Is it wrong to comment on weight? UPDATE

Last week was a corporate meeting with a lot of 'heads' of the company gathered. I noticed that one of the big shot's had really lost a lot of weight at least 50 lbs. I heard everyone commenting to her thing's like this. "Wow Cathy you look terrific!" I noticed she was getting red in the face and seemed to be annoyed by these comments. She never even commented back when the people had said these things. She simply got red in the face and left in a huff.

I decided to keep my distance from her and the weight issues normally I dont like to comment on one's weight anyhow so clearly it wasn't something I felt needed to be addressed at a formal meeting.

Is it proper to bring up weight to anyone? When or how is the right time and place to give comments about weight? I mean most of us dont comment when someone has gained a lot of weight so why must we comment when someone has lost weight? Is it appropriate? Is it encouragement? Is it our need for nosieness to find out how they did this?

What do you guys think?

I think it depends on your intentions. I think most of us are well-intentions and just want to say "Hey, I noticed you lost some weight. Congratulations!". I think that's OK. 

Depends on the person and the situation I guess. I love hearing the comments geared towards all the progress I have made in recent months but maybe some ppl look at it as well what the heck was wrong with me before? Or maybe they just cant take compliments well sometimes ppl just cant handle being put on the spot when it comes to weight issues.

I think it is generally inappropriate to discuss weight or appearance at work, unless you have a friendship with that person.  At work, you generally want to be recognized for your acheivements and hard work in a work context.

For me when someone says "Wow, you've lost weight, you look great." I understand that they are trying to be supportive, but a little part of me always thinks "oh, so you thought I was an ugly cow before?"  (I don't say this part - but it always runs thorugh my head.)

Personally it makes me feel good when people comment on my weight loss. It's like a "pat on the back" for your efforts. However... it is also a self-sabotage trigger for me personally because in my sub-consious mind I think to myself... oh well now that I look good I can eat crap again! That's just me though. I don't know why I think like that but I do!

Did you lose more weight Nani?

No... I'm speaking from experiences from the past... when I have lost weight.

I just started over last week though.

My good ol' mum brings up her own weight constantly.  Tells my wife how thin my wife is and sometimes says that she thinks my wife needs to eat more.

Yeah, you shouldn't follow my mother's example in this regard. :/

When I was gaining a lot of weight about 5 years ago, my co-workers mentioned it to me, and I didn't like it, but it was true, and they were not trying to be mean, so I don't fault them for it.  Now that I have lost a lot, I love hearing compliments from people.  One friend of my wife's told me I looked like a whole new man, and I just felt great about that.

 

Unless it's in a ridiculing or mean way, I would take weight comments as an expression of either concern or congratulation - and a sign that the person is showing they care about you.  In general, when in doubt, it's best in life to assume the best intentions and take these things in stride.  All my co-workers loved being complimented on their weight progress, too BTW...

I don't think it is appropriate in a really professional context, especially where there is a gender dynamic. It may be biased or unfair, but I hear "You look like you lost weight, congratulations" differently from men than women and differently from bosses than from colleagues or subordinates.

I think the main thing is to be sensitive to the other dynamics in the relationship and the situation.  I think with everyone sitting in a room, including men and bosses, the effect is "Hey, everyone, let's check out this woman real quick and pretend its friendly because we are talking about weight loss." That would embarrass me, A LOT.

Some people like it an some people don't. One girl may think,"If they notice my weight loss than maybe I was really fat an unattractive, oh I can't believe it". She may still be in the "sensitive about her wieght" frame of mind.  It takes awhile to get used to the change an feel confident.

 

However, some girls...like me...love it when someone notices my weight loss. It makes me feel hotter an more attractive. For me an others, it is empowering.

Update

At work today I found out that Cathy was quite upset by all the weight comment's. She felt it was rude to speak of her about the changes in her body. She felt embarrassed and also a bit inadequate as to how she was before the weightloss.

She called all of the people that had mentioned her weight into her office this morning. She let them know that their intentions were good but they offended her and in a business setting its not appropriate to bring up these types of issues.

Glad that I didn't say anything to her about the weightloss but also wondering what type of person they have in charge of a multimillion dollar business? If she cannot handle the slightest hand of office gossip at a corporate meeting how does she handle business transactions without wearing her heart on her sleeve?

I am slightly disappointed in her reaction and in the fact she called out these people who were only trying to encourage her from what little I do know about it.

That is really true. It wasn't like they were goin to keep commenting on it. She really needs to take light of situations like that. In most office setting they say the only way to compliment a female is by suggestions of weigh loss. Otherwise it is deemed sexual harassment.  She can't punish or scorn those trying to help. Sounds to me as if she has more problems than just her weight. A good manager should know how to seperate herself from that which is buisness, and personal issues.  If she doesn't want people to notice than she shouldn't have lost the weight, LOL j/k

From an H.R. prospective, i can tell you that it is absolutely unacceptable to make unwelcome comments regarding a persons body in the workplace, regardless of your intentions.  I understand that people want to congratulate someone for all of the hard work that they must have put in losing the weight, but it places uneccessary and often times embarassing attention on the object of your comments, as well as detracts you from the real reason you are in the office...to work.  If the person brings it up, by all means, congratulate them, otherwise, leave them be.  a good employee should know when to seperate business from personal lives, as well.

 

Rena

amd..whether or not sally "wears her heart on her sleeve" doesnt negate the fact that her co-workers were out of line discussing her body, nor is it indicative of how she may run the business.

I dont find it neccesary for a scolding........I think she took it way to seriously, yes the OP said it was a buisness setting no one is argueing that but good god gain some backbone and take a freaking compliment geesh they didnt tell her oh you look like a big fat cow! They complimented her take it for what it is..........man oh man what is wrong with ppl anymore they go all psycho over a little bit of attention regaurding weightloss that they should be celebrating and taking the compliments with a huge smile!

totally agree with you angie ^^

Rena, I am also in H.R. I agree one shouldnt comment about anything on another person's body with a business standpoint. I also happen to think she is going a bit far with this. I have seen boss's come and go and previous one's have lost weight in the past. They were extatic if someone noticed they have lost weight and complimented them on it. It just depend's on the person really in how they react and to me she reacted harshly to a really harmless situation.

Im not saying that she didnt overreat, that is not for me to judge.  The OP stated that she looked quite uncomfortable and red-faced when her weight was being discussed, this indicates that the comments and attention focused on her body were unwelcome, even though they were meant to be complimentary, therefore inappropriate/unprofessional.  I do not say this to scold anyone, I just think that people should really evaluate what is and is not appropriate to say in the workplace, and how that may affect fellow employees.

I'm an attention whore! I pretty much figure that if I am working my ass off on dropping weight and succeeding then why not get kudos from people...Especially if its the higher ups! and enjoy the comments!

A gracious and simple Thank you will suffice!

In a manager's point of view weight loss shows commitment, mental, emotional & physical stability. Perhaps, this notice will help her highlight her talents at work...promotions etc.

"ever felt like the biggest thing in the room and still be invisible"? I have. Positive attention takes alot of getting used to. Especially if the weight loss is noticeable...People are going to comment as when she was heavier,  only difference is that this time people are more comfortable doing it out loud.

"So and so" you look terrific isnt necessarily inappropriate...But "So and so you look hot" followed by a leer isnt.

 

I guess there is a fine line we draw when exposing someone's physical appearance as how we percieve them. Not everyone is going to be OK with it but most I think welcome the compliment's and take it as a sign of accomplishment.

I will take note of what happened for future reference, im not one to make many comments referring to weight anyhow and im glad that I don't especially in this specific case.

Thanks for the welcomed input.