I gained weight but lost fat, I'd be fine with that. If I lost weight, great, but my goal is fat loss, not weight loss.
2: "What's diet? Why diet?"
Tons of people need to "diet" (read: change their eating habits) -- have you SEEN what most Americans EAT!? People don't necessarily need to diet to lose weight unless they're unhealthily overweight, but what about your poor organs trying to trudge through this processed sludge full of terrible, disgusting chemicals our bodies can't handle? Don't you like living? If not, is it because you're depressed, you feel ill, you have anxiety, etc? Did you know that a healthy diet full of natural foods full of vitamins and minerals and nutrients can make you physically and mentally feel better, more energetic, more confident, and it improves your physical appearance, too?
3: "The Comparison"
After having adopted a primarily vegetarian diet of mostly raw foods (usually not uncooked fish, but mostly fruits, vegetables, nuts, directly-from-the-plant foods), I compare my plate to yours.
My plate is like a rainbow of wonderful nutrition and flavors -- I have cool, dark greens and purples; sweet, crisp oranges; tasty, juicy reds and blues; crunchy, salty browns and tans; and sour and sweet yellows. And that's just my salad! I have delicious rice , occasionally a small piece of wild fish full of Omega 3s. For dessert, I might have a piece of fruit or occasionally a bar of dark chocolate. My meals leave me refreshed and energized, satisfied and healthy. I feel wonderful for three hours, until I can have a snack of pure almond butter (ingredients: almonds) and an apple, which tides me over until my next WONDERFUL meal.
Your plate is a grey-brown, gooey mess that bleeds out little rivulets of greasy red and yellow. You cut translucent, grey fats off your meat and pile them next to the fake mashed potatoes deprived of any nutritious value with a dun-colored pool of animal fat and cornstarch. Next to that, you have a mass of stale, crusty white 'bread' that is only edible when you smear slabs of fake, off-yellow processed fat. Your only nutrition comes from sad little green beans, limp and bruised, swimming in butter that mingles with the run-off from your meat product. As you eat your meat, you dip it into a brown mix of spices to give it the least bit of flavor, and you wash it down with a florescent green, acidic, bubbling liquid that restarts the process of dissolving your teeth with every sip -- diet or not. Then you go get a piece of flavorless, brown flour with a grey-white mixture of overprocessed sugar and fat, eggs, or water on top, topped off with pieces of artificially colored processed sugar.
You leave your meal feeling lethargic and bloated, unfulfilled and greasy. In an hour, you're hungry again and without thinking stuff processed sugars and saturated or artificial fats into your face.
4: "But why deprive yourself of good things?"
To be honest, I rarely even consider anything I described on your plate to be edible, much less crave it! If I really want a piece of cake or a cookie-- I make my own (with gluten-free flour and healthier ingredients) so I know what goes in my body. Then I share it with you! You see how much tastier things made with REAL ingredients instead of over-processed or artificial ingredients can be?! If I want ice cream, I buy some dairy-free sorbet--my favorite being Hibiscus sorbet. It's sweet and fruity without the high levels of fat, and it doesn't make me crave the entire pint in one sitting. If I am craving some fatty foods, I can never go wrong with eating an avocado. I love avocado, and it satisfies me, warding off a binge of potato slices fried into oblivion.
Plus, I put very few foods as completely off-limits. I avoid gluten and dairy because of moderate intolerances, and I can't process meats other than fish/seafood, so those aren't hard choices to make. WHY do people eat things when they know it will make them sick? I try not to be so illogical! But if I want a candy bar once in awhile, a bite of real ice cream, or anything like that, I don't deprive myself. I have a little bit. . . and then I'm happy. If I'm able to STOP and be satisfied, and you don't stop and STILL aren't satisfied, why would you think I'm the one being deprived?
5: "But vegetables are icky, and meat is delicious!"
I dunno... our hunter-gatherer ancestors rarely ate meat, and they all seemed perfectly happy with eating a plant-based diet. Meat is and should be viewed as a luxury. It can be tasty. I love a good few pieces of sushi or a tuna steak sometimes. For non-veg*ans, a hamburger or a pot roast isn't a terrible thing, but a Big Mac every day? If you want meat a couple times a week, go ahead! But get meat from free-range animals raised naturally. It's healthier, it has more flavor, and it's not going to deteriorate your health like that disgusting lump of grey foodstuff day-in and day-out.
I remember when I stopped eating meat at 12 years old. It was hard... but after about 2 weeks, I started to notice a whole new world of flavors. Vegetables didn't need butter... they had flavors. Salads didn't need to be drenched in Ranch... they were full of exciting flavors combinations and textures. Fruits could be as sweet and juicy as a perfectly marinated chicken breast. Suddenly, meat became less and less appealing as I replaced it with vegetables, fruits, nuts, beans and legumes, rices, and pastas, until there was a point when I never even craved any kind of non-fish meat. I have effectively retrained my tastebuds and I love plants!
So, unsupportive friends, I don't know why you aim to dissuade me from my mission of health and happiness, but I can tell you it won't work. For your sake, I resolve to calmly discuss my choices with you anytime you bring up the subject. Maybe, when you decide to bring healthy choices into your life, you'll come to me, and I'll be able to help you. I believe that health can contagious, whether it be good health or poor health, and, well, I refuse to let your poor choices infect me and the person I'm becoming.
So keep up the negative attitude all you want. I'm untouchable because I know why I'm doing this -- for me.
Love,
Me
Now, it's your turn! Write that letter, get things off your chest, and let yourself be happy with how well you're treating your body!
my turn...
I've had this convo with my significant other on numerous occassions...and everytime we agree to be supportive and to maintain our healthy and active lifestyles...however, the very next time that lunch or dinner is mentioned there begins a new set of arguements about how driving back to our apartment for a home cooked, calorie controlled meal, is "inconvinient"...eating out is always the solution...according to him...it makes me so upset...
I want to lose weight..I want him to lose weight.however i dont' believe he sees the gravity of the situation...men gain and lose weight and nothing really changes other than their pants' size...women gain weight and their world is turned upside down...they become fat and therefore unattractive...lazy...slothish..
I just wish he would understand what this means to me...
about 2 months ago he escorted me out of a mall...tears fogged my eyes while he walked me toward the exit...i wanted to get some new jeans but nothing fit...i used to love to shop...hw. malls don't appeal to me anymore..
i need this so much and its hard enough as it without someone trying to undercut me...i love him but his love for me doesn't allow him to see the gravity of my obesity...hmm...nice rhym huh...
thanx
Even better, next time you have the conversation, both of you sign 2 pieces of paper that say "I agree to be supportive of _______ in his/her quest for a healthy and active lifestyle. Whenever possible, we will return to the apartment to make our own meals, or bring our own meals when we can't go back home."
Just add ALL your goals onto your "Contract" with your hubby, and both of you carry around your contract at all times, so if he starts to argue, you can pull out the contract and say, "Hey, we both signed this." The only catch-- if you ever start to break any of his rules, he can do it to you too ;)
I understand where your letter comes from, but I do not like it. If I were your friend and got that letter from you I would think that you were a food elitist who thought everything you ate was some how better than what I ate, and in turn you were some how better than me for eating what you eat. I would think that you thought my food was disgusting, and ergo, I must be an idiot, and or disgusting for wanting to eat what I eat... and not wanting to eat what you do.
I would feel preached at, disapproved of, criticized and hurt. There are better ways of getting your point across. I like the idea of a letter and even its intent, but not its content.
Yes, people need to make better choices. Yes, natural food is better for you. Yes, we should all put down the big mac and the fries. I am a person trying to eat better. I do indulge in the "disgusting" food as you call it from time to time. Why, because I like it... and the real key is moderation. However, I too am finding that I can not eat it, nor do i crave it as much as I use to.
If I got this letter from you... it would not encourage me to want to eat better. It would make me think that you are a food snob, and only interested in making me feel bad about my food choices, so you can feel better about the superiority of yours. To eat like you do is good...but, it is not feasible for everyone. Many factors lifestyle, cultural and socioeconomic affect what and how we eat. Your letter does not make any allowances for that.
Why could you not have just said... this is something I need to do for me. I know you may not understand it, but I would appreciate you supporting it, just as I support your choice to eat as you do. I would love for you to join me on my quest for a healthier lifestyle...but, if not I respect that. In kind would you please do the same. I am not trying to get thin, but healthy. I do like myself the way I am, but I know that I could do better. I appreciate your help and support... or it hurts me when you say...blah blah...
Love me. or something like that.
My husband has a hard time with my "healthier choice". I have come to learn from being here that it is partly because he knows he needs to make the same choice and my changes are a constant reminder of his "unwillingness" to do so. He makes comments, and says things. But, I remind him... not so gently sometimes...how that makes me feel and what I am doing this for. I also have to recognize that this is my choice, not his. As such, I can ask for his support, but need to be sensitive to where he is. He is not ready. I sit across from him as he eats what ever fattening thing he is going to eat... and have my salad or other healthy stuff. I really do not have to say much... the message is sent.
Truth be told... you change people minds by what you do... the example you set. Reading your letter just made me realize how my husband must have felt when i first started this... and all I could do was talk about what he ate and how bad it was. I am really sorry I did that.
Original Post by cerhiunnhn:
3: "The Comparison"
After having adopted a primarily vegetarian diet of mostly raw foods (usually not uncooked fish, but mostly fruits, vegetables, nuts, directly-from-the-plant foods), I compare my plate to yours.
My plate is like a rainbow of wonderful nutrition and flavors -- I have cool, dark greens and purples; sweet, crisp oranges; tasty, juicy reds and blues; crunchy, salty browns and tans; and sour and sweet yellows. And that's just my salad! I have delicious rice , occasionally a small piece of wild fish full of Omega 3s. For dessert, I might have a piece of fruit or occasionally a bar of dark chocolate. My meals leave me refreshed and energized, satisfied and healthy. I feel wonderful for three hours, until I can have a snack of pure almond butter (ingredients: almonds) and an apple, which tides me over until my next WONDERFUL meal.
Your plate is a grey-brown, gooey mess that bleeds out little rivulets of greasy red and yellow. You cut translucent, grey fats off your meat and pile them next to the fake mashed potatoes deprived of any nutritious value with a dun-colored pool of animal fat and cornstarch. Next to that, you have a mass of stale, crusty white 'bread' that is only edible when you smear slabs of fake, off-yellow processed fat. Your only nutrition comes from sad little green beans, limp and bruised, swimming in butter that mingles with the run-off from your meat product. As you eat your meat, you dip it into a brown mix of spices to give it the least bit of flavor, and you wash it down with a florescent green, acidic, bubbling liquid that restarts the process of dissolving your teeth with every sip -- diet or not. Then you go get a piece of flavorless, brown flour with a grey-white mixture of overprocessed sugar and fat, eggs, or water on top, topped off with pieces of artificially colored processed sugar.
You leave your meal feeling lethargic and bloated, unfulfilled and greasy. In an hour, you're hungry again and without thinking stuff processed sugars and saturated or artificial fats into your face.
I have to admit, this part made me want to eat a salad. 
"I dunno... our hunter-gatherer ancestors rarely ate meat, and they all seemed perfectly happy with eating a plant-based diet. "
Just have to say, this is a bad argument. hunter gatherers eat between 30-50% meat in their diets, and many would eat more if they could. They choose meat over plants, especially men. Meat is just more difficult to procure in many environments and with limited resources.
Don't get me wrong, I was a vegetarian for years, I agree that meat is not an everyday necessity, but please, do research or don't post it.
lessin08 made some good points. I know when I first revamped my eating (I am not veg but I mostly cut out a lot of junk and unneccessary added fats, and refined sugar) I was probably a bit overboard with it.
I became so fascinated with all the things I was learning about nutrition and caring for my body ... but I'm sure my kids got sick of hearing about it!
I also agree that if I were to write a letter to unsupportive friends and/or family, I would want it to ELICIT support, not to alienate them completely. And I would also do a good fact check. Soda, even with sugar, doesn't rot your teeth. That is a myth. (Unless of course, you have some sort of disorder where you don't produce saliva.)
The letter idea is a good one ... but I think that because I've decided to be kinder and gentler to my body, then that should carry over to everything and everyone in my life. And most people, especially loved ones, who appear to be "undermining" your efforts usually aren't doing so maliciously. Some people have a hard time accepting change. And since you don't appreciate them making YOU feel bad for your choices, why is it okay to do the same to them? I just can't find the balance there.
Yeah...it's fine to hold these ideals for yourself, but to lecture someone else or describe their food as disgusting sludge might push them the other way instead of influencing them to make healthier choices. Like a previous poster said, I would rather leave my work mates alone for instance, let them continue to eat their take out food, while I bring my chicken and my salads and abstain from sugar...and let them SEE the changes that are apparent..in my energy levels, attitude and lastly...my weight loss. That says more to them than standing above them, sneering at their:
"plate of grey-brown, gooey mess that bleeds out little rivulets of greasy red and yellow. You cut translucent, grey fats off your meat and pile them next to the fake mashed potatoes deprived of any nutritious value with a dun-colored pool of animal fat and cornstarch. "
That's so judgemental. Morso judgemental than when the do not understand why you do not want to share their food. Food is a very social thing. In some cultures, if you do not partake in what the rest are eating, you are majorly turning your nose up at someone in more ways than one.
If someone wants me to have a "BITE" of their food....I will. It won't kill me or make me somehow impure. And I know I prefer my new way of eating...but I would never act superior.
People will mostly find their own way in their own time. You should let their comments roll off your back instead of getting offended. Or preachy....or sending them a letter that sounds like a literature meant for a really bad horror comic book.
3: "The Comparison"
After having adopted a primarily vegetarian diet of mostly raw foods (usually not uncooked fish, but mostly fruits, vegetables, nuts, directly-from-the-plant foods), I compare my plate to yours.
My plate is like a rainbow of wonderful nutrition and flavors -- I have cool, dark greens and purples; sweet, crisp oranges; tasty, juicy reds and blues; crunchy, salty browns and tans; and sour and sweet yellows. And that's just my salad! I have delicious rice , occasionally a small piece of wild fish full of Omega 3s. For dessert, I might have a piece of fruit or occasionally a bar of dark chocolate. My meals leave me refreshed and energized, satisfied and healthy. I feel wonderful for three hours, until I can have a snack of pure almond butter (ingredients: almonds) and an apple, which tides me over until my next WONDERFUL meal.
Your plate is a grey-brown, gooey mess that bleeds out little rivulets of greasy red and yellow. You cut translucent, grey fats off your meat and pile them next to the fake mashed potatoes deprived of any nutritious value with a dun-colored pool of animal fat and cornstarch. Next to that, you have a mass of stale, crusty white 'bread' that is only edible when you smear slabs of fake, off-yellow processed fat. Your only nutrition comes from sad little green beans, limp and bruised, swimming in butter that mingles with the run-off from your meat product. As you eat your meat, you dip it into a brown mix of spices to give it the least bit of flavor, and you wash it down with a florescent green, acidic, bubbling liquid that restarts the process of dissolving your teeth with every sip -- diet or not. Then you go get a piece of flavorless, brown flour with a grey-white mixture of overprocessed sugar and fat, eggs, or water on top, topped off with pieces of artificially colored processed sugar.
You leave your meal feeling lethargic and bloated, unfulfilled and greasy. In an hour, you're hungry again and without thinking stuff processed sugars and saturated or artificial fats into your face.
The Comparison of plates is the one I can relate with most. It's exactly what I want to say to my friends when they say things condescending about my diet, and they are stuffing their faces with chips and other unhealthy foods. I want to be vibrant and healthy and happy, not filled with toxic, processed, fat laden fake crap but nourished with wholesome, nutritious food that is being offered to us on our very doorstep! Natural veggies, fruits, nuts, legumes.. is there REALLY anything better?!?! I think NOT!! :)
