Yikesss... help me

i think i am going back to my old habits.. actually today i decided not to count cal so i ate and ate and ate thats what i did all day and i felt so over stuff i cudnt help it and i took some laxatives .. i used to take thoes b4 for weight loss but i stoped after joining this site.. now i think i donno how i am drawn towards it.. i cant help it... i always do stuff which i am not suppose to .. hate myself.. sorry i juss had to let it out...

Hi there,

I can totally relate to what you're going through.... I've been battling B.E.D for years now .  This is taking over my life and I feel disgusting and miserable all of the time because of it.  I just feel so trapped.  I'm caught up in this horrible cycle where I starve myself during the day and lose ALL control at night.

I don't know about anyone else out there, but I basically wake up every hour and need to eat.  It doesn't even make a difference if I eat normally during the day, my body is just so used to waking itself up for my "hourly feeding".  Its so gross.... I sometimes wake up with crumbs in my bed, and peanut butter or cream cheese or chocolate on my lips and in my nails.  I can go through a box of cereal in one day without any problem. 

I really am trying to get past this but it can be so hard!   I binged today (not too bad, but I didn't keep track in the food journal and I should have ).  Tomorrow is a new day, I guess.  I hate how I am doing this to myself.

I had the same experience about a week ago and just like you, I turned to calorie-count for support.  I took their genuine advice to heart and managed to jump back on the wagon.  Don't let 1-2 days destroy your plan for a healthy life.  That is what this board has taught me.  You can overcome this.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Take it day by day.  "Be sweet to yourself." I don't remember exactly who said this to me, but her words really gave me the courage to keep going.

What if those one or two days was more like 8 or 9. I am having such a hard time keeping with this. I am 5'8" and 151 and would love to be closer to 140. I used to be able to eat pretty much anything and stay right around 148 but it seems as if I look at a candy bar I gain a pound. In the last 9 days I went from 148 back up to 151. I know how to eat I am just choosing not to, but today is a new day. Although I was lame and did not get up and go to the gym I am logging my food today and am going to do this from now on. I guess I need to make it a part of my daily routine just like anything else.