too young to know if you are bi/gay?

there was this girl in my class who came out as bi at 13 and a lot of people were saying that she was too young to know.

i was just wondering what others think of this,is 13 too young? or is there an age where you know?

thanks :D

ohhh dear max298,

how did i no u were straight and homophobic right after you said "you're not born gay"

it rly annoys the hell out of me that straight ppl think they know everything in the world and think they're smarter than gay ppl. how would YOU know if you're BORN gay or not? have you ever been gay or something?

no one ever held a gun at my head and told me to be gay. i was never forced to have a naked girl in front of me and was told to like it. are you serious?

and it's a sin? what? since when does everyone follow the Bible?
if you see a robber pointing a gun at a guy and then you see a gay person, which one of them will you say is sinning?

I'm a Catholic but i rly dont care what the Bible says. all it is to me is just words. if i have a bond with God then i have a bond with God. how are some immature judgmental idiots gonna tell me that i can't have a bond with God? that's ridiculous!

I'm a lesbian. I was never abused or raped. my whole family is a catholic family. i was born in korea. being gay is pretty not regular there. i mean, i never even knew about the word "gay" til i came to america. i always knew i was gay. but you just dont know what you are until you come to a point where you realize you've been hiding who you are in front of your peers.

the way i see it is. there was a time in history when black//african americans were discriminated in all kinds of ways and was called bad names, etc. but no one ever could explain why it was wrong to be born with a skin they were given.

so how da hell are you gonna tell me im a sinner for being who i am.

oh. and btw.

TO KNOW YOU ARE HOMO IS NATURAL AND SHOULD BE ACCEPTED AT BIRTH.

 i cant even believe a reverend would be so foolishly selfish.

whatever happened to that whole, love your brothers n sisters stuff.

I may be to old to comment on this thread but I'm going to tell you any way.

 If you are bi, you are young and should not have to worry about it right now.  Have fun and be your self.  I am a mother of three.  Teens and up.  They have taught me so much and I am still learning.  They are so wise.  They are all Jesus Followers and they believe that all people are to be loved no matter of their sexual orientation, their race and so on and so on.

 Thinking you have to decide at 13 or 15 if you are bi or not should not be an issue.  I know that there is a push to have sex at a younger age but you have a choice if you want to or not.  For your sake and your aqaintance sake, choose later than sooner for it gives you a chance to make other choices [more age appropriate choices] that will help you to grow confident.  For when you start giving your self to "others" they tend to control more of you than you think.  It may seem that you are making choices but you tend on making choices to please "that other" and not choices for yourself.

Back to my kids.  they also talk about friend crushes.  I never heard of this until this year and I realise that after I thought about it I have friend crushes too.  they are like a guy crush where you want to be with some one and you want to please them and you think about them all the time and  trying to do things to get near them.  this can be real confusing.  Especially when it is a person of the same sex that this is happening for you.  

I think you are young and have choices to make.  Some of these choices don't have to be made right now.  Be a teen and enjoy YOUR time don't try and do what others do just because they are doing it unless it makes you happy and it is your choice.

I just have to ask.  Since when is there a "push" to hae sex at a younger age? 

Since the dawn of time, (biblical or otherwise) people have been having sex since shortly after hitting puberty.  I'm not saying everyone, but many of them.  As recently as a hundred years ago or so it was commonplace for girls 14-15 years old to be married and "birthin'" babies, and for a girl to be 19 or so and unmarried meant she was a spinster. 

Our society has changed a lot in the last hundred years and part of that seems to be a somewhat artificial lengthening of chilhood out to 18 or even 21 years old.  We want our kids to finish highschool and go to college, and thus delay their "adulthood" in many ways.  But it's difficult to delay the biology of a teenager. 

I'm not saying it's right.  But I really don't think anyone is pushing 13-15 year olds to hae sex.  Except maybe their peers, but that's been true forever also. 

You make a good point, bmsage - there's a big difference between having a pretty good idea of who you're attracted to and having any idea how to responsibly and maturely act on that attraction.  I don't think 13 is too young for the first, but it's almost certainly too young for the latter.  So, yeah: if a person is bi at 13, hopefully that's just another fact about them, not a call to immediate action.  ;c)

I wanted to talk about friend crushes really briefly.  Yes, of course they exist - undoubtedly.  But I swear, they have been the source of more false hope for parents who wish their kids were straight - and more frustration for those kids - than I can even begin to tell you.  When I first came out to my mother, at 21, she immediately rushed to assure me that it was just a friend crush - and so were all the other girls I mentioned to her over the course of the conversation as candidates for people I might have fancied, growing up - and that I should just put it out of my head.  And I agree, friend crushes can be intense, and consuming.

But please accept my word on this, without too much detail.  As someone who has experienced romantic, sexual, *and* platonic/friend-crushy attraction to men *and* women ... I can tell the difference.  In fact, one reason I came out so comparatively late in life was that I simply stopped being able to persuade myself that I just wanted to be "best friends" with the woman I met at 21 after I realized that the sort of things I wanted our relationship to consist of, at least in part, were *not* the sort of things you do with friends.  I have to believe that at at some point you knew what your intentions were toward your children's father, and that it wasn't really comparable to even the most intense of friendships. 

That's ... what it's like.  ::blushes::

[By the way, my compliments on your kids - it sounds from your description like you've done a great job with them.]

I had my first crush when I was 9, so I don't see why someone wouldn't have a pretty good idea at 13 of what they like.

I never thought of him sexually, though, but it all depends on the individual. We are all different. My boyfriend began having sex at 14- both he and the girl were 14, no adults involved- while I began at 18.

People mature sexually at their own pace, who knows what's going on inside this young girl.

No, I figured out I was gay when I was around 10 years old, so 13 really isn't that young. Young kids have crushes too, and I had crushes on boys instead of girls... so I knew something was up, even though I wasn't aware of the differences in sexuality yet.

Original Post by max298:

You are not gay or bi...These are choices that people make either because they are confused or in many cases abused.These choices are more prevelent these days because of Hollywood and others promoting this activity as normal,which it is not.If you have girl parts you are a girl and naturally that means you were created to someday be with a man, built the way he is to be with a girl.

This is the natural order of things and notice the post you have gotten are from those who have made the choice to go against the natural order of things... Misery loves company!!!

Please put this unnatural act out of your mind and be a kid as long as you can without worrying about sexual things.You are to young to make a life changing decision like this.

 

 I have to strongly disagree.

I am gay. I am not confused, and while there is a possibility of my having been abused, it was at the hands of my father. Since the "abuse logic" seems to indicate that you go away from the sex you were abused by (girls who were abused by men become lesbians, for example) then I would be perfectly heterosexual. I am not.

I also did not "choose" this. Maybe there are some people out there who can say "I like people no matter what they are, but I like these people more, so I guess I'm gay!"... But that's not "choosing" to "be gay". That's already being wired to like people regardless of sex or gender and following your heart.

And even if we were to pretend that such ideas were accurate-- which time and time again have been shown to not be accurate-- it comes down to this: who cares? Who I fall in love with is MY business, not yours or anyone else's business.

As for things being "natural" or not... If it exists in the natural world, then it is natural. Considering the fact that there are 1500 different species show to exhibit homosexuality or bisexuality, I'd say it's pretty natural. What ISN'T natural is this tendency people have to assume they can judge others by their own beliefs and try to force everyone else to live by said beliefs.

Besides, if God is all-powerful and all-knowing, then he was fully aware of which babies would be gay and created them as such. Unless you want to concede that God doesn't know everything and/or isn't all-powerful... :P

Of course... I've probably wasted my breath posting such a reply, but I needed to say it. It will likely fall on deaf ears, but maybe if people say it enough, SOMEONE with a lick of sense will start listening.

One last thing...

People can have "girl parts" and be male. People can have "male parts" and be female. Your reproductive organs are only relevant to baby making and have little to nothing to do with one's gender OR their sexuality (beyond the gay/bi/straight/whatever labels).

Original Post by max298:

Original Post by sierrax:

I don't think that it's right to say they can't be gay or bi! I am asexual, and I found it very offensive when people say "You are too young to decide that". Then why is it accepted that my friends are heterosexual. One of them flipped out on me when I said, "Do you think you're old enough to know you're hetero?". Really, do you want kids to just live not knowing their sexuality? Or give them the freedom and respect to say, " I am homosexual, and you're going to have to deal with it".

 I must say that it saddens me to know that so many have been convinced that homosexuality is normal and you born that way.You are not.Something in the the life of these young people has gone wrong.I have raised three children with the knowledge that homosexuality is a sin and it is wrong.They are all hetero.Many parents today(if they even raise their children instead of letting the school or TV do it )don't teach their children the way in which they should go.And the children at an early age see homosexuality being treated as normal everywhere they turn these days and they fall into that sin(or for you atheist deviant lifestyle).

When I was young I had only male friends and I was close to them,but I too was raised with the knowledge that I was created by God as a male and that the  natural order of things was that someday I should be with a woman.But now a close friendship is confused with sexuality because of the sick culture we now live in.

I would bet(if I were a gambling man) that under close scrutiny all of the young people who think they are gay,a moment in their life or a person in their life made them choose the sin of homosexuality.I have had 3 professed gay man friends and every one of them was abused at a young age by a man and continued in it because of guilt and shame.Three out of three are pretty good odds.

You kids in here that think you are gay,you have been lied to.And you are more and more being lied to as this sick world accepts this deviant lifestyle as normal.You are just a kid and even though you think you know it all you don't.And the adults in here or in your life have also been deceived and many of them want to justify their deviance by creating more and more people who accept it.No matter how many people accept it,it is still wrong in God's eyes.

And to know you are hetero is natural and should be accepted at birth.

This really is laughable...

Aside from what I already said in reply to your other post...

Unless you've got proof that you are "raised" to be gay (either from abuse or from some other environmental factor) , all you've got to go off it religion. And honestly, that will get you about as far as a boat with no paddles in a river of tar. :P Meaning, it isn't going to fly. Sorry.

Not everyone has the same religion. Not everyone has the same morals, values, beliefs, etc. It'd be terribly boring if everyone did. So why the heck should everyone follow YOUR beliefs, just because they claim to be The One and Only TRUE Way?

... Which sounds a lot like fad diets, to be honest. ;] "TRY THIS NOW AND WE GUARANTEE 10 POUND WEIGHT LOSS IN THE FIRST WEEK! ONLY THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF 99.99 PLUS YOUR SOUL!"

Yeeeeah.... no way.

Just because your three kids are "hetero" doesn't mean all kids MUST be that way. If I had kids and all three were white, or had blond hair, does that mean I should force every person on the planet to be white or have blond hair? Oh, wait... crap, someone already tried that.

Not to mention that your kids would NEVER tell you if they were bi or gay. :/ Since you've already made it perfectly clear what you'd think of them if they came out to you. So you can only assume they're straight.

As for the abuse thing... How many people HAVEN'T been abused in one way or another? Everyone, or mostly everyone, has been abused as a child. Either by parents, siblings, other relatives, friends or strangers. I've known people who were abused and are bisexual or gay, and I've known MANY more people who were abused and are straight. I've also known people who have lived perfectly happy, well-adjusted lives and are bisexual or gay.

But you know what?

If you want to be stuck in your little coocoon of misery, loathing and hateful ignorance, be my guest. I feel nothing but the most sincerest of pity for people like you, who assume that "different" equals "sinful" or "bad". It's a sad existence.

I'll be going my little 'deviant' way now. :D You know, out to have fun with friends who actually love and care about me, not living a lie or denying who I really am for the sake of "normalcy".

Ciao! ♥

Original Post by max298:

You are not gay or bi...These are choices that people make either because they are confused or in many cases abused.These choices are more prevelent these days because of Hollywood and others promoting this activity as normal,which it is not.If you have girl parts you are a girl and naturally that means you were created to someday be with a man, built the way he is to be with a girl.

This is the most ignorant thing I've read in a long time!

Thexnest, you said it.

Attinew, I think most people are exploring their sexuality in general at that age, and "according to Alfred Kinsey's research into human sexuality in the mid-20th century, many humans do not fall exclusively into heterosexual or homosexual classifications but somewhere between. The Kinsey scale measures sexual attraction and behavior on a seven-point scale ranging from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual). According to Kinsey's study, a substantial number of people fall within the range of 1 to 5 (between heterosexual and homosexual)." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexuality)

Would people think she was too young if she said she liked boys? No? Then she's not too young to like girls. It sounds to me like your classmate was really brave, because that's a hard age for many people to talk openly about their own sexuality at all, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for her, either.

You are not gay or bi...These are choices that people make either because they are confused or in many cases abused.These choices are more prevelent these days because of Hollywood and others promoting this activity as normal,which it is not.If you have girl parts you are a girl and naturally that means you were created to someday be with a man, built the way he is to be with a girl.

When I read that I thought back to a book I read when my daughter was in college. It was called "As God Made Him..." Can't recall the author but it was based on a true story of two brothers, one of which was badly damaged during a circumcision. Because they didn't have the methods available today to repair him, the parents and doctor thought it would be better to raise him as a girl. They dressed him appropriately and discouraged boy-like behavior. Eventually, I think in his teens, this poor kid learned the truth and felt some kind of relief that he wasn't crazy after all, that he was truly intended to be a boy and all his feelings were natural. He did go back to being a boy, and eventually opted for surgery to reconstruct his penis. He even got married. But if I recall, the whole experience of being forced into a gender he wasn't left a lot of emotional damage. It was a good book and explored the "nurture vs. nature."

What I took away from that was that you can't change someone from the way they were born just by dressing them a certain way or by treating them as something they are not. If someone is gay, there's no way to fix that. You can't change them.

But here's what I took away from Mac's post: We are all born heterosexual, but that we all have the capacity for sexual desire for the same sex. Just like any other sin, right? We all have the capacity to lie, or murder. But according to Mac, gay people are simply straight people who have been led astray. They had a choice. So according to him, even Mac has a desire for the same sex, but he doesn't indulge that because he believes it to be a sin.

BUT Mac is probably thinking, "No way. I've never wanted to make it with a dude. Dudes just don't turn me on." He probably is convinced that no one could ever influence him to like guys in that way.

So what makes him think that all those other "heterosexuals gone bad" could be "turned"? How is it that we can change them, or even change them back? Is it too much simplification to liken it to Twinkies? I mean, I don't think I can be taught or influenced NOT to like them.

I hope Mac never has to address this issue with a close friend or family member.

Original Post by amethystgirl:

Original Post by max298:

And these references to animals,we are not animals!

Actually we are. Didn't you hear?

Homo sapiens: Kingdom Animalia; Class Mammalia, Order Primates.

^ LOL  ...gotta love the peanut gallery from the bible-thumping right wing extreme-ists.  i hope max298 gets run out of here with his/her tail between his/her legs - but wait! that would mean we're animals...

I think that being homosexual or bisexual is completely up to the individual who is making that decision. All of the people who say that it is unnatural or against Gods will or whatever are ignorant, conceited, and have their heads to far up their butts to realize that it is none of their business if somebody else wants to be gay or bi.

And I don't think that 13 is too young. You don't have to be labeled as gay of bi, but 13 year olds have just as much of a right to decide which sex they're attracted to, then it's their decision.

I'm 15 and personally have two female friends, one came out as bi three years ago, the other as a lesbian last year. They have been dating for almost a year now and are both happier than ever with their decision.

Original Post by veggie_head:

I think that being homosexual or bisexual is completely up to the individual who is making that decision. All of the people who say that it is unnatural or against Gods will or whatever are ignorant, conceited, and have their heads to far up their butts to realize that it is none of their business if somebody else wants to be gay or bi.

And I don't think that 13 is too young. You don't have to be labeled as gay of bi, but 13 year olds have just as much of a right to decide which sex they're attracted to, then it's their decision.

I'm 15 and personally have two female friends, one came out as bi three years ago, the other as a lesbian last year. They have been dating for almost a year now and are both happier than ever with their decision.

   ^ agreed. but you know what irks me? how for some reason everyone needs to have a label and fit into a box. why does one need a label for their sexual orientation, or anything else about their own personalities for that matter..? This annoys me to no end...

One last thing...

People can have "girl parts" and be male. People can have "male parts" and be female. Your reproductive organs are only relevant to baby making and have little to nothing to do with one's gender OR their sexuality (beyond the gay/bi/straight/whatever labels).

 thank you for adding that, i agree.

^ i rather agree with you there, musicalfishmich.  that's one reason i'm very careful not to mention any specifics regarding my own "sexual orientation."

Shoe1200- Yuou might be interested to know that after that book was written, Bruce killed himself, because he was left so emotionally scarred.

I think that serves to demostrate how much attempting to change something as deeply embedded into a person as their sexuality or gender can harm them.

Also, if a certain age is 'too young' then where do you draw the line? As a young child, about 8, I had my first cruch on a girl. I didn't even know what the word lesbian meant, but i slowly realised from then on, that being with women was the way that I was going to spend my life, and that there was nothing anyone or anything could do to change that.

And the moment I accepted that, I became a much happier and better person.

Original Post by max298:

You are not gay or bi...These are choices that people make either because they are confused or in many cases abused.These choices are more prevelent these days because of Hollywood and others promoting this activity as normal,which it is not.If you have girl parts you are a girl and naturally that means you were created to someday be with a man, built the way he is to be with a girl.

This is the natural order of things and notice the post you have gotten are from those who have made the choice to go against the natural order of things... Misery loves company!!!

Please put this unnatural act out of your mind and be a kid as long as you can without worrying about sexual things.You are to young to make a life changing decision like this.

 

 Who you are and who you're attracted to is not your choice, it's your genetics. Take a biology class and get yourself some knowledge before you go throwing around your "natural order of things".

Original Post by max298:

You are not gay or bi...These are choices that people make either because they are confused or in many cases abused.These choices are more prevelent these days because of Hollywood and others promoting this activity as normal,which it is not.If you have girl parts you are a girl and naturally that means you were created to someday be with a man, built the way he is to be with a girl.

___________

 

Please- so small minded and not true at all. Why do you even care? Love is Love is Love.  Abuse has nothing to do with being gay or bi- that is so old school and has no basis in reality. Imagine someone telling you that your natural feelings are wrong and that you HAVE to feel a different way.

ughhh.... Dont try to make people feel wrong for being gay. Life is already hard enough without having to be made  to feel ashamed and belittled by people like you.

P.S-

Max is totally gay.

I knew I was different when I was like 6. I don't think you can be too young to know but some people do it for attention so you never really know.

old thread...

well ive known since i was about 12 that im gay but i didnt come out til later just because i wanted to be sure it wasnt a "phase". many people now especially girlscome out as bi the moment they realize they have a crush on the same sex although having crushes on the same sex is perfectly normal they just jump the gun which is so obnoxious. my only girlfriend(ex now) was very pro gay and displayed her sexual orientation every where and now shes going out with a guy and saying shes straight. so i honestly think people just put to many labels on such things especially sexuality. hah sorry for this one sentence rant