WWYD (What Would You Have Done)?

Okay, so the story goes ....

Last night stopped at a Subway, in a questionable part of town.  Husband was with me.  We stayed and ate our food, when it started to rain and pour - downpour! Ah, we tried to stay put a bit until the rain let up some.  As we were "skipping" to the car, a woman appeared and said "excuse me" as she was soaking wet and tears were pouring down her face.  She was not "well dressed"; just a basic tee, shorts and flip flops.  (I was thinking the worst).

She went into a story about how she lived 30 minutes away, got into a fight with her husband, is unemployed due to Crohn's disease (all the while sniffling and crying).  So, she started to get to a point (finally)!  The gas station on the corner would give her gas, but she would have to leave her van.  Hmmm ???  I asked where's your van (as I scoped "my" area better to assure this wasn't a set up).  She pointed to a wreck!  I smiled.  I finally said ..."ask, what do you need"?  She started with more stories.  I said "do you need gas money"?  She looked away.  I told the woman, we don't carry cash (we don't, I keep $10. on me for just in case).  I looked in my purse, I had $5.00, so I gave it to her and said "I guess that will get you a gallon of gas".

My point (finally).  I felt badly that I couldn't help this woman more.  All I had on me was $5.00 and I gave that to her.  Now tonight, I feel "funny" like she was expecting me to go to the corner ATM or buy her gas on my credit card.  Mind you, this was not a good neighborhood.  Should I have done more, considering she coudn't even ask ?  Was what I did enough ?  Should I have gotten more involved (perhaps she shouldn't have been driving) ?  I did what I thought was right, at the moment.  What would you all have done, given the circumstances?

You helped her and that's all that matters. You could have just ignored her and went of your way, but you didn't. That was a very kindhearted move. Good for you!!! =)

you did a very kind and gracious thing. don't beat yourself up. you did enough. i once saw a women on the side of the road in the pouring down rain. i too felt bad and stopped to help. she was on her way to get her money and put gas in her car. i gave her a ride to the gas station that i managed at the time. i told her i would put the gas in her car if she came back and payed me back when she got her money. she was very thankful and of course said she would. i bought a gas cam and put 5 gallons in it and gave her a ride back to her car. did she come back and pay me or even bring the gas can back? nope. i was pretty hurt. then a few weeks later, i saw her at the grocery store and let her have it. i told her it is people like her who make people like me not help other people in need and she should be ashamed of herself.

i still help people. but i only give what i know i will never see again and am fine with that.

you don't know anything about her. she may have burned her family and friend bridges and now has to beg strangers for help. we just never know. personally i think it's easier to work. :)

katttttttt

If Ihad some extra money, I would have went to the gas station and bought her the gas.

I rarely give people money, but I would buy things for them.

My grandparents did the same thing when I was in a bad place.  They would take me shopping and pay for my groceries, but would not give me cash.  the ex would have spent it and they knew this.

I've given people money even if I was SURE they were lying... you never know when it is going to help someone who needs it and why not, if you have any extra?

you helped her in need, that's all that matters.  I would have been grateful for a quarter.  Hell... I'd be grateful for a smile.  you did a kind thing, good for you :)

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#2...  what did the lady say in response to you ripping her a new one?  Did she even care? 

thanks you all, especially sporstergirl.  lol, this is a neighborhood where there a bum stationed on the corner with a sign "I need money for food".  I pass that intersection to get to the post office.  One evening I passed the corner with my son.  I stopped at McDonald's, got a Big Mac and fries.  We stopped, rolled the window down and handed him the food ~ lol ~ my son gave him a dollar!  He did say thank you, but I wonder if it was for the Big Mac or the dollar : )

I will gladly make a phone call or  buy a meal for someone or a gallon of gas as long as I'm in the same place anyway or if I have time.  I do not give money, ever!  I usually get turned down on the offer of food as most people want money.  The last time I gave money I never saw it again and at that point in my life the $14 I gave to help someone out was a lot of money for me.  For me, I have no wish to encourage panhandlers (there's a lot where I live) to approach me or anyone else for safety reasons.

Awe I got in to strife with a post like this one before  because I am miserable!

There's just too much of this bumming off of strangers to know who genuinely needs it and who doesn't, so no I wouldn't even have given what you did.

I would buy someone food, or make a phone call for them, but that's as far as my generosity goes to strangers.

So don't beat your self up over this, you did help her, it's not your fault if she didn't show her gratitude for that.

I think you did more than enough.  You helped someone who was in need.  A lot of people wouldn't have even listened to her story.

I'm currently taking a lot of course work in addiction studies in the school of social work at my university and am interacting with an 'iffy' crowd due to my studies.  All I will say is, I have seen a lot of manipulation from this crowd to get the money they need for their addiction.  I am sorry to say this has permanently tarnished my view of my fellow man on the street.  If I were in your situation, I probably would have said 'I'm sorry I can't help you'.  I really like what spoiled_candy said about buying things for people, I will try to do this from now on (if/when I actually have the money to help).

You did the best you could.  I just call the cops when I see people do this stuff or offer to call for them.  Sometimes the cops will actually help you out if you are stranded like that.  If someone needs food, I just buy them food.  I have given people my lunch or left food on a sleeping bum, but I do not give individuals money.

Original Post by moodymomma1977:


#2... what did the lady say in response to you ripping her a new one? Did she even care?

she looked at me as if she had seen a ghost i don't think she ever thought she would see me again. she said she was sorry and she was going straight to the bank to get me the money. luckily i didn't hold my breath. she never came back.

Wow ... sportstergirl, that was so wrong!  As it's been said "karma is a bitch".

bettypage4:  good point!  I will keep it in mind in the future - tell someone to call the police and they will gladly give assistance.  That way, I feel better that the person isn't in danger.  Ultimately, I think that was my overall concern.

On the whole lending money thing:  I do not ever consider giving money to someone as a loan.  If I give money to someone, I make sure that it is not more than I can afford to lose, I never expect the cash back.  Someone with straight face (not a stranger) asked for a $20,000.00 loan! to buy a property and use it as his rental property. Needless to say, I was ammused and I am still laughing.  Told him, that's a family kind of "loan" - no help here.

Anyways, I am keeping the police assistance in the back of my mind as future reference bettypage4.  Thanks!

WOW Apparently I have been burned too many times living in FLA, but I think that this was either a scam or a set up.  In my head I am thinking that she wanted to get you to that ATM so that her boyfriend could hold you up!  This actually happens alot here in Orlando.  I don't help people anymore... If I am in a safe place (where I can't get killed or robbed,) I will buy food or whatever for someone, but that is it.  I gave a homeless guy $10 to buy food for his dog once because I felt sorry for the dog! I have had homless guys literally knock on my window of my car at intersections and DEMAND money.  (that scared the crap out of me!) And I HAVE been scammed before!

A few months ago I was in my car in the private parking lot at work, eating my lunch and reading when a guy walked by and asked for help.  He said his girlfriend just had their baby and was at the hospital and he was trying to get enough money to buy the prescription they needed at the CVS across the street.  I told him if he would meet me there after I got off at 5pm I would get the prescription for him.  I did and he was grateful.  I asked him to "pay it forward".  The next day, his girlfriend showed up at my job and wanted to talk to me.  I'm the receptionist for my corporation and since I run the switchboard, I have to obtain coverage for the phone before I can leave my desk.  My boss wasn't happy that my work day was interrupted.  Since then, I have received (3) calls from this woman on my work phone, (which I didn't give out), and it puts me in a very akward position at work.  I don't think I would help someone during my work day again.

In my personal time, I have noticed that when I am asked for money and want to know what it is for, people get very angry.  I am always polite, but if someone is going to beg for $$$ then they need to be willing to compromise.

You did what you could do. I wouldn't have done any more than that. In fact, I wouldn't have given her a dime, I would have just made a call for her if she needed one.

I'm with dove - I lived in Durham for a year, and have heard so many stories that are too fantastical to believe.

Let's see - there was the guy who approached me in the Whole Foods parking lot. He needed money. His car was out of gas (which was sitting in the back, with the hood up - why was the hood up? not because it was out of gas, right?). Oh, and his wife was a diabetic. And his son was epilleptic. And people in this town are so racist - please can you help me out - nobody else will.  I'm still not sure if the $5 I was suckered into giving went for gas, orange juice for the diabetic wife, or epillepsy meds for the kid. Or just booze.

The guy who came to my window at 10pm, because he needed to buy his sick daughter medicine... or maybe she just needed milk, because she was so weak? My boyfriend lived across the street, and had met this guy too - claimed that time that he and his wife and baby had been evicted, and they needed money to get their stuff back. The fact that they didn't have their baby with them made it all suspect.

The "truck driver" who was going from point A to point B (for which you would never end up in Durham) and was out of money. Didn't he have a company to contact? Credit card? Wire transfer?

The guy who wanted me to buy him a Greyhound bus ticket, and was angry that I said no. The guy who wanted 6 dollars, and refused to take $1. The guy who wanted 87 cents to buy a pack of cigarettes - actually, he got the 87 cents.

Here in Maryland, I just have met one of these people - she hangs out at the bus station, and hestitantly asks people for a dollar - enough people assume she needs bus fare that they give it to her, then watch as she asks three other people for "just a dollar", and realize that they made a mistake. Fool me once...

If they won't tell you what it is for, or start mentioning sick relatives, I think it's usually a scam. But on the other hand, you always have to use your gut, because sometimes it really is someone who is down on their luck.

Original Post by dove2424:

WOW Apparently I have been burned too many times living in FLA, but I think that this was either a scam or a set up.  In my head I am thinking that she wanted to get you to that ATM so that her boyfriend could hold you up!  This actually happens alot here in Orlando.  I don't help people anymore... If I am in a safe place (where I can't get killed or robbed,) I will buy food or whatever for someone, but that is it.  I gave a homeless guy $10 to buy food for his dog once because I felt sorry for the dog! I have had homless guys literally knock on my window of my car at intersections and DEMAND money.  (that scared the crap out of me!) And I HAVE been scammed before!

 I had the same feelings.  Scam!  But having walked around in Chicago a lot and completely hounded by transients begging for money, you get a thick skin with regard to this kind of thing.

A few years ago before I knew better, i was in the city for a job interview and a lady flagged me down like she was going to ask for directions or something.  She ended up going on with a long sob story about how her car broke down in Wisconsin, blah blah blah... I need money.  I don't buy it, not for one second.

Edit to add:  you can have gas but you have to leave the van?  Uhh... what good is gasoline going to do if you can't have the vehicle to put it in?  Scam!

Original Post by laschndr:

Edit to add:  you can have gas but you have to leave the van?  Uhh... what good is gasoline going to do if you can't have the vehicle to put it in?  Scam!

That's what jumped out at me when I read the story also. 

I've lived in the Bay Area long enough to know that 95/100 it's a scam.

There are those that are honest ('need money for booze/cigarettes'), but even then I don't give them money.

The only time I buy people anything is when it's food, or I'll give someone a bart ticket/muni ticket if they need it.

There was a man who was holding the McDonald's door open for people one morning (long ago when I still went there!), and he was asking for a cup of coffee. I bought it for him and he was SO grateful, his whole face lit up.

To me, if it's something like food, I'll give away leftovers/buy something cheap for them if they ask for it. I don't buy people food if they're asking for money FOR food, because I've heard too many stories of people getting yelled at for giving someone a sandwich instead of a dollar...

Yeah, I'm with laschndr. You can get gas but can't drive the van that the gas needs to go in? That's an absolute scam.

Some people on here are really trusting, but me...everyone is scamming you. Pittsburgh is so bad with panhandlers, it's ridiculous. They will follow behind you if you say no, they will shout if you ignore them, ONE TRIED TO TRIP ME WITH HIS CANE!

One time a man (not looking really dirty or anything) approached me at a bus stop. He was polite and said "excuse me, miss. I live in a halfway house downtown. I need to make it back by curfew but don't have enough for bus fare. I promise I'm not trying to rip you off, I just want to get home." Honestly, I told him no. I listened very closely but I'm also not dumb. First, I don't care who you are, I'm not pulling my wallet out on a city street corner and letting you see how much I have in there. Second, if you knew you had to get home why would you spend your fare money? Third, the buses going downtown are on a completely different street, so what are you doing over here? I told him I didn't have any cash and that I was sorry.