Young and confused about man and apartment. New? No.

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for 10 months.

Lately I just dont want to talk to him much, and I'd rather hang out with other people then him. Its not that I dont want to SEE him, but whenever he has time to see me when he isnt working 12 hrs a day 6 days a week, are just inconvient for me.

He  broke up with me 2 days ago and I cried once and then I was over it. Yesterday he decided it was a mistake and he wanted to be with me. Half of me wants to be with him, the other half of me just wants to be single, and flirt and live my life and worry about a guy later.I love him and want to be with him, but then again I dont want to be tied down. Can you understand that?

I'm moving into an apartment and I have the option of having a roommate or having him. I want a roommate cuz I want freedom to text all night, freedom to have friends over, freedom to throw a party, freedom to come home whenever I wnat if I want if I decide to spend the night at a friends. I dont think I'm ready too go from living under my parents roof with rules, to living under my boyfriend with a differnt set of rules. Its my first apartment and I want to enjoy the freedom.

I think if I could tell him that I want to try again and be with him, but not live together, then I would love that. But he is going to take me not wanting to live with him as me not wantign to be with him.  How do I explain this to him without hurting him? Once I told him I wnate to hang out with my friends over him and he still isnt over that and played into why he broke up with me.

I just dont know what I want to do. I lvoe him but I love being single and free, but I know when I'm single and free for too long, I will want him back.

You need to take life one step at a time.  Moving out of your parents' place is an important step, and if your relationship is not 100% stable (and it sounds like it's not), you shouldn't commit yourselves to living together.  If you want to be together, then by all means, work at it.  Make it happen.  But don't put yourself in a position of being unable to walk away if you're not certain.

You sound like you know what you want. Some level of freedom. You are young and not married to this man and don't need to be tied down to him all the time. You sound like you still want to experience life, and like the relationship was holding you back some? You are already in an emotional turmoil that moving in with him won't fix. He has gone from not wanting you to wanting you around all the time. Sounds a little confused to me. Is this guy ever controlling at all? Why move in and expose yourself to a possible emotional hell hole 24/7? Living with this man will not be a cure all.

My suggestion would be to use this dating experience as a time to step back and examine who he is and where things are going instead of plunging into everything head first just yet. AS uch as you think you know him, surprises pop out after 5 years of knowing someone. You won't have a lease to back out of.  I've been in love before, but having my own space made break-ups much easier. That does not mean you don't love him but you have to protect yourself some, considering how he recently hurt you. You gotta make sure he is serious about treating you right before you tie yourself down with him even more.

he sounds kinda like a confused young man. I apologize if I sound harsh. but I have too many friends who have been hurt SOOOO deeply the past few years. I hope you make a wise decision for yourself. Be happy!

 {{{HUGS}}}}

ohh dude, you are so young! the way you're feeling about your guy means it's just not going to work out. it isn't fair to him for you to go out enjoying the single life until you get lonely and then expect to have him back. i've been in a long relationship where i felt like you do now. i cared for the guy, but i had more fun when he wasn't there, didn't miss him much when he wasn't around, etc. i wanted the single life SO badly.

 i got out of that relationship, ended up living alone and did the single thing for quite some time. living alone was the best thing i've ever done for myself. like you said, i could do what i wanted, when i wanted, with who i wanted. it was GREAT.  

now i'm in a relationship with a guy i think is it for me. i don't miss the single life one little bit anymore. i have no interest in being with anyone but him and i can't wait until he moves in and we have a place together. 

i've got 10 years on you, you need to get out there and live it up! 

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

You sound like you know what you want. Some level of freedom. You are young and not married to this man and don't need to be tied down to him all the time. You sound like you still want to experience life, and like the relationship was holding you back some? You are already in an emotional turmoil that moving in with him won't fix. He has gone from not wanting you to wanting you around all the time. Sounds a little confused to me. Is this guy ever controlling at all? Why move in and expose yourself to a possible emotional hell hole 24/7? Living with this man will not be a cure all.

My suggestion would be to use this dating experience as a time to step back and examine who he is and where things are going instead of plunging into everything head first just yet. AS uch as you think you know him, surprises pop out after 5 years of knowing someone. You won't have a lease to back out of.  I've been in love before, but having my own space made break-ups much easier. That does not mean you don't love him but you have to protect yourself some, considering how he recently hurt you. You gotta make sure he is serious about treating you right before you tie yourself down with him even more.

he sounds kinda like a confused young man. I apologize if I sound harsh. but I have too many friends who have been hurt SOOOO deeply the past few years. I hope you make a wise decision for yourself. Be happy!

 {{{HUGS}}}}

Well he's not controlling and not confused. He broke up with me because he said I have been acting like I haven't cared for him lately..which I can agree. He said  I was holding back and wasn't giving the relationship 100 percent..which I can agree. He isn't confused and young, he is 27 and been in two relationships that involved moving iin and he is alwys telling me about how people change and we need to work hard.

People change when they want to. You don't want to right? You want some freedom. He is 27 and maybe a bit more stable so that is maybe not on the top of his list. If you do 'change and work hard at it' You may just end up resentful over your lost freedom. If he is that serious about working it out, he can do that even if you have your own life and space. And plenty of fun.

ETA: there is a reason you are holding back. ALways is...you are getting bored, a little insecure in the relationship, unsure of the other person's feelings, etc., etc.  It is never one sided. You really gotta look into what was making you hold back your feelings.

sounds like he is 27 and is expecting you to act 27. that just isn't gonna work!! he needs to find someone closer to his age who is at the same place as he is. i'm not saying relationships with big age differences can't work, but they only work when two people are at the same place in their lives. you two aren't.

Just tell him it's too soon for you. It's not like you hate him, you just don't want to take such a big step. And if you're not ready, you're not ready.  Why would he want to live with someone who's not ready? No fun for him really.

Alright....It's time to hear from a guy. The ladies above have some excellent advice but I'm not sure that's what you need to hear....advice. If I was in your situation I would want an answer to my situation, instead of pondering all the comments and trying to make the right decision..

Let the guy go. It's not going to work. Both of you are not commited and he apparently has some trust issues. I have been married for 12 years (i'm 34) and have never thought about wanting to be away from my wife and have freedom the way you are thinking about it. You go out and live life, have fun, date people, text all damn night long. NO man should tell you want you can and cant do... You will find the person that is right for you in due time....and so will he.

Enjoy everything you can, while you can.

End it. Tell him that you want to be single and fancy free.

Then: Move on.

It's obviously not "Meant to Be." imho. That's okay! Sometimes things just fall out of place perfectly. ;)

My mind keeps telling me to let him go but i' mscared

he's the only guy who has never cheated on me, made me better, and always been there. He is such a good man and I'm afradi i'll never find another one

Just because he's great in comparison to some losers you dated before doesn't make him the best match for you.  Don't let fear stop you from doing what you know you want to do.

It doesn't matter! :) In honesty: He may be a wonderful guy. That doesn't mean that you're meant to be together. He deserves the truth from you. Be honest/mature about your relationship with him.

You want to be single so just tell him that. At some point in the future if/when you're actually ready... You can always ask him if the doors still open.

Original Post by enchantingimage:

End it. Tell him that you want to be single and fancy free.

 Not sure I would say "fancy free"  He might think youre smoking something

Well here's a more immature view.  I'd tell him that he obviously is having mixed feelings, (you are the one who is stable and committed to the relationship, and he's the one flaking out and freaking out with insecurity) and you want him to have time to sort those things out, and furthermore, you two obviously (as evidenced by HIM breaking up with YOU) aren't stable enough or ready to move in.  Bring up that nothing's changed about you since he dumped you, and you don't want to be stuck living with him when he changes his mind again!

Beyond that, be VERY CAREFUL looking for a roommate.

Just wanted to add....

The first good thing that comes along does not always end up being the best. Be grateful that he has set the bar a little higher and expect nothing less next time.

Original Post by cellotlhicks:

Just wanted to add....

The first good thing that comes along does not always end up being the best. Be grateful that he has set the bar a little higher and expect nothing less next time.

^ this as well as: There are something like 6 billion people on this planet.  If half of them are males (I don't know the actual numbers), I can tell you categorically that this guy is not the only guy who will treat you right.  There are countless good men out there.  You don't have to settle with the first one that comes along.