WTF is wrong with me.. yet another of these posts... no motivation!

i hate that i see a lot of these posts...

July 25 2008 i started an intense diet. with all intentions of losing 100lbs. I was down 50 by December. The 12 lbs that followed from then to march made the most improvement of my body as i started working out a ton and got very toned and looked like i lost a lot more. i was SO happy for the first time in YEARS of being a 20 to have a 16 be loose on me. I WAS SO MOTIVATED.

my motivation disappeared after 62lbs. and my stupid wedding(may 9). well a little before it. I stopped working out 3 weeks before the wedding because i was so busy and just couldnt get to the gym, but i was eating ok. i got back and just couldnt get back into the gym groove. i went once and hated it there all of a sudden.

Now its july 1 and i am 2-4 lbs (depending on the day) up but all my muscle has turned to jiggly fat. nothing fits right. my joints all hurt. i cant lift a case of paper. my back hurts. i cant do 50 squats in the shower.  All the work i did was a waste. i was working out 5 days a week i was not jiggly anywhere. ugh. this sucks. it sucks that its so hard to lose weight and tone up and it takes nothing to fall off track and get puffy and gross. but its so hard to get that motivation back.

while i was losing i was all -i will never gain this weight back, i wont get fat, i am going to be so skinny etc. now there is nothing there.i just think ugh i feel so fat but do nothing about it.

i have made a few half hearted attempts to count my calories in the past couple weeks but it starts out good and then i just eat crap and candy nonstop at work.     ( its supplied for us ) and some days i can just not touch it and others i eat 50 twizzlers.

WTF is wrong with me. I look like such a failure. because its only a couple pounds but its months of no exercise that has made my look like a lump of fat again.

i know this email is just a public bashing of myself but i really need it because i somehow think the path im on is ok and its not because thats how i got fat in the first place.

All the work i did was a waste

No! Even if you backslid a little - it was not a waste! How long did you feel great about it? Was that worth nothing?

And now - even in your misery - can't you remember how awesome it was?

Instead of mourning the loss of it, remember the hard work it took to get there and that YOU DID IT, and you are perfectly capable of doing it again! You've proven you can do it.

So we'll stop the wagon, and brush you off, and plunk you right back up here on the back. Now. Lets go!

Now, do you feel all better? It is remarkable that you only gained 2 lbs back. You go girl. Kate

I just took a 2.5 week "break" from it all - counting calories, exercising...

First there was vacation, and when we got back, I was just...so...tired.  I mean bone weary.  So I kept not going to work out, I ate badly.  You know what turned it around?  I just decided I was going to do it.  Just like I did when I started.

Look back at your logs from before the wedding.  Look at all the progress you made - that counts for something!  It shows what you can do!  2 lbs ain't nothin', girl!  You are stronger than this!

We are here for you! Start counting again and try making little goals. Like 10 pounds by labor day. Then keep going from there. You can do it!

It is hard when you are stalling - believe me I know - I am there, but reading your post has helped me....  I am stalling - have been now for 6 months if I'm honest.  Only 20lbs off my goal.  Feels so near yet so far.  Yet reading your post - it sounds like me.  But I just wanted to shout out to you and say....

Dont overthink it, its simple, just believe in yourself, you can do it.  I just read another forum post which was great.  Someone said "I would rather work slowly towards a goal that makes me feel great than feel rubbish and slip further further and back from something that makes me happy".

I dont know why I self sabotage.  I have been sooo in the grove.  Somehow, somewhere its gone.  I'm tired.  I find it hard to believe I can be at my goal weight.  How did I get out of the habbit of being good?  BUT I am NOT going back to where I was.  You know what works for you, better than anyone else.  There is no quick fix.   Just keep going.  It will click back.  It has to.  Cut yourself off from any other option.  Its not important how fast you get there, just that you get there.  Stopping is failure, not being slow. 

I wish I could give you a hug. 

But you know - working out 5 days a week is hard.  Maybe that is part of the problem.  Maybe you were doing too much before and had an all or nothing approach.  Your wedding was probably a great motivator and that kept your going for as long as it could.  But now that real life has struck perhaps a different approach is needed. 

Go easy on the self condemnation.  You did it before so you know you can do it again! 

Lay off that sugar.  Take it up with HR - tell them all the candy in the building is a health hazard and is likely pushing up their insurance costs and resulting in poor employee health.  Maybe they will get smart and take it away!

Be easy on yourself.  you have already accomplished a lot!  Be proud of that and know that you can keep going!